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I’m so fucking irritated. I have been all day really. I’m thinking too much. My neck hurts. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I don’t want to be around anyone. I just want to scream. I don’t know why. But I feel compressed. I want a release. Smoking is only releasing for the moment. When will I feel the full sense of peace. Nothing will bother me. I’m not there yet. When will I be happy?
Another thing is I think I want to cut everyone off and be alone. I don’t know what to do. What to say. I don’t really care about anyone but me. I don’t care about your day. Like I just don’t give a damn. That’s not very healthy, but has anyone considered how they treat me isn’t healthy? No. Men don’t give a good fuck. So why should I? These men really feel as if I’m pressed. Again.. I could care less. That one man has been on my mind lately but I really feel like it’s a trap. I feel like all men are traps. None of these men on my list are a full package. Can give me what I’m looking for? Everyone has flaws but these are red flags.
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I’m fucking hilarious. I’m so bad at this “dating” stuff LMFAOOOOO boy fuck the convo shit. Just tell me when you trying to fuck. This man literally just told me what he was doing and I asked again LMFAOOO I’m horrible.
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Just because you’re a mother doesn’t mean you have to ignore yourself.
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He put his dick on me and whispered in my ear “I’ll always love you.”
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I'm not okay. I try so hard to be but I'm not. Why do I try to help everyone? I know he's trying to help and let me know but I'm not stupid. I'm gonna work my ass off for my child. Between two jobs and school I have to be fully prepared for this baby. But he thinks I'm just basically not even gonna try. Look I'm a hard working ass bitch with a beautiful support system. Why go away from my support system when I need them the most? I don't want to be at home, pregnant, and upset. I want to be getting prepared and be set with an apartment with my child, with or without the father. For the last time.. I don't need him and neither does my child. I'm a very strong person that will kill for what's hers. I will be go the end for the ones I love, no matter what. I'll be fine. Struggling, yes, but fine. Everything will play out. Because I know God got me no matter what. I'm here and with you and pregnant with your child for a reason. So I'll be the reason.
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Ugh.. I'm trying to stay clam I promise I am. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm tired of complaining I feel like I'm a complaining machine. But shit why do you keep doing stupid shit. I really feel like there's someone else and that hurts. I pray there isn't. I pray I'm not wasting my time. I pray.
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Why can't I have dick whenever I want? I'm fucking pissed.
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This shit makes me sick to my stomach. I'm tired of the constant crying, the constant bickering, the constant bullshit. There's always "because I love you" but there's no way you love me the way you're acting you do. You're going off what I say rather than how I act. I really love you and I fucking show it. I put my all into something and I'm not getting your all in return. And it's not fair. I'm putting my foot down dude. I can't keep running back when you keep just accusing me of shit I'm really not doing. You're driving me away from you because you're scared. You'll be single and lonely forever the way you're treat loyal and good women. I'm so good to you and I try my very hardest but all I get in return is being called a hoe and this same continuous shit. It's a repeating cycle. We scream and yell and I leave, but I always come back. I'm done with it. I love you too much to leave completely but until something changes I can't keep doing this. I'll have to eventually leave to protect myself. You're trying to protect yourself but in the process you're hurting me. I don't know if it's you're still in love with your baby mama or she just really fucked you up but it always result back to her. You can't be over it, there's no way. Everything I do is back to something she did. I think you still love her and no matter how much it might hurt me there's no way I can be with someone who still loves someone else. That's not fair to me and the love I provide. I don't know I might be wrong but that's the way you're acting. I really love you and I don't want to lose you, but you're making me want to leave.
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