illuminatimermaid

[illuminatimermaid]

[illuminatimermaid]

Happy pride month to my dad. When I came out as bi to him, this man googled what it ment, look at me and said "ohh. Yeah. You get that from me. You'd have far more siblings of I only shaged women." And went right back to his work emails.

[illuminatimermaid]

[illuminatimermaid]

thinking about that time my mom ordered a bottle of vitamins online and they arrived with the tamper seal broken and she was going to just take them anyway and in desperation i had to bust out the “you know they never solved the chicago tylenol murders” to get her to mail them back

[illuminatimermaid]

somewhere out there right now is a kid with curly hair being raised by people who have wavy hair at best and those people are giving them 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner and telling them to dry brush it. and that kid is gonna spend all of middle school and high school hating their hair and moping over the flat iron. they're being told right now that if they don't dry-brush their curl pattern into oblivion every morning it means they're unkempt and gross even though they naturally have the kind of ringlets that a thousand bridezillas would commit horrible murders for every june. it's happening right now it's an absolute epidemic and a tragedy every time

[illuminatimermaid]

Priorities.

[illuminatimermaid]

i actually do think it’s anti-feminist to be fatphobic and yes i do mean that

[illuminatimermaid]

They should invent a method of asking for reassurance that nobody secretly hates you that doesn't make people secretly hate you.

[illuminatimermaid]

be pro-aging but wear sun screen. sun protection is not beauty industry propaganda it will save you. wear it. or else.

[illuminatimermaid]

okay now that we’ve a had couple lesbian blockbusters and milfs are having a romance moment, we need to bring back the manic pixie dream girl. she was never fuckin suited to fixing all the problems of some boring twenty year old everyman, but you know who could actually benefit from a quirky free-spirited blue haired girl with pronouns (she/they)? a newly divorced forty-something mom who’s trying to learn how to be herself for the first time in her life

[illuminatimermaid]

scribbles that went nowhere

[illuminatimermaid]

i love illegal immigration like yes bitch get in here

[illuminatimermaid]

the years have made me weird and strange to talk to. but still i must post

[illuminatimermaid]

[illuminatimermaid]

All the other bullshit wars we started for no good reason turned out to be huge clusterfucks where countless people died and the troops on the ground got whipped like rented mules and are only considered partial "successes" because Raytheon's shareholders made a little money off it, one after the other like clockwork, but surely *this* one will

[illuminatimermaid]

Uhh enemy nation 100% has weapons of mass destruction, we promise, therefore we are taking the wise and sensible position of initiating antagonisms with enemy nation we’re claiming can destroy the planet. No this isn’t like the other times we said that and maybe sort of lied to the world so we could regime change an adversarial country’s chosen leadership for material wealth and empire that’s absurd. Why would you accuse us of doing something we’ve done before? This is a just and moral bombing campaign this time!

[illuminatimermaid]

i havent the faggiest idea what youre talking about