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💙Polin Week💛 day seven | Polin Songs ↝ Polin Spotify Playlist (1/?)

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“𝑮𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝑮𝒐𝒅 𝒊𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒏, 𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝑷𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒍𝒐𝒑𝒆 𝑭𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒕𝒐𝒏.”

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[176/547] — until we meet again, jungkook ♡  

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“In those moments alone, as my fingers trace freckles from cheek to collarbone, or as I watch the way starlight dances across skin, I marvel at how one can feel such intimacy, but also such great distance.”

Polin’s first kiss and Penelope’s first dance with Debling are both great moments that are callbacks to Colin’s journal entry and parallel the language, but with slight twists. In his entry, he’s baffled by how physical pleasure and intimacy can take place while there is still so much emotional distance between himself and his partner, leaving him feeling very much alone. In Polin’s first kiss, he is tracing Penelope’s freckles (he’s touching her face, I don’t think she actually has freckles), starlight is dancing across her skin, and he feels great physical and emotional intimacy but she’s still out of his reach because he’s coming to terms with his feelings and he doesn’t really know what she’s feeling.

In Penelope’s dance with Debling, moonlight/starlight is beaming through those windows and casting her in its light. Colin is literally watching starlight dance across her skin and he feels this great weight of emotional intimacy from the love he’s coming to realize he has for her, but she is metaphorically the furthest she’s has ever been from him in that she has resolved herself to move on from him (a place she hasn’t been since we’ve known her) and physically distanced from him because she has stepped away from him and into the company of another. [credit to this poster on reddit]

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@polin-erospsyche said these tags i wrote shouldn't be tags, and i trust her with my possible-inpending embarrassment, apparently, so, here you go:

i adore this look so much. the way colin looks at pen here will never not be used as a defence against people saying polin are 'rushed', or 'have no chemistry', or whatever it is they're saying now. and here's my little take on it.

-> you know how they say, you don't know what you have until it's gone. in this case, colin didn't realise how much he needed pen and her letters until they were gone....

—

this lonely, weary traveller has been away for months. we know his family doesn't often reply to his letters. and although he jokes about it, and they do too, we can all agree that he's upset by this, yes?

so in this moment, he turns around and sees the only person who has been corresponding with him throughout his journeys. he sees the woman who not only responds to every letter he sends but also who does so with genuine interest and fondness. the person who has made him feel like he has had a friend there with him on his travels. i personally believe he was alone for most, if not, nearly all of the time he was away. though, even if he did have some companionship; penelope was his constant for that time.

she has probably been keeping him entertained with stories, making sure he knows his family is okay, and asking him about every detail of his adventures. and in my opinion, i believe she barely ever mentioned herself in these letters. she has really been there with him every step of the way via her open ears (nay eyes) and written words.

and so finally, he sees her there, and i don't think he knows what to do with himself.

does he want to just say hello? probably not - look at his face! does he want to sit down with her right away and ramble on about things he has yet to say? or maybe just tell the same stories - because he knows she will listen, and she will understand, and she will enjoy hearing about them. maybe. does he want to hug her and say thank you? possibly.

my point is that i think he doesn't know what to do. it's such a short look that he doesn't have time to decide. and he's suspended in those moments when he sees her looking back at him with a huge smile on her face. he's overwhelmed.

i may be wrong in this part, but i also think he's a little surprised. he knows pen hangs out with his family a lot, but i don't think he expected her to be there right at that very moment he walked in the door. the man is baffled, to me. and in love.. despite not knowing it yet, hehe.

and it leads me to the sudden and heartbreaking point of 3.01. when colin has finished greeting his family, he turns to look at the featherington house because he notices right away that pen is not there like last time. and now it feels wrong that she isn't.

and if you watch that moment, the exact part when he turns back to his family again, there is something in the way his hands swing loosely at his sides, like a defeated sigh from his body - if you know what i'm trying to say.

his body language, to me, just screams disheartened... dispirited, or whatever other fancy word you'd see fit to use. but it's so subtle...

and then later we find out that penelope didn't respond to any of his letters this time. and i can only imagine how confused he is. because, honestly, he probably forgot about the horrible courting comment he made, and even if he remembered, he doesn't know then that pen heard it. so in his mind he is wondering where on earth his friend is. the possibility that she could be unwell has probably also crossed his mind. he is just - desperate, most likely - at this point to find out what's going on.

the thought of him, on his travels, everyday wondering why there still hasn't been a single letter signed 'penelope' absolutely breaks my heart.

and while i was about to end this post, i just thought about colin actually writing his own letters, and how he might've changed his tone along the way... do you think they ever included such words as something like: "i eagerly await your response." / "i hope to hear from you sometime soon." / "are you well, pen?"

or even this soul destroying, lump in the throat inducing quote that my mind has just come up with: "i've begun to think that there's a possibility you have not received my recent letters. for several weeks i have not heard back. not even a single tidbit about your mama, or my bothersome siblings. i must admit, my travels have not been as such fun or as fascinating as when i have my good friend to tell them to. i hope my writing finds you soon enough, or that yours finds me."

......

anyway, i don't write metas.. or i do and i never post them because i feel stupid and rambly and i'm never sure if it makes sense, but, i'm being a little brave here, haha. (thank you, luwen)

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This post is an reply to this post https://www.tumblr.com/polinsated/752385267795722240?source=share - @polinsated your tags should not be tags!!!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder is so applicable to Colin???

The first time he’s away she’s his compass, his writing companion, his anchor to home when he’s been pretty much cut off from his home and family. I also really believe that through her letters he’s discovered another side to Pen. The Pen who is quick witted and sharp and intelligent and knows the perfect words to choose and who is already, maybe without him being conscious of it, an inspiration to him and his writing. The Pen he grows to adore and worship the ground she walks on. And this solid quiet presence by his side is manifested when she’s actually physically in front of him as soon as he comes home. For me it’s love without knowing it’s love. It’s all the things associated with love. Fondness, adoration, deep understanding and being grounded and being so full of gratitude for all of these things. The invisible string is tightening between them.

And that’s why the second time he leaves it hits so hard when she does not reply to him. I’m willing to bet this idiot has every one of her letters she wrote to him memorised and he knows her through her writing so well he knows what she would say and think of the places he visited. And because the presence of her, the warmth of her words, are absent it causes him to freeze. And in doing so to question himself. Of course the absence of his family does not help. And so he wanders, changes his whole personality due to a lack of confidence, but still always always returns to the imagination of her and her words.

This is a man who fell in love with her mind, with her presence, with her absence before the attraction was ever physical. He fell in love with her through her writing

The tags in question that inspired me to drop everything and write a long ass post

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2.08 | 3.04

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Polin In The Season 3 Part 2 Trailer

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Colin being protective of Pen (ft. some jealousy)

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countdown to jin's return

d-10 ♡ jin + rj ✦ run bts! ep.70

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You are clever and warm and I am proud to call you my very good future wife friend.

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Penelope & Colin + Height Difference - Season 3 part 1

smol and tol TM

bonus: she's so little she can go under his arm

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if there is any video you need to watch today, you need to watch this. it's agonisingly beautiful.

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Penelope’s window 

Obviously the Featherington’s drawing room window looking out across the square to the Bridgerton’s house is a hugely significant part of this season (which is so fantastic because it’s been planted for two season straight now that’s she’s constantly sitting there - I love it!) but what about Pen’s bedroom window? 

On first watch I automatically assumed during the scenes where she’s sat at her bedroom window all day after her and Colin’s lessons are revealed to the ton that she was, as usual, looking out at the Bridgerton’s house. Especially because we immediately cut from this image to Colin looking out of HIS drawing room window towards the Featherington’s house. But then on second watch it struck me that her bedroom doesn’t look out over the square, its on the opposite side of the house, overlooking the gardens.

The best evidence I have for this is 2x08 where its looks as though Pen is watching the fireworks in her bedroom.

And during the scene in 3x02 from what I can see it’s mostly trees out there which doesn’t match up to the square at all so it’s got to be the back of the house.

So when she withdraws from society and hides in her room, it’s not the Bridgerton’s house she’s staring out at all day - it’s the garden. It’s the place where they made this disastrous plan, and the place where she heard Colin say he’d never court her.

Later that night when Colin meets her in the garden (God the symmetry is so GOOD) she describes herself as ‘a sad, stupid girl who believed she might possibly have a chance of love’ and I can’t help but be reminded of how crushed she was at the end of last season when she believed that things might finally be happening with Colin only to hear him completely reject the idea of ever courting her. 

I’d be willing to bet that she spent a good portion of that day in 3x02 staring out at the garden thinking about that night and punishing herself for having let herself hope, for having ‘brought this on herself’ again.

For Penelope, the drawing room window represents the hope that she might someday be with Colin. When she says to Debling in 3x04 she’s ‘grown tired’ of the view I think she means she’s grown tired of hoping for something that will never happen.

Whereas her bedroom window, I think, has come to represent the destruction of that hope (at least at this stage in her story). The only times we see her looking out of it are 2x08, and here in 3x02: moments when all hope is lost for her, not just in terms of being with Colin, but of finding love at all. Portia makes it pretty clear in this scene that the idea of Pen making a match is unrealistic, one could say, laughable.

And then where does Colin bribe Rae to bring Pen so they can have a moment alone? Not the front of the house or that little side entrance we see her meet Eloise at in season one (which would probably be more discreet to be honest), but the garden.

Whistledown’s narration is significant here too, she says: ‘a small taste of the light can lead to that most dangerous of emotions. Hope. And once hope is lost, a lady may become reckless.’ They are literally standing in the place where hope was lost, the place where he broke her heart last season, and the whole script is about to get flipped. She thinks this is the end of everything, when really it’s the beginning.

She’s been staring at the garden all day thinking about everything it represents; how she is nearly on the shelf and may die without ever having been kissed, how Colin Bridgerton would never dream of courting her. But it isn't true. Instead, true love is waiting for her down there. Hope is waiting for her down there. She is not going to die tomorrow. She is not going to die without ever having been kissed. Colin Bridgerton WOULD dream of courting her (and is about to in the next episode! In the bloody garden!!!)

This turned into a dissertation but all this to say that this is why Colin Bridgerton needs to climb through that bedroom window in part two and thoroughly make it up to her, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.