ilovehimmore

[ilovehimmore]

MR NG SAVE ME FUCK

Kill

I need you, Mr Ng.

You saved me

No, I am happy

If you're happy

I will root for you quietly

And send you my savings and happy energy

Please, take all of it

Please, take everything

Please take all of me

If I have nothing left

God, will I be happy

For you

Your existence

Is grand enough for me

You, as someone to worship forever

It's good enough for me

[ilovehimmore]

Gotta be my chocolate Jesus!

It's good enough for me!

I need my chocolate Jesus,

It's good enough for me!

[ilovehimmore]

Oh my god

Mr Ng

Come save me

I don't care anymore

[ilovehimmore]

This is very strange to look at

Almost intrusive, almost erotic (but I've been avoiding sexual content for a long time and I plan to do so forever, it nearly feels like I'm looking at something "wrong", a kid caught by porn

petting her while we watch videos on my laptop🥺

[ilovehimmore]

Goddamn I'm so fucking angry

I turned from sad to spiteful

Fuck you

[ilovehimmore]

Wow this was really attractive

[ilovehimmore]

[ilovehimmore]

Oh god, help me

[ilovehimmore]

Fuck

I've been spending most of my time on "I am sober"

More than games, more than anything

And it became like an addiction, in a weird ironic way, but it gave me hope, happiness

To at least cover up my bpd symptoms

But hell

I feel like

[ilovehimmore]

Lmao

I have witnessed a lot of egg cracks, and played a lot of Bloodborne.

[ilovehimmore]

And I'm not stupid

[ilovehimmore]

Surprisingly

The most likely things to make me relapse on porn is not explicit nudity or porn itself

It's something emotional

Something strange

Something to make me feel again, something to make me want to be excited again

Something to make me believe, or hate, or hurt

Anything, that ruffles the stillness of the water

In my mind

To run their fingers over the cold lake

To touch me, mentally

I think if it touches my grief, and soaks itself inside my brain, instead

That

Will make me collapse

[ilovehimmore]

Bob Ross and Peapod the Pocket squirrel (1984)

[ilovehimmore]

Wow

My god

This is making me feel strange

But it's beautiful, and wonderful

Girl Tintin

[ilovehimmore]

"I do not feel sick enough to recover"

Hah

Fuck

[ilovehimmore]

'never be a suicide hotline receiver'

'i hope you experience the same bpd breakdown sometime in your life'

'i wish you depression and anxiety and the same horrible feeling'

'i wished you'd understand'

'fuck you'

Fuck you

What's wrong with you?

And I know that question

Is directed to me

What's wrong with you?

What's wrong with me?

How could I possibly expect you to understand?

'i hope you break down in the exact same way, this horrible fashion'

'i hope you feel what I've felt '

But fuck you, because you never will

And fuck me, you don't have bpd

[ilovehimmore]

yeah

Half-Life 2