ijange

[ijange]

What’s Important

If you were to scroll through my past posts, you would see I very rarely blog on tumblr.  I have used it only a few times to release my thoughts and also for my career path....The reason my lack of tumblr use is mentionable is because it shows just how important what I am about to discuss is.  There is a very serious reason why I turned to my blog at this moment in time.  The main reason is because I feel very strongly about a certain situation and needed somewhere to vent.  However, I came here, instead of the more traditionally and commonly used Facebook for two reasons.  For one, there is only a certain number of characters permitted which I knew I would quickly surpass.  Secondly, it is because I am not writing for comments or opinions or arguments, which so commonly occur on Facebook.  

What is the topic that has brought me to this point? Racism.  Human beings in which have been depicted one thing or another since the beginning of time, and answering questions such as why, how long will it last, what does it all mean, who created it, and when/where did it start? 

To start, I will say that although I have engaged in plenty of research, this is more of a free writing than factual, so I will not list multiple facts.  I will simply stick to the basics.  Clearly, (the majority of) racism began with slavery.  Sure there are several ideas and beliefs as to how and why slavery began, but the bottom line is black ‘versus’ white still exists today mainly because of slavery.   How did slavery begin and deem African Americans as slaves?  Simply put, “  the only justification by which humanity could face it was to divide people into races and decide that the Africans were an inferior race."

So without getting too in-depth, let’s think about the basics for a minute.  Africans were, no denying it, a part of slavery.  IMO, this is a huge factor in where racism stems from.  This is why so many Africans are against anyone who isn’t African.  This is why African's are bothered by their own race engaging in friendships and relationships with those that are not African.    

Oh, but wait....It really isn’t as previously mentioned, is it?  Is it not crazy to anyone else that the non Africans are the ones that have the biggest issue with their race and culture engaging in relationships with those that are Africans?  Because to me it is. Yes there are plenty of ‘blacks’ that are homeless, unemployed, living off welfare, in jail, absent from their children’s lives, thieves, murderers, etc., etc., etc.  But are there not people of every other race that all are/do the same????  Why is it that they are the ones constantly and continuously judged for honestly nothing more than their skin color??

Again, this is a personal writing so I want to get back to my own feelings and thoughts without anymore history of the subject.  Flat out, I am a Caucasian with many African friends.  I am the person who goes out for smoke breaks at work, out to dinner, out for drinks, and now currently lives with, an African-American.  I am the person so many people have an issue with, all the while, they don’t realize the bigger issue is the one I have with them, for even having an issue with me.

I come from an Italian family that ‘taught’ me I was never to date a man outside of my race.  (Particularly a ‘black man’).  On the same note however, my non-Italian mother always told me to never date an Italian, I guess because she did and was so dissatisfied with her decision (based off of my experiences and outlook on their dysfunctional marriage).  

Luckily enough for me, I never really listened or paid any attention to either of their idiotic ideas about who I should or should not date or befriend.  I dated an Italian at the age of thirteen, who was also my first kiss.  Was my mom thrilled? No.  I had a best friend who had an African friend, also at the age of thirteen.  The first time we all went to my house to go swimming I recall it being an issue.  Almost twenty years ago, it is a day that still sticks out to me because of how it made me feel.  I did not understand why it felt ‘not okay’ for a person of another color to come swimming with us.  

Somehow, even at that age, I was still innocent and ignorant to the awful truth.  Even thought I knew my friends’ friend was not allowed over because of her skin color, I had no idea the depth of it nor how serious it would become later in life.  

I didn’t have many friends of another race for many years after this, simply due to environmental surroundings.  At a later age, in my mid-twenties, I become super close with a co-worker.  Several years later, he is still one of the few people I can always count on.  He was the first person to begin my birthday celebrations with me this year.  He found my brand new sweatshirt at a bar the first time we hung out outside of work and made sure I didn’t drive home alone from Downtown Cleveland.  He is African-American.   Does it bother me? Not at all.  Would not even mention it if it were not the point of this blog.  Love you day1.

Last year on my 30th birthday, I went to Put-in-Bay.  Something I really, really wanted to do.  It took forever to plan and I had a very hard time trying to put a group of people together for it, mostly due to their schedules (work, kids, family, etc.). Like i said tho, I did go.  With one person.  Someone who also began as a coworker but became one of my very best friends.  Someone who also is of African descent.  Does this bother me?  Not in the least.  My wife means the world to me :)            

And last but not least, my best friend, boyfriend, partner, love of my life, and so much more, is also a different color than me.  And my favorite part is the fact that my daughter, only after having been exposed to the idea of racism, still only referred  to him as “he’s just a different color, I don’t understand what the big deal is”.  People, especially children, are so very innocent and unaware of the idea of racism.  It is NOT something people are born with, it is taught.  Although I was raised to turn away, I rose above the idiocracy of the idea and became a much better person because of it.  I would never change who I am who what I think or how I feel.  And I can only pray my daughter will continue to feel the way she does now and not be so unfortunately tainted with the horrible illusions that remain.

      Do I think black is all right and that none of them hate white people? Absolutely not.  Do I think it’s possible for it all to just disappear overnight? Not at all.  (I could only wish). Am I ignorant to the fact that there are plenty of ‘blacks’ out there that are racist too?  Nope.  There are.  I totally get it.  Are there several that fit the ‘stereotype’?  Of course.  But don’t plenty of other races fit their stereotype too, and yet we give certain ones a chance because they are different or mean something to us or impact our life in  an unforgettable way???  Or because their race isn’t so noticeably different immediately, on the outside? I have fallen in love with a person whom has a different skin tone than myself and it has caused several complications so early on and we both are aware that it will only continue to happen and although we are both more than willing to face any and all issues together, I cannot help but question WHY at the end of the day...Why must it continue to go on like this, to this extreme???    

[ijange]

I made it. I did it. There is nothing left yet so much more from here. The first post I made was sometime near my early days of school. I fell in love with writing again. I knew I had finally found my calling. I decided to pursue a degree in mass communications and journalism, in order to find a job in investigative journalism.

Well, tonight, I submitted my final paper. I 'graduated' a month ago, or at least had my commencement. But tonight, I finished my actual last class. No more credits required to receive my degree. Now all I do is wait for my final grade, and then order my diploma.

Several years of hard work, dedication, and endless tiresome nights. Many things I missed out on because I had assignments to turn in. Even family functions I had to leave early due to homework. Such a huge night for me, tonight....yet here I am celebrating alone. Did several people know what a big night tonight was? yes. Did I even ask them to come over? Yes. Could they? Did they? Nope. Of course not. What a shame. I still enjoyed myself though. I watched an intriguing crime movie, Perfect Stranger, had a glass of wine (which we all know means several), and now am ending the night doing what I love.

Kind of interesting that it has taken me so long to write again, but I know it is because I would usually be doing schoolwork instead. I actually procrastinated turning my final paper in, somewhat sad to be finished. Like anything in life, when something/one becomes a habit for so long or something you're so used to, it is hard to let go of. Even when we know it is something that isn't good for us.

I had already tossed around the idea of a Master's degree before I finished, and now that I'm done, I really think I want to keep going. It was hard, so hard. I work 2 jobs, both of which I manage. I also have a 7 year old by myself, which means she needs as much of my time and attention as possible. The idea of not having to sit on my laptop for hours or constantly be worried about rushing home to work on assignments is amazing, but it's that little thing inside me that always.wants.more.

Anyway, whether I decide to continue or not, my current next step is to at least begin dabbling in the field. I am super excited to begin journalism, whether it be a job, internship, or career. I could sit on a computer for hours just researching and writing. I love figuring things out, noticing little things, putting reasoning behind things that no one else would even think of, and putting all this into my own words. I write this blog tonight to express how excited I am to begin this next journey.

I began thinking of where to begin and what else I could write at the moment and remembered having started a tumblr a while back, which I clearly did not keep up on. Once I logged in it took me no time at all to begin writing. Hopefully now I will have more time to do so, or even better, no time because I will land a job doing what I love!! Wish me luck!! xoxo

IJANge

[ijange]

I haven't written often and I haven't written a lot....I write when I feel so passionately about something that I just need to express things and share...It is incredibly upsetting to me that at 28 I can still not know the value of somebodys life until it is gone.  I recently found out Robin Williams passed away.  Well, to be frank, he killed himself.  I do not know him personally in the least.  I was very affected by Brittany Murphys death and still not sure why.  I just kept forgetting she was actually dead and every time I found out it hit me and hurt again.  I realize famous people are real people too and that accidents can happen.  Old age can happen.  Suicide can even happen.  But in the instance of somebody as great, phenomenal, amazing, inspiring, touching, warm. kind, funny, etc....for suicide to be the cause of death, we cannot help but sit here wondering why. Wondering how.  Wishing it wasn't true.  Praying for an absolution.  Wanting to and wishing to hold him hug him and be there.  It doesn't matter that he was famous, his personality and character would be celebrated this greatly regardless.  His death would still be this tragic.  Fame or not, his family, friends, everybody close to him, and the people who only knew a little about him, felt what he had to give.  My boyfriend and I sit here and debate what his best movie was...but as I told him tonight, Robins tone, facial expressions, demeanor, and passion that he put into absolutely every movie and show he was ever in as well as any interview or conversation he had with somebody, is indescribable. It is exactly what makes his death so incredibly hard for EVERYONE.  I did not know him and don't want to pretend or act like I did.  i am not his wife daughter sister or anything even close to that.  But I am yet somehow still deeply affected by this.  When I first heard, I was shocked.  I really didn't have time to process yet.  Tonight I watched Good Will Hunting.  It.Hurt.So.Bad.  The scenes with Matt and Robin were too intense.  The way it at least seemed like Robin was capable to help others, and to think nobody was able to help him, still kills me.  I somehow actually feel guilty.  I know i couldn't have done anything myself but I cannot help but think that there was somebody out there that could have.  He made me want to become a psychiatrist again.  A suicide helpline volunteer even.  I have been there.  I am nobody and yet somebody managed to help me through it.  How could nobody help him, or why did he feel like nobody could?  Why oh why I will continue to ask.  And I will continue to pray for his family.  For me to feel so hurt and lost over this, I can not even imagine what they are going through.  I only wish now that I can somehow help them and will always wish that somebody could have somehow helped him.  Rest In Peace Robin.  The amount of people that love you will never understand this situation.  But we still hope you found peace and comfort in your decision.  You are on the top of my list of people to see when I reach where you are.  God Bless.  

[ijange]

First official blog

Looking to start a career in investigative journalism, and this is just one of the many first steps I am taking.  I originally thought I wanted to be a lawyer because I like to fight for what I believe in, and enjoy researching.  I learned that the demand is very low for lawyers right now, and also realized it wasn't exactly what I was looking for.  In the back of my mind I always thought of Bitsy Bloom, from The Life of David Gale.  I like to investigate and uncover the truth.  Not to sound too confident, but I am phenomenal in paying attention to detail, picking up on everything, and putting all the pieces together.  Death row interests me a lot, as well as innocent people in general in jail.  Just the same, I have been quite disturbed by how many 'clearly' guilty people have walked lately, especially parents with 'accidental' deaths of their children.

         Now that I finally have clarity to what I've been trying to figure out for so long, my career path, I am more than excited to begin my journey.  The night that somebody suggested it to me, I immediately went home and applied to colleges to receive my degree in journalism.  I also applied for several internships.  I have been researching journalism nonstop, and now creating my first blog.

          I am very thankful for any help/tips anyone has for me, so please share. Even just sharing your story may do more than you realize.  Hopefully, maybe even mine will help you.  I don't plan on making my blog just stories about myself or life path.  When I feel a certain way about something strongly, I like to speak my opinion and receive yours in return.  Can't wait for new followers, and great experience in communications!