ihaveconfessd

[ihaveconfessd]

A Little Bit of Everything Part 16

Bang Chan x Changbin x Reader

Summary: college!AU, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, minor crack

Warnings: panic attacks, stalking, mentions of SA (past), language

Disclaimer: the following is a work of FICTION and in no way represent the actual people depicted. This is for entertainment purposes only.

This fic will deal heavily with sexual trauma, abusive partners (past), panic attacks and other sensitive topics, please take care of your mental health and read at your own discretion.

Word Count: 2199 words, 6 screenshots

NOTES: So when I first drafted this chapter, I knew the conversation that needed to be had could absolutely not happen via text... so enjoy your very first (and possibly only) prose chapter

Taglist: @aalexyuuuhm @fixation-dump @finnbbl

......

“Hey, someone is trying to get your attention,” Hongjoong whispered, gesturing with his chin towards your phone.

“Huh?" You looked down at your phone, seeing all the notifications from the group chat and private messages from Felix and Hyunjin.

Why were these weirdos texting you from across the apartment?

“It’s just the kids.” You responded lowly. “They’re lighting up the group chat like the antisocial little gremlins they are.”

Hongjoong laughed, leaning in to look at the laptop screen you and Seonghwa shared. “Sounds like Wooyoung. Now that you mention it, quite a few of your friends have disappeared.”

You looked up from your screen and scanned the main area for your boys, doing a quick head count as you went. “Yeah, you're right.” You chuckled. “If I had to guess, Minho and Jisung are making out somewhere, and Seungmin is being a hermit. Probably studying.”

“You know them really well, huh?” Seonghwa laughed, fingers flying across the keys even as his eyes were elsewhere.

“Where's your boyfriend?” Yunho asked, eyes scanning the room.

“He was in the kitchen, wasn’t he?” Hongjoong supplied. Yunho shook his head.

“No… the other one.” Yunho’s eyes swept the room again, slower this time. “Changbin. He’s gone.”

Your eyes rapidly searched the room again and confirmed Yunho’s statement. Changbin was gone.

“Channie!” You called from your spot at the table. Ryu jumped a little at your voice, and Chan placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder as he looked at you. “Where’s Binnie?”

Chan furrowed his brows and looked around the room, realisation dawning on his face. He opened his mouth to say something, but Felix cut him off as he stood up.

“Oh my God, did you guys even check the group chat?” he snapped. “ I texted you.”

You stood so fast your chair clattered to the floor, but you didn’t stop—you were already moving.

“Where’s Binnie?” You all but screamed, Chan grabbing you by the arm as he rounded the counter to stand with you next to Felix.

“He’s in his room. The door is locked, and he's not answering any calls or texts.”

This revelation caught the attention of almost everyone in the room and sent a chill down your spine.

Chan said nothing, turning towards the hallway and bolting down it towards the bedrooms. You followed him, with Felix and Hyunjin hot on your heels.

“Babe?” Chan called. He shook the knob violently, and when it failed to open, he pounded on the door with his fist. “Baby, are you in there? Changbin, please!”

You pressed your ear against the door and were met with silence. “Are we sure he’s in there?” You asked no one in particular.

“His keys are on the hook, and his location hasn't moved from the apartment.” Someone answered, Minho, maybe.

You're not even sure where he appeared from.

“Changbinnie?” you tried. “Changbin, answer me, please.”

“Baby, please.” Chan choked on his words as a sob escaped his throat. His breath was coming in sharp gasps by now, telltale signs of a panic attack.

“...go away…” You barely heard it over Chan’s pounding, but you did.

Changbin was inside; his voice sounded raw, as if he was trying to hold back tears.

You turned to the others and frantically waved your hands for them to leave. The hallway was crowded with worried faces and you could see the overwhelm on Chan’s face. You grabbed his hands before he could pound on the door again.

“Binnie? Baby, it’s Y/nnie, can you open the door please.”

“Changbin, let me in, please,” Chan begged again. “Please, baby, please, please.”

 “GO AWAY!” Changbin barked suddenly, causing you and Chan to jump. “Get the fuck away from me!”

Chan looked like he’d been shot, a stray tear finally making its way down his cheek.

“Changbin, what-”

“It’s my fault. It’s all my fucking fault.” you heard him wail. “I'm the cause of all this.”

“ Changbin, come on, you know that’s not true.”

“IT IS, CHAN!” There was a crash behind the door- something heavy collided with the wall and shattered. 

“I’m the one who decided to join the fraternity! I'm the reason you got with Dae in the first place!” Chan flinched, like the words were a physical blow, but Changbin continued. “I'M THE REASON WE ENDED UP AT THAT PARTY. IT'S ALL MY FAULT.”

“Don’t!” Chan slammed a violent fist against the door, making you jump. “Don't you fucking DARE, Seo Changbin!”

“It’s true!” He sobbed, hard. “I never should have gotten involved with them. I should have known they were bad news!”

“Changbin-”

“SHUT UP! JUST STOP IT CHAN!” 

“Changbin STOP!” YOU YELLED, seeing the heartbreak on Chan’s face. “Changbin. Stop, please, you couldn’t have known”

“I SHOULD HAVE!”

The entire hallway fell into stunned silence under the weight of Changbin’s words. Chan stilled, no longer pounding on the door, and backed away from the door until his back hit the wall. He slid down it and collapsed onto the floor.

“I thought they were my friends…” Changbin sobbed. “I thought they were my brothers.”

You’ve never heard him talk about his time in the Omega Kappa Xi fraternity since he terminated his membership a year ago. You saw everyone in the apartment's living area sitting in stunned silence. Jeongin looked terrified, Felix looked like he was crying, and Seungmin made his grand appearance from wherever he hid in the apartment.

“They only asked me to rush because of my family's money…” Changbin continued. “I met Kofi, and I thought he was so cool. Then I got in, and Minho didn’t, so I should have left. I should have said no, and none of this mess would have happened. Then Channie never would have met Dae-Un, and they never would have dated, and he never would have been-”

Another heart-wrenching sob cut off his rant, and you heard another crash. “I SHOULD HAVE BEEN SMARTER ABOUT IT! I SHOULD HAVE PAID ATTENTION! FUCK!”

“Changbin, we can't change that now.” You said gently. “I wish I could. I fucking wish  I could go back in time and stop all this shit, because then you wouldn’t  be in this much pain right now.” You pressed your forehead to the cool wood of the door and felt a tear slip down your cheek. “Changbin, no one blames you for what happened. None of us would EVER blame you for ANY of that.”

“They used you, just like they use everyone—but you got out, Binnie. None of us thinks any less of you for anything that happened, and no one blames you for anything. We love you, Changbin. I LOVE YOU, CHANGBIN. Please… please let me in…” 

The hallway was so quiet you could hear every shaky breath. Your pulse thundered in your ears. A muffled sob from inside was the only sound, the only sign of life beyond the door.

Chan sat frozen against the wall, shoulders trembling—until something shifted in his eyes. He pushed himself up slowly, grabbed your arm and pushed you to the side, causing you to land in Minho’s arms.

Chan stepped back and raised his foot, sending it crashing against the locked door.

Once… 

Twice… 

On the third time, the wood splintered and the door flew open. It was so reminiscent of that night a year ago. The night when Changbin was the one kicking down the door to save Chan from Dae and his friends. Minho had been there that night too, except he was rushing in behind Changbin, not holding you still.

You had felt helpless then, too, just like you did now. 

“GET OFF ME! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!” you heard Changbin scream, followed by the sound of scuffling.

You could feel your heart fraying at the edges, helpless in a way you hadn’t felt since that night. But this time, you weren’t frozen. You were here, and you weren’t letting go. You fought out of Minho’s arms and ran into the room right behind Chan, seeing Changbin sitting on the floor in the far corner. 

His face was covered in tears and snot, and he fought against Chan as Chan tried to hold him.

 “Just leave, Chan. It’s all my fault.”

Changbin didn’t even look up as Chan held him tighter. His body was trembling, breath shallow, like he was bracing for a punishment that never came.

And still, Chan held him.

“I can't believe you.” Chan sobbed, anger clear on his face. “I can't fucking believe you held this shit for so long.”

“Go away.” Changbin wailed. “I’m a monster.”

“Shut the fuck up, Changbin.” You finally spoke up. You’re not a monster. You're not OKX; you're not anything except the love of my life.”

You knelt next to him and Chan. They had shifted positions so that Chan was now leaning against the wall, with Changbin clutched tightly to his chest. His eyes were shut tightly, and his sweat-soaked hair fell into his face, hiding him from the world.

“Changbin, I love you so much—we love you so much. Me, Chan, Minho, and Hyunjin—all of us love you, Changbin.”

“Do you think I could ever blame you?” Chan sobbed. “You saved me. You got me out of that room, you drove me to the hospital, you stayed with me and loved me through every panic attack, every nightmare, everything. Changbin, I fucking love you.”

You watched Changbin’s body go limp in Chan’s arms, tears still running freely down his cheeks. You wiped them from his cheeks, and his eyes finally opened. He looked up at you like an angel sent to save him.

“Binnie, we love you,” you told him firmly, and before your very eyes, Changbin crumbled into another mess of tears.

Chan held him tighter, and you rushed forward to join their embrace. You could feel the way Changbin's body shook under the weight of his grief.

And then he screamed. A guttural, heartbreaking cry that made you and Chan hold onto him even tighter.

The scream echoed through the apartment like a siren—raw and primal. It sent shivers up your spine and left the room in suffocating silence, broken only by the wet, uneven gasps as Changbin cried into Chan’s chest.

Chan didn’t move, arms locked around Changbin tightly as he rocked him back and forth. You didn’t move either, holding him tightly from the other side and whispering reassurances into his ears. His skin was clammy, and his body shook so badly that your heart hurt just watching.

“I’ve got you, Binnie,” you whispered. “We’re not leaving you.”

In the doorway, Minho stood frozen, with Jisung holding tightly to his hand. His eyes were red, and his jaw clenched so tightly it trembled. He looked like he wanted to say something—maybe he was reliving the same memory you were, from the night they pulled Chan out of that room.

Behind them, Felix and Hyunjin lingered in the hallway, the latter holding the doorframe with white knuckles. You weren’t sure when he’d started crying, but the tracks on his face said it had been for a while.

For a long time, none of you said anything. There was nothing to say. Just breathing. 

Eventually, the sounds of the house returned, faint and cautious. Footsteps creaked against the hallway floor. The sound of the fridge door opening, then closing. Quiet attempts to reclaim some sense of normalcy.

Changbin’s sobs started to slow. He wasn’t calm by a long shot, but each breath he took was less jagged, less panicked.

You leaned in and pressed your forehead against his temple. “Can you talk to me, baby?” you asked softly.

“I’m so tired…” Changbin croaked after a minute. His voice was wrecked—raw, hoarse, barely audible.

“I know, Binnie,” Chan whispered. 

“I wanted to talk about it,” he rasped. “I tried so many times but… I just… I just couldn’t.”

Chan’s hand moved in gentle circles over Changbin’s back. “You don’t ever have to hold that pain by yourself again. Not with us.”

You kissed his temple, slow and steady. “We’re not going anywhere.”

The three of you sat on the bedroom floor for a long time. No one tried to move. No one rushed to fix anything. 

And then, faintly, from the hallway:

“…Do you guys want me to get blankets?” It was Seungmin, his voice unusually small.

Minho turned and nodded. “Yeah. And water. Maybe a heat pack.”

Jeongin appeared with one already in hand, like he’d been preparing it silently. “I wasn’t sure if he’d want it… But I figured—”

“Please,” Chan said softly, not taking his eyes off Changbin for a second.

Felix quietly stepped inside, carrying two folded blankets and one of Changbin’s hoodies. He set them down on the edge of the bed and didn’t say a word—just knelt behind you and gently wrapped one of the blankets around your shoulders.

“Thanks, Lixie,” you murmured, voice thick with tears you hadn’t realised were still falling.

Changbin leaned harder into Chan’s chest. “Can we just… stay here? Like this?”

“For as long as you need,” you said, without hesitation.

“We’re not letting go,” Chan added, kissing the top of his head. “Ever.”

[ihaveconfessd]

Oh my god this is so fucking cute

💧Drying sleepy Namjoon’s Hair💧

Genre: FLUFF

A/N: Late Valentines post. I’ve been sick 🤧

💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧

“Your little grass patch is growing out again.”

“Mhm.”

His lashes tickled your knees as you slowly kicked your legs in a back-and-forth motion. Both of his hands placed on the back of your legs smacked a beat along your calves. Droplets of water fell from his buzzcut like a freshly watered grass field; they slid down his face dripping down to your legs due to his proximity.

“You wanna schedule an appointment?”

“Mhm.”

He could barely focus with your hands on him. Rubbing the warm towel on his soaking scalp in a gentle back-and-forth fashion. He felt his eyes begin to droop as his hands began to stop their thumping beat; transforming into a gentle hold as he loosely gripped onto your right leg. His breaths evened out into a deep hymn.

“You’re not listening are you?”

“Mhm.”

You give a small sigh as you look down to wipe the excess droplets off his face. His face chases your hands, unable to hold himself up.

“Let’s go to sleep, Hun.”

You take such good care of him.

💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧

[ihaveconfessd]

A Little Bit of Everything Part 15

Bangchan x Changbin x Female! Reader

Summary: college!AU, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, minor crack

Warnings: threats, stalking, mentions of SA (past), mentions of panic attacks, hazing, language, slightly suggestive comment

Disclaimer: the following is a work of FICTION and in no way represent the actual people depicted. This is for entertainment purposes only.

This fic will deal heavily with sexual trauma, abusive partners (past), panic attacks and other sensitive topics, please take care of your mental health and read at your own discretion.

Taglist: @aalexyuuuhm @fixation-dump @finnbbl

[ihaveconfessd]

[ihaveconfessd]

"Oh Elon's just on the autism spectrum, tee-hee!"

Okay, so am I, but I don't make fucking Nazi salutes.

Because, yaknow, ASD or not, I'm not a fucking Nazi.

Don't demonize ND/ASD folks to simp for/excuse this man's shitty behavior, full stop.

[ihaveconfessd]

Zero thoughts (that are fit to say out loud)

HAN x '合 (HOP)' ERA

[ihaveconfessd]

Hi 👋, My name is Mohammad, and I’m reaching out in a moment of desperate need. I’m a father of three young children living in Gaza, and we are caught in the midst of a catastrophic war. Our home is no longer a safe haven, and the future here seems increasingly uncertain. 💔

I’ve launched a fundraising campaign with the goal of raising $60,000 to relocate my family to a safer place where my children can grow up in peace and have a chance at a brighter future.

Unfortunately, my previous fundraising efforts were abruptly halted when my account was terminated without explanation. However, I remain determined to keep fighting for my family’s safety and well-being. 🫶

If you could take a moment to read our story, consider donating, or simply share our campaign with others, it would make an incredible difference. Every act of kindness, no matter how small, brings us one step closer to safety and a new beginning. 🙏

Thank you for your time, compassion, and support. ❤️‍🩹

https://gofund.me/fd1faea2 🔗

🙏

[ihaveconfessd]

Copper Birds 3

Changbin x Female! Reader

Part 3: The Things I Would Do (For You)

Summary: slice of life, fluff

Warnings: none

Disclaimer: The following is a work of FICTION and in no way represent the actual people depicted. This is for entertainment purposes only.

Taglist: @fixation-dump @iknowyouknowminho @minhosbitterriver @qveenbibi

It has been so long and I am so sorry 😞

I’ve been trying to do so much the last few weeks but I’m definitely going to make time for this and my other chat doc going forward.

Enjoy

-🍓

[ihaveconfessd]

A Little Bit of Everything Part 14

Bangchan x Changbin x Female! Reader

Summary: college!AU, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, minor crack

Warnings: threats, stalking, mentions of SA (past), mentions of panic attacks, hazing, language, slightly suggestive comment

Disclaimer: the following is a work of FICTION and in no way represent the actual people depicted. This is for entertainment purposes only.

This fic will deal heavily with sexual trauma, abusive partners (past), panic attacks and other sensitive topics, please take care of your mental health and read at your own discretion.

Taglist: @aalexyuuuhm @fixation-dump @finnbbl

[ihaveconfessd]

Ugghhh he’s adorable

THUNDEROUS ⟡ SBS GAYO DAEJEON 2021

[ihaveconfessd]

This

am I the only one that's like

🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢 men 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢

but at the same time

💗💓💞🩷💘💝💖💕💞💓💗💖💝💘💕💘💝💖💗💓💞💕💘 bangchan, lee know, changbin, hyunjin, han, felix, seungmin, jeongin 💖💗💓💞💕💘💝💖💗💓💞💕💝💘💖💗💓💞💕💘💝💖

[ihaveconfessd]

Copper Birds 2

Changbin x Autistic!Reader

Summary: SMAU, fluff, slice of life

Warnings: none

Disclaimer: The following is a work of FICTION and in no way represent the actual people depicted. This is for entertainment purposes only.

Taglist: @fixation-dump @iknowyouknowminho @minhosbitterriver @qveenbibi

I didn’t expect so many people to fall in love with this new AU so quickly 😭😭

I’m terrible with formatting however I added links to the songs y/n and Changbin listens to at the end of the post

Enjoy

-🍓

The Village Idiots (and y/n)

♥️ 3 years later ♥️

Hungry eyes

Yes

[ihaveconfessd]

i just read part 1 of copper birds and i alr know im gonna be in constant tears.. binnie is alr so attentive in telling reader exactly when he’ll text her (in 3 hours) at the end and i just KNOW im gonna love this binnie sm 😭♥️

(p.s. i’m audhd so ty for this smau, i’m gonna relate to it so much)

Hi thank you so much for your feedback it means so much to me 😭😭😭

As a fellow AuDHD I am so glad you could relate, I’m so excited to write this.

I hope you enjoy ❤️❤️

-🍓

[ihaveconfessd]

Copper Birds

Changbin x Autistic!Reader

Summary: SMAU, fluff

Warnings: insinuated threat

Disclaimer: The following is a work of FICTION and in no way represent the actual people depicted. This is for entertainment purposes only.

Part 1: Meet Cute

Part 2 >>

[ihaveconfessd]

A Little Bit of Everything Part 13

Changbin x Bang Chan x Female! Reader

Summary: College!AU, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff,

Warnings: Language, inappropriate jokes, mentions of hazing, mentions of panic attacks

Disclaimer: the following is a work of FICTION and in no way represent the actual people depicted. This is for entertainment purposes only.

This fic will deal heavily with sexual trauma, abusive partners (past), panic attacks and other sensitive topics, please take care of your mental health and read at your own discretion.

Taglist: @aalexyuuuhm @fixation-dump

[ihaveconfessd]

"How do you write such realistic dialogue-" I TALK TO MYSELF. I TALK TO MYSELF AND I PRETEND I AM THE ONE SAYING THE LINE. LIKE SANITY IS SLOWLY SLIPPING FROM BETWEEN MY FINGERS WITH EVERY MEASLY WORD THEY TYPE OUT. THAT IS HOW.

[ihaveconfessd]

I’m so sorry updates have been so inconsistent recently😭 I’m getting ready for the new school year (so excited to meet my new kiddos)

I have been able to write so I have an update coming this weekend.

Thank you for all the love guys

-🍓