Text
waking up
you don鈥檛 know what day it is, know what time it is
but you know that it is too early,
too early to get up, to think.
it鈥檚 time to go to sleep again but you can鈥檛
it鈥檚 too light outside, it鈥檚 too cold,
your dream is waiting for you
dragging you back in
but you can鈥檛.聽
it鈥檚 the wrong day, it鈥檚 the wrong time
you can鈥檛 go now, you can鈥檛 leave
you haven鈥檛 even gone to sleep yet.聽
yesterday is now today and now today is tomorrow
it鈥檚 too bright, it鈥檚 too cold
if you leave now then you won鈥檛 be able to come back.聽
it will be night again
with the wind howling
and your brain screaming, ringing with thoughts
your eyes are peeled open, your joints aching, your feet cold and numb
you lie there waiting and thinking and waiting and tossing and turning and waiting and thinking
until it鈥檚 time to wake up
was you asleep?
were you dreaming?
you want to go back
it鈥檚 too early
not now
please not now
but it鈥檚 time
it鈥檚 the wrong time
1 note
路
View note
Text
am i god or am i nothing? i feel like i am the whole universe and not anything at all at the same time. do i exist? does anything exist? u will never know if any of this is real. u can only rely on ur senses which could just be making this all up to fill the void the nothingness
0 notes
Text
i wanna cvt my wrists soo desperately but i know if i do i鈥檒l get caught n then everything will go to shit. i just can鈥檛 get it out of my head tho ik it would look so fucking pretty
6 notes
路
View notes
Text
something inside me broke awhile ago and cannot be repaired
89 notes
路
View notes
Text
i want to die but i can only die once i鈥檓 skinny. i refuse to leave this place with people remembering me for the ugly person i am now
0 notes
Text
i have never found love and i feel like i never will. as each day passes i watch others in relationships as i sit alone and the feeling of worthlessness grows inside of me. am i really that unloveable that not even a single soul on the earth has ever liked me romantically. i have changed everything i possibly could about myself and become an entirely different person yet still nothing. maybe i鈥檓 just ugly on the inside as well and my aura reeks of grotesqueness repelling everything around me. i feel as more time goes by the more loneliness is becoming fate and it鈥檚 inevitable that i鈥檒l be lost and alone forever. although it鈥檚 not like i want the responsibility of being in a relationship but the idea of being in a relationship instead. i know it sounds selfish but i want the validation that i am loveable and not a disease that just infects the lives of everyone near me. i just want to know i鈥檓 not some hideous monster and that i am actually capable of experiencing love cause maybe then i won鈥檛 fucking hate myself as much.
1 note
路
View note
Text
i have utterly failed myself. my biggest fear is slowing coming true and the more it does the more i want to just die
0 notes
Text
i need to stop looking for an illness or disorder to use as an excuse for the way i am instead of facing the fact that i am just a shitty person :)
0 notes
Text
i wish someone would tell me how fucking fat and disgusting i am to motivate me yk
0 notes
Text
fog glazing over
distorting and contorting,
my perception has become infected with glaucoma.
it should be simple,
black and white,
yet everything is grey goop.
routine has knotted, like the strings of my
mind.
the warmth has fled the sun,
the light no longer feels bright,
nothing ever for-filled,
nothing ever enough.
my mind is melting.
my conscience is screaming, my body is numb,
a limp doll.
bleeding out,
becoming a hollow shell.
the only thing left to feel is the pain.
weaponising it,
using it as a last strand of control,
as the fog sets,
suffocating under the pressure,
concrete trapping me,
to fossilise in stone forever
0 notes
Text
i want to sh but i don鈥檛 even have enough energy to do that anymore. i don鈥檛 have the motivation to get out of bed
0 notes