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Too mad to fall asleep too sad to try and think. I hate myself so much that if i see my reflection in a mirror i would fucking beat the shit out of it till i see blood on it. I have no idea wtf im doing with my life, i just want all this to end.

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Woah

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“I wonder”

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I smile but…

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Dear close friends,

I’m sorry for all those hours where I’ve forced you to listen to me rambling about the same problem over and over. I know you are sick of hearing me talking about how she broke my heart and how a new girl came along, stealing my heart again.

I’m sorry that I can sit for hours and hours describing how she makes me feel and for talking about stuff that really doesn’t matter.

I’m sorry that I talk so much that you barely can get a word in because I get over-exited.

I’m sorry that I can never shut up when we watch your favorite movie, I just have so much too say.

I’m sorry for all the times I’ve been too loud in public, sorry for embarrassing you.

I’m sorry that I’m so insecure that I apologize for everything I do, and that I constantly seek approval.

I’m sorry for the times I ask you if you think something is wrong with me, I’m sorry for the late calls when I’m crying asking you why no one will love me or why people never stay.

I know I’m flawed and for that, I’m sorry.

I know I often get caught up in my mind, and I never let you in. I talk about the obvious, stuff that may not matter. I know you think that I don’t let you in enough.

I’m sorry for not telling you about my childhood traumas. I’m sorry for not telling you why I have issues with saying I love you. But I do, I love you.

I’m sorry for not telling you why I flinch when you try to embrace me. I’m so so sorry for not being able to be with you in bring crowds because it gets too much.

I’m sorry.

I’ve been broken so many times, that talking about what’s really going on inside of my mind, about all the dark things, I just can’t bring myself too. Because I’ve had so many people leave because of what goes up in my mind and so few understand, and for that I’m sorry.

I wish I could let you in, but it isn’t as easy as it seems. I’m sorry.

But I hope you find the courage to stay with me, even though I have so much to apologize for. I hope that you know how much I appreciate you, and that I do love you.

Thank you, for the times you listened to every meaningless thing I have to say. Thank you for still bringing me out in public, and thank you for being patient with me. Thank you.

~ An open apology letter to my close friends ~

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