ignore-me69

[ignore-me69]

waking up

you don’t know what day it is, know what time it is

but you know that it is too early,

too early to get up, to think.

it’s time to go to sleep again but you can’t

it’s too light outside, it’s too cold,

your dream is waiting for you

dragging you back in

but you can’t. 

it’s the wrong day, it’s the wrong time

you can’t go now, you can’t leave

you haven’t even gone to sleep yet. 

yesterday is now today and now today is tomorrow

it’s too bright, it’s too cold

if you leave now then you won’t be able to come back. 

it will be night again

with the wind howling

and your brain screaming, ringing with thoughts

your eyes are peeled open, your joints aching, your feet cold and numb

you lie there waiting and thinking and waiting and tossing and turning and waiting and thinking

until it’s time to wake up

was you asleep?

were you dreaming?

you want to go back

it’s too early

not now

please not now

but it’s time

it’s the wrong time

[ignore-me69]

am i god or am i nothing? i feel like i am the whole universe and not anything at all at the same time. do i exist? does anything exist? u will never know if any of this is real. u can only rely on ur senses which could just be making this all up to fill the void the nothingness

[ignore-me69]

y am i still alive?

[ignore-me69]

i wanna cvt my wrists soo desperately but i know if i do i’ll get caught n then everything will go to shit. i just can’t get it out of my head tho ik it would look so fucking pretty

[ignore-me69]

something inside me broke awhile ago and cannot be repaired

[ignore-me69]

i want to die but i can only die once i’m skinny. i refuse to leave this place with people remembering me for the ugly person i am now

[ignore-me69]

i have never found love and i feel like i never will. as each day passes i watch others in relationships as i sit alone and the feeling of worthlessness grows inside of me. am i really that unloveable that not even a single soul on the earth has ever liked me romantically. i have changed everything i possibly could about myself and become an entirely different person yet still nothing. maybe i’m just ugly on the inside as well and my aura reeks of grotesqueness repelling everything around me. i feel as more time goes by the more loneliness is becoming fate and it’s inevitable that i’ll be lost and alone forever. although it’s not like i want the responsibility of being in a relationship but the idea of being in a relationship instead. i know it sounds selfish but i want the validation that i am loveable and not a disease that just infects the lives of everyone near me. i just want to know i’m not some hideous monster and that i am actually capable of experiencing love cause maybe then i won’t fucking hate myself as much.

[ignore-me69]

i have utterly failed myself. my biggest fear is slowing coming true and the more it does the more i want to just die

[ignore-me69]

i need to stop looking for an illness or disorder to use as an excuse for the way i am instead of facing the fact that i am just a shitty person :)

[ignore-me69]

i wish someone would tell me how fucking fat and disgusting i am to motivate me yk

[ignore-me69]

i hate u yk

[ignore-me69]

i don’t want to die i just don’t want to exist anymore

[ignore-me69]

getting help <<<<< writing shitty poems

[ignore-me69]

i want to rip my fucking skin off

[ignore-me69]

NOTHING ACTUALLY FUCKING MATTERS

[ignore-me69]

fog glazing over

distorting and contorting,

my perception has become infected with glaucoma.

it should be simple,

black and white,

yet everything is grey goop.

routine has knotted, like the strings of my

mind.

the warmth has fled the sun,

the light no longer feels bright,

nothing ever for-filled,

nothing ever enough.

my mind is melting.

my conscience is screaming, my body is numb,

a limp doll.

bleeding out,

becoming a hollow shell.

the only thing left to feel is the pain.

weaponising it,

using it as a last strand of control,

as the fog sets,

suffocating under the pressure,

concrete trapping me,

to fossilise in stone forever

[ignore-me69]

i want to sh but i don’t even have enough energy to do that anymore. i don’t have the motivation to get out of bed