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speak the honey-thorn

we never say, saint judas. only say, devil judas, look at the unholy bruises on your neck. never say, maybe jesus wants to kiss you there and speak the honey-thorn name of forgiveness. only say, see how your body trembles dark- stained by the river reeds. never say, we all love with the same unbearable heart-stained hands.

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@cxitium​ [x]

“I thought you liked bedtime stories.”

                                                   “ so you’re trying to put me to sleep ? ”    huffs , softly , catching on the tip of his tongue ,     “ c’mon , you’ve got better in that brain of yours. ”

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@cxitium​ [x]

“I’m hurt…are you telling me that we are not friends?”

                                                   wants to smile , a shadow in the dip of his underlip ,    “ well , i guess i wouldn’t know. ”    a tease , even through teeth , even through melancholy , fingertips pressing into the tendered skin of his palm ,    “ are we , then ? ”

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judas + thievery

i have qualms about the concept of judas and greed , to be quite honest , but i don’t contest the idea of his thievery. judas doesn’t come from money -- remember , his mother had fallen into prostitution , and his sister was never especially reliable , and even worse with handling her own money , so much so that she’s once even robbed judas. more than that , he tries to be self sufficient -- not so much out of pride , but because he doesn’t want to be reliant on his mother , doesn’t want to be burdensome. judas was more a street kid than anything , and it didn’t take long for him to learn it’s best to have quick fingers. even so , he was more likely to steal goods , to steal the food or clothing or whatever he needed , rather than the money itself. it’s not something he was especially proud of , and tried to avoid whenever possible , but the fact of the matter was he was young -- he couldn’t really fall into a guaranteed job until fifteen , at the youngest , and even then the steady jobs were for the kids who could have them , the kids who had gone into apprenticeships and learned a bonafide trade. judas was good for odd jobs , for small things , but he wasn’t the kind of kid that was especially employable , though he tried. so he worked , when he could , and stole , when he couldn’t. his upbringing , and his years of theft , are the reason he was so adamant about good works especially to benefit the poor , once he’d been taken in with the disciples.

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poetry idea: judas meeting an angel

there’s a field of poppies at the edge beyond everything,and in it michael sitting with his cough syrup redwings and his muddied army boots and his mouthfull of thorns where the teeth should be.

you stumble up to him, damp human feet, callousedhuman hands. you have seen stars and stars and starson your way here, but none of it compares to howyou feel the ache in your neck beginning to dissipate.

michael gestures, take a seat, so you do beside him.the flowers smell like they did on earth, clean, sun-warm,but the wind here sings. you say, i didn’t think i’d beallowed to make it this far. michael smiles, his mouth

jagged yet sweet: you can go farther if you like.i know there’s at least one man in the place beyondall places who would gladly clasp your shoulders, kissyour cheek, and tell you that you were worth the pain

which must always come before redemption.

[iioudas-blog]

the fate of judas iscariot : i. ascension , or the carrying out of divine will

a.  Judas as reflection of Jesus in the human world, and as Jesus was our savior sent from heaven, Judas took up the onus of being the human who led Jesus down the path of redemption.

b. Judas , who sacrificed most. ( "The ascetic, for the greater glory of God, degrades and mortifies the flesh; Judas did the same with the spirit. He renounced honour, good, peace, the Kingdom of Heaven, as others, less heroically, renounced pleasure [ . . . ] He thought that happiness, like good, is a divine attribute and not to be usurped by men." ) c. the argument that as God in human shape would be "made totally man, but man to the point of iniquity", committing a sin would also not be beyond Him ; a sacrifice limited to only one afternoon on the cross does not compare with the sacrifice of accepting shame and revulsion for the rest of history. therby : He chose Judas as his incarnation. ( "God became a man completely, a man to the point of infamy, a man to the point of being reprehensible - all the way to the abyss. In order to save us, He could have chosen any of the destinies which together weave the uncertain web of history; He could have been Alexander, or Pythagoras, or Rurik, or Jesus; He chose an infamous destiny: He was Judas." ) d. Judas is the only one of Jesus's disciples who accurately understands the words of his master. This Gospel contains few narrative elements; essentially, the Gospel records how Judas was taught by Jesus the true meaning of his message : mankind can be divided into two races, or groups. Those who are furnished with the immortal soul, like Judas, can come to know the God within and enter the imperishable realm when they die.

ii. damnation , or the nature of betrayal

a. both Luke and John say that Judas was possessed by the Devil and imply that this was a reason for his behavior. Luke seems to suggest that Judas' actions may have been entirely the result of this possession; that he was, in effect, carrying out Satan's wishes ( “Then Satan entered into Judas called Iscariot, who was one of the twelve; he went away and conferred with the chief priests and officers of the temple police about how he might betray him to them.” )  John, on the other hand, suggests that Judas was a bad man before Satan entered him to inspire the final betrayal ( “For Jesus knew from the first who were the ones that did not believe, and who was the one that would betray him” // “Did I not choose you, the twelve? Yet one of you is a devil.' He was speaking of Judas son of Simon Iscariot, for he, though one of the twelve, was going to betray him.” // “...he [Judas] was a thief; he kept the common purse and used to steal what was put into it.” ) b. Judas is found in the lowest circle of hell, which is reserved for traitors. Judas is labelled as the worst traitor of all, and doomed to suffer the greatest torment possible. Judas is stuffed head first into the centre of Satan's three mouths, condemned to spend eternity being chewed by the Devil. ( “ At every mouth he with his teeth was crunching A sinner, in the manner of a brake, So that he three of them tormented thus. To him in front the biting was as naught Unto the clawing, for sometimes the spine Utterly stripped of all the skin remained. ‘That soul up there which has the greatest pain,’ The Master said, ‘is Judas Iscariot; With head inside, he plies his legs without.’” ) c. some writers argue that Judas had a strong political motive, and had seen Jesus as the Messiah who would liberate the Jews from being ruled by the Romans. But although Jesus had had several opportunities to lead a populist direct action movement, he had not taken them up. It's possible that Judas intended to force Jesus' hand by revealing him to the authorities so that Jesus would have to declare himself to be the political leader of the Jews and use the popular support demonstrated during his triumphal entry into Jerusalem as the basis of an earthly liberation movement. conversely : Judas was so disappointed that Jesus had not declared himself the Messiah and taken action to lead the Jews, that he decided to betray him as an act of revenge for what he saw as Jesus' political betrayal ( “ I think we must ask another question: 'Did Judas feel betrayed by Jesus?' I think the answer is, 'Yes.' Remember that Jesus' incarnation, as the long awaited Messiah, was very different from what the Jews expected and felt was promised in their scriptures. When you think of the crowds shouting, 'Crucify him,' you realize that they felt betrayed by Jesus as well. Remember St. Paul himself said that 'we proclaim Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews...' Jesus had become a stumbling block for Judas. Judas felt betrayed by Jesus, before he betrayed Jesus in turn.” ) d. Judas' damnation not stemming from his betrayal of Christ, but from the despair which caused him to subsequently commit suicide , thus rejecting salvation.

iii. eternity , or how God punished judas iscariot

a. Judas attempted to give the silver back to the Elder Priests, explaining that he had committed the greatest sin of all-- the betrayal of God. in his state of anguish and despair for what he had done to Jesus Christ, hung himself ; his body eventually fell from the tree and his was spilled open -- his blood and certain parts his body were left in the field.  In the same manner that God made Adam from the dust of the Earth, God made Judas an eternal body. 

a. God is said to have told Judas that he would fear the sun , as it is the light of the Lord ; blood from living humans would be the only thing Judas would ever feed on again , for in the blood is the life and the knowledge of Jesus Christ. 

b. God told Judas that you will never find the comfort of death. Nothing will kill you or your kind but you will seek the darkness and live in dark moist places. Wishing that you could taste water again but it will never cross your lips. 

c. God told Judas that anything to do with Christ or Christians would be an aversion to Judas and his kind including silver. God is said to have told Judas that you betrayed my son for silver and that silver will betray you. d. God said : You will  walk through the many years in front of you remembering what you have done and what has been done to you in return. And you will know that your end will be in a burning lake of fire that will never go out.

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St. Matthew adds that Judas himself asked, "Is it I, Rabbi?" and was answered: "Thou hast said it"

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blog :  ‘’’’’’ how was Judas Iscariot, as the son of perdition, able to work miracles and cast out demons?’’’’’’’ me : stares into the abyss

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willy cartier for bullett

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so , in case you weren’t aware , there’s a fair bit of information provided that can be used to infer the disciples —— save for peter —— were all under the age of eighteen [ e.g , the temple tax ]. while customs , historically , were different , and provided a different timeline of expectancy , they weren’t even adults by the time of the crucifixion ———— and judas never reached adulthood. while there are multiple takes on judas’ grisly , gruesome death , from suicide to stoning to  ‘’’’ bursting asunder , all his bowels gushing out ’’’’ , and mostly all written under the assumption that he frankly deserved it , or , maybe better or maybe worse , that his death was prophecy -- a prophecy that judas was made aware of well before the act of perceived betrayal , the fact of the matter is the linchpin of the plan that led to the salvation of man wasn’t even old enough to marry.

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Salvation by Keaton St. James

(patreon)

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i. His name is a prayer. Don’t say it carelessly. Run your tongue around the letters. Dig your teeth in the vowels. Put it under your tongue. Swallow it. Keep it.

ii. Pray for him while you wash his feet. Keep his wrists tight in your hands. Bite in his veins. Listen to his prayers and repeat them.

iii. If he asks you to burn, do it.

iv. Kiss him on the corner of his lips. Taste the sweat of salvation in the wrinkles of his skin. Dried wine and old blood. Divinity.

v. When they hang him on the cross, don’t look back. Don’t weep. Don’t pray. Bite your lips and count the silver coins in your hand.

- manual to love a messiah (r.m)

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judas said, “ master , as you have listened to all of them , now also listen to me. for i have seen a great vision. ”    and when jesus heard this , he laughed , and said to him , “ you thirteenth daimon , why do you try so hard ? ”

[iioudas-blog]

I wish I didn’t love you like this. I wish this was a mere body and skin I wish it didn’t hurt like this.

sheisartherself (via padshiy)

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judas + family 

judas grew up mostly on his own. before his birth , there was a small family : Cyborea , Ruben and Leila. it stays a small family for a real long time , right up until it doesn’t. Ruben is killed , because he’s too hot headed and impulsive to boot , and Leila is too much like her mother in just the wrong ways. Cyborea falls into prostitution as a means to an end , or a patch to her grief , or any small way to feel something. she doesn’t talk about it , really. she is raped by a man named Simon , and there aren’t enough people around to care , and that she never quite lets judas forget. before he is born , Cyborea has a dream , a bad dream , that this baby will bring ruin. in this , at least , she is maybe not wrong. and still , and still : she doesn’t give the baby up. she doesn’t quite keep him close , either. she tries , she does : he does not starve , he has a bed , but sometimes it’s hard to touch him , to look at him , to breathe in that salt - sweat smell. judas can’t begrudge her that. he tries , though , he tries. so there is this : a disgraceful father , a painted mother , a sister who comes by for money they don’t have to share.  judas is not home , often. sometimes because he is angry , and sometimes because he thinks it’s best for others that he’s away. mostly because the flowers pushing through concrete have taught him more kindness than his mother’s mouth.

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Willy Cartier | Punk Dancer x So’Chic Magazine | ph. Thomas Lavelle

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42 character development questions!

PHYSICAL PRESENCE AND GESTURE. 1. How do they move and carry themselves? Pace, rhythm, gestures, energy? 2. How much physical space do they use, active and at rest? 3. How do they position themselves in a group? Do they like to be the center of attention, or do they hang back at the edges of a crowd? 4. What is their size and build? How does it influence how they use their body, if it does? 5. How do they dress? What styles, colors, accessories, and other possessions do they favor? Why? 6. What are they like in motion–in different environments, and in different activities? What causes the differences between these? 7. How do they physically engage with other people, inanimate objects, and their environment? What causes the differences between these? 8. Where and when do they seem most and least at ease? Why? How can you tell? 9. How do they manifest energy, exhaustion, tension, or other strong emotions? 10. What energizes and drains them most? 11. How are they vocally expressive? What kind of voice, accent, tones, inflections, volume, phrases and slang, and manner of speaking do they use? 12. How are they bodily expressive? How do they use nonverbal cues such as their posture, stance, eyes, eyebrows, mouths, and hands? DISPOSITION AND TEMPERAMENT. 13. How do they greet the world — what is their typical attitude towards life? How does it differ in different circumstances, or towards different subjects? Why do they take these attitudes, and why do they change? How do these tend to be expressed? 14. What do they care deeply about? What kind of loyalties, commitments, moral codes, life philosophies, passions, callings, or spirituality and faith do they have? How do these tend to be expressed? 15. What kind of inner life do they have — rich and imaginative? Calculating and practical? Full of doubts and fears? Does it find any sort of outlet in their lives? 16. Do they dream? What are those dreams like? 17. Are they more shaped by nature or nurture — who they are, or what has happened to them? How have these shaped who they’ve become as a person? 18. What kind of person could they become in the future? What are some developmental paths that they could take, (best, worst, most likely?) what would cause them to come to pass, and what consequences might they have? What paths would you especially like to see, and why? CONNECTIONS WITH OTHERS. 19. How do they behave within a group? What role(s) do they take? Does this differ if they know and trust the group, versus finding themselves in a group of strangers? Why? 20. What kind of individual relationships do they have with others, and how do they behave in them? How are they different between intimate relationships like friends, family, and lovers versus more impersonal relationships? 21. What kind of relationships do they tend to intentionally seek out versus actually cultivate? What kind of social contact do they prefer, and why? 22. How do people respond to them, and why might these responses differ? 23. How do they respond to difficult social moments? What makes them consider a social situation difficult? 24. How do they present themselves socially? What distinguishes their “persona” from their “true self”, and what causes that difference? 25. What do they need and want out of relationships, and how do they go about getting it? 26. How do they view and feel about relationships, and how might this manifest in how they handle them, if it does? ACTIVITIES AND PREFERENCES. 27. What do they strongly like and dislike, in any category? Why? 28. What are they likely to do if they have the opportunity, resources, and time to accomplish it? Why? 29. What kind of activities, interests, and hobbies do they have? What significance and impact do these have in their lives, both positive and negative? 30. What is their preferred level of activity and stimulation? How do they cope if they get either too little or too much? 31. Is there anything that counts as a “dealbreaker” for them, positively or negatively? What makes things go smoothly, and what spoils an activity or ruins their day? Why? 32. Do they have any “props” that are a significant part of their life, identity, activities, or self-presentation somehow? What are they, how are they used, and why are they so significant? How would these props’ absence impact them, how would they compensate, and why? THINKING AND LEARNING. 33. How do they learn about the world–what is their preferred learning style? Hands-on learning with trial and error? Research, reading, and note-taking? Observation or rote memorization? Inductive or deductive reasoning? Seeking patterns and organization? Taking things apart and putting them back together? Creative processing via discussing, writing about, or dramatizing things? 34. How do they understand the world–what kind of worldview and thought processes do they have? Why? 35. How and why do they internalize knowledge? What effect has that had on them? 36. How much do they rely on their minds and intellect, versus other approaches like relying on instinct, intuition, faith and spirituality, or emotions? What is their opinion on this? 37. Have they had any special education or training that colors their means of learning about or understanding the world? Conversely, do they lack some kind of education considered essential in their world? What kind of impact has this addition or lack had on them? 38. Is there anything they wish they could change about their worldview or thought processes? What, and why? 39. What sort of questions or thoughts recur in their lives, either specifically or as a theme? Why are these never answered, or answered permanently to their satisfaction? 40. What do they wonder about? What sparks their curiosity and imagination, and why? How is this expressed, if it is? FREE FOR ALL. 41. What associations do they bring to mind? Words or phrases, images, metaphors or motifs? Why? 42. I have a question of my own!