im-not-a-bird - Tumblr blog

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please listen to this poor man losing his shit as he reads an article blaming millenials for killing the mayonnaise industry that was written by a babyboomer upset people don’t want to eat her bland salads anymore

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What a nice bird share this bird so everyone can see it cause it’s a great bird completely unlike me I’m a person not a great bird

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Wat a gud bird evry1 Cher bird

A study has shown that Male Robins Make the Best Bird Husbands as they possess the capability to guess what their wives want to eat, whether or not they saw what the females ate last, they can still get exactly what their partner wished for. They are also Monogamous.

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just the girly things

forcing an earing through a closed piercing

taking off tight clothes and rubbing the indents they left on your skin 

human sacrifice

homemade face masks 

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PLEASE READ THIS AND TAKE IT SERIOUSLY

WRITTEN BY A COP: Everyone should take 5 minutes to read this. It may save your life or a loved one’s life. In daylight hours, refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency situation… This is for you, and for you to share with your wife, your children, & everyone you know. After reading these 9 crucial tips, forward them to someone you care about. It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do :The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!

2. Learned this from a tourist guide. If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you… Chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy.. The driver won’t see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON’T DO THIS!) The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR , LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE..

If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, Repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage: A.) Be aware:look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor , and in the back seat. B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars. C.) Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle, and the passenger side.. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!)

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; and even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, Preferably in a zig -zag pattern!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked ‘for help’ into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird.. The police told her ‘Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door..’ The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, ‘We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.’ He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby’s cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby.. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby’s cries outside their doors when they’re home alone at night.

10. Water scam! If you wake up in the middle of the night to hear all your taps outside running or what you think is a burst pipe, DO NOT GO OUT TO INVESTIGATE! These people turn on all your outside taps full blast so that you will go out to investigate and then attack.

Stay alert, keep safe, and look out for your neighbors! Please pass this on This e-mail should probably be taken seriously because the Crying Baby Theory was mentioned on America ’s Most Wanted when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana

I’d like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle.. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.

Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it’s better to be safe than sorry.. Everyone should take 5 minutes to read this. It may save your life.

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What if the tumblr logo was in comic sans?

Like it went from

to

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How are penguins not extinct?

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George-Washington.zip

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Good very good much bird

Two-headed swallow Available as a print: https://www.redbubble.com/people/straungewunder/works/33104602-swallow?asc=u

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This is a good bird it’s nothing like me cause I’m not bird good job

Quick parrot doodle!

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Some people’s think I’m bird

I’m not bird I am a person such humanity

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Would you just look at this bird just look at is woulda just look at it

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Look at this bird You’re welcome

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This is absolutely preposterous a bird could never be part of something as cynical as the Illuminati

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That is the only honorable way for my atoms to stop being part of me

When the human race is dead and the sun explodes, your atoms will be thrown out into space and could end up being an aliens butthole billions of years from now

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