iidolomantis

[iidolomantis]

if you’re someone who has to wear glasses every day that makes them basically the most important item you own which means you really gotta show those fuckers who’s boss just toss them everywhere and knock them off things and roll over them in bed at least twice a week

[iidolomantis]

the fundamental problem on this website is that if a homeless person tried to talk to most of y’all you’d be scared out of your minds

[iidolomantis]

"the 5th celebrity you have saved on your phone -" you and i live in vastly different worlds

[iidolomantis]

[iidolomantis]

they call me Deluded Exceptionalism Superiority Complex for reasons that don't apply to me. because they're jealous of me and projecting their own insecurities.

[iidolomantis]

ocean.com/fish

[iidolomantis]

OMG MY NEW SHOES CAME :3 ignore my ugly house arrest ankle bracelet. haha

[iidolomantis]

no animal was harmed during the making of this video. not one. for the few minutes that we were shooting film, the guns of each hunter fell silent. the industrial bolt throwers observed a moment's peace and the jaws of every predator hung softly open. no fish bit any hook and the bait worms held off on drowning only until the cameras stopped. the tails of ruminants ceased to flick just as their attendant flies, in unison, landed on their flanks to catch their tiny breaths. a spider instantly stopped winding silk around a wasp, patiently waiting for the caesura to end. a young veterinarian paused with the syringe in their hand. somewhere, a colicky baby stopped biting its mother's nipple and nursed happily for the very first time. we're sorry. we're sorry it couldn't have been longer. we didn't know this would happen.

[iidolomantis]

dogs might look like their owners but cat people always have a cat with the same mental illness as them

[iidolomantis]

Blood test results are back. 0’s across the board, dry as a bone under the hood, they’re not sure what they’ve got in those vials but it recoils from light and lunges towards living tissue, which is all normal for girls these days.

[iidolomantis]

when I was a kid I wished I had nosebleeds. I had some friends who had them and I was like. that looks so fucking cool. you're just sitting there and suddenly you're covered in blood. it looks so dramatic. it looks so... and here my language failed me. at such a humble age I did not have the vocabulary to describe the sublime. I just sat in incomprehensible jealousy. I turned out totally normal by the way

[iidolomantis]

making heavy use of a technique i like to call "bothering my cat" which consists largely of bothering my cat

[iidolomantis]

in the future, we have computers that are basically super effective counting machines, and the counting gets so complex we can use them to communicate and display images and play music. some people make music entirely on a computer. there are these things called vocaloids, which are computerized voices that you can make sing whatever you want, and the companies that make them like to create characters to go along with each voice. this one is named miku. it's a Japanese name. yeah the Japanese will open the country back up eventually. now, we also have these undergarments called binders. they minimize the appearance of breasts and some people find that nice for gender purposes. yeah we've written a lot about the sociological concept of gender since your time. women can vote now too, it's crazy. now stay with me. there's this street in New York city called Broadway that has a ton of theaters on it and it's famous for really big musicals. and one musical is about you and your buddies rapping together. well rap is a type of music black people will invent after we make it illegal to own them. yeah sorry not sorry about that. anyway that's you

[iidolomantis]

chocolate covered strawberries 🍓

[iidolomantis]

the most Child Emperor urge i have is to shout "BOOORRIINGGG!!!" when i have to witness something i dont like for too long

[iidolomantis]