ihopchocomilk

[ihopchocomilk]

Okay, first of all, you did not have to put my own feelings into a story and seal it with my favorite man. You wrote these so well and I had to take several breaks to read Nanami's alone to pause and take it all in- that I am not as mentally stable as I thought I was. I am baffled, heartbroken, and I feel physically attacked and called out to confront because lord knows I have 0 communication skills.

You wrote so good for everyone, it's wonderful, and I hope every one of your pillows are cold and perfect density for the perfect angle to lay your head on so you can have the sweetest dreams and most fulfilling wake up 3 minutes before your alarm.

Can you maybe write a drabble abt y/n who is really really bad at accepting kindness or was emotionally abused/neglected in their past

jjk men when you react poorly to their affections...

cw: angst, mental health struggles, mentions of generational & domestic trauma

-> hello all, thank you guys so much for all the sweet messages and the patience while i've been MIA. i really hope you enjoy what i've been working on for you! just a heads up, some of these are longer than others dependent on the scenario (and because i don't know when to shut up), but i hope i've done this request justice! i love you all and hope you're having a lovely weekend! <3

gojo, geto, nanami, choso, toji, sukuna

satoru gojo: hesitation to touch!

satoru's first instict before and after he discovers that he has fallen in love with you and worked to make you his is to clobber you with physical affection. he is ever the passionate man when it comes to his feelings, which have come around to him rather suddenly amid his weighted occupation and past experiences with unnurtured, trampled love. when he feels himself drawn to you for the first time, his lack of personal awareness in terms of others' space shines through, and he is attached to you at the hip.

satoru wants to throw his arm around you, hold your hand, guide you to the side by your waist just to catch a glimpse of how it feels for his hands to be pressed to your lovely frame, even if it is for just a milisecond.

as the two of you progress past a boundary of friendship slowly and mutual interest is made evident, satoru's affections shift and his desires double, triple, quadruple what they were before. he watches you with dazzled starry eyes, hands seeking to grab you up and pull you into him so that he can sprout kisses all over your beautiful face, down to the shoulders that support your neck and the legs that keep your body standing.

and satoru surely does try to expand his sense of affection directed toward you once you have gotten into a relationship after what he feels has been so long, but he can not help but notice how indifferent you are to all of it. satoru has never known you to be a mushy person, for when it comes to hugging you or kissing a cheek, you tend to shy away from him. he does not take it personally at first. he has known you long enough to understand that you have never been a woman of affection, and unfortunately he does not stray against your general preference. nevertheless, as satoru's love for you grows hand in hand with his physical needs, he begins to have doubts, fears, suspicions.

in truth, satoru does not know or understand the extent to which you avoid affection. it is not that you do not desire to be loved by the man in your life, or that you do not wish for him to express his love in the particular manner that he chooses to. you adore satoru, and you can see how he struggles to hold himself back when his eyes light up with that desire you know so well by now, the desire to hold you and wrap you up close. it pains you especially when you catch wind of how he deflates when you turn him down, his hands falling back down to his sides from a rejected invitation to his chest, and his glossy lips pressing together in a tired smile displaying both his desire to respect you as well as his poorly hidden disappointment.

while remaining understanding and desiring to make you happy, satoru begins to bring light to the conversation as time goes on. when he asks you about it “causally" after hours of thinking of the best way to approach you, you brush him off once more.

“you know i’m not a touchy person, satoru,” you would tell him. “that’s all it is.”

and god, does satoru want to believe you and move on with all his heart- he wants to be okay with your boundaries, to push aside his own to ensure that he does not offend you, and while it kills him he would hate to make any move that would bring you to resent him or anything associated with his touch.

but he just can’t.

he does not want to completely admit that it is partially because he craves the feel of you more than anything he has ever wanted in his entire life, for the main reason he is concerned is because he knows you are hiding something from him, something big.

his suspicions only manifest into truth one day when he reaches past you to grab something on the counter as you stand beside him, and due to your focus on your own task at hand, you are startled by the motion. you subsequently flinch slightly, a poor habit of the past reviving momentarily due to your uncertainty and distraction.

you feel the air around you immediately tense and it registers what you just did. when you slowly turn, you catch the look of pained horror on satoru's features as he slowly lowers his hand, having forgotten completely what he was initially doing.

"i-" you go to explain yourself, but no words come out. you realize that there is no painless way to describe your actions, why you flinched, why you never want to know what it feels like to be touched by a man who loves you because the last one who claimed he did lied, took advantage of your trust, and weaponised his physicality in the worst possible way.

you shudder, stepping back subconsciously. "i'm sorry, i-" you shake you head and look down to the floor. "i don't know what came over me."

"...(y/n), did you think i was gonna hit you?"

you can't even register his words. they go through your head like a harsh breeze. "no," you're quick to say. "...i just-"

"then what was that? why did you-?" you hear the silence rise after he cuts himself off. you imagine his mind whirring, his heartbeat pounding. you hate to make him feel this way.

he attempts to move closer to you, which you allow since he does not approach too quickly. "you understand that i would never- never hit you. right?"

his question lingers as your brows draw together and the lump in your throat hardens, the topic sensitive enough to send you spiraling.

he ducks slightly to try to catch your eye. "(y/n)? you know that right? please tell me you do," he pleads softly.

"i do," you mumble. "i don't think- i know you-"

"baby, can i-" he reaches instinctively for your hand then quickly retracts. you watch as his fingers curl his hand into a fist at his side before swiftly releasing. "wh- i'm so sorry. i just- why-" he struggles to find the words as you stand before him like a child preparing to get scolded. "why did you flinch like that?"

and he sounds so broken by your action, so completely defeated that you can feel the shakiness of his voice rattle your bones.

"did... is someone... hurting you?"

christ, satoru can only manage to keep the building fury within him at bay, as he wants to be present for you to understand what you're going through in your head, but the very idea of someone laying their hands on you makes an inexplicable rage rush over his body.

you take a deep breath in, sensing his growing panic. you knew that you would have to come face to face with your past one day, now that you are moving on and experiencing love in a manner you never got to before. you belittle yourself for allowing the signs to slip so soon, but you have to give satoru a little credit. you know he has been antsy about your hesitation to touch, and you doubted you were going to get away with the petty excuses you'd been coming up with for much longer.

"(y/n)?" the white haired sorcerer asks again with impending urgency.

"no, no one's hurting me," you assure him quickly. "i'm sorry toru, i didn't mean to freak you out."

"please don't apologize," he begs. "i just need you to help me understand what just happened. i don't want to pry, baby, but seeing you flinch like that isn't something i can just let go."

"i know," you gulp, voice shrinking.

"hey..." the consolation in his low voice urges you to look back up at him slowly. his brows are drawn together and his eyes search yours, soon darting all over your face and taking in every detail. "what's wrong?"

and in the moment you know he knows. he's piecing together every moment you've awkwardly gone rigid when his arm has carefully pulled you into his side, every time your mouth turns with nerves each time he goes to kiss your temple, every time you have rejected his advances not because you don't want them but because you're afraid they aren't real, that they will be weaponized against you, that they are a mask for some darker intention.

you know satoru's spirit. you know that he would destroy the very world you inhabit for you as long as you're safe and protected. you know that what you feel is true love, unconditional love. you know that. you see that. he shows you that, but your traumas leave you petrified. shadows of the past lurk behind his very frame and threaten to tear apart everything good you are slowly building.

"it's not you," you tell him after a moment and he is still with silence, sensing a confession, an explanation that he has longed to hear. "it's never been you."

"then what is it, baby? what's been going on?"

"i can't-" you struggle to find the words as the memories begin to choke you. you sputter. "i- i haven't had- you're the first-"

"(y/n), breathe," he instructs softly and you do. though he isn't touching you, you feel the security of his presence wrapping around you as if you were tucked in a safe embrace. "it's okay. you don't have to force yourself to tell me anything if it's too hard for you."

"i know, but-" you shake your head at yourself as if disappointed in your own actions. "i just- i know you want more from me. we've been dating for almost two months and i barely kiss you, i barely let you hug me, we haven't even had sex-"

"that stuff doesn't matter to me, (y/n)."

"yes it does, satoru. i see it all over your face. you're getting impatient with me, i know you are."

"don't do that," he tells you. "i'm not upset with you for taking your time. i realize affection is something that you're not comfortable with, and that's okay."

"but it's not okay for you. you want more- you need more-"

"i need my girlfriend to be okay," he interjects as he holds your gaze. "i need you to feel safe. i don't ever want you to feel like you owe me anything, (y/n). you don't. i love you whether i'm touching you or not and that will never go away. yes, my love language is different from yours, but that doesn't mean i'll ever get tired of you. sure, it's hard sometimes, but i'm okay. your wellbeing means more to me than anything else, you understand that?"

you swallow hard, overwhelmed. "it's not that i don't want-"

"it's okay."

"but i don't want to leave you hanging."

"(y/n). it's okay."

"...my ex... he..." you find yourself stumbling over your pending confession once more, straying from satoru's gaze to make what happened to you feel less raw, less real. and satoru studies you, dreading what is to come, heartbroken for what he has begun to discover without you even having to say it. "...when we were together..."

your brows twitch as something comes to life in your head, and satoru immediately knows to turn your attention away by speaking up after prolonged moments of weighted silence. "it's okay, (y/n)," he echoes for a third time, and this time you hear the sheer sadness dripping in his soft tone, the admiration of your strength, his guilt, his love, his patience, his fury. "you don't have to say it. it's okay."

"i just don't want you to think i don't love you..."

"i don't think that, baby. i know you love me. i love you too, so much."

and there comes the break in your exterior, the crack in your voice, the vulnerability that overshadows you. your mind revisits the betrayal, the fear, the hatred of the past and how it haunts you, how it is engraved in you, no matter how much closer you come to healing.

"but i don't know how to love you the way you need."

"all i need is you, (y/n). nothing else."

satoru sees it written all over your face and his heart is sinking. he wants to help you, support you. he wants you to know that everything will be alright as long as you lean on him, as long as you know that he is not the same and would never take advantage of your trust, of your affections, of your soul and your love.

he'll kill him. he'll kill whoever hurt you, whoever's abuse tore you apart and made you shrink into yourself, shrink away from confidence and certainty and true affection. he'll tear him apart, destroy him from the inside out for his crimes against you, for tainting your past so terribly. for dimming your light and making you hurt.

but before that, he needs to be there for you. he moves to do so in the best way he can, stepping forward and opening his arms to hold you. he doesn't think, forgetting about your hesitation with physical intimacy for the sake of wanting to protect you, so he's moving in until he catches your eye again.

he sees the way you hold yourself back, how panic subconsciously swirls in your eyes. he freezes, looking over you slowly in realization before dropping his arms to his sides quickly. "i'm sorry, pretty. i don't mean to cross your boundaries. i just..." he doesn't know what to say, words seeming to fail him when he concludes that he has no idea how to help you. "i'm so sorry."

you know he is apologizing for everything you've experienced, for not understanding why you are the way you are, and for not knowing how to be there for you all at once.

you think way back to when you and satoru first met. to the times you spent getting to know each other through work. the times he would make you laugh unexpectedly with his stupid jokes, the times he would begin to hover you despite having to tend to the first years' training, the times you would catch him staring shamelessly only for him to subject you to endless flirting. the times he'd reach for your hand, only for yours to tense in his until he'd awkwardly release it, sensing your discomfort. the times you would still when his lips met your cheek. the times you'd dodge him simply to avoid the painful interaction of watching him reel back sadly when you'd step away from his presence, scared not of touching him but of what may happen if you allow him to fully cross that line.

you think back to every time satoru has proven himself a completely different person from your ex, and yet the trauma of being with him overpowers what you have been blessed with.

you look up at your boyfriend desperately, apologetically, gratefully and find that you have nothing to say either. you can see his internal struggle, how distant he becomes despite still standing so close to you. he's so afraid of triggering you or hurting you, so he keeps his hands to himself, though they itch to seek you out.

your ex had made you so uncomfortable with touch that the memory of his began to plague any desire to feel satoru's.

and satoru is not him.

the two of you stare at one another, and for the first time you truly see the greatest sorcerer of the modern age before you. all of him. all the good that he is, the love he has to offer, to empathy he has for you, and the inviting warmth he emanates.

you feel something shatter inside you as an urge to be wrapped into a tight blanket of security washes over you. satoru's familiar cologne sinks into your senses, his glassy blue eyes silently willing you some sense of peace, even if he can't be the one to provide it. the man you love towers over you with no intention to go and yet no expectation of contact, and you melt.

you fall apart for the man that he is for you and the terror that he will never be.

your body is reacting before your mind can think, and satoru has no time to be shocked when you carefully step into him and push your body against his, curling your arms to your chest as he surrounds you and pulls you in.

your body shivers, scared of its unearthed wants until it registers the foreign sensation of gojo's snug embrace. he does not hug you too tightly, but instead lets you sink into him as his embrace follows. his fingers secure over your sides and his chin falls to your shoulder, your hearts hammering into one another's.

when you do not involuntarily jerk away, your brows curl together and your eyes glaze over. you register the firmness of his frame and how gently it cradles you, how safely you are tucked away into his scent, his protection, his anguish for all that you have been through.

you whimper at just how raw satoru's love feels for you in this state, as you see now that you have truly escaped what you have been dreading for as long as you can remember.

satoru feels that he can hardly breathe, overwhelmed by you and all that you have shown him with such little words. he hates how selfish he has been, for now he sees you wholly. he understands now, and he especially understands how big it is that you have found a desire for a hug, for him to hold you for as long as he has been.

so he savors it. he takes you in and keeps you close, wordlessly thanking you for trusting him and leaning on him when you needed to the most. you're so soft, so shaky that he crumbles on the inside.

you are everything. this moment is everything. for you, for the both of you. satoru can feel you begin to cry as a weight lifts from your shoulders, and his eyes water as he quickly follows suit. he knows that you will push away from him soon, that you will retreat once you register what you are doing, but that is okay. it's more than okay. this in itself is a ginormous step for you, a step toward seeing how much you mean to him and how fiercely he will protect you.

so he continues to hold you in silence, thumbs caressing soothingly over your shirt. he lets you feel him as he feels you. it is tender, it is peaceful, and it is finally safe.

suguru geto: emotionally disconnected!

for quite some time, suguru has noticed something about you.

normally, he would not consider himself the type to pry or press matters that he knows are out of his control or have nothing to do with him, but considering how deeply this has been impacting every aspect of your lives, he knows he can not go on without saying something anymore.

the black haired man would like to consider himself to be an emotionally mature person. when the two of you have issues, he's the first one to want to sit down and talk them out. when something is bothering him, he will wait for the proper time to approach you about the topic. he does not tend to overthink, for he sees things as they are and addresses them accordingly.

that having been said, suguru is not the most emotional person in the world. due to his prioritization of making sure things happen when the time is best suited for the situation, he still has a tendency to allow things to pile up internally. when he eventually sits down to discuss things, it is after they have been swarming his mind for at least a couple of days. he doesn't exactly see this as a problem, for he is occupied with work and his daughters as well as his relationship with you, but his self-awareness reminds him that putting things off is not always the healthiest habit, no matter how in tune he is with what he feels or how clearly he sees things.

and due to these habits that he has long been adjusted too, he always expects himself to be the "less available" partner when in a relationship. not because he does not want to open up, but because of how his tendency to put things off can be perceived. suguru knows how his behaviors can come off, and he knows that a part of his emotional maturity is understanding where he falls short. however, when the two of you first got together, he never would have expected to be the one struggling with your inability to be vulnerable.

suguru admires your strength. he admires your grit, your determination, your selflessness, and your drive. those traits of yours are just a few that initially drew him to you in the first place. you are strong, almost offensively so, and you do your best to support the family that the two of you are growing together. nevertheless, your strength can often meld into a painful tendency to block out not only emotion, but the entire world around you.

you are often so quick to offer logical or physical solutions. when suguru asks you to sit with him to talk something out, you present every rational reaction to an emotional problem. when he tells you that something has been bothering him, you offer to distract him by pulling him into the bedroom and shedding your clothes. though suguru does not overthink, you subconsciously make it seem as though he does when he presents you with some you are just emotionally incapable of understanding.

you turn your head away when you notice suguru holding onto something in his mind, you keep your lips sealed tight when mimiko or nanako approach the two of you with teary eyes in search of a little emotional consolation, allowing suguru to do all the talking as you sit one of them in your lap, and above all you never - never - allow yourself to feel disappointment or sadness or anger or shame if anyone does something that agitates or hurts you.

you never allow yourself to feel, fronting as though nothing can harm you or pierce your veil of strength that suguru would describe more so as an impenetrable wall.

suguru never considered himself to be excessively emotional, but in knowing you, he feels the most emotional he ever has been by comparison. you are impossibly indifferent, self-reliant, stubborn, and oh so emotionally unavailable. suguru loves you dearly and everything you do for your family, but he can not help but feel as though he is in a relationship with an unfeeling robot from time to time. with someone who chooses to evade with humor and sex and philosophy instead of just feeling.

suguru has known you for a long time, and he has noticed this about you from the day you met. you don't talk about your family, you don't talk about your past, you don't talk about feeling happy or sad, you simply act. you go about your day to day in a haze, brushing off things that happen to you like they are nothing. like you're afraid that the second you let one emotion in, you'll lose yourself or you'll be punished.

and the jade eyed man wishes he could understand why. he wishes you would open up to him and show him a piece of you that you've been hiding away. he wishes that he could sit down with you and actually have a meaningful, emotionally rich conversation, but you shut yourself off from anything remotely resembling such. you distance yourself, and it kills suguru. it makes him hurt for you, makes him wonder who could have possibly hurt you to the point where you condition yourself into believing emotion is the enemy.

as frustrated as he is with your habits, he is more worried for you than anything. he worries for your sanity as well as his, and for how much longer he can go on pretending like this is okay for you to do.

he decides one day, after having pushed it off for longer than he's held off on anything, that he will attempt to sit down with you and have a conversation. the girls are left with manami and miguel as suguru treats you to a day out over the weekend.

after a few hours out to lunch and shopping, suguru takes you to a nearby park that the two of you often visit with the girls. you take a seat on a bench by the trail, dancing trees shading you from overhead as streams of sunlight pour through the leaves. it's a quiet, warm day. things have finally calmed down after a few hectic weeks, and suguru is confident that he has picked the right time and place to speak to you.

"today's been really nice, sugu," you say absentmindedly as your head rests against the dark haired man's shoulder. his arm is stretched out behind you, resting on the back of the bench as he tilts his head to kiss yours.

"i'm glad you've enjoyed it," he smiles lightly. "we both needed a day for ourselves, don't you think?"

"hell yeah we did, work's been a pain in the ass," you chuckle.

suguru almost perks up, wondering if you are about to complain about your job or discuss how it has made you feel. "yeah?"

"yeah, but nothing i can't handle obviously."

your dismissal is so swift that it almost would have been impossible to notice if suguru hadn't known you so well and for so long. he sighs, deflating slightly as he looks over your head. "by the way... while i have you, angel," he starts. "i wanted to talk to you about something."

you have never been a fan of those words, of the anticipation that comes with it. what could suguru possibly want to discuss that he couldn't have mentioned before? why did he have to make an ordeal out of it by taking you to the park to talk?

those are the first thoughts that come to your mind, and you are quick to mention them. "oh?" you turn to lift your head and meet his gentle eyes. his fingers absentmindedly trace your shoulder as he watches you, preparing himself for what he knows will come. "you wanted to talk to me at the park?"

and there you already go, attempting to find reason in his behavior. "i thought it would be nice to get a change of scenery and treat ourselves."

"but you just said you wanted to talk. you did all this to lead up to that?"

he sighs. "(y/n), i just wanted to have a nice day with you."

"and you are. we're having a great day," you assure him as if it is so obvious. "but you also want to talk, so why don't we just talk? you don't have to make a thing out of it if you have something to say, you know?"

you shrug dismissively, as if none of it is a big deal, and it drives suguru crazy. he hasn't even begun to speak on what he wants to share with you, and he can already feel you anxiously pulling away despite you trying to appear so nonchalant.

there is a brief moment of silence as you wait, watching him expectantly. suguru nods to himself, pursing his lips momentarily before looking back at you and forcing himself to proceed with the dwindling hope of getting through to you.

"so what's up?"

he smiles knowingly, gently. "well..." he begins. "...i've been thinking about some stuff that's been worrying me."

"worrying you?" you echo.

"yeah. some stuff that i've noticed about you for a while now."

"me?" you repeat with a slightly uncomfortable chuckle. "what did i do?"

"it's not really... something you did, it's more so something you do."

you raise your brows up at him, astounded. "as in consistently."

"yes, angel."

you can feel yourself growing defensive as you process his words. "alright, then what is it? i can help clear it up for you if you misinterpreted something."

"i didn't misinterpret anything, (y/n). i've been thinking about this for a while."

"okay, what is it?"

your responses are so quick. you're eager to get to the point so that you can quickly denounce his claims, defend yourself, drill a hole in his head with the logistics of why his emotions are the issue and not you.

suguru can feel it brewing, can hear it in your tone. he's trying to practice patient so his frustration take control of the conversation, before he can allow your unavailability to stunt him.

he waits a few more seconds, giving you a cautious look before proceeding. it's now or never, he thinks. "i get nervous even thinking about bringing things up because you're always so quick to react like nothing matters to you."

"what?" you scoff a laugh. "what do you mean nothing matters to me? why would you think that?"

"let me finish," he heeds. "maybe i could have worded that differently, but you... (y/n), you've always been so strong. you've always proven to everyone that you're strong, but at the cost of some of your humanity."

"i don't undertstand."

"then let me finish talking."

you brows narrow and your body stiffens. suguru catches the first signs of you closing yourself off, leaning away, shutting down.

suguru waits for you to indicate that you are willing to continue to listen, and you give him a little toss of your hands upward as if to tell him to keep going, to tell him that there's no reason to pause because you are unbothered.

"every time i try to talk to you about something i feel, and everytime something happens to you that warrants you to be upset, you just brush it off. you pretend all the time like everything is okay when it may not be, and it's been hard to ignore lately. especially since we're both stressed from work-"

"i'm not stressed. i'm fine-"

"see, you're doing it now. and i told you to let me finish talking. it's like you can't help yourself."

you bite your tongue quickly, almost stunned by his boldness.

suguru lets out another sigh. "i'm sorry, angel. i'm not angry with you or anything, i'm just frustrated. you're always trying to prove to the world that you can handle everything that comes to you, and i get having to portray yourself one way to everyone else, but with me and the girls...? it gets exhausting. i don't want you to feel like you have to pretend with me. i want to stand beside you and i want to spoil you and love you and support you, but you make it damn close to impossible to do that when you don't let me in. you don't let me see you. and because you dismiss your feelings, you end up dismissing mine. and even the girls' sometimes. i know you don't do it on purpose, but you should know that it's a big thing."

"i'm not pretending, suguru," you frown when you decide that he has finished speaking.

"you are-"

"this is why i need you to come to me with these things the moment you think of them. you've been sitting on this and i haven't even been able to clarify so that you don't stress over it anymore."

suguru closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose with his free hand. "(y/n)-"

"i'm sorry i never talked you about it before, but i'm just not an emotional person. we have different love languages, that's all. it's not that i'm pretending things don't bother me. they just don't. i don't stress over things like you might, and that's okay! sure, i can try to be more sensitive to what you think, but this is just a misunderstanding. that's all. c'mon, you really shouldn't yourself about this. i can see why it's exhausting you, you've got yourself all up in a bunch about it."

then you're laughing softly, as if it's all a joke. as if suguru is simply overthinking and you never do anything wrong. as if your own boyfriend hasn't studied you inside and out, known your tics when you hide something that bothers you, how you throw yourself into being present and hardworking to mask your fear of reality, of the things that keep you up at night when you think that suguru is asleep.

suguru's patience wears thin. he's done this dance with you a million times before and he doesn't want to do it any longer. he's tired. he's yearning for you and you just aren't there.

"i can't do this with you, (y/n)," he admits, slipping his arm from behind you. you watch him anxiously, confused. "i can't keep letting you do this to me and to yourself."

"but i'm not doing anything?"

"you are! you do it without even thinking. how can you not see that?"

"why are you raising your voice at me right now?"

"because i-" he sucks in a breath and runs his hands over his face. "i've watched you do this forever. we're getting old. i want to spend my life with you, and the girls love you, and you are truly an amazing person and girlfriend, but... it's like that's all you try to be. you're trying to put up this perfect front and it's building a wall between us. you're a human being. you're supposed to feel things. when you acting like you don't, it kills me. it really does. i have no one to talk to, no one to connect you. i don't know where you are."

"suguru, what are you saying?" you panic. "i'm right here. i always have been."

"you're physically here, but your mind is always somewhere hiding. i've seen the glimpses of you that hide away and i want to see more of that, but you just won't let me. and that habit makes you so absent... i mean, you're throwing logic at me whenever i talk about a bad day or feeling like we don't do enough together outside of taking care of the girls and going to work."

he takes in your face, watching as it drops into something he hasn't quite seen before... shame, insecurity, timidness.

his voice mellows out. "are you understanding anything i'm saying? i'm not overthinking. i'm tired."

you don't respond. you dissociate.

suddenly, you're eleven years old sitting at the dinner table with your mother as she stands over you with a hand pressed to the surface and a finger pointed a centimeter away from your face. your face is turned down as she berates you, calls you ungrateful for speaking up about feeling as though she was overreacting over a small mistake you had made.

how dare you, she'd say. i am your mother and you're the child, she'd day. because i said so, she'd say. don't talk back to me, she'd say.

and after she'd reacted that way enough throughout your childhood, emotionally manipulating you into feeling guilty for expressing your thoughts and your feelings at such a young age and training your brain to associate negative fragility with feeling, you trained yourself to slip away from expression, from your own emotion, and from your own boyfriend's.

emotion is weak, you would tell yourself. everything can be handled by a rational solution. no need to trouble yourself with the weight of pitying yourself or others.

you watch the past twenty six years of your life flash by as friendships fall by the wayside while you continue to climb higher into success, void of connection, empty.

until you met suguru.

he made you feel safe, feel seen, and it scared you, so you pushed away mentally. you found ways to financially and physically make him happy. when he presented you with an issue, you provided the best and only solution you know - to brush it off. to let things go. to avoid any possible resemblance of emotion.

you realize you are becoming your mother, and your chest caves in.

"(y/n)?"

suguru's warm palm holding your cheek pulls you out of your trance. you blink up at him with shrunken pupils, and the dark haired main sees that something heavy has dawned upon you.

you finally wake up.

"are you okay, angel?"

your mouth moves to speak, but you can't think of anything. it all comes rushing back to you, the aches in your heart that you have numbed for so so long. the depths of your love for this man and for your family, and how you can not afford to lose them.

your nose flares, and your brows slot downward in disbelief. "i didn't know i was doing that all this time."

"i know, babe," he whispers, stroking your cheek with his thumb. "i know. i just couldn't keep that in anymore. we can't go forward like this. you can't go forward like this. more than its destroying me, its destroying you."

your eyes scatter wildly about, as if you're searching for yourself, searching for an explanation for the behaviors you adapted. suguru grows concerned as he watches you.

"(y/n), are you okay?"

"i just didn't know. i'm sorry," you whisper in a hushed voice, your eyes stinging with angry tears. the emotions come so quickly. you try to push back, but the decades of suppressing them has set them loose.

you're no longer in control.

"angel," suguru coos, shocked. was he too harsh? he's never seen you like this before, so naked before him. "i didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"no, it's not that. i just didn't know," you sniffle. suguru turns to you completely, his other hand reaching your face as he cradles it softly and looks into your eyes.

"you don't have to keep saying that. i heard you, i understand. it's okay."

"it's not okay. all my life i thought i was being better and i'm just not."

"better than what, beautiful?"

you shut down again, shaking your head and turning away from an authentic confession, an admittance of your anguish. this time, however, suguru doesn't care. you've shown him enough for him to understand that this isn't your doing but a curse placed upon you by someone else, a pattern that is continuing its cycle.

"alright, it's alright," he accepts it and shuts it down the second a tear breaks past your lash and shoots down your cheek. he can see you battle yourself, angry at your own sensitivity and angry that you've done this to your own mind, to him.

he ducks in to kiss your damp cheek, nose dragging over your skin as you hold your breath, trying not to cry.

"you can cry, angel. it's okay. i'm here."

you hate yourself for the muffled sob you let slip, for the shattered exterior, for how long it took for you to get here. you're twenty-six years old, so afraid to cry that you would rather choke yourself, and you hate it. you hate everything about you. you always have.

and yet, it's impossible to when the man you love peppers kisses over your face and assures you that you can be free like this, that you can cry like this and he won't punish you, embarrass you, or deem you ungrateful.

and most of all, he won't stop loving you.

kento nanami: stranger to unconditional!

nanami is a man who believes he was made to spoil you.

truthfully, he does not even consider his actions spoiling, for he was raised to treat the woman he loves like a goddess gracing earth. he doesn't realize how rare his treatment is either, or in fact how rare of a man he is in general.

he's an incredible cook, he cleans the house without having to be asked, he brings home things you mention wanting to try in brief passing, and he asks for absolutely nothing in return. he listens to you when you speak, educates himself on the things that you are passionate about, he gives you massages when you're tense, and carries you up the stairs when you're tired

beyond the things he does for you is the authenticity of his feelings for you and how he believes you deserve to be treated. you've never met a more mentally, financially, and emotionally secure man. he is everything you could have possibly asked for and more, and you're so confused as to how someone like him chose you.

he always says that he is the lucky one, that he would cross oceans to find you over and over again, in this life and the next. he tells you that you are the only woman for him, the person he wants to marry, to start a family with, to end his life with. he looks at you and sees his entire world and it humbles you. his love humbles you as much as it emboldens you.

you should bask in the love he has to offer. you should savor the treatment he gives you, the little and big things he does for you, and is willing to do for you. you should ask no questions, accept his care and the fact that you are loved by him and move on, but something in you simply can't.

nanami is so perfect to you that it makes you feel as though you don't deserve it, as if he is doing too much for you. while being in a relationship with kento has made you the happiest you have ever been, a part of you feels as if you are going to sabotage it. you aren't sure how, but you know that it starts with every favor he does for you.

he cooks nearly every night after work, despite long, exhausting days. he allows you to spend his money on whatever you like as long as it is within a proper budget that still allows him to pay bills on time and get groceries (and with nanami, that was never an issue). he sits and listens to you ramble about nonsense for hours on end as he rubs your feet or strokes your hair, and in between each act of service, you ask yourself if you truly deserve all the good that nanami gives so willingly.

you internally panic, feeling indebted to the endless princess treatment. fears flood your mind about if nanami is truly happy, if he feels as secure and cared for as you do, if you're not doing enough to show him that you care or that you're thankful.

it's not that you don't do things for him. in fact, you do things for him all the time, but in your mind you begin to convince yourself that it is not enough. you have to work to earn this praise, just as anyone has to work for anything in this life. you have to win his love, which in the back of your mind you know he exchanges unconditionally, but you refuse to entertain the thought.

you tell yourself that it is too good to be true, that he will leave if you don't step it up and make him feel just as loved and then some.

nanami, of course, instantly notices when you start to wear yourself thin doing little things for him. you start waking up earlier than him to make him breakfast before work on top of the lunch you already pack for his day. nanami thanks you sincerely when he walks in on the huge spread you've made for him to eat within the span of twenty minutes, but is then quick to tell you that you don't have to do anything like that for him again.

"why not?" you frown.

"because you know i don't really eat a big breakfast during the week, honey. besides, it's too much for you to get up so early to do something like this," he smiles warmly down at you and you deflate. "but it was perfect. thank you for thinking of me. i love you."

he seals his declaration with a soft kiss to your lips that should have dispelled the disappointment gnawing away at the back of your head, but it didn't.

you scrap the breakfast idea, telling yourself that it was stupid and that you know better once he has left the house. you elect to explore other options. better options, you decide. something well suited for the vision of perfection you call your fiancé.

suddenly, you're making desserts, you're setting out his clothes for the work day, you're organizing his side of the closet and his drawers, you're dusting every crevice of the house, you're drawing baths for him every night, you're running to pick up his favorite takeout so he doesn't have to cook, you're dolling yourself up in the most extravagant lingerie you can find, and more, and more, and more.

now, of course, kento says something about you doing things for him when you do it a healthy amount. he is always incredibly grateful, showering you with love to demonstrate so and yet subconsciously informing you that you don't have to do these things for him. you never listened when it was an ordinary amount of spoiling, for you want to show him your appreciation and your love... but after a week of watching you double - then triple the amount of things you are doing for him, things that he deems to be completely unnecessary, he grows concerned. he's mentioned it a couple of times now, but you don't listen. you've drowned yourself in these thoughts of making it up to him, though you don't exactly know what you're making up for anymore.

all you know is that you love your fiancé and you don't want him to leave you. you don't want him to think that you're taking advantage of the things he does for you, that you aren't doing enough for him in return, so you push yourself to forget about your needs and engulf yourself in his. though, you're not fulfilling just his needs anymore. you're tricking yourself into overworking your mind and body and into doing favors nanami has never expected or asked from you before.

the blonde does not know how to approach you about it, for you're in so deep only after a week that you've blocked him out while claiming to take care of him.

he only finds that he is able to catch you early on a saturday morning, when he feels you shuffle next to him. he stirs awake, blinking through blurry vision to see that it is once again still dark outside as you rise.

the brown eyed man furrows his brows, seizing the opportunity to stop you by reaching his arm out behind him and blindly grasping for your wrist. when he successfully finds it, he feels you jolt against the mattress.

with a deep inhale, nanami turns over his shoulder, slipping his bare arm over your torso. he feels that you are sitting upright and is quick to block you from standing. you look down at him with wide eyes, a nervous smile dancing on your lips.

"ken, what are you doing? go back to sleep?" you whisper.

"darlin'," his sleep-coated voice grumbles out. you peer down over his messy blonde tendrils spilling into his face as his eyes open to slivers, the gleam of his iris shining up at you. "come here, come back to sleep," he coaxes.

you almost fold until you recall that you have several jobs to do before nanami gets up. you can't afford to let yourself rest any longer, not if you are going to prove that you are worthy of kento's affection.

"i can't, i gotta get up, love," you say, leaning down to peck the crown of his head. nanami's eyes open a bit more when you mention having to get up, befuddlement clouding his sleepy brain. "i'll see you when you wake up."

"(y/n)," he calls you, keeping his arm around your waist as your hands go to move it.

"hm?"

"it's saturday."

"i know, honey."

"you've had a long week. you're up too early."

"ken, shhh, i'm okay. go to sleep."

your response is enough to make kento shuffle around. he moves to push himself up from the bed to sit upright next to you, his arm still curved around you as he turns on his side to face you. you begin to fret when he rises, worrying that your schedule for him will be thrown off.

he moves in to press a lingering kiss to your temple. "(y/n)," he mumbles against your skin and you shudder. "there's no need for you to be waking up at this hour."

"no, but-"

"go back to sleep with me. we can wake up in a few hours."

you want to. you want to so bad. you want to allow your body to sink back into him and sleep the day away curled into his arms, to wake up in the middle of the day to warm lips moving over your ticklish spine.

but you tell yourself that's lazy, that nanami would not stall in bed knowing that you needed tending to.

"i can't, kento," you say more firmly, though you don't have the strength to push him away from you.

nanami draws back, catching the outline of your precious face in the darkness of your room. "why, my love? what are you so eager to get up and do?"

"nothing, i just," you shrug. "i have this list of things i want to do."

"chores? honey, you've been scrubbing the house down since the beginning of the week. i don't think there's anything left for you to do."

"it's not chores, it's stuff for you," you defend. "i wanted to make breakfast again since you didn't have time to eat it all on monday before work."

"i told you that you don't have to do that."

"but i want to, and i wanted to take the car to the wash and to get it vacuumed. and then i was gonna go to the bakery to get you some of the bread that you love... and then-"

"and then?" he repeats, squinting. "there's more?"

"...yeah. of course there is."

kento shifts, moving to prop his back against the pillows and take your hand in his. "alright. what is this really about?"

you freeze. "huh?"

"you've been burning yourself out all week doing things for me. and you know i appreciate everything you do, you know that, but it's too much. i don't need you to do all of this stuff, (y/n). i never have, and i apologize if i'm offending you in any way by asking you to slow down, but i really want you to sit and relax. if i did something to make you think i needed you to run yourself ragged trying to cater to me, then i will evaluate that myself. was it something i said?"

your brows curl as you look down at your lap where nanami's hand is holding yours. "you didn't like anything i did?"

"no, it's not that," he shifts closer to you. "i'm concerned is all. you've been up at four every morning this week. i've hardly had the chance to sit down at talk to you because you've been so busy doing all these things and going to work."

"i thought you... wanted it all, ken."

"when did i do something to make you feel like that?"

"it's not like that. you didn't do anything wrong."

"then please help me understand?"

you turn to look up at him, chewing on the inside of your lip. "i guess i just thought that you deserved to be spoiled the way you do me. you deserve special treatment."

nanami visibly relaxes, tilting his head lovingly. "honey, you spoil me every day by being my fiancé."

"yeah, you say that, but i just feel like- i don't know, you're always doing things for me and it felt like too much. like you were going out of your way... and i felt bad..."

"you thought you owed me in return?" he asks and you nod solemnly. "(y/n), i would never treat you one way and expect to be given something in return. loving you isn't a job for me, it's who i am. it's what i love to do. i do for you what i believe you deserve."

"and that's what i was trying to do for you!"

"no, my love, you were working to pay off a debt that doesn't exist," he corrects you. "you do things for me all the time. that's enough. you don't need to go out of your way to pile all this extra stuff onto your plate for me. i don't want that from you. i don't expect that from you. i love you and i love taking care of you. please don't think of my love for you as conditional. i'm not going to stop loving you if you don't do a million things for me. i would never."

you swallow hard, embarrassed. "i know..."

"so then please don't do this to yourself again. you're exhausted. and i don't want anything you do for me to be out of obligation, because that is not the reason why i do anything for you."

"i'm sorry. i didn't mean to project my insecurities like this."

"there's no need for you to apologize, (y/n), i just want you to truly understand that you are everything to me. i feel your love and appreciation everyday without you having to try to show it."

"and i do love you, ken. i love you so much. i just want to make you happy."

"that should never be a doubt in your mind, sweetheart," he smiles, kissing the corner of your mouth sweetly. "i love you. we can talk about this more in a bit. come lay back down with me."

you find that there is no fight left in you as you nod and press your lips back to his. you let him drag you back down with him gently, laying your head against his chest as his hand smooths up and down your back, the other pulling your leg up over his torso.

you drift back into much-needed sleep with the reinstilled assurance that you do not need to work for a love you are deserving of and already possess.

choso kamo: can't take a compliment!

"you're so pretty."

"oh, no," you rush out a hasty laugh. "it's just because of the makeup i wore today."

choso frowns, perplexed by your response as he stares at you from across the booth you've settled into. you turn your head away the moment the compliment hits your ears, looking down with a bashful smile as you toy with your straw, swirling it restlessly around the contents of your milkshake.

he does not understand. you told him that you liked him when he first asked you out, that you were more than excited to go on a date with him. he does not think you're having a bad time, for the two of you have been chatting nonstop from the moment he picked you up to the moment you made it to the ice cream shop.

the brunette looks over your face and discerns that you are not annoyed or disgusted with him for saying such a thing. sure, he understands that he has never complimented you before due to the fact that you always make him so nervous. hell, his face was cherry red and his words were damn near unintelligible when he worked up the courage to even make a move. the only reason why he let himself blurt it out just now is because he couldn't hold it in. his heart had been hammering the entire day as he studied you, your facial expressions, your features, your cute outfit, your gorgeous hair.

and he knows it's not just the "makeup," as you said. he's seen you every day for months, now. he's seen you flustered and sweaty from training, barefaced and focused. he's seen you bloodied and bruised, limping to shoko after rough missions. and he's seen you dressed in your sorcerer uniform, professional yet fierce, and always so breathtakingly beautiful.

he knows you. he has seen you. his opinions about your beauty have never changed in accordance with what you're wearing or whether you put on makeup or not, so why would you say something like that? why would you think that he only deems you pretty when you're dolled up?

he exhales something that resembles a tense laugh, the corners of his lips tugging into a hesitant, awkward smile. he doesn't know what to say. how should he respond?

"what do you mean?" he asks. "what does makeup have to do with it?"

you pause, caught off guard by his blunt question. you aren't sure what to do, for no one has ever said something like this to you before. you find yourself in a completely unique situation.

admittedly, you did not mean to evade his compliment in such a way. the words were leaving you before you could think to say thank you, for you have never thought there to be any truth in comments about your beauty.

for as long as you can remember, being complimented by someone was always one of your worst fears. you know it's because you don't believe yourself to be beautiful, that you've spent too many childhood years bouncing around different environments, different schools, different people to find a solidified foundation of who you are, of what your identity is.

you've always looked around at other people and seen the confidence that you lack. you look around, and there's always someone different looking back at you, displaying something you feel that you should have but do not. boys were cruel, girls were exclusive, and you were an only child returning home to stare at your reflection in the mirror for hours on end, nitpicking every part, hating every scar, every pimple, each brow, every lash. you hate the image of you because you see something that you have not grown comfortable with, something you have convinced yourself is not the reflection of what society wants to see in women.

you have spent your life placing other people's lives upon a pedestal, and you neglect your own. you neglect nurturing yourself, treating yourself with kindness because you were raised to care for others. to see others. to love others. to want to be others.

so when you look at yourself, you don't see beauty. you see everything you are not, everything you can't be.

you have had crushes before, of course, but choso is the first to feel so real to you. he is kind, curious, caring, and honest. you admire him as a person as much as you admire his physicality. you look at choso and you find yourself in awe that he has taken interest in you. you try not to question it at first, to enjoy the gift that is his presence and conversation and smile, but the second that compliment leaves his mouth, you feel your stomach turning.

you picture yourself through his eyes and see the mirror that you stare into. from the horrible things you feel when staring into it, you deduce that choso can't possibly think you're pretty. you must have done your makeup very well today, you tell yourself. for if looking at yourself makes you resent your own reflection, then there is no way anyone else can look at you any differently. especially not choso.

but still, his reply unnerves you. it picks away at your brain and leaves you speechless. what can he possibly mean? what is he trying to tell you? makeup has everything to do with what he is seeing if he truly thinks that you are decent to look at.

you worry that he is messing with you or playing some kind of trick, that he is trying to get your hopes up only to completely shatter them when he reveals how he truly sees you.

but the longer you ponder the notion, the more you remember the kind of person he is. you can see it in his face, the genuineness, the innocent confusion. he meant what he said to you, and for some reason, that is a harder pill to swallow than believing you're unattractive.

"um, well i mean- makeup always makes everyone look pretty," you try to say, but choso only grows more perplexed.

"but i wasn't talking about your makeup. i was talking about you."

your eyes go wide and choso immediately thinks he has said the wrong thing.

"not that- not that i don't think your makeup is pretty. it is! you're very talented. i was just saying... what i mean is that i've always thought that you are very beautiful."

you feel your cheeks flush and your stomach swarm with butterflies as well as dread. he can't mean it, you think. he can't be serious.

the pale skinned man's skin flushes as well. "sorry if that's too much."

"no, it's not-" you are quick to say, looking up from your milkshake. you tense your shoulders, pursing your lips into a tight smile. "you're really sweet but you don't have to say those things."

"...why not? did i make you uncomfortable?"

"no, i just- i mean... i'm just not use to it, is all."

you look down again and choso furrows his brows. "really?"

you nod mutely, leaning over to take a large gulp of your milkshake from your straw.

"i find that really hard to believe."

you sputter, almost choking before lifting your hand to shield your mouth as you lean back, swallowing. "w-why?" you quirk your brow up at him, uneased.

his cheeks are still swirling with color as he answers as though it is the most obvious observation in the world. "because it's so hard for me to talk to you sometimes 'cause you're so pretty."

you glare at him incredulously, face on fire. "why are you saying this stuff?"

"because it's true? i'm sorry, (y/n), i'm really confused. you're sure i'm not offending you?"

"no- i mean yes- i," you stumble, burying your face in your hands. "i just don't really know... how to react."

after a moment further of watching you shield yourself away behind your own hands, choso leans forward, pressing himself against the table. "you don't believe me?"

you sigh, peering up past your hands to meet his gentle gaze. "i dunno," you murmur, letting your hands slowly fall back into your lap. your eyes flicker between choso's face and the table, unable to maintain contact. "i'm just not good with compliments."

"oh," the brunette says. "because... you've never gotten them?"

"not necessarily..."

"then you just don't believe them?" he asks again and you shrug.

"it's hard for me to sometimes," you admit. "sorry, this isn't really a first date conversation, is it? i didn't mean to dodge your compliment. i should've just thanked you and moved on."

"no, but... i want to know more about you. i want to understand this so i know for the future."

you perk up bashfully. "the future?"

choso pokes his lips to the side and brings his shoulders to his ears, flustering himself once more. "y-yeah... i really like you and i want to... keep spending time with you."

you feel an ache in your cheeks as you fight of a shy smile, continuing to avert his gaze. "i really like you too."

"good," he nods, dimples poking into his cheeks. "so can i ask again about the compliments? should i be more careful? i do want you to know what i think of you, but if you don't like it then i'll stop. i can show you in other ways."

"you don't need to worry about that. it's all me, not you," you tell him, surprisingly comfortable sharing so. "i've just always been weird about it. i don't know why."

"is there anything i can do to help with that? i think someone like you deserves to hear good things."

"choso," you chuckle as a nervous yet giddy smile takes over you. you're quick to duck your head in an attempt to hide it.

"i mean it. i think you're nice, and smart, and you're really dedicated to what you do, and you're patient. you always answer my questions even if they seem stupid," he rambles, craning his head forward while you shake your head, smiling. choso's heart jumps, for he can not fathom how the most stunning woman he has ever seen can shy away from praise in such away. "and you've got the prettiest smile-"

"okay!" you stop him, turning to look around to make sure that no one is listening. you lean your elbow on the table and cover your mouth with your hand. "okay, t-that's enough," you wave him off.

"it's all true though," he says sternly. "i mean everything i say."

"i get it," you giggle. "you can- you can stop now. please stop."

and he does stop, only because you asked him to. even so, he can't help but continue to be in awe of you and the person you are. he's grateful to spend time with you, to have his feelings for you returned, to get to buy you a milkshake and talk with you for hours.

he's enamored with you, but the thought of you not knowing your own worth, your own impact on him and everyone around you, hurts him.

and he wants to work to show you how beautiful you are inside and out as the two of you grow closer.

when your date concludes and you are called back onto the campus, the two of you are sad to part ways. you hug each other tightly, choso pulling away to grasp the back of your hand and lift it to his lips to kiss softly. he asks to see you again tomorrow, and you agree.

you walk away feeling as though you're floating, your cheeks still stinging when you feel your phone buzz. you're quick to pull it out from your pocket and open it to see a message from choso. you unlock your phone to read it, only to find a candid picture of you staring out of the window to your left in the booth the two of you had been sitting in. you can tell that you're in the middle of speaking, as your mouth is opened into a bright smile and your eyes are following something that distracted you. your eyes are lit with joy and your hand daintily clasps around the bottom of your milkshake glass. the sun is peering in through the window to illuminate your skin.

you're hesitant to look at yourself. the imagine surprises you, but what stuns you even more is the message choso attached to it:

cho :)

prettiest girl <3

toji fushiguro: doubting love!

in many ways, you would say that you hate toji.

you hate the way he talks, how crude he is. how he has the mouth of a sailor when discussing the most mundane things. you hate his snarkiness that slips into his tone whenever he feels an argument brewing, the way he is always so quick to mock you when you tell him about something he has done that has upset you because he fails to take most things seriously. you hate the way he rings you up like you're a hooker on his line that he can summon whenever he thinks its convenient. you hate how he keeps you around after, too, questioning where the hell you think you're going as you hurry to put your clothes back on and get out. you hate how frequently he has begun asking to see you, how working as assassins separately for shiu turned into a one-night stand, which turned into a regular tuesday, then into a weekend, and hell, almost a 24/7 affair.

you hate toji's stupid ruggedly handsome face, his comically massive build, his entrancing green hues, that damn scar across his lip that you feel dragging against your own mouth when you're trapped beneath his frame. you hate his hair, his clothes, his very personality.

and above all, you hate the way you love him. you hate the fact that you don't hate these things at all, but that you are addicted to them. to him, all of him, and yet you are smart enough to know that he is the last man on earth willing to settle down with another woman.

nevertheless, you still let yourself bicker with him. you still let him drag you out to drinks after work and then into his bed barely forty-five minutes later. you let him call you over time and time again, and you hate yourself for it so much that you would rather resent him instead.

it's unfair, how he can parade you around like it's nothing with no promise of anything more. he strings you along when it's convenient for him, when he's cranky or needy or whiny or bitchy. you've become his emotional support fuck and you hate it. you hate that you cling to these moments because you know that they are all you are going to get from him.

yes, you would consider toji a friend. you work with him, you see him often, and you've held conversations with one another regularly before having sex with each other came into play. he's just always there, so when the two of you breached the boundary of friendship on a lonely, rainy, drunken night, it didn't really matter.

at first.

but as time went on, toji began seeking more from you. offering more, wanting more, and hell, you had to suffer those consequences. you would be lying if you said that you didn't enjoy it when he called or texted you to ask for some company, but you hated the fact that this was the farthest the two of you would ever get. that he could use you whenever he wanted, oblivious to the fact that you were falling deeper for him with every moment you spent together.

and why would he care? why would toji stop for a moment to think about how you feel?

he is always so focused on what serves him in the moment that it completely blinds him from the way you will look at him when he's not paying attention.

and god, you hate how he got you. toji fushiguro finally reeled you in and trapped you, cursing you with a love that will never in a million years be requited. a widow, an absent father, a killer, and who you also convince yourself to be a whore.

it's easier to think of him that way.

but despite it all, you love him. you love his grit, you love his strength, his power, his drive to wake up every morning to make money in the most heinous way possible. you love his calloused hands that are two times the size of yours, his stupid grin that he tosses your way the moment he makes eye contact with you, and the filthy words he groans into your ear that grow more pleading with each night you spend together.

you love the silent, still moments when he invites you over to share takeout, and he is wordlessly chewing his food, staring mindlessly at race scores with a free hand rubbing your thigh under the table. you love when he is drifting off to sleep at the end of what felt like an endless night, gazing up at you with a subtle smugness in his heavy eyes. you love when he looks you over after missions to check for injuries when your focus is elsewhere, dropping a pack of bandaids or a bottle of disinfectant in your hand later that night without explanation if he detected anything.

you know that toji has his moments, moments where he is not cocky but thoughtful... and dare you say sweet.

but at the end of the day, toji is toji. he has too much baggage, to many other priorities to love you.

so you tell yourself that he doesn't, and never will. this consequently makes you turn cold to him, distancing yourself little by little until you can wipe him clear from your thoughts, from your heart.

you start ignoring his calls and texts. you start secretly asking shiu to keep your jobs staggered, far apart, scheduled on different days. you don't go out to drink with him, you duck invites to his place, and you move forward with trying your best to pretend he does not exist.

it has only been a couple days since you have instilled these new, isolating rules for your relationship with toji, not that there ever was one to begin with. you haven't been able to bring yourself to block him, for something inside of you tells you that is too harsh, especially since you haven't communicated with him about what you've chosen to do about the two of you.

instead, his notifications are on silent, and you find that once they are your world has fallen eerily silent. there is no loud laughter, no murmured intimate conversation, no heavy moans. just the grating sound of nothing, and your heart plummets further because you know that you are in too deep to forgot him.

one night after work, you decide to treat yourself to a drink. or two. or three. or, hell, who's really counting anymore? you surely aren't. since the bar you chose to visit was only a ten minute walk from your place, the rare option of your choice because you had always gone to the one closest to toji, you stubbornly choose to walk your drunken ass home. thankfully, the streets are rather busy as you stumble about, wobbling on your feet with an angry pout adorning your face.

your mind is buzzing, your heart aching, and all you want to do is pile onto your bed and knock out. you don't know how you made it back to your apartment in one piece, but you hurry to fumble with your keys once you reach your complex.

you trip to an abrupt hault, pushing out your body lip as you scrunch your eyes at your key ring when you feel a hand graze your back from behind.

you practically jump out of your skin, almost falling forward in fear. you clumsily whip yourself around, stepping back with wide eyes to see the very last person you wanted to see standing before you with an agitated look on his face.

you groan exaggeratedly, hunching over. "y're fuckin'kiddng me," you slur, rolling your eyes and turning back around on your heel. "go away. i dun'wanna talk to youu."

"what the fuck are you doin', girl?" toji throws his arms out as you move to step up the stairs to the lobby. "i've been callin' ya nonstop, shiu says you- woah woah, watch it-" he rushes behind you, settling his hand on your lower back to stabilize you before you could take a bad tumble. he looks down at you incredulously, only for you to muster up all your strength to shove at his shoulder.

"don'touch me. fuck," you grumble angrily, grasping the railing to help yourself climb up to the door.

"you're fuckin' shitfaced, doll. i'm gonna have to touch ya if you want to make it to your place alive."

"d'you rem'mber me askin' for help?" your voice goes up a pitch at the end of your question. you toss your head over your shoulder to glare at him as you grasp the door handle. "NO!"

you fling the door open and step inside, keys jingling furiously in your hand.

toji grinds his teeth together. "fuckin' hell," he hisses to himself before following you inside.

"stop followin'me y'creep!" you hastily make your way to the elevator, stamping your index finger into the up button while your whole body sways with the motion.

toji slows to a stroll as he walks up to you, tucking his hands into his pockets and surveying your appearance with lips pressed tightly together and brow cocked in judgment.

"as you can seeee, m'doin'perfctly fine withOUT your help," you say, tilting your chin up at him.

"yeah," he deadpans. "ya sure are, doll."

"and don't call m'that. m'not y'r dolly... little fuckin' plaything. leave'me alooooone."

"what the hell are you babblin' about?"

"y'don't care 'bout me. leave me alone."

"(y/n), why the fuck do you think i'm hanging aroud your place at twelve in the mornin'? you haven't answered the phone and you disappeared from work. i haven't seen you in god damn days. if i didn't care about ya, i wouldn't be tryin' to track you down in the middle of the night," he grimaces irritatedly. "i didn't even know you weren't home 'til i saw your drunk ass stumbling over here alone in the dark. the hell's wrong with you? y'know how dangerous that is?"

"shuddup," you scoff. the elevator door dings, opens, and you shuffle hastily inside. just as you press the button for your floor, toji is moving to step inside with you. you gasp and push at his shoulders. "no! get out, 'don't want you here!"

"yeah, figured that much," he rolls his eyes as he stumbles from your force. you shove at him again hard, sending him staggering back out into the hall. he looks up at you with big eyes.

"(y/n)-!"

you spam click the close door button as you stare him directly in the eye. the door closes shut in his vexed face, your free hand flipping him off.

you don't know why you are surprised when the elevator doors open on your floor with a ding and reveal his burly stance with folded arms blocking your way.

stupid fucking stairs.

you suck your teeth and shove past him. "fuckin'annoying."

"(y/n)."

you ignore him, but he is hot on your tail, crowding you when you get to your door and unlock it.

"(y/n)," he calls again as you trip into your space, kicking your shoes off and flicking the light on. your front door slams behind you, and you whip your head around.

"SHHHH!" you raise your finger to your mouth pointedly, referring to how disruptive the slam of the door may have been to the neighbors.

toji rushes toward you, hand reaching for your shoulder to keep you still and looking at him. your vision is so blurred, your red eyes struggling to picture him. when you finally stop, you make out his handsome face and the fire in his eyes.

perhaps if you were more sober, you would see the pain intermingled with the rage.

"why're youin m'house," you whine, tugging at the shoulder his is holding. "leavemealoneee."

"no. i ain't leaving you alone," the assassin orders firmly. "what's goin' on with ya? you don't like me now? is that it? that why you're bein' a brat and disappearin' on me like this?"

"fuck offfff, don'tdo that," you groan, rolling your head back on your neck.

"do what? what am i doing that you hate so much? lookin' out for you? huh?" he demands, growing more aggravated by the second. "what are ya so mad at me for?"

"THAT! Y'REPRETENDING T'CARE! STOP THAT!" you shout, yanking your arm away and storming off to your living room.

toji stands stunned for a moment, angling his brows with hands grasping the air where you just stood. "pretendin'? pretendin' to care?"

he knows he shouldn't be trying to get answers from you right now, for you're in an inebriated state and arguing with a you drunk was not going to get him anywhere.

still, he was hurt. you ghosted out of nowhere after almost a year of building the foundation with each other that you share now. he thought that meant something to you, but if you're so willing to throw all of that away along with him, then maybe he has been reading the entire situation wrong.

he needs to know.

so he follows you into the space, the space he's visited a hundred times over before. "what is wrong with you? why would you think i'm pretendin' to worry about you?"

"cause'i'm just oneeee thing, toji," you throw up your index finger, eyes rolling. "m'just one thing, and tha'sfineee, y'know, it's- it's fuckin- great, but'yneedto stop wastingmy time if that'sall i'mgonnaever be!"

your words slide into each other, making your drunken speech almost impossible to understand. toji squints, as if doing so to his eyes will help him hear you better. "one thing? is that what your drunk ass said, you think i think y're one thing to me?"

"DUH!" you drop your jaw. you huff, throwing your keys onto the ground to shuffle yourself ungracefully out of your coat. "y'don'tcare about myfeelings. y'don'tcare that- that there'smoree. there's more. you don't care."

"doll, i'm losin' my shit because i fuckin' know that there's more," he counters you, but you shake your head nonsensically, fighting to rip your arm free from your left sleeve. toji sighs, going over to you to help. "here, hold still."

"no," you curl your lips at him, turning to face the other way but toji follows, not letting you out of his sight. "stop! i donneed help-"

"yes you fuckin' do," he snaps, seizing either one of your arms. "relax, crazy. will ya relax for me, huh?"

"don'ttalk like that," you push against him, your coat dangling from your still trapped arm. "stop."

"yeah, i'm not gonna listen to ya right now. you're a mess."

"don'call me that! asshole!" you gape up at him and the sight is so amusing, it allows him to calm down a little and let a snort slip.

"hot mess."

"shudthefuckup."

"here, i got ya. keep your arm straight." he cradles your upper arm to slide the sleeve off until it drops to the floor along with the rest of the coat. you watch it do so with a grumpy expression. "see? wasn't so hard."

"screw you."

"so what's all this bullshit about me not carin' about ya?"

"go'homee."

you step to move around him, but he stands in your path, making you stumble into him. you curse incoherently under you breath and glower up at him.

you, however, are not met with a harsh stare any longer. his eyes have softened, the crease beneath them smoothing out as he looks down at you with his hand still holding your arm.

"why are you so drunk?" toji mumbles.

"why'dyou think. y're a prick."

"you care about me, dollface?"

"die."

"you had me worried," he exhales, his hand raising to graze your chin. your knees almost buckle, his touch sending you into overdrive, emotions hyperactive now that you register that the very reason you drank so much tonight is standing in your apartment.

and toji knows you won't remember half of this. he knows doing this is pointless, but he's missed you. and he sees you now, upset, concerned that he doesn't care and he's relieved. he's relieved that you've been losing your mind over him as much as he has been losing his over yours these past few days.

"tojiii," you curse, though your eyes flutter when his thumb strokes over your chin. "can'tdo this to'me. to'other girls."

"there ain't no other girls."

"liar."

toji exhales, admiring you. "it's just been you, ya idiot."

"stop- stop lying."

"i'm not," he smirks, and it annoys you. you push against him again and he chuckles lowly, tiredly. "let's get you to bed, baby."

you stop him. "are y'sure?"

he lifts a brow. "sure what?"

"you care?"

toji knows he is terrible at expressing his feelings, but he still wonders how you can even ask him that, as he's loved you since the moment he saw you.

he watches you blankly, eyes grazing over the first woman he's fallen in love with since his late wife, wobbling in a drunken stuper before him inspired by the irrational fear of being unloved.

he knows you two will have to revisit this conversation when you're sober, but he sees you and knows what you want and what he wants, what you need and what he needs.

what you feel and what he feels.

"care doesn't begin to describe it, girl."

you stare at him for a long time as your face morphs with almost sad relief. "oh i messed'up," you say quietly. "m'sorry, toj."

"alright, come on," he is quick to shut you down before you can get too emotional. the last thing he needs for you is to break down into tears before him. he knows for a fact that sober you would lose your shit if you did so, and he would suffer the ramifications of your humilition.

he bends down to scoop you up from under your legs. you inhale sharply, arms naturally tightening around his neck as he carries you bridal style to your room. you ramble nonsense under your breath as he sets you down softly onto your bed, which you immediately collapse into.

toji helps to adjust you more comfortably the second your face hits the pillow. "this alright for ya?" he asks, tugging your throw blanket over your shoulders.

you nod, eyes drooping. "yeah."

he hums. "you gonna let me stay til you fall asleep?"

you grunt, closing your eyes. "m'not sayin'yesor no."

the raven haired main chuckles, softly moving pieces of hair from your face. "stubborn ass." he leans down at kisses your forehead. "go to sleep," he mumbles.

"don'tell me whatta'do," is the last thing you say before passing out.

toji stays, sitting on the floor before your bed with his back pressed to the wall. his knees are bent as his forearms dangle over them, and his eyes have not strayed from you for a second since you've fallen asleep.

the assassin inhales and exhales slowly, mulling over the night's events and determining that he needs to work toward showing you how he feels rather than expecting you to know.

ryomen sukuna: too many gifts!

"kuna, i don't need all of this."

the king of curses slowly turns his head to look down at you as though you've declared some kind of war against him. his eyes slim menacingly, brows curling with inquisition. his arms fold across his chest, unamused.

"i dont believe i understand what you just said to me."

you see that he is taking offense to your comment and sigh. on your bed lay a pile of gifts practically forming its own mountain where you would sleep. flowers, chocolates, fragrances, and things you aren't even sure you can name lay in the heap, practically sparkling in all its grandeur.

sukuna is a man of physical things. sex and gift-giving. he has more riches than he knows what to do with tucked away in his temple, and while he has spent many a millenia basking in his glory, he much rather prefers to spend offerings on you now that you are nagging away at his life.

and of course he would never admit it, but he enjoys it. he anticipates the moments in which he gets to shower you with unnecessary treasures, adorning you in expensive clothes and jewelry, and gifting you things that he knows will bring a smile to your face. sukuna is quiet in his expression of love when he is not fucking you into a different dimension. quiet yet unbearably over-the-top.

sukuna is a king, and by association he considers you to be his queen. you are his woman, his pride, his passion. what is his is yours and what is not yours yet will soon be. everything you are to him can not possibly be uttered into words, for love is a human emotion and therefore not something that sukuna can admit himself to be capable of. but he looks at you and he knows, so he drowns you with material things, with whatever he knows your silly human brain to like.

and you do like it. you love it all, truly. every gift he has gotten you has at one point made you very happy, but it is too much. you're not a material person, you don't need all of these things. you don't need him to spend his fortune on you just for the sake of it.

it's become too much for you. too overwhelming.

"i'm saying i don't need all of this," you repeat yourself slowly, lifting your hand to his bicep. "seriously, you've given me enough. this is too much."

"too much?" he tchs. "must you always find something to complain about? never in my time spent living on this earth have i heard someone react in such a way to gifts."

"would you calm down? i'm just saying that you don't always have to buy stuff for me. it's not a big deal," you say.

"you hate everything i have brought."

"what? no! i didn't say- i don't hate things you buy me."

"clearly you do, or else we would not be having this ridiculous conversation."

"for the love of god, i don't hate them!"

"then what is truly the issue?"

"there's no issue. it's what i just said! are you even listening to me?"

"i am listening. that is why i am telling you that you are not making any sense."

"urghh!" you groan out, turning and waving your arm up to him. "whatever. it's all good. it's fine. thank you."

the salmon haired curse immediately detects the shift in your tone and mannerisms and refuses to allow you to walk away in such a fit. "where do you think you are going?"

"just out of the room."

"w are not done speaking."

"we must be, or else you would have actually hear the things i tried to tell you."

"enough," he orders firmly, eying you as you move to the bed. your shoulders slump and you turn back around to face him. "what is this, why are you suddenly unhappy? i have just brought you gifts. you do not normally react this way. i would have expected you to be more grateful."

"i really fucking hate when you do that."

"(y/n), do not start with me."

"you don't start with me!"

"stop this. now," he asserts, taking slow steps toward you. you huff, turning to look away with your hands planted on your hips.

the crimson eyed demon approaches you, eyes glued to you. "look at me."

"are you incapable of not being bossy?"

"you're testing my patience."

you snap your head up to look at him. "and you're testing mine." sukuna blinks, his lips curly slowly. "oh, and you're gonna start laughing again, great. every time i'm upset."

"what is troubling you, peach?" he asks you. "use your words instead of getting an attitude."

"for starters, i'd like it if you stopped fucking treating me like a joke?"

"i do no such thing."

"you're laughing. you always laugh when i'm upset."

"because you are so quick to dramatics. it is amusing."

"my feelings aren't for your amusement."

"your reactions, not your feelings."

"what the fuck ever."

"why are you angry."

"i wouldn't be getting angry if you weren't being such an ass."

"i elect to disagree."

you know he's teasing you now, and you know that this entire thing may be so stupid, but you feel so strongly about him listening to you. about understanding why you don't want his affection in a material way.

"speak."

"i was speaking before and you-"

"speak."

you exhale. "these gifts are too much for me."

"i heard that the first time. what i am failing to understand is your reasoning behind it."

"...it's not that i'm not grateful for it. i really am, kuna, but sometimes i just get overwhlemed. it's more stuff than i know what to do with, and i don't think you should have to go out of your way to do all of this for me."

"i do not do anything that i do not desire to do."

"i get that, but... i don't know. it's not gonna be something you'll understand. i just... want you to focus more on just existing with me and not on what to buy me sometimes."

"i get you things to show how focused i am on you."

"not one me. on existing with me. just being."

"i do exist with you. every day i am with you."

"no, not if you're too obsessed with getting me stuff."

"now you are the one not listening."

your brows pinch together as sukuna steps in until you are centimeters away from one another. you watch each other wordlessly before he turns his head to gesture to the things he has gotten you. "i connect with you here, then make purchases. the latter does not interfere with the former. this is a treat for me as much as it is for you."

"...how?"

"you are pathetic," he grumbles. "this is not my burden. i enjoy getting things for you, how much clearer must i be? i am not trying to purchase your affections. i already have them."

"...i don't think that-"

"but that is what you're assuming. that this is superficial to me. it is not. it is real."

you understand what he is saying even though he does not directly say it. this manifestation of his love is real. his love for you is real.

"...then..."

"if you would like for me to stop, then i will stop. i will only do so, however, if it is for good reason and not because you are doubting my word or because you've determined yourself unworthy of my pride."

he sounds almost as though he is intimidating you, as if he will punish you for thinking lowly of yourself.

"do you understand?" he asks and you nod mutely.

"yeah."

"then do you wish me to stop? is it no longer making you happy?"

you look down. "...no, you- you don't have to stop," you mumble. "but you could stand to reel it in a bit. i don't need piles of gifts every week, and i don't need this much stuff."

"it's the fragrances you've been looking at. and those damned chocolates you said you couldn't find."

"i know, and i love that. but i only need one of each. not fifty of each. other people may want some of this stuff too."

"i do not care about other human desires."

"sukuna, you're missing the point.

"fine. fine, i will deliver accordingly in the future and let other grubby human hands take things that could be yours."

you raise a brow. "will you?"

"you doubt your king once again?"

you smile mischievously. "i don't know, you have a habit of doing what you want and not listening to me."

"i do not answer to you."

"but you just did," you grin.

sukuna grunts, giving you a harsh glare. you chuckle lightly, leaning onto your tiptoes to stretch out your arms around the giant. sukuna indifferently opens his arms to welcome you in, presenting as though he is irritated with you.

"thank you for the gifts. really, i mean it. i appreciate it all," you say sweetly. "i love you."

sukuna only rolles his eyes. "you're a needy pain. your little human brain makes no sense to me."

"but you still love me anyway," you beam.

the king of curses peers down at you past his nose, a calmness catching his intimidating exterior. "i do not," he answers, but his expression and the way he holds you tells you otherwise.

[ihopchocomilk]

Daydream in a Nightmare

Authors note: I read a soulmate au where with dream sharing. Everytime you fall asleep you and your SM would meet in a world that would reflect your consciousness and who you were. So down below are the boys and what I think the places their dreams would depict.

Mondstadt

Diluc: The cathedral. His mom, back when she was alive, used to play during service and afterwards Diluc ran over greeting her with the biggest smile, asking her to play him one more song. She never failed to. Maybe that's why there's always a gentle melody playing whenever you see him as he rests his fingers over the same white tiles, simply trying to remember how to play.

Kaeya: The Dawn Winery. Or at least parts of it. Behind closed doors there's the scent of grass, of dirt, and the faintest smell of ash. He says it's simply the vineyard that in the real world would be right outside, but he knows well as he pulls your hand from the doorknob that it's ruins of a fallen nation haunting him right on the other side.

Albedo: Glass walls. A maze of mirrors and reflections. If you ever have stopped to bother to count between Albedo’s musings as he shares with you the secrets of the world, you'd notice that for some reason he always has more reflections in the walls around you than of your own figure. Like there's more of him than there is of you.

Venti: Old Mondstadt. Back before the revolution, back when there were people in the streets wishing their God weren't so unjust, but in his dreams that wall of spiraling wind is never there. A warped perception of a life he wished to have lived as he sits in your lap not as Venti the bard, but a wind sprite trying to bury into your clothes for warmth. Just don't call him pipsqueek or he'll try and bite your fingers. Playfully. You think.

Liyue

Zhongli: A place that no longer exists, one torn away by this world during the archon war. It's unlike him not to comment on a place, a trinket, an item, as you pick something up and fiddle with it, but this place he never goes into full detail on. However, he will tell you all about the artisanship of the table you two are sharing tea over.

Baizhu: His home back in Chenyu Vale, back before the illness hit his village, back before his parents passed away. Just a modest home that shows signs of being truly well lived in and loved. Mindlessly while you two talk he'll be cleaning the place, just the way he always does at the pharmacy. Though it does help give him something to fill the silence. It turns out he's a lot more used to Changsheng chiming in with comments than he thought. He just hopes you two get along when the time to meet in person finally comes about.

Ga ming: A festival. There's water kicking up at everyone's feet, up to everyones ankles as people with their face covered in all manner of masks walk you both by. Ga ming would pull you along from booth to booth, trying his best to win prizes despite the fact you both know they'll be gone by the time you wake.

Xiao: A Chinese pavilion in the sky. You walk among the clouds as you follow the path of the street, looking over the accents that seem somehow both rich in color and dull, muddied all at the same time. Something you've noticed from his dreams compared to yours, his always have a lingering black fog creeping in at the corner of your eyes. It makes you feel like someone else is in this world with you, like there's eyes waiting to do more than just watch.

Inazuma

Kazooha: A meadow. The wind passes you both by, stirring up pages of books you two sit reading in silence. You can't help but wonder if these are all books he's read before, especially the ones that wax poetry or something else. His thoughts, perhaps? Maybe Kazuha's very own writings? But that matters little as his head is resting on your shoulder as you try to catch words between the fluttering sheets of paper.

Itto: A kabuki play. It always ends up in you two hiding away in the back room where the performers would get ready before getting back out on stage for the next act. You would see the brightest of colors, richest of fabrics, and practiced movements so fine tuned that you can't understand why Itto is so focused on taking the makeup on the vanity in the back simply so he can paint your face with red marks just like his. To each their own you suppose, and who are you to complain when it means drawing hearts on his arm when Itto isn't paying attention?

Gorou: A tea house. It's a small place, simple, but certainly not lacking charm as Gorou pours you a cup. At first the fact you could actually taste the rich herbs on your tongue in this dreamscape threw you off, but now it's just another part of this odd reality. But saying that, the first time you spat out the drink he offered as soon as the bitter taste hit you. Apparently he never expected you to not already be used to green tea. The poor fella was apologizing for the rest of the night, ears laid flat on his head and tail tucked between his legs. It's okay though, you made it even by trying to give him dog treats. It was you having to beg for forgiveness then.

Thoma: It was different this time. No glowing blue flowers and a forest that you two would stroll through mindlessly while chatting for hours. No, this time Thoma was sitting on a wooden platform below a giant stone statue. Intriguing, yes, but mattered little compared to the rope burns around his wrist. He tried to tell you not to worry about it. That it was an accident. But that mattered little as your lips pressed to the red, irritated skin and he gave you a strained smile. You knew better than to ask about it more from there.

Ayato: It's ever changing. It's like he is constantly thinking of something whenever He falls asleep and it reflects in his dreams. Once it was a Japanese styled room the next it was some room in Fontaine's architecture. But it's always a bedroom. A place of relaxation as Ayato buries his head in your lap like it was a pillow. He'll whine about being overworked until you're tempted to pull on his hair just to make the man shut up for once, but last time you did that it led to the bed being used for a lot more than just rest. For now just pat his head and let him vent, the man needs it.

Sumeru

Kaveh: A sketch brought to life from his mothers blueprints. One he saw his mother sketching back when Kaveh was a boy and she would let him sit on her lap, let him comment on the drawings. She would always find some way to incorporate his addictions into the sketch. Nowadays he knows the building that was actually constructed in the end to be simpler, duller than the one his mother wanted, but in his dreams with you it stands tall and proud.

Al Haitham: An attic. It's dusty and it clearly had a hole in the roof that was covered over by some wooden planks and nails. A patch work job that needs to be fixed but if you ever take the time to bother with it while Al Haitham sits in an old rocking chair covered by a quilt reading the night away it will only be there the next dream cycle. It pisses you off. He pisses you off. All nonchalance and an apathetic look even as you plop yourself in his lap and take that book away. And what pisses you off even more? How he dares to call you needy as he holds you close. It's best to ignore the fact he started reading over your shoulder.

Tighnari: Pardis Dhyai. He'll sit on the walkway watching you kick the water of the ponds around, paying no mind to when you splash at him. Not anymore at least. He's learned quickly if he makes a snarky comment you'll give one back and it'll go on and on until somehow it ends in him getting dragged into the pond with you. Both dripping algae filled water as he wondered what gods made this numbskull his mate.

Cyno: Lambad's Tavern. Everytime he would come back from treks in the desert he would go there, get a drink, and play a round of cards with whoever was willing. It was a pattern. Work, work, rest, and more work. But now he didn't have to constantly be on work mode as he sat with you in the old booth shuffling cards as he tried to explain to you how TCG works. So far everytime you lose you've thrown those elemental dice and him, and with a smile he lets them hit him in the head despite being fully able to dodge them. His soulmate is such a sore loser.

Wanderer: Shakkei Pavilion. He hates it. Hates that this is the place his unconscious has chosen to sink onto so stubbornly. His wooden fingers would slide over the paintings depicting Scaramouche’s past that has now been severed from him in everyone's eyes but Nahida and the Traveler. If you knew, would you still hold his hand? Would you still trace the details of his joints and comment that you find his pretty face such a stark contrast to his sharp words? He's afraid to find out, the idea that you might be his fourth betrayal always lingering in the back of his mind.

Fontaine

Neuvillette: Under the water where the currents would carry stray bits of seaweed and fish swimming past. The first time you shared a dream with him here he had to calm you down as instinctively you held your breath, taking your hands in his and assuring you if he can talk like this, you can suck in air just as well. It took some time getting used to, but now he watches as you grab starfish off the ocean floor and bring them over to him like a prize to be presented. This is what humans must be like Neuvillette tells himself as you braid them into his hair.

Worcestershire sauce: A home. A nice one at that. Big, had decent furnishings, pictures of kids hung up on the wall. If you listened closely enough you could even hear children playing outside from the cracked open windows that showed the brightest sky outside. Wriothesly would walk behind you as you would watch the grass blowing in the wind, not saying a word as he rested his chin on top of your head. He never thought he'd be back here again. The very place made him feel sick to his stomach, but with you? It was bearable. Even as you tried to grab his handcuffs from him.

Snezhnaya

Childe: His childhood home. Back before the renovations he bought for the place with his money as a harbinger, back before the redecorating of rooms to fit more children, and back to what the house was like when he was just a boy yet to fall into the abyss. Back when everything was simpler. He would pick up toys that have gone missing, never to be seen again and stare in wonder how it all is exactly how he remembers it. It makes it so much easier to be Ajax with you, rather than Tartaglia.

Dottore: The hospital he was working in when trying to help Eleazar patients. For the life of him does he hate it, being back in the desert always having to tip his shoes out of sand that never seems to fully clear off. It doesn't help you try and pour sand down his shirt, but in a way he supposes it's better you two stay out here under that blistering sun than you going inside to be met with the smell of death. No, you don't need to know about that side of him just yet.

Pantalone: His office. It always makes it hard to tell at first if he's awake, not when the same scene greets him either way. You always joke about him being married to his work and you're the mistress in this relationship. At this point he counts on the comment as soon as his eyes flutter open and he's greeted with the sight of you sitting on the desk he's been using as a pillow. Still, he can never help the genuine smile at seeing you once again.

Captain: A flower field. The snowdrops peek out from under the fluffy blanket of white powder, crunching under every step he takes. Even in his dreams the cold of Snezhnaya is ever present, ever biting. It only makes sense you are shivering behind him even as he lets you steal his cloak that is more of a blanket on you than anything. This field, he knows it well, knows that what waters these flowers is more blood than anything else, but that matters little as he wraps his arms around you. Maybe he can find a way to dream you a proper jacket.

Pierro: A grand hall. It reminds you of the way ballrooms are described in romance stories as the couple depicted would dance the night away. Columns so high you have to tilt your head back just to see where they meet the ceiling covered in paintings you've never seen before. That is until Pierro steps into your view. He always offered his hand to you before you could ask, and as your fingers interlocked he would tell you about them. Always ready to answer your questions. It meant someone was curious about a part of his long lost nation. So, of course, he was always happy to share.

Scaramouche: A never ending fire. It's a small shack, engulfed by flames that never seem to dwindle or burn out the wood it feeds on. Like this place was stuck in time in his mind. He doesn't talk to you, not any more than a sharp shut up. The only time that glare he showed you disappeared is when you pulled your hand back from the curious fire with a hiss, not expecting it to actually hurt in this fake reality. For a moment you could have sworn he took a step towards you, but he never came any closer than that as he hissed at you to be careful. Dumb mortals should at least know not to burn themselves.

[ihopchocomilk]

this is so precious, my heart is squishing between my tight grasp as I fall over from diabetes

thank you for working hard x

[ihopchocomilk]

Inhale

AAAAAAAAAAAAA

sometimes

I think very deeply about Sebek but with his hair down 🫠

[ihopchocomilk]

every moment I fall deeper and deeper in this rabbit hole

they see you digging through a trash can again...

dan heng: pretends he didn't see you. but when you approach him, he subtly leads you to the nearest place to wash your hands.

gepard: scolds you for digging in the trash... but if you must, gives you some gloves. offers to help.

sampo: rolls up his sleeves and attacks the next trash can he sees

welt: baffled, asks if you ran out of credits to buy things at the store. will give you some pocket money if you ask for it (but you have to explain why you were digging in the trash first)

jing yuan: also pretends he didn't see you. but eventually he can't ignore it and approaches to ask why you are robbing the trash can of its livelihood

luocha: asks if you're alright. tries to figure out what your objective is so he can help you out of your apparent problem. says he won't judge you because he's seen it all.

blade: kicks the trash can over. "this is faster"

[ihopchocomilk]

IT'S SENTIMENTAL VALUE, A PRICELESS ARTIFACT! LIKE FONTAINE WOULD UNDERSTAND! GET THE LAWYERS!!

++ 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐘

[summary] wrio’s spouse winds up in prison. special treatment ensues.

[cws] gender neutral reader. fluff.

“What you did was incredibly stupid.”

“I’d like to think it was very brave, actually.” You quip back, lips pursed as you turn up your chin. “You should be proud of me, really.”

“I should be proud that you got yourself thrown in prison?” You don’t have to look up to know that Wriothesley is sporting an incredulous expression. “Did they knock your head around a bit before bringing you down here?”

“You’re acting like I murdered someone.” You finally meet his gaze, and you resist the urge to sink down into your seat at the clear disapproval in his eyes. “All I did was—”

“Break into the Opera Epiclese and destroy government property.”

“That’s such a trumped-up charge!” You huff and roughly cross your arms over your chest, eyes narrowing as you think back on the charges that had been slapped down onto you by that damned archon. “You trip in the dark and accidentally fall into the oratrice and all of a sudden you’re a criminal. Hmph!”

“Yeah, exactly. It also doesn’t help that you broke in—”

“—I left my bracelet in there after the trial! Was I just supposed to leave it behind and potentially lose it forever? The condition of the lost and found in that place is downright terrible—the guards pocket all the good stuff.”

“You could have bought another one.”

“Not like this one.” You look down to the gray bracelet encircling your wrist, and a warmth spreads in your chest as you gently twist it around, finger rubbing over the messily written engraving on the inside of it. “This was a gift.”

“Hardly.” He sighs, and your eyes flick up to watch as he runs his hands through his already messy hair. “It’s just scrap metal I bent up and welded because I couldn’t buy you proper jewelry back when I was a prisoner.” It’s his turn to look at the bracelet.

“You were so creative back then.” You smile a bit wider. “I remember you used to have something new made every time I came to visit you. What was that one thing you made? The one that we painted together?”

“The ballerina music box.” He groaned, looking a bit embarrassed, and you snapped your fingers.

“The ballerina music box!” The ballerina was a bit oddly shaped, and the box had sharp corners on one side and rounded on the other, and the song the box played was distorted and sounded more creepy than relaxing due to some disfigured cogs, but you loved it nonetheless, and had even sobbed in thanks when he had first presented the gift to you. “I love that little box.”

“It looks like a child made it.”

“A child in the throes of eleazar, yes,” you nod, and his mouth opens a bit in surprise before he huffs out a laugh. “But I still love it… because you made it.” You give him a sweet smile, and you can see him soften up before your very own eyes; broad shoulders losing that rigidness, lids lowering, crease between his dark, thick brows disappearing.

“You’re tryin’ to butter me up.”

“Mhm,” you nod. “Is it working?”

“Not at all, jailbird.” He gives you a smile of his own, and despite the clear sarcasm in it, you can’t help the little flutter your heart does at the sight. “No special treatment for you.” So he says, yet he had placed a cup of tea down for you the moment you were brought to his office, and had even tried to inconspicuously nudge the basket of cookies in your direction, pretending not to notice when you reached for one. “Spouse or not.”

“What a mean man.” You slouch down in your seat. “I treasure the gifts that my lovely, amazing, strong, handsome, and so so so incredibly smart husband gives me and what do I get in return? A criminal record and unfair treatment! I’m suing the entire nation the moment I’m free!”

“Yeah, yeah,” he waves his hand in the air as if fanning away the conversation, and now it’s your turn to huff. “For the few days that you’re here, you’ll be working directly with me in exchange for coupons.” He takes a slow sip of his tea, adams apple bobbing as he swallows, before gently setting the cup back down onto its small plate. “I’ll make your first job real easy to get you in the swing of things.”

“How kind of you.”

He just barely contains an amused smile. “Very. Now…” He shifts in his seat. “Give me a kiss.”

“I’m married, Your Grace.”

“I’m sure your husband won’t mind. Kiss. Now.” He taps a finger against his lips, and after a moment you stand up and round his desk, hands finding his shoulders as you bend at the waist so your noses brush.

“My husband is a very good fighter, by the way. When he finds out you twisted his spouses’s arm like this, he’ll pummel you.”

“I can handle him.” A hand snags you by the waist, forcing you down into his lap, and you only have time to let out a quiet yelp before Wriothesley’s lips are on yours. The kiss is slow, sensual, and it brings a warmth to your cheeks and covers you with a bashful cloak when he pulls back to let his eyes roam over your face. “I’ve gotta say… your husband is a real lucky guy to snatch up someone as cute as you.”

“Hmph. Seems like you’re trying to butter me up now.”

“Is it working?” He presses his face into your neck, his lips pulling into a smile against your skin, and you have to fight back one of your own.

“Not at all, jailbird.”

[ihopchocomilk]

The boys from Mystic Messenger would never treat me like this.

[ihopchocomilk]

Holy shit

I kinda forgot I used to play this game in like 2018-19 and I suddenly remembered after 6 years of forgetting it existed.

I came to the internet to find the background of Noel(my favorite route I took out of 2) because I couldn't remember his endings and-

**THAT** WAS RICARDO'S ROUTE??????

IF MIDDLE SCHOOL ME SAW THIS WHEN I WAS STUPID, YOUNG, AND IMPRESSIONABLE, I WOULD'VE CRIED TOO AND NEVER TOUCHED ANOTHER OTOME GAME

I thought Levy's bad ending was sad(I just barely remember it), BUT RICARDO'S-

I'm gonna go lay back down, it's too early to fully comprehend what I have just learned 5 years later.

So I played Nightmare harem…..

I played Nightmare Harem (now I’m broke in more ways than one)

Nightmare harem is an otome game. I have been playing so many different ones but I hadn’t found one I loved nearly as much as the arcana but nightmare harem….. really stuck with me. Not in the best way. So let me tell you about the guy I chose…. AND HOW HE UTTERLY DESTROYED ME!!!!! MEET THIS FUCKER RICARDO!!!

First off dont get attached to this face…. the game and story are eh. If you want a lot of romance then this is it. But when I said I’m broke in more ways than one…. I meant one of them being I spent all my money on it…. and it has this weird system where you pay for 15 parts per chapter. But it would probably take a long time to finish the story. Like….. a long time. I think I ended up paying (not proud of this…..) 170…. So I kinda recomend against it…. but it does make you feel and get you attached to the characters. You get to know them pretty well which I feel like a lot of the other otome games dont do. It’s one of the reasons I love the arcana because you get to really know the characters and who they are. You get attached and the Nightmare Harem did that pretty well. But here is the thing….. it went into really dark places.

By the end of it I was crying and shaking like a leaf. It actually scared me. I actually felt sick afterwards. I dont know how or why but it showed me all 3 endings. But it showed me the bad ending first and MAN! I COULD GIVE A CRAP ABOUT THE GOOD ENDING AND THE SECRET ENDING! CUZ HOLY FUCK! THAT BAD ENDING HAD ME FREAKED OUT! You may not get this but…. I’d rather he had killed me instead of what happened in the bad ending….

It started off like any normal story. You some how end up in another world. You are found on the demon side of the world. The demons are actually very nice. They treat you well and you like them. But you still want to go home and you are told there is a way to go home but it will only open 3 months from now. So you have to wait. In the mean time the angel side have found out about your existance because humans are rare. (Apparently) so the general of the Angel’s meet with the demon prince at his estate (where you are staying) this demon general is none other than RICARDO!

This is where it gets spoilers so stop reading if you plan on playing yourself. SO!

SPOILER WARNING

Well Ricardo takes an interest in you and tells you there is a way to get you home sooner. But it can only be done in the angel side. So he tells you to lie to the demons and leave with him to the angel side. So you do but…..

Very quickly you find out he lied. He just wanted you to entertain him.

Later on you and him become closer. You learned he originally wanted you because you kind of reminded him of his sister who was killed. Later on he confesses his feelings to you by having sex with you. And all that stuff. You guys become very close…… but this is where it takes a dark turn……

Let me break Ricardo down for you. He is a killer. He is known every where for being a heartless killer. But he loves to tease you. He actually made me mad. I actually got pissed. So! When he tries to make you mad and you get a choice to react or not. Dont react. It actually kinda upsets him and it makes it kinda fun.

Hes confident and smart. He loves to tease you but you can also tell he cares (obviously) the more you get to know him the more you see he isnt that much of an awful guy as you thought. He wants to protect you so much. But….. he…. in his want to protect you and be with you…. he goes really dark. It starts out subtle.

He goes to work one day and asks you not to cheat on him or talk to strange men. I automadicly thought he was teasing. After he left the, demons came to the angel side to take you back. They found out you were tricked into coming to the angel side so they came to bring you home. As happy as you were, you told them you would be staying with the Angel’s because of Ricardo. Ricardo came in and just started shooting them with no provocation. He said “they came to take you away. So they must die.” That’s the first time you realize something is off. You eventually calm him down and he stops attacking. And you tell the demons its okay and they leave. After this he gets very attached to you. He doesnt want you to talk with other men.

He begins to skip work to be with you. You know it isnt good so you keep trying to convince him to go so, he wont get in trouble. He spends 2 days with you but if I remember right on the 2nd day you go to help collect some herbs. He tries to stop you but you shake it off and go help. You kind of notice him in the window watching you. It seems like he spent the entire time watching you very carefully. When you go to your own room he is there waiting for you and starts questioning what you were talking about with the guy you were helping. At the end he tells you he must stay by your side.

The next day he decides to take you with him while he does some work because he was ordered to go back to work. He tells you it’s fine but you keep questioning it. He says you need to stay by his side. Saying what if something happened to you at the estate while he is away. He said he is worried about the demons coming back to take you away so he wants you with him. He even threatens to take you with him tied up. Sounds like a joke but I dont think he was joking so you go with him willingly.

You end up waiting outside some place for him after he told you to stay and not talk to any one. A man approaches you because he saw you with Ricardo. You both talk about how amazing Ricardo is. The man is part of the army the works under Ricardo.

Ricardo comes out very angry and shouting. You get to choose what to say and after you say it he goes to hit the man. You stop him. Then he kisses you very deeply to show that you belong to him and he teases the man.

He brings you back home and tells you he cant leave you alone because other men will look at you. And if you stay at the estate you will get closer to the other people who live there.

Now pay in mind you arnt just doing nothing. You try to talk to him about it but he keeps stopping you or ignoring you. You notice what is happening and something is wrong. The worry grows more and more with each incident.

The next day Ricardo gets up for work and tells you to rest because…. he exhausted you yesterday. You tell him you cant do that and you have to help a boy named noel with the garden. He tells you to stay in his room for the day. He says he has to do something and he cant take you with him so that you need to stay in his room. He says he will be back as soon as he can and tells you not to leave the room. If you do he will punish you. I was actually terrified when he said that because he hasn’t joked about anything seance you two have been together. You know its wrong and you try to run after him. But he closes the door and locks you in there. You pound on the door crying out for him to let you out. You can feel Ricardos need to control you. His confidence with out you is gone. Eventually Noel the boy you help in the garden let’s you out. Noel brings you to Mikel. The leader of the Angel’s to tell him what happened. Mikel asked if you had given consent to letting Ricardo do that. You tell him no. And Mikel explains how unhealthy yours and Ricardos relationship is getting. You know it is true.

Ricardo enters and calmly but very angrily asks why you left his room. He asks noel if it was him. Noel says yes. And then Ricardo tries to shoot Noel. Mikel is able to stop him before he can hurt Noel. You end up running away not wanting to see Ricardo fall apart anymore. That’s when you make the choice that when the 3 months are over…. you will go back home to earth. Not just for you but for Ricardo as well. In the mean time you still spend time with Ricardo not telling him you are leaving.

You spend your last week with him and on the night you are leaving Ricardo learns about what you are doing and goes after you.

He asks you if you are leaving. You tell him yes. He pulls out his gun and says if you leave he will kill you. He asks you if you really loved him and you tell him you do but you cant be with him. And then the dark end showed up… and it made me wish he would have just shot me instead. Although most of that story seemed like a pretty dark ending.

DARK ENDING!

He says he will kill you and that way you will never leave him. But he cant stop shaking. So you walk up to him and hold his gun for him and tell him to shoot so you wont leave. That you wouldn’t mind being killed by him. You close your eyes preparing to feel the bullet. He ends up dropping the gun and embraces you. You hold him and tell him you arnt going any where that you wont die and then fades to a few days later.

You look towards the window guessing what time it is because you cant see. You even question how long you have been waiting. Eventually you hear foot steps and Ricardo says he is home. He ends up locking the door and pulls the blind fold off your eyes. Asking you if you missed him. You look at him with so much love and say yes. He undoes your leg shackles but leaving your arms bounded and takes you to the bath. You bathe together and he comments how you have lost weight. You say “really?” And tells you that you can not eat while he is away. It is an order. He asks if you are hungry and you say no. “Seance I dont move much I dont need to eat much.” He says he is glad. You think back to when you decided to to stay and how you want to do what ever Ricardo wants. So you let him leave you tied up blind folded in his room while he leaves. You dont think or feel anything other than Ricardo. Thinking you dont mind if you both crumble together.

He holds you telling you not to look at any one else and dont go near any one else. Telling you to only think about him and no one else all the time. Saying he wants you to be unable to live with out him. He asks you if you love him. You reply like a robot saying yes. And he wants you to smile. You try to smile but you cant do it properly because your face is very stiff. A single tear rolls down your face. He asks you why you are crying and all you can say is you are sorry. And then it ends……

SO AFTER ALL THAT IT NOW DECIDES! “Oh hey look at the happy ending!” NO! YOU CANT JUST SHOW ME THAT AND EXPECT ME TO BE LIKE “OH IM ALL BETTER NOW!!!!!!!” NO! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! WTF!? NO! LIKE OH MY GOD!

THIS IS STOCKHOLM SYNDROME!!!!! LIKE MY GOD! You want a Yandere he is your guy!!!!!!!! And I am ashamed to say! I still really like him!

It reminded me greatly of this comic about a guy who gets kidnapped by his crush and gets very abused by him. If you know what I’m talking about…..I’m sorry….

I WAS SHAKING AFTER THAT! I CRIED! I WAS LEGITIMATELY SCARED! FROM AN OTOME GAME! A DATING SIM! HOLY FUCK! I KNOW IM INTO THE ENTIRE BAD BOY TEASING THING BUT MY GOD! THIS SCARES ME! I know things like that have happened to some people. I think that’s one of things that’s freaks me out so much to it. Plus dating sims are very personal. You get pretty into them yourselves. The games are meant to make it feel like you are the one being loved.

So that’s my thoughts and story. If you want to check it out go do so! I wouldn’t recomend against it. Like I said it makes you feel. But I was not ready for that whirlwind. It has good character interactions. I’m kind of….. neutral about it. I found it fun! But all the money it forces you to pay to play is kinda ridiculous. Especially its charm system thing. I find that just kinda lame. But it was fun.

[ihopchocomilk]

I love this, the cats, the names, thank you

THE PREFECT’S CAT CAFE ꒱ ❝ dormleaders. ❞

SUMMARY: after an off-handed comment made by Idia, you find yourself taking what he said into genuine consideration. instead of just bringing some cats into your guest room though, why not find a way to have both cats and profits while being comfy?

warnings; gn!reader x dormleaders. long post. the keep reading line may repeat a bit of text, but please continue reading if it does. inspired by this video. by interacting with this post you agree you’ve read through my navigation and i hold no responsibility for the content you view. part i. part ii. part iii.

PROLOGUE.

“Are you really sure about this, Henchman?” Grim asks, crossing his arms as he huffs, jealousy laced in his voice. He was used to your occasional strange idea, but he considered something to be sincerely wrong with you at the moment if you thought bringing other stray cats into his territory were a smart idea, not to mention the way you were cuddling them and scratching their bellies. Where did you even find this many cats? Did you make a deal with Azul?

Puffing your cheek slightly, you ignore your cat’s comment while putting the collar on the last one. “Do you want to have fancy tuna?” You reply, fixing the collar’s bow as you smile at your hard work. “You’re not believing in me, Grim. This is an untapped market potential, in case you forgot we have a whole dorm here at school dedicated to gamers and introverts practically. And you know what they like? Cats and silence!” You tell him as you look at your array of cats.

You’d found yourself surprised that Professor Trein actually entertained your question if he knew where to find cats on sage island, even more so when Crowley eventually relented to letting you keep a few cats in exchange for not bringing up the fact you’ve been through how many overblots against him for awhile. This was a chance you could not lose. “There’s cat cafe’s in my world with relatively simple rules and a quiet atmosphere. We simply need to make it a reality, and lucky for us we have a magical furniture tool and an investor.” You say, getting up from the chair and walking toward your little notebook to check off another item off the list.

“You have an investor?” He asked, not quite believing you as he raised a brow. Hearing his disbelief you chuckle a little, pointing your pen at a corner of the room to which he jumps in surprise, letting out a shock ‘nyagh!’ “Idia has been here for the past two hours, ever since I told him what I was going to do. I don’t know how or why he has money, but he has it and that’s enough for me.” You say, Grim still surprised he hadn’t notice Idia once in well over two hours. He still wasn’t convinced on your plan, but if it got him tuna and money, your plan surely can’t be that bad?

HEARTSLABYUL. riddle rosehearts.

RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS.

“Are there any rules I need to follow while I’m here?” Riddle asks, a little antsy as it were his first time in a room with so many cats before. It were against the queen’s rules to bring cats to a formal affair, but this wasn’t too formal, it were a cafe. And you did get explicit permission from the headmage so indulging in you just a tiny bit wouldn’t hurt, right? With a laugh, you point in the direction of one of the walls with the rules on display next to a signed plaque from the headmaster giving his approval to your whims.

“The rules are really simple. No forcing or disturbing the cats, do not go around picking them up, do not let them have your drinks, and refrain from running around and making too much noise. Outside drinks, food, and shoes are not permitted for sanitary reasons. You can only feed the cats treats sold by the prefect or in the gacha machines, and you have to log in which cat you’ve fed to ensure one cat doesn’t get particularly overweight.” You read off the board the rundown as he nodded, determined to follow the rules. As he stepped inside your now transformed guest room, his eyes sparkled as one of the cats immediately begun purring at him. Perhaps a cat cafe truly wasn’t too bad a place.

Riddle was really weary of your little project when you first told him about it. He really stopped lecturing you after you explained you had all the proper permission and even an investor. He had no idea who on campus would help you with this, but after hearing it were Idia he thought that maybe you were actually a bit more serious than he realized about your cat cafe plans. He takes awhile to convince to actually come, but after maybe seeing a picture you text him of the kitties with the caption, “I want Riddle to play with me!” he concedes ever so slightly into your demands.

His eyes light up in genuine happiness as little cats meow at his feet. His only other real experience with cats was Grim as his mother would not let him near them, but now he understands what the appeal to cats is about. They’re all so soft and he may use an occasional toy, but he also gets to hear their affection purrs as they nudge him nearly making him forget why he was so angry just ten minutes prior when he was collaring a student again. He isn’t a regular since he’s busy, but whenever you happen to ask he tries to make time, only because you’ve asked him to or his dorm members ask him to visit, not because he’s succumbed to being a cat person, he says, lying through his teeth.

His favorite cat is a Queendom of Roses (British) shorthair with pure dark grey fur and orange-yellow eyes. He wasn’t too sure how to act around the cats but this one plopped it’s chubby body onto his lap while nipping at his hand demanding to be pet while meowing right to his face and Riddle could not say no to that face. The cat is not as furry as the others and he quite prefers that, less hair to clean off of his clothes. He thought he would of preferred a less demanding cat, but Sesame is very calming and distracting for his anger. He at some point also noticed cat collar’s slightly changing and asked you about it.. and you found a gift from him, more specifically Sesame received a gift. His previous yellow collar replaced with a higher quality rose-red collar with white outlines of rose petals engravings. Now instead of a silent bell he had a rose attached to the front of the collar, and at the back of the collar was a bow designed to resemble leaf petals.

Absolutely plays favorites, he’s still a bit weary for long haired cats to approach him but won’t tell them to go away, and he always feels guilty if he pets a cat that is not Sesame. He would be willing to buy cat popsicles and cat treats on occasion but tries not to overly them as he knows you’re trying to not get them to be overweight and stay within a healthy range. He’s also able to get some work done when he visits, though not too often as his cat takes up most of his time and does not like him to share his attention with his paperwork, deliberately plopping down onto the paper if he deems he has not received enough attention. You could probably get away with asking him a single stupid question while he is relaxed. Only one, so use that question wisely.

Overall is a good guest since he keeps quiet to himself and his cat, and if he’s talking he’s really quiet about it since he respects your rules. He follows every single one to heart, not only that but also makes sure other guests are taking it to heart as well.

SAVANACLAW. leona kingscholar.

LEONA KINGSCHOLAR.

“Shut up, herbivore.” The beastmen hissed as you tried to hide your overly smug expression. “I haven’t even said anything yet, Kingscholar.” You tease as he opens one of his eyes and snarls at you in a nonthreatening manner, one hand running through his hair as the other runs his fingers through the fur of the sleeping cat on his chest, unable to stop you from taking pictures without disturbing said cat.

“Aren’t you two adorable?” You can’t help but snicker as you snap another photo of the annoyed beastman. You were definitely going to post this on your magicam story when you were free. Distracted by your phone, you fail to notice his ears twitching ever so slightly as he looks away from you, his face just a little bit darker in color than before as he shuts his eyes, going back to sleep.

Leona had no interest in being friendly with a bunch of strays you brought in from who knows where. He actually laughed in your face the first time you offered him some coupon to your cat cafe, he had no interest being near rowdy students. That was until he had the most annoying day alive, a conversation twice with Malleus in a single hour and he used you as his stress relief, nearly knocking you onto the floor as he plopped onto you after following you into your cat cafe.

No one else was there as you hadn’t opened, and he understood the appeal. The room wasn’t overcool with regulated temperatures perfect for a cat, with dim lighting and soft music. You even had different parts of your cafe for different guests as you place him onto one of the longer sofas, finally getting him off of you as you poor him a drink and listen to his complaint. At some point he had a group of cats just laying on him and purring against him and snuggling and he’s fallen asleep, not waking up until you inform him you’re closing for the night, and not to move too abruptly with the cat still sleeping on his chest.

His favorite cat had claimed him during their first fateful encounter, being a persian breed. The cat is very fluffy with creamy white fur and golden eyes, enjoying swaying her tail against Leona’s nose and kneading at his chest, arms, feet, wherever she gets her paws on. She does not enjoy being disturbed but does enjoy the occasional pet and spends most of her time just napping with Leona and pawing at him. He claims the cat is noisy every once in awhile but he can be seen petting her with one hand as the other shields his eyes as he lays down, letting her purr against him. He flat out told you he was replacing her stupid black collar with a new one, a brown silk collar that’s just a tad bit loose, with a few golden engravings and a beautiful bow on the back in a lighter brown and golden moons. Nebula also gets cat popsicles every once in awhile that he gets Ruggie to buy from you.

He is used to a bunch of different cats crawling over him as they seem to naturally approach him, and he’s very smug about that to Malleus, but he does have his favorite. Nebula is his number one cat and he will pick her up even though you have a no disturbing the cats rule and he will place her beside him as he has a drink as he lays down in his unofficial spot while she climbs atop him and goes to take a nap. He’s not jealous but he just does not allow other people to touch his cat is all. Whenever you come over to bring him a drink he’s trying to pull you down and shamelessly puts an arm around you as you ignore his clinginess and return back to your cats and cafe. May use a cat toy on occasion but not when you are watching because you get a stupid grin and ask him if he feels like pawing at the toy and he tries not to leave you on a street corner.

Overall a horrible guest but a decent guest. He definitely does not follow every rule and acts grumpy but he’s very quiet except the occasional snore. He will also take a very long time to leave because you need to scratch his ears because he’s not “fully awake”. But in terms of cat parenting he’s a pretty good guest.

OCTAVINELLE. azul ashengrotto.

AZUL ASHENGROTTO.

“So… do you still want to complain?” You ask, raising a brow as you stare at the bespectacled boy with a smug grin. He swore that there was zero charm to a cat cafe and that you stole his business from him just two weeks ago, but now he had a cup of coffee between his fingers sitting on the sofa with his eyes closed, a purring cat on his lap with documents on the table spread out as he worked. Azul’s face flustered a slight tint of red as he let out a small cough much to your and the twin’s amusement.

“That was the past, prefect. We found a way to make this arrangement mutual benefitting now, no need to bring up old problems.” He tries to sound professional as you snicker. Two weeks ago was not really a distant past, but you did work thing out. “Whenever you want a refill just let me know, I’ll leave you guys alone for now, I’ve got more to do.” You say, deciding not to tease the octomer further as you retreat back into the kitchen, leaving him to be teased by his two ‘friends’.

Azul had stormed into your establishment one day with a single goal in mind, to figure out how you had stolen his business. He came perplexed, how were you allowed cats on campus? Where did you get the money for renovation? Who was your supplier? Most importantly why did everyone favor the prefect’s cat cafe over the Monstro Lounge with quality service and quality food?

He had sat you down trying to be scary but you ended up putting him. You had offered him a proposal of a collaboration. If anyone orders a special item off the Monstro Lounge menu that day before coming into your cafe they’d be eligible to receive a little something from your cafe for free such as a cat popsicle or an extra thirty minutes added onto their time. He was weary at first but people came to the Monstro Lounge as though they were giving away free money as they came in groups. You both benefitted from this as you did not want food near your kitties that weren’t for them as that posed health and safety issues. He doesn’t know how but he also finds himself on occasion coming to your cafe during breaks as it was surprisingly calming despite his absolute hatred for these innocent cats when he originally entered.

His favorite cat is a Queendom of Roses (British) longhair with dark orange-esque fur with a fluffy white front and light blue eyes. He has no clue as to how but somehow this cat became his favorite as he purred against Azul’s shoes, nudging at him before eventually crawling into his lap. The cat makes little disturbance as Azul works, the purring soothing the octomer as he finishes up, occasionally finding his sleeves being tugged at when Butterscotch declares he’s been working enough by demanding pats. Butterscotch has also found himself on the end of receiving a lot of cat popsicles recently, and a collar upgrade. His collar went from a plain leathery texture to some high quality collar blue collar with tentacle engravings, and a sea patterned bowtie at the front of the collar, the center being a pretty shell.

He entertains other cats but keeps an eye out for his favorite, always reserving his lap space just for him. He mainly spends his time at the cafe after a large rush or when he has time off to work in the silence with his cat instead of the silence of his office. He actually finds himself working a lot faster in your cafe than all alone and he gets free refills on his coffee, so technically he is profiting than if he used his own supply, he justifies to himself. When he finishes work he may on occasion be found talking to you attempting to flirt poorly as you remain oblivious as he has no interest in manga or gaming. May occasionally be found brushing his favorite kitty’s fur and telling him he is going to become fat like he once was then still feeding him the treat regardless because he is very polite.

Overall is a very good guest as long as he has his kitty. Gets a bit antsy if he has to spend his time without his favorite as though he had been replaced but does not cause a scene or whine. Please make sure before you close he gets to squish his cat’s paw and knows he has not been replaced with a different cat dad.

SCARABIA. kalim al-asim.

KALIM AL-ASIM.

“Aha, prefect! Could I have another cat treat, please?” Kalim pleaded with you as you shake your head, doing your best at giving the puppy eyed dorm leader a firm no. He already had two today, that was enough. “But look at Taffy, she’s starving!” He says as you raise a brow, staring at the cat that was getting plumper by the day.

“Kalim, I love you like my actual child but no more. She’s even eating the other cat’s leftovers now at lunch time.” You scold the boy as he apologizes and pleads he will stop after maybe just one more treat as you sigh, putting your foot down and eyeing Jamil pleadingly who only pretends he can’t see you as he plays with his cat. “I’ll even pay four times the amount!” He said, pouting as you shook your head, ready to dive into the same discussion you’ve had with him the past three days.

Two hours, that is how long it took for Kalim to hear about your business venture and ask, beg, you to let him see. Apparently Idia had told Ortho who told the board game club members and word got around to Cater and Cater told him and Lilia and now he was bouncing off the walls in excitement with Jamil in tow. He was already prepared to meet the kitties and Jamil said it was okay so could you please go now? When he hears that there’s rules to follow he listens intently and follows them as best as he can remember, but he’s just so excited about the cats and trying your drinks! Also looking at the interior and more. Wait you also have gaming pcs and manga? He has to check those out too! His hyperactiveness could not be contained and you were a little concerned for the cats.

You were right to assume Kalim could not be contained for more than two seconds as he pspspspss at all of the kitties, toy in both hands as he was already playing with them, cats crawling on his lap and nudging at him, biting at him playfully and surrounding him as he held a cat popsicle out towards them, talking your’s and Jamil’s ears off about how fluffy and wonderful of a place this is. He had to tell every single person in his dorm about it, and his family, and people from other dorms as well, this was the greatest place on campus so far! Do you also need help buying the cat food or anything? He’d be willing to be another investor in a heartbeat but Jamil talks him out of it, partially. His favorite thing is official a cat in his lap as he drinks your own tea brew that he gifted you from his country… which may cost more than your entire life.

His favorite cat is a maine coon with black fur and green eyes. This cat has the world’s finest at her fingertips if she just meows. Kalim knows it’s wrong to pick favorites but he can’t deny that she is his favorite when she headbutts his chin and meows at him for minutes at a time even if he’s petting her. She’s extremely fluffy and starting to become pudgier but he doesn’t mind that as he gets her more treats. Her pink collar has long since been discarded as she now has a full wardrobe, but her collar is now the finest white silk and handmade embroidery with real gemstones and solid gold for the silent bell. Even the bow on the back of the collar is large and beautiful, she’s worth more than the students that actually visit the cafe and you hope you aren’t robbed.

Kalim does play favorites but also doesn’t. Things are very clear he has a favorite cat but he will play with any and every cat that approaches him. He respects your do not disturb the cat rule, really, but he just really wants to pet every single kitty. He always says he wants to try one of the pcs but ends up forgetting as he works on his homework failing to pay attention while petting Taffy and giving her kisses and then eventually falling asleep because he’s all tired out. He has read a few of the mangas but he reads it to Taffy specifically and Jamil has to remind him to be quiet for your other guests. He may have also asked his family to visit your cafe so you may be visited by one of the world’s richest couple in the future when the campus opens for outside guests.

Overall a great guest for the cats but a nightmare for you as he looks like a sad puppy when you refuse to let him buy treats. Also occasionally forgets and makes a loud noise when he enters and sees his favorite cat, and he can be a little distracting because he can’t sit still for too long at times.

POMEFIORE. vil schoenheit.

VIL SCHOENHEIT.

“When in Twisted Wonderland did this happen..?” You mutter to yourself as you brewed another cup of tea for Vil using the brand he specifically gave you for himself when he visited. He was adamantly refusing to even set foot in your guest room after hearing what you had done, but now Rook was taking a photo of him elegantly sitting down in one of your lounge chairs with a cat on his lap, purring loudly looking at the camera as though she understood how to pose and was a natural born model.

You bring the tea over to his table as he thanks you, lifting the cup and saucer elegantly as Rook takes a photo, already singing praises on how great it would look on his magicam as Vil looks confidently smug. You couldn’t believe this all happened just because Rook had said something about Neige and how cute it would be for a boy like him to be surrounded by cats. “Thank you for your patronage.” You say with a small smile on your lips, amused. Well at least a happy Vil is free promotion for your business on campus.

Vil was happy for you, really, but he was not going to visit the cat cafe even if you pleaded by his feet and rose someone from beyond this mortal realm to drag him in. That was until he heard Rook talking to you and Epel about how Neige would surely be so beautiful surrounded with cats and you agreeing and throwing in a comment about how it would make him seem more likeable and relatable. He knew Rook was a Neige fanboy but he couldn’t have you converting into one too, are you forgetting he’s the fairest of them all, and the only celebrity you should praise like that? If it is relatability you truly desire he can spare one afternoon at your cat cafe since he needs to check up on the place his dorm members have been spending their time at recently to ensure it is up to Pomefiore standard.

He originally looked as though he was going to fight one of the cats with how he was trying to mentally tell the long haired cats to stay away from him. He was so intimidating to even the cats that none were willing to approach him but one, a very snooty girl that begun pawing at his ankles, jumping up into his lap and kneading him as she claimed her seat. He found her demeanor pleasantly charming as she wasn’t that furry and she was good enough, he thought. He managed to get some high quality photos that did trend on magicam for the rare domestic sight of the Vil Schoenheit and a cat. It was surprisingly soothing for him and he did eventually come back where the cat once again claimed him as her’s.

His favorite cat is a siamese with cream white fur and black siamese patterns and bright blue eyes. She’s rather thin and does not shed fur all over his lap like some of the other cats. He makes sure to keep her fur shiny as he brushes her down and uses some toys on her. He refrains from often buying treats as she doesn’t seem fond of them and he doesn’t want her to be too overfed, a model should keep a strict diet. Her collar was replaced without even informing you, the old white one did not fit his or apparently her standard so he simply had to replace it for her. It was a pretty fancy dark blue color with golden engravings in the pattern of pomefiore’s insignias, a purely custom design, with a pretty bow in front, with a silent bell. It’s hard to believe she was ever a stray at one point.

He does not entertain most of the other cats beyond looking at them as he pets Iris. He knows his cat is a complete snob and will likely not entertain other guests, perched up high in her cat tree bed until he comes along so he would never cheat on her with being another cat’s dad. He has full faith that he is the only one that she will ever go to so he does try to stop by every once in awhile to make sure she’s getting the attention and grooming that is needed for a cat of her standard. He’s not into your gaming pcs or your manga corners, but does appreciate you do have school textbooks to borrow and a quiet study nook so that he can elegantly pet Iris with a cup of fine tea while doing his assignments as Rook fawns over them.

Overall a very good guest as long as you leave him alone. Follows your rules, does not talk loudly or much, and goes above and beyond with taking care of your cat that you begin to think it’s actually his cat he’s just letting you keep. You’re a little concerned he may just tell you he’s taking your cat with him once you graduate, but he is a rather good cat dad, at least!

IGNIHYDE. idia shroud.

IDIA SHROUD.

“I-di-a” You coo, bending down and whispering in the ear of the man currently on the floor, two cats surrounding him as he feeds them cat treats. The blue haired boy physically jolts upwards letting out a small whimper of utter shock of being spoken to as you chuckle. “Are you having fun?” You ask as he blushes, looking away from you as he turns his attention back to the cat pawing at his pant leg. “Ehehe, this is even better than watching the series finale to an anime live.” He whispers as one of the orange kitties crawls into his arms, headbutting him.

“You flatter me, glad to know you think so highly of my hard work. Ahem, our hard work.” You say as you pick up the other kitty, fixing their collar as you lightly run your fingers through the cat’s fur. Giving the cat a kiss to his nose and boop, you set him back down as you notice Idia staring at you only to blush insanely red as he looked away quickly from being caught. “Thank you for your hard work… prefect.” He quickly whispers much to your amusement.

Idia has become the number one patron. From the second class ends to the time you close for the evening Idia is right there petting the kitties. He’d actually volunteered to work for free, not as a waiter or anything but as a sort of cat playmate. He’d make sure the cats are satisfied and not bored and no one can touch him or look at him, but you said no, he needs to share the cats.

He’s the reason your wifi is amazing despite your run down dorm, and he makes sure absolutely everything regarding technology is perfect. It took him a bit to understand what you want and why that was necessary beyond you just saying cat cafes in your world have these things, but he understands what bliss is now. Anytime some machine seems even remotely broken he fixes it at a record pace.

His favorite cat had claimed him awhile back. A pure white ragamuffin that is extremely fluffy. The cat is extremely docile and she’d claim her spot in his lap, purring as he’d read manga or play on one of the cafe pcs, occasionally nibbling his finger when he squirms too much from gamer rage. Her original collar was a nice shade of orange, but he not so subtly changed it into one he got. A pretty light baby blue shade with small jewel engravings, a little silent bell at the front with a pretty bow on the back with golden stripes. You are partially convinced he genuinely does believe Ivory is his firstborn child.

He does play with other cats but has a favorite. He always pays for one cat popsicle a day at minimum to feed the cats and pays for other cat treats whenever he can because he is weak. He also is rigged at crane games so he can easily snack through the day never leaving the cafe. There are occasions you tell him stop feeding human snacks to the cat, they will get chubby. He ends up looking super offended on behalf of the kitties you dare said any one of them are chubby. When he’s not pampering the cats you can find him gaming in one of the pcs, grinding through an event. At moments like these do not approach him and leave him alone so he can forget he is actually in public and not his bedroom.

Overall a very respectful guest. He’s quiet, makes sure to respect the boundaries of the cats and the rules you’d set up, and does not cause any scenes. The only issue is getting him to leave may be a little difficult as he tries to give one more kiss… Or that he tries to come on your days off just to keep the little babies company. there’s also the occasion every so often that you can feel his gaze on you, only for you to catch him as he hides his face, the tips of his hair turning pink as he watches you work.

DIASOMNIA. malleus draconia.

MALLEUS DRACONIA.

“Child of man, could I please have one of those.. cat ice creams I believe they’re called?” Tsunotarou asked, eyes sparkling ever so slightly in childlike wonder as you let out a charming laugh, handing him a popsicle that was specifically made for cats to eat. He had always been fond on ice cream but now he had the ability to share it with someone else he liked, the cat that had claimed him a few weeks ago.

“Just one though, we don’t want to feed them too much now.” You say but know it will fall on deaf ears as you didn’t wish to ruin his fun. You didn’t think he had experience with cats before so you were pleasantly surprised one of your cats had practically claimed him, but it all worked out. “Worry not child of man, I won’t give him too many treats. Though I’m sure if I too were eating your cooking right now I wouldn’t be able to stop myself either.” Flustered by his comment, you leave him to play with the cat as you retreat behind the counter, he really was dangerous for reasons different than rumors.

He heard about your business venture from Lilia and was ready to pay a visit not caring if he scared off your guests but halted in his tracks when he heard you telling Sebek you were going to invite him. His mind tells him he has won the lottery and he retreats to fix his outfit waiting in the lounge for an hour until you reach Diasomnia’s doorsteps to speak with him. He is not listening as you greet him with a hug and tell him you’d like for him to come to Ramshackle for a surprise. Something about you also not opening the cafe today so it’d just be you and him so he’d be comfy, there’s really no reason to try and continue speaking he’s been charmed for over an hour, prefect.

He practically vibrates from sheer joy as he’s frozen, then rapidly shaking, then beaming as a cat waltzes up to him as though he owns the prince. He basically blue screens momentarily as the cat with such soft fur and pure innocent eyes meows up at him, pawing at his feet to be picked up. He picks up the cat as you watch curiously, finally figuring out he wasn’t listening to you at all as he stares at the cat’s eyes and then your’s. “Our child is beautiful.” He says as you raise a brow, shrugging it off as you tell him you’d brew him a black coffee and to sit wherever he would like. He instead chooses to sit at the counter bar, watching you and the cat that’s on his lap nipping at his fingers and demanding his attention as well. For the first time in awhile he feels as though something doesn’t fear him other than you.

His favorite cat is a ragdoll cat with white fur and black splotches and deep blue eyes. He claims this cat is your child and you have no idea what he’s thinking of but he seems happy as he shamelessly pulls out a cat toy and plays with him. Also slightly insults the cat by calling him brave or stupid as though a cat can comprehend what he means while mewling at him. Also asks you if he can also have a custom collar after Lilia tells him about his cat, and after you allow him to replace the old red collar he’s excited. Black is the color of royalty in the briar valley and Oatmeal has the privilege of wearing it on his new collar. A pretty black collar with green wings beside a silent bell that may be made of actual gold, along with a little dragon hood-cape and short plush horns you got him so your boys match.

Very possessive of Oatmeal. He will applaud other cats if they dare approach him but everyone knows he has a bias. He practically has been claimed by his cat and no one else is brave enough to go near his cat and no cat is brave enough to approach him, they are a perfect match. He has tried to take your cat back to Diasomnia but you have to remind him that the cat stays with you, he needs a proper schedule, friends, and he needs to stop being fed so many treats. He’s also incredibly smug about it and will come to the cafe on your off days as he talks to you petting Oatmeal and glaring at Leona on the opposite couch who’s busy petting Nebula but refrains from getting physical or suffer your wrath. You’d kicked both men out for an entire weekend.

Overall a good guest personally, but his reputation may cause some people to be scared of visiting. Regardless, he’s very polite to you and treats his cat very good, making sure to give him treats and enough exercise with a toy. May also overpay for coffee and start fights with Leona when you aren’t even open yet. In fact, how on earth did the two of them even get into your cafe? You literally just woke up and they’re spitting insults at one another.

EPILOGUE.

“Fnaygh! I guess I really am a business genius, Henchman.” Grim said as he dug into a can of fancy tuna, one that you had bought without having to worry about your budget for once. You expected success from Ignihyde students, but it seemed like your little business venture went above and beyond with students from all different dorms trying to be booking ahead of time and trying to visit your cat cafe.

“Right right, you’re the genius, Grim.” You laugh in response to your friend as you finished checking on the other cats, finishing up for the evening. In terms of profit, almost every single day you were fully packed with as much people you’d allow in at once, and you had to temporarily increase the charging rates. Despite the increase people still begun to visit, who knew the school filled with villainous kids would be so excited to pet some cats? Especially your regulars, they adored these cats enough they got the cats gift, not you, but the cat.

It was tough work to manage the guest room cafe all by yourself though, you had to admit to yourself. Perhaps you should take up Ace’s offer and idea at hiring some part time employees, your first year friends had already offered, so maybe you’d start training them for help?

a bit of a long post but i have had this thought for awhile ever since reading Idia’s guest room lines? So I figured I would just turn my headcanon into an actual written work. I have more ideas though for a separate post, but I am unsure if I’ll post it, but I do need to share my thought’s of Floyd’s favorite cat being a sphynx cat named prune that is very vocal and has a cozy ugly little sweater that Floyd likes to bathe with you.

©idiaa-shroxd. do not plagiarize, repost, translate, or use my works to train ai.

[ihopchocomilk]

hold Aether carefully, give him head pats.

Look at Dainslief and hug him tightly.

Aether, Dainsleif / gender-neutral reader.

Synopsis: Of all things, you became a seelie when you got isekai’d into your favourite game, Genshin Impact. You decide to make him fall for whatever charms you have left in hopes of being taken in as a pet to survive.

— ( Inspired by the manhwa Of All Things, I Became A Crow. Requests relating to this AU will be ignored. )

Headcanons: [ 1 ] / [ 2 ] / [ 3 ]

Scenarios: [ 1 ]

#AETHER

You were ecstatic when Aether chose you over the purple seelie; you didn’t want to be trapped in the glass container you had been captured in for an eternity shortly after being isekai’d into Genshin Impact.

Aether would be surprised by your immense enthusiasm to travel with him, and he laughs softly when you nuzzle his cheek. He certainly picked an affectionate seelie and doesn’t regret his choice at all.

Your intelligence comes as another surprise for him. He knows that seelies are good at finding treasures, but you seem to be a special case as the intelligence you possess is on par with a human’s. You’d help him solve the complicated puzzles scattered around Inazuma, and you don’t hide like his other pets when monsters show up! Like a true companion, you float by his side in battle, empowering him with your moral support. He truly appreciates you.

Aether takes really good care of you, and even Paimon pointed out how he seems to love you more than her. You don’t need to eat as a seelie, but he sometimes forgets that and ends up pushing the food he made against your blob-like body, earning a squeak of protest from you. He also tends to sleep while hugging you like a teddy bear; he didn’t think you were one to enjoy cuddles until he found you all nestled up in his arms one morning.

You’re an adorable and smart seelie, so of course you’d attract the attention of his friends. Childe complimented you on how brave you are to not poof out of existence when there’s danger, and Xiangling commented on how chewy you look… However, Aether’s greatest concern is Ayato; when the Yashiro Commissioner noticed how intelligent and loyal you are, he kept trying to bargain with Aether to keep you as his pet. Of course, Aether would shoot him down every time whilst holding you protectively.

Aether is used to people leaving him - but after embarking on many adventures with you as an extra companion, he can’t imagine things ever being the same if you suddenly disappeared one day. You’ve become an important presence in his life and he swears to protect you from Ayato. You and Paimon will always be with him, right? He didn’t realise he asked the question out loud until he feels you press against his lips, causing his cheeks to flush happily.

Keep reading

[ihopchocomilk]

I'm gonna spam my friend(affectionately) this image from now on, thank you

[ihopchocomilk]

This reminds me of one time I tired to make almond tofu on Xiao's first birthday and it of course did not turn out good or well because I forgot to bought agar! Oh, the funny memories this brought up, haha

Xiao: Friendship HCs

Request: Hii, could I get some HC of Xiao? It can be about anything^^ Thanks! 

Semi Part 2: Falling in love

Semi Part 3: Cuddles

Semi Part 4: Protective

Semi Part 5: Affection 

Semi Part 6: Jealously 

Semi Part 7: First Kiss

Semi Part 8: Opposites Attract 

Semi Part 9:  String of Fate [Soulmate] HCs

Semi Part 10:  [ Fainting ]

Xiao is aloof and rarely makes an appearance in front of humans. How you came to see and even develop something similar to a friendship with this adepti is still a mystery, even to you. 

Even though you’re considered his one and only human friend, he never coddles you unless you’re seriously upset or hurt. He’s not the best at comfort since he’s spent most of his very long life fighting. You have to tell him that not all problems require picking a spear up and beating it into submission. 

If you ask nicely and Xiao is feeling generous that day, he’ll tell you stories of his wars against the dark forces that were powerful enough to devour Liyue. If you make a comment saying you’d like to see him fight one day but he quickly shuts that down. His attacks cause a lot of colleterial damage and you’ll probably end up dead even if he wasn’t trying to attack you. At least he somewhat cares about your safety? Kind of. 

When you found out that his favorite food was almond tofu you pleaded with the chef to teach you how to make it. Your first attempts were…a bit of a mess and the tofu would end up splitting and turning into a sweet soup. Xiao was unimpressed during your first offerings but he never turned them away, always taking at least one bite before very honestly telling you how bad it was. 

“Xiao!” you called out as you ran to the top of the inn carrying your newest attempt. You had a good feeling about this and even the chef said this was probably your best work. Though to be honest, he might have been lying and just trying to keep you from using up all the kitchen’s ingredients. You pop your head around the corner to see him sitting on the wooden railing beside the two rock’s connected together. 

“I think you’re going to be really impressed with me today. I’ve finally nailed it” you beam as you present him the plate. He leans over looking over the plate with his amber eyes before looking up to your hopeful ones. 

“It does look better from your last attempts. It has a shape for once” he comments, taking the plate from you as you mock gasp. He’s definitely said worse to you during your first creations but you’ve never taken them as a legitimate insult. If Xiao really hated it he wouldn’t have tried it even as you try to take the plate away. You watch in anticipation as he takes one bite…

“Hm…it’s good,” he praises as he watched you light up, “You’ve done well” 

“Ahh, I’m glad I finally got it right,” you sigh in joy finally letting your body relax, “I was so scared I’d have to go back and ask to use the kitchen again. The chef there seems so scary but I heard he’s actually afraid of ghosts.”.  

He smiles gently as you begin to ramble even as dark thoughts start to creep onto him. He knows he’ll outlive you unless something dire happens to him and he’ll return to his solitude life. 

It makes him feel nervous, a feeling he isn’t usually accustomed to. Adepti don’t usually socialize with humans except for maybe one day of the year and he doesn’t know that if he will ever step out of his comfort zone again.

As he finishes his dessert he hears you ask if he has other food he likes and if he’d let you, you would like to make them for him tomorrow. He can’t think of anything off the top of his head.  

“How about soybean pudding? It’s similar so maybe you would like that?” 

“Okay, I’ll make it for you tomorrow then!” 

He’ll be okay. He’ll continue living in this peaceful space you’ve both created above the inn, beside the two rocks connected together, protecting Liyue, even when you’re gone.  

[ihopchocomilk]

This is pretty pretty~

🦢 CHERRY—

summary; wanderer is a bit love-sick, but it's so much more than that.

gender-neutral reader but once i mention 'divine feminine'. no trigger warnings. angst and emotional content.

Oftentimes when he has little else to do, Wanderer excuses himself to rest near the small ponds of Sumeru. It isn't that he has any particular affection for water bodies or any attachment of sorts, it's just that he has nowhere else to go. It's almost funny actually— how he is completely vibing with his name.

Nahida had objected subtly to it once, 'Our names decide our fates,' and looked at him knowingly. But he merely averted his gaze. he had wanted to question her, 'A puppet can never be more than a wanderer no matter the riches or love it has, don't you know that?', but he maintained his silence; and the desert's too.

No matter what everyone around him seems to think of him, there is no denying the truth that he is a deep thinker. He had thought long before he had chosen that name for himself for when he was about to join the fatui, he had asked himself, what name would he choose had he an option? although all kinds of fancy names came by the end, the first one never left his mind— Wanderer.

There was such simplicity in that name it made it hard to believe that it was one in the first place— yet it seemed to cover his whole life from start to end with a quite plausible summary. He had wandered his whole life— for love, for life and then for survival.

He was not bound by mortal rules and bounds. He was not born of flesh and womb— he was born of energy and divinity. He was clan-less, nameless, identity-less. You could not put him in a box because he refused— like a fire, he only spread whereas the world could spectate only, as it watched his dancing flames with equal measures of fear and awe.

And then there was you. The thorn at the side. The vessel of mortal characters.

He used to be genuinely pissed off at you. At your humanity. At your love and adoration for nature and life, at the way everything and everyone was just so beautiful in your perspective. At how you could see beyond the pessimisms of life into its beauty and serenity. At how you loved the iridescence of dragonfly wings, the smell of paint, the foliage of summer leaves, the dew-wet monsoon grass— how everything, even the most useless one seemed to hold meaning to you.

'Cherry,' you had answered him when he first asked for your name— he was a harbinger back then, the bringer of misfortune. His gaze had been on your vision, the shiny green orb at your side and he had missed your name. 'Oh, I got distracted. Could you please repeat?'

'Cherry.'

What a stupid name.

Meaningless, common and as useless as a leaf on the wind— it could not narrate the story of the tree it once came from, it did not know of autumn, spring, summer and winter now that it had died. Such was your name on you.

You were far from being 'Cherry'. You were the cool mountain breeze, the rush of spring waters on mountain peaks, the distant laugh of lovers coming from the next room, the veil that hides the beauty of the bride, the sheen and shine of rose gold jewels, the falling autumn leaf with its last lesson and sweet kiss. Divinity poured like urns from your essence into your eyes— creating a canvas of spilled gold and sunshine on your features.

'Are you divine by birth?'

You laughed and he cowered from the way the sun seemed to shine brighter at your blooming mirth. 'No!'

The world seemed to have come falling down.

'What?'

You cocked a brow. 'Boring name? Well, let's talk about yours. Sounds like the name of a cheap dancer in a cheaper bar.'

His eyes widened. Nobody talked to him that way.

'Tell me. Why is your name Scaramouche?'

He detached entirely from you thereupon— but his curiosity never died. The worst part was that he could not bear to be cruel to you however hard he tried. He could not find himself ordering his guards to drag you down to his steps or go there and bring you down himself. And it was not just metaphorical; he knew you were born a warrior.

He knew it from the way your lotus-coloured yet calloused hands held your sword in such a determined way, whereas your other hand patted the head of a child as you smiled at them kindly.

You chose to be kind, in spite of being fully capable of destruction. You were not harmless— he had seen you fight once— the entire field had been littered with venom spit from your hands and blade, while your hands sizzled slightly. He had felt a pang of fear and guilt— for he saw himself in your battle-crazed eyes, but he could not bring himself to recognize the much kinder expression you made afterwards.

And the best part? Whenever you used venom to fight, which in itself was a rare occurrence, you always left part of it in your hands. 'So that it reminds me of the truth of pain and death,' you answered when he questioned the act. But there was not an inch of pain or regret in your voice. You had chosen to punish yourself— no wisdom or sense of morality had forced you into it.

And then all of a sudden, once again, everyone and everything he was familiar with was snatched away from his grasp. He was left a wriggling snake once again. He almost laughed when he realized the metaphor he had just used— he was not made a snake by circumstance, he was merely made to realize it.

He thought of you sometimes when he sat down in thought. 'A mortal,' he would think, 'who could harbour such kindness and peace of the soul in spite of being so much aware of their own twilight existence.'

He was in awe every time. He was not scared of your overpowering divine feminine anymore— he recognized and admired it. He thought of your battle-scarred hands that were almost always outstretched in an act of charity.

You were like the eagle of the sky— powerful, majestic, graceful. But under the veil of greatness that was draped on you, you were a lover at heart. A lover of the sky who beats its wings against the harshest of rocks upon the highest of peaks until every single feather falls off so that new ones can grow— a lover who would rather risk death then be separated from the sky.

And he? He was a snake. The snake that lives miles and miles below the very mountain peak you live at— who watches from its cavern with desire. But it's just a snake at the end of the day; It is not a lover or anyhow 'great' or divine or noble. It can only watch as the eagle, its most desired one, flies and conquers peak to peak, whereas it can only hope it would be blessed with death and reconciliation the moment the eagle sights it.

And then once again he would be slapped by the realization that you were a mortal and he was the divinity.

Wanderer watches as the water in the pond ripples slightly— and almost thinks the lily pads are laughing. When he turns to stare at the creeping orchids, they almost seem to mock him.

'Oh, she used to be such a good friend!', Candace happily said, conversing with Kaveh and Nilou. Wanderer stood behind Kaveh who was talking to them animatedly. Kaveh, whom he had recently taken a slight liking to, had dragged him here, saying he would like him to meet an old companion. He listened, yawning at times.

'Where's your friend?', Wanderer questioned before smirking, 'Did she run back to where she was coming from because she was told she was going to meet you?'

'No,' Kaveh smiled back sarcastically, 'She must have found out I was going to bring you along.'

Wanderer hissed slightly whereas Kaveh cackled with amusement. Candace shut them up with a quick movement of her wrist, 'Look there she comes!'

When Wanderer turned, the sight made his brain stop working. His throat felt as though he had swallowed a plank of wood and his mouth was dry.

'What's her name?'

'Were you not listening? She's Cherry!'

He could cry.

And he was so sure he did, but he was lucky nobody paid him attention for some times after that. You were the source of everyone's joy as they all hugged you and chattered away excitedly, giving him enough time to calm down.

'Holy shit! I almost forgot! Cherry, this is my friend, the Wanderer!'

His heart skipped a beat. Although he knew you wouldn't, some part of him hoped you would recognize him as the harbinger that tucked a cecilia in your hair. No wait, the boy that tucked a cecilia in your hair.

But you just smiled, and for him, it was more than enough. 'Hello Wanderer, I am Cherry.'

He tried to smile back but couldn't. One question remained stuck at the back of his mind.

He sucked in a deep breath and slightly tilted his head to the side.

'Why is your name Cherry?'

You laughed, the ringing melody and the sun shone vivaciously as it always did when you did that. At this point, he was almost certain that even the sky loved its eagle so much that it stepped up at every chance to enhance its divinity.

'Why is your name Wanderer?'

It struck a chord.

'Why is your name Scaramouche?'

He smiled this time but he didn't have to remind himself or ease himself into it; it came as naturally to him as love for you came to the sky.

This was going to be a long journey.

my first character-specific post! let me know if anything's wrong or if it could be better! also, i will represent different characters with different emojis in fics. so, swan = wanderer!

[ihopchocomilk]

They are SO-

Just wanna... squish both Sir Ishiya's and Sebek's cheeks right now my HEART-

sebek va @ anyc panel

These are some fun little tidbits from the ANYC Twisted Wonderland panel featuring Sebek's VA (Haruki Ishiya)! (This isn't everything in the panel, just the parts I personally found interesting.)

Ishiya-san walks onto the stage and blesses us with “HEY HUMANS” (in English) 😭 It was very cute…

He mentions training physically to get into the mindset for voicing Sebek ⚡️

Ishiya-san would like to explore NYC with Ruggie and Lilia! He wants to go shopping with Ruggie and have him negotiate prices for him.

He imagines that Lilia has already been to NYC before (since bat gramps has traveled around a lot)! That means Lilia would be a great tour guide for Ishiya-san, as this is his first time in NYC himself.

Ishiya-san talks about his thoughts on each of the Diasomnia members! He relates to Sebek’s loudness and eagerness.

He describes Silver as both Sebek’s older brother and little brother. Ishiya-san says that it can be difficult to voice Sebek speaking to Silver at times because Sebek has to sound mad but at the same time convey that the two have a good relationship.

Lilia is very wise and cool! Ishiya-san loves how kind and patient he is with Sebek.

And, of course, Malleus is “so cool” (that’s the phrase Sebek’s VA keeps using 🥺)!! Ishiya-san even draws a little Waka-sama in only 30 seconds. Look at how proud he is of himself 💕

Ishiya-san also filled out a Prefect form to share with everyone.

He picked Ignihyde because of how tech-y it is, and how he likes to try what is “new” and modern. Ishiya-san thinks both he and Sebek could benefit from learning new things.

He goes more in depth about some of his responses, such as how he loves how tender hamburgers are. They come with a lot of different sauces in Japan, so it’s a very “customizable” meal.

He thinks a penguin’s waddle is very cute!! That’s why it’s one of his favorite animals. Be prepared for the influx of Sebek with penguins fan art—

If you ever visit Japan, he recommends historical sites and going on food tours!!

Without giving spoilers for book 7, he says that “you will see a new side to Malleus, a new side to Lilia, a new side to Silver and Sebek”. Can confirm—

He got so excited and passionate during recording for book 7 that he got overheated and had to take off his jacket 💦

When asked to comment on book 7, he replies with, “everyone will definitely be emotional from this, your heart will tighten and you will laugh and you will cry”. CAN ALSO CONFIRM—

We got the official English subs for the Diasomnia CM at the very end :v

[ihopchocomilk]

I really like this thought process, to be fair. As someone who's illiterate as well as bad memory, it feels nice to have some of these smaller details put verbally on the table.

Also idk feels more like the school is (this might sound weird) but alive outside of Yuu, thus giving more world building:D

Anyways, brain happy I read this. Yummy food for thought as I finish book 6 play the side stories ^^

Do you think all the characters are assholes?

Because i think they are despite their tragic backstories and i also don't think they appreciate Yuu enough, except for maybe the first years

I mean, the TWST characters are (mostly) inspired by Disney villains... Plus, they’re immature high schoolers still in the process of emotionally maturing. Of course they're not going to be perfect balls of sunshine. They're all going to be rude or have faults in their own ways, but they also have their strengths and charm points. I do call them assholes (lovingly), but I would hesitate to slap a singular label on any of the characters when they're all very well-rounded and morally ambiguous.

On the topic of Yuu, I think it makes sense that most of the cast doesn't really "appreciate" them. To begin with, most of the characters are not the openly sentimental types; they would’t overtly express that gratitude even if it were present. Then we have to consider that Yuu isn't directly involved in their character growth or arcs in most cases; it's often the other characters who are confronting the OB boys or instigating, physically battling them to snap them out of it, and then comforting them afterwards.

As early as book 1, that pattern holds true. Ace is the one that initially pissed Riddle off. Adeuce are dueling Riddle. Ace decks Riddle and claims his last straw. Trey is the one calling out to Riddle as he's losing it. It's the members of Heartslabyul who gather around Riddle when he reawakens following the OB. (I'm not going to go through and list off what happens in every single book, but I'm sure you can think of many other instances... Lilia insulting Leona, Deuce and Epel having the heart-to-heart on the beach, Octavinelle's plot against Jamil, the twins checking up on Azul post-OB, etc.) To me, it feels like it is the boys and their bonds with one another responsible for the change, not Yuu's presence. Yuu is usually along for the ride and actually does and says very little despite all the fandom jokes about "being the school's unpaid but overworked therapist" or Crowley's shallow claim that Yuu can help the boys learn to cooperate (which feels more like a vague ruse only shown in the prologue to shoehorn Yuu into the plot). There's actually very little in-game that shows them being involved and helping the students change for the better. Much of the time, the boys can resolve their own struggles to get along without Yuu being there (like all those pair-ups in book 6–sure, it may have taken a while, but the fact remains that they did eventually resolve their own issues and cooperate without Yuu having to orchestrate for them; this also happens many times in events like Port Fest, Wish Upon a Star, Ghost Marriage, the Halloween events, etc). A very common complaint (at least among English speaking players) is that Yuu isn’t “involved enough” or that they don’t have a big impact on the events of the story. Therefore, most of the boys not feeling close or indebted to Yuu makes sense from their POV. What has Yuu actually and explicitly done to help them? Not much. It’s mainly in individual fan interpretations where Yuu/a Yuusona/an OC in Yuu’s role is actually able to play a more substantial part in each characters��� life and growth. In general, the standard in-game Yuu is more of a "fly on the wall" character that witnesses events unfold rather than someone who plays a large role in each book. The boys are seemingly the main characters, not Yuu. It's just convenient to have Yuu/a blank slate in the story because they, as an outsider, need TWST concepts explained to them (thus making it easier to give exposition to the players who may also be unfamiliar with the information). The first years, by comparison, are closer to Yuu simply because 1) Yuu is implied to be in the same year level as them (so they're more likely to be exposed to one another) and 2) their preestablished relationships with Grim, Ace, and Deuce opens them up more to first year interactions. "Friends of friends", if you will. It just makes more sense than Yuu being appreciated and loved by everyone/most people in the main cast of 22ish. They spend the most time together. Everyone else tends to stick to their own groups (with maybe the exception of Heartslabyul, since Yuu is already close with Adeuce). They’re just... not as intimate with Yuu, and therefore not as inclined to find much appreciation for them.

I want to clarify that this doesn’t mean there are zero instances of the characters outside of the first years expressing gratitude toward Yuu. Like, of the OB boys, it’s only Vil who consistently apologizes for the trouble he caused (note though: it’s not specifically to Yuu, but to everyone in the VDC/SDC squad. Yuu is then given prize money from most of the other boys as thanks for letting them crash at Ramshackle… Of those, only Kalim cites being grateful that he was able to stay and have fun with everyone because of Yuu green lighting the decision. This makes sense, as Kalim’s one of the few who wears his heart on his sleeve and is friendly to most. It just isn’t true for the majority of the cast, and we shouldn’t expect it to be.

As late as book 5, you can see characters like Leona not being so happy to be called out to or for Grim to act all buddy-buddy with him. That indicates to me that the rest of the cast is not that close to Yuu + related parties and doesn't have a real reason to be. (Note: I'm not counting character voice lines here as proof of friendliness with Yuu, as it can be argued that the relationships and events explored in the cards don't run in tandem with the main story and are meant more as fanservice for the players.)

Again, while it's not that fun to read in a narrative, it does leave things open-ended for anyone who wants to self-insert or to expand on those blank relationships for their own characters. I believe this is by design to appeal on an individual level to players. You get out of it what you put into it!

[ihopchocomilk]

Behind The Curtain

— In which his performance is soon, yet he can’t seem to let you.

𓈒࣪ 𐐪𐑂 ─ Pairing; Lyney x gn!reader

𓈒࣪ 𐐪𐑂 ─ Genre/ content; fluff, clingy bf vibes (tell me not) not proofread

The rustling can be heard as his movements increase, Lyney rushing in order to spare time. 10 minutes, is all the time left until the curtains open to the awaiting audience he has. The knocks from his sister can be heard, yet he pays no mind as he reworks he tricks to perfection—grinning feeling your gaze locked on him.

“Lyney! You should come out, preparations need to be checked.”

The words come out as a whisper to him, because he doesn’t respond as he walks over seeing your face of disapproval. He knows he sister will comment on it, telling him he’s to “lovesick” to focus on anything other than you. Buts he’s gotten use to it, and will never deny it. He can find himself outright admitting the emotions so deep that run for you, the burst to intense as he feels the need to voice out the love he carries.

“You shouldn’t waste your time here you know Lyney.”

“Oh? But how can I not when you’re presence is blessing me today?”

His words come out as smooth as the flower behind you ear, now placed onto your side by Lyney who was the one for such an act. The romantic tactics of his being those you are well use to now, yet it never fails to bloom a flutter in your heart. The flower petals start to blossom out, revealing the true beauty hidden beneath. You feel a new compliment about to arise from the magician.

You’re met with his lips on yours, the fleeting moment one you cherish always as he pulls back wrapping his arms around you in a hold. The proximity of you two is one that almost indicates one single silhouette, yet it’s the closeness of two bodies that are almost one.

“If I could I would spend my every precious moment with you.”

“The show is temporary, yet your love isn’t.”

His words are as cheesy as ever, but they hold truth. The beating of his heart on yours being the evidence that you need to know he is truthful, he always is. His warmth is one that can not compete with that of the suns, it becoming the source of warmth that spreads throughout his body as he drapes himself on you.

5 minutes—the ticking of the clock is what settles around the quiet of the room, on other days the room would be filled with laugher, his voice, the voices of two in love. But today Lyney finds himself keeping quiet as he bask in the moments he is spending you with, before he is to leave. Others call him dramatic for his attitude once he leaves your side—they tell him you will be watching him as always, never gone from his sight.

Yet Lyney can’t stand that you’re in the crowd, as it you’re just another audience member. He knows more than anything that you’re more than just that, but also because at times he won’t be able to spare at fleeting glance at you. A final knock is heard, he hold you on you only becomes tighter.

The realization creeps up on him as he feels the end of the moment about to come, the afterglow will be one where he gives you his affection and love—before he heads off to do what he does best.

“Keep your eyes on me okay?”

“Once the curtains close come to me.”

Go back into his arms, go back to him. Because after each performance he finds himself experiencing the afterglow of pride, one that he wishes to share with his beloved.

A/n; you guys I’m actually in love with him now…is he becoming my number 1 or….

[ihopchocomilk]

Before right now, I would look at Sebek and I'm like "haha, funny teen I like. He's so cool and dedicated. What a good guy I bet if he really tries he'd give great hugs"

And then I find out he's 188cm

The whiplash I feel

This man, I never imagined over 170 he's 16. Like I know he does rigorious training and he's half fae and he's a good lad and he's very insanely have superhuman(superfae?) strength(example being the harveston event where he chop chop wood)

BUT LIKE-

AHEM?? SIR?? LOML?? DUDE YOU'RE A WHOLE ENTIRE 33CM TALLER THAN ***ME***

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE SO MUCH TALLER THAN ME??? WHAT DO YOU MEAN I COULD SEE YOU SOMETHING LIKE INTIMIDATING???? YOU, YOUR LOYALTY AND DEDICATION AND JUST HOW STRAIGHTFORWARD YOU ARE, INTIMIDATING??? NO, I NEVER COULD!!

Before his height reveal I just saw him as a teen who'd yap yap yap like a good guard dog, idk maybe a golden retriever.

AFTER I JUST KNOW I'M IN HIS SHADOW AND HE DOESN'T NEED TO TRY. I'M A SHORT KING PERSON BUT THEN SEBEK JUST CLEARS HIS THROAT AND IS LIKE "You are incorrect."