ijusdk
ijusdk
poetry of a chaotic mind
437 posts
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ijusdk · 8 years ago
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still after YEARS of being away from him, not having said a word he can still rip my heart out
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ijusdk · 8 years ago
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I found an anonymous message from Ryan and its torn me apart, I fucking hate myself
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ijusdk · 8 years ago
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a safe place by myself
only physical.
my mind must 
                             exist elsewhere
separation
                                                      me from me
time alone to think
                                          nothing
feel
                                                                             nothing
be truly alone
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ijusdk · 8 years ago
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I have been having a lot of thought recently whether art is worth all the trouble I go through for it.
I feel like the pain it causes me is inexcusable and destroys me literally every day- my drive has gone, my creativeness has been crushed.
I can feel It reforming but I know when I go back to Leeds that it will happen again, and im not ready for that
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ijusdk · 8 years ago
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I feel like I'm coming up to a huge breakdown,
although I'm unsure why.
moving has made me a lot more confident, mixed with the maybe placebo tablets I am taking for anxiety
Passion flower 
the delicacy
much like the human mind
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ijusdk · 8 years ago
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 I never assumed myself to be one for trying to discover love-
but with not just a lack of attention
 but the longing to spend my day along side someone
I really need someone here
and its not because I've moved to another country
because I am happy I am on this adventure alone;
but even just someone to feel their breath
rather than caressing my duvet at night
so lifeless
I feel as if I don't know what the human touch is
the warmth
the heart beat
the breath
all qualities that people yearn for to make them feel safe 
and warm
and cared for
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ijusdk · 9 years ago
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i cant find a reason to smile anymore
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ijusdk · 9 years ago
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my friends mam’s funeral was today and i had to miss it because of the hospital and im sat here bawling my eyes out she was such an amazing woman i miss her so much i didnt get to say goodbye
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ijusdk · 10 years ago
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its frustrating when you still think about your ex all the time. its been years. its just a very strange effect that wont go away. I kind of dont want it to, i want something that destroys me from the inside, which i can blame on my drug taking rather than just being a fuck up who does coke on a monday night 
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ijusdk · 10 years ago
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time for another line
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ijusdk · 10 years ago
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im ill agai. my  key doest work
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ijusdk · 10 years ago
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cocaine is such a nice drug
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ijusdk · 10 years ago
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i think out of the sex ive had in leeds last nights definitely was the best
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ijusdk · 10 years ago
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i kinda dont know what to do any more life is very hard all i want to do is smoke and drink until i cant fucking remember anything
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ijusdk · 10 years ago
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i have been here for one day and ive already been hit on by my housemate and my friends boyfriend ?? idk this place is weird i just wana get someone here who i can cuddle but idk anyone like that here ffs
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ijusdk · 10 years ago
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fuck me im so lame
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ijusdk · 10 years ago
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hey im a shit person and fuck everything up but im a loveable bundle of joy as long as you take me at face value n dont ask me anything ever
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