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[iloveyoualready]

5/27/2017

Hi honey,
GOODNESS! It’s been a while since I’ve written you. A lot has been going on, been staying busy. Thank goodness for friends. Isn’t it crazy though that as soon as you leave the people you love and love you, you can feel so stinkin’ lonely… I can go from being sooo happy to so depressed lately. It sucks. I’ve been thinking about you quite a bit. I wish you could be here. I have a crazy schedule these next couple weeks. I leave for New York City in the morning at 5am. I finally get to see Sara Bareilles live on her own Broadway show. She’s been part of my heart in every mood, I hope I get to meet her. I’m hoping by the time I meet you that I somehow manage to sort out the whole spending money thing. I know it takes a little getting used to, adulting.. but this season has been a lot of working and paying bills, so I try not to feel bad spending money. I work hard, so this summer before I go to Slippery Rock is dedicated to going out with a bang. I love the area I live in, but I’m so ready for change. I’m going to NYC for the day tomorrow, and then Nashville with Olivia on the 6th of June until the 16th. I’m driving, fingers crossed!! Lola has been in California since the beginning of February. I miss her terribly, I talked to her this morning on the phone for like an hour. I love her so much. I told her that once she gets back from California, we can go to the wineries in NY State for my 21st. She got all giggly, it was adorable. She told me she was so proud of me today, it almost makes me cry thinking about it. This season has been so hard because I’m just done with my parents criticizing my decisions, I wish they would just realize what I’m doing is for me, it’s to better myself. They may never understand that. That’s okay honestly. I just want to hear that their proud of me. They may never say it, but it’s nice to hear. I’ll keep doing me and keep being strong. I love you more and more everyday my love. Ugh, I’ll see you soon. Sending my love to wherever you may be,
Brie

[iloveyoualready]

4/6/2017

Helllooooo my love, 
Today is such a wonderful day. Everything is going smoothly {so far}. The weather is GORGEOUS today and the church service was so moving. My heart is fluttering with joy and nothing, not even myself, can bring me down. I love days like today, they remind me to keep going, that there are better days ahead. Pastor John’s message was about God’s promises and how they will always happen, particularly when you’re in this season of delay. Just knowing that God is orchestrating my plan makes me feel like something great is coming. I keep reading all of these promises about how the Lord is going to give me the desires of my heart as long as I just keep holding on. It’s been great because He just keeps giving these reminders and blips of His presence along the way. It’s like He’s dating me and keeps giving me compliments and cute gestures. My stomach has butterflies and it makes me giddy. Whatever He’s declaring over my life, He’s going to deliver in full. I wish you were here, but I can’t wait for the moment I see you. I’m not looking for you anymore. You’re coming, in His time. I’m glad I can share this mountaintops with you, despite the season of being by myself. I love you and I’m going to cut it short today. Talk to you soon! 
Sending much love and prayer your way today,
Brie

[iloveyoualready]

3/26/2017

I did not write this letter personally, but I had to share it with you because it reflected my feelings exactly today. Dear future husband,
There are moments when I dream of you. Moments when thoughts randomly come and I can suddenly imagine these dreams, these prayers coming to life like a beautiful awakening. I see us sipping coffee, telling stories, whispering things that we are too afraid to mutter out loud. I see us cruising down the highway, getting lost in the good feeling, loud music and each other’s company. I see us doing big things for the Lord- things that are beyond both of our wildest imaginations. I see us chasing Jesus fiercely, being intentional with out time, learning how to do life together, creating traditions and Saturday morning rituals that are ours alone. I see us digging deep into hard conversations, being honest, not holding back tears, & giving grace even when it’s really hard. I see us making pancakes and holding babies and cuddling while watching a favorite tv show and laughing until we can’t anymore. You know, I see us doing a lot of big things, but I see the little things too. The ordinary days, the days when love is hard, the mundane trips to the grocery store, the uneventful blur of some days, the piling of laundry- perhaps those moments in between the big ones really are where we find ourselves and the heartbeat of our love. Those moments of choosing love and fighting for it even in the private places. And one day in between the now and then, I will be in your arms and doing this thing we will call our life together. And wow… I can’t wait.

[iloveyoualready]

3/11/2017

Hi love, I'm just sitting here after a day by myself spent in Williamsport, trying to get my mind of my problems. I've learned that things get worse when I just wallow in my sadness, so I force myself to go out and do something. I think that I get my best thinking done when I'm out and about. I like noticing smalls things and breaking it apart rather than facing the big picture. I've learned today that God designed my heart for something deeper than what I or anyone else can see. I don't even understand it, and I may never fully grasp it. I hope He reveals it to me over time. I think when God was forming my heart and my mind that He knew I was always going to battle between what others think and what I do with what they say. That may sound confusing, I still don't understand it. But my heart and mind just operate differently than others. I'm a people pleaser, not that I would give everything for someone that just doesn't give a crap, but I will go out of my way to do my best so that it pleases my heart. People will never understand that part about me, and I'm okay with that I think. God knew that my life was not going to be easy. That's why He has given me this uphill battle, and I'm fine with it. I actually think it's strange when I'm not going through something difficult. I've grown to like the challenge. I've also grown to not rush it and not get angry when I can't figure it out. I've learned He's going to take care of me, of course I'm not just going to sit here and not be proactive, but I'm certainly not going to stress that it's not going to workout for the good. I know it will. I just wanted to give you my little snip it of my day. I love you, I'll talk to you soon. Love you muchas, Brie

[iloveyoualready]

3/9/2017

Good morning darling, I woke up this morning feeling very blessed and peaceful. I drink my coffee and have been watching the news this morning. I've been putting in a lot of hours at the pharmacy, and it's been nice having the morning off for once. Every day's a different day for me. I never know how I'm going to feel when I wake up each morning. Some days I feel really down in the dumps, other days I feel like I can conquer the world. This morning God just been reminding me that I am okay where I am right now in this stage of my life. Is it weird that I already miss you and I don't even know you yet? I've been oddly turned off to talking to other people, mostly guys, that have interest in me. I've been doing this thing lately where I put myself out there to get to know someone and once I realize that they might have qualities that could be harmful to me, I kind of shut them out. I don't think that would be considered "guarding your heart" but I think of it more as a defense mechanism. I think up until this point my life has trained me to catch the warning signs before people let me down. And it's not that I'm only going to love people in a selfish manner, because I would consider myself a very relentless person that loves without borders. However, I think I'm going to start being more selfish with my feelings. I've started to realize that not everyone has your best interest at heart, even the people that make it out to seem like they do. But God continues to remind me that people love me. I've had countless people in the past few weeks reach out to me that haven't talk to me in years. Little sweet reminders. As much as I want to be frivolous with my love, I'm learning to let myself be loved by others. I never want to grow up and be a bitter woman, bitter towards the world. I truly love people. I'm holding out for you honey. I'm working on my growth, because I want to be ready for you when you come into my life. I want to be prepared for the love that I want to give so that God will bless it. Time to start my day. I love you, I'm praying for you today, where and whatever you're doing. Xoxo, Brie

[iloveyoualready]

3/3/17

Dear honey, Today hasn't been easy. I'm failing myself lately, and I know I shouldn't be completely focused on that, that's not what I'm striving for. I'm doing just fine. I'm working hard, but I just feel like I could be doing better, doing more. I just don't know what that is quite yet. I've been holding out for you lately, thinking about you a lot. I've stopped looking for you, I'm just waiting for you to come to me. I'm tired of diving into something, another relationship, that isn't you. I'm loving Jesus as hard as I can. Of course, I fail over and over and over... I bought this dumb phone today, thinking it would make me feel better, and as I am proud of myself that I did something so adult today, it didn't make me feel any better. Money and gifts will never be my pleasure, they are only great when I give them away. I love giving surprises more than I love getting them. I thought I'd start writing you letters when I get sad, when I'm happy, and when I'm in-between. I'm working hard to not-so-much love myself, but more so find reasons to love God more and more. I'll never find something in myself more pleasing than I do when I find something that's pleasing to His heart. Thank goodness for His love. It's been the only thing keeping me straight lately this side of eternity. Eyes on the prize. I love you, see you soon. Love, Brie