imaginethisscenario

[imaginethisscenario]

He’s DEAD?!?

Sometimes, I get so roped up in fanfictions and fanart that i genuinely forget that thorin is canonically dead

[imaginethisscenario]

Bilbo called baby dwobbit Frodo “Petal”

And Thorin called him his “Pebble”

You’re welcome

[imaginethisscenario]

Just some stupid Bagginshield fic ideas that have been rolling around in my noggin this week that I’ll never get around to making. (Free for the taking; go wild)

- National Treasure style AU where Bilbo is hired by Thorin (Nicolas Cage) to help him track down the Knights Templar Treasure.

- The plot of The Hobbit is the same except that Bilbo is actually thrown from the ramparts by Thorin. Seeing Bilbo’s lifeless body snaps Thorin out of the dragon sickness. He then dies in botfa and is gifted a second chance by the Valar to not succumb to greed and save Bilbo. He wakes up the morning of the unexpected party. (Suggested plot twist: Bilbo was given the same second chance to save Thorin from his greed and his later death.)

- Whether it is because of the power of the One Ring or the Arkenstone itself, Bilbo is the one to succumb to dragon sickness. The rest of the company backs him up, and Thorin must work with Gandalf, Thranduil, and Bard to rescue his hobbit from the pull of the Arkenstone.

- Pirates of the Caribbean AU where Thorin is Will Turner and Bilbo is Elizabeth Swan. (Bonus points if there is a sequel that follows Dead Men Tell No Tales with Frodo as Henry Turner).

- The story is the exact same except that Thranduil is King Julien.

Are any of these already fanfiction? Because if they are, I will definitely read them. Mention them in the comments. Otherwise, someone smarter and better than me needs to write these so I may be entertained.

[imaginethisscenario]

I can just hear the absolute screeching halt the rest of the company’s mind comes to when they see little Frodo :

“Bilbo, you never said hobbits could have babies…”

“What? Of course we can have babies!” Bilbo said with a huff. “What a ridiculous thing to say. Do you think we have eggs?”

“Well, now I’m not sure what to think,” Bofur muttered, some closest to him nodding in agreement as they watched the baby in Fíli’s hands.

“The little pebble has your eyes, Uncle Thorin!” Kíli gushed, looking as if he was fighting very hard not to rip the baby from his brother’s hands.

“This is crazy,” Fíli muttered, the sweetest softest smile on his face as he gently stroked the babies cheek. “Hello, little prince.”

“Well done, Thorin,” Dwalin congratulated, patting his now very confused friend.

“…thank you.”

“Of course he gets all the credit,” Bilbo snarked, eyeing Thorin playfully as he placed his hands on his hips. “Meanwhile, I’m the one who carried him.”

“That’s simply not fair, ghivashel. I told you if I could have, I would have,” Thorin said missing everyone’s horrified and confused looks as he sent a jealous look his nephews way. Frodo was smiling softly up at Fíli, his eyes drooping slightly as he was very content in the dwarfs arms. “I don’t know why he doesn’t like me.”

“Don’t worry too much, laddie,” Gloín reassured. “My Gimli preferred his ma for years - ma’s have a way with their wanes after all.” He paused, glancing between Bilbo and Frodo curiously. “Not sure how that statement fits in for this, but now, we’re thick as thieves, my Gimli and I. Your time will shine, just you wait.”

“How do you…” everyone turned to Ori’s beet red face, the dwarf looking horribly embarrassed that he had even started talking. “How does he… eat?” The company was immediately intrigued, a few instinctively glancing at Bilbo’s chest. The hobbit didn’t notice though, leaning against Thorin with a shrug.

“Just a bottle with whatever milk is available, though the little dear favors cow milk,” he explained, missing the way Thorin turned to Balin and quietly ordered him to send for more cows from the nearest farm. “And now that’s he’s a few months older, he likes to munch on soft foods.” Frodo gave a large yawn, earning soft smiles and little fawning noises from the company around him. And that was the sign that Bilbo needed as he stood. “Okay, he’s going to nap, and I know there are things you all were doing before this.” The company seemed to jump into action at that.

“I’ll begin making him some new clothes,” Dori cheered. “Durin blue with silver strands - he’s going to be adorable!”

“I’ll go restock the medical cabinets,” Oín grunted. “Children get sick so often.”

“I’m gonna start on some toys, for the lad!” Bofur called, Nori, Bifur, and Gloín throwing in their services.

“I can go make some foods most dwarf babies like,” Bombur offered.

“But he’s half hobbit!” Nori called after him, receiving a shrug from the chef.

“I’m sure his dwarven half will kick in.” That was when the two newly made parents shared a startling look with one another, turning back to the company that was all practically gone.

“His what half?” Thorin called, but no one responded. Why would they? Ori was walking out hand in hand with Dwalin when he sent Bilbo a smile.

“I’ll start up on some baby books,” he grinned, Dwalin sending Thorin a wave.

“I’ll make some soft weapons. He’s young, still, but we’ll start his training early.” And with that, the door fell shut, leaving only the Durin’s in the room. Frodo had now fallen asleep, too happy to do so in Fíli’s arms and the dwarf was all too happy to keep him there, going as far as kicking his brother away when Kíli tried to take him. The two settled into the large armchair, Kíli accepting defeat (for now) and taking up the other.

“It’s so cool you had a baby, Uncle Bilbo.”

“I what?!”

Bilbo's been living in Erebor for a few years as the king's consort when he gets word from the shire that a little baby hobbit has been entrusted into his care and can you come pick up your baby cousin please so Bilbo and Thorin make the journey to Bag-end to collect little Frodo, but for various reasons (probably safety/general dwarf secrecy idk) they don't tell anyone other than Balin the reason for their journey

All this to say can you imagine the chaos that ensues when Bilbo and Thorin mysteriously disappear for months and then return with a hobbit baby with blue eyes and dark wavy hair

[imaginethisscenario]

Funny fic idea where Thorin survives BOTFA but Bilbo has already left for the Shire so he sends dozens of ravens over the course of the next year and each one doesn’t get a response so he just

Decided to go to the Shire himself to get an answer so he can finally get a conclusion to everything but what’s this?

Bilbo never GOT any of the ravens. He’s been here wallowing in grief for the past year and what do you mean you’re alive and standing here and that I’m NOT hallucinating???

Turns out Hamfast has been dealing with a ‘crow’ problem around the Baggins garden for the better part of the year and he’s been shooing these birds off and only when asked does he tell Bilbo.

Poor guy was just doing his job

[imaginethisscenario]

Love the idea that in dwarven culture saying anything negative about the durin line would probably be seen as a not very good thing considering that they are literally royalty. Like yeah, talking shit about the KING, wouldn’t be highly recommended.

And then this 4 foot tall, fat little creature that nobody has any clue what it is just strolls on in and calls the princes stupid right to their face (they are) and smacks the king on the shoulder (after a rude comment.) and he just…gets away with it?

Like bilbo is just committing treason on the daily and no one bats an eye

[imaginethisscenario]

Y'all

Imagine if Bilbo lost his lil acorn once Smaug was dead.

Throin sees Bilbo looking around all panicked, digging through some pile of gold or gems, and asks about it, and this is where he learns about the acorn.

So of course he offers to help look, while they're looking for the Arkenstone, and eventually they've got the whole company looking for both. Thorin's head seems a little more clear suddenly, so everyone's more looking for the acorn than the arkenstone, because yeah they're looking for the arkenstone, but they'll know it when they see it, they have to CONCENTRAIT to find a lil acorn, and it's important they find IT soon or it'll get crushed, or die or rot. The arkenstone has lasted this long. It'll last a little longer.

And because they've all got he mindset if "yeah thats a bit of gold, but it's not an acorn. Sure sure some pretty gems but it's not an acorn!" In there heads, they stave of the gold sickness.

When Fili shouts, "I found it!" They're all rather disappointing when they realise he means the Arkestone. Thorin pockets it, but they return to their search for the acorn right away.

Then, one day, Thranduil shows up demanding the white gems and Thorin's standing up on the barracks like "Sure, if we come across them."

And Thranduil's like "what do you mean if you come across them?"

"There was a dragon in the mountain for over a century! He wasn't exactly cleaning and we're a bit preoccupied with our own search at the moment! I'll send them your way once we find them! If takes a day or a year, you'll live!" And then he disappears from Thranduil's sight.

Only to reappear after a moment, looking slightly irritated. The hobbit is by his side looking, perhaps hopeful? With a roll of his eyes, Thorin says, bitting out the words like they physically hurt to say "If you would like, perhaps you could send a select few of your most trusted guard, and if they might help us in our search, they can also look for your gems as well?"

Thranduil has never been more caught of guard in his life. Did a dwarf, one whom he'd had imprissoned in his dungeon less than a month ago, just invite his people into his most recently reclaimed treasurey?

"I'm sorry. What?" He blinks up at the dwarf- most elegantly, he assures you.

"Elves have very keen eyes, do you not?" Asks the little hobbit. "We're looking for my acorn, you see, that I got from Beorn the skin changer, I seem to have lost it in the dragon's chase, and we fear it'll be crushed. Throin says your box would likely be in the front of the treasurey, and we haven't searched there yet, though Smaug did follow us through there, so it's a fine place for your people to start. It would be greetly appreciated."

And really. The argument could go on, Thranduil's really not sure he believes there IS an acorn, but if it gets him those damned white gems, fine. He sends Tauriel and her guard, and Legolas volunteers himself.

When Bard shows up asking for aid for the town Thorin throws his hands up. "Your just as bad as the elves! We just got our montain back! Fah! At least you asked for nothing so specific!" And practically chucks a chest full of randomly scooped up gold and gems over at the man. "But if there is an acorn in there, you are to return it immediately!"

There isn't an acorn.

"Why would there be an acorn?" He asks Thranduil that evening as he takes tea with the Elven king who's made camp outside the Lonely Mountain as a statement to the dwarven king he doesn't mean to leave without what's rightfully his, regardless of their compliance.

"His husband appears to be rather attached to it." Thranduil shrugs. "I don't pretent to understand the ways of haflings, but if the hobbit has half so strong a love for that which grows from the earth, as the dwarves do that which is mined from it, and I was a king who'd dragged my consort half way across Middle Earth to risk his life battling a dragon for its hoard, I'd think it wise to have the Mountain turned upside down for one measly acorn as well."

Dain shows up and is about ready to storm the peacefully-aiding-the-humans-at-this-point-because-we're-here-what-else-do-we-have-to-do elves on principle, but Thorin puts a stop to it quick.

It takes Dain a day and a half to realised that Thorin did infact say "they were all looking for an Acorn," yesterday, and several minutes to understand that he was saying "no, we found the Arkenstone days ago," today.

And of course, the orcs and goblins show up and are defeated by the forced of them all, united under Acorn Peace Treaty of 2942

Sadly, weeks go by, and they do not find the acorn. They do eventually find the Gems, and Legolas and the majority of the elves return to Mirkwood, Legolas having made good friends with the Company, especially Gloin (this is a suprise tool that will help him later) but Tauriel remains, and if Thorin wasn't smitten with the hobbit, he might comment on just how close Kili is growing to her. At least she's respectful. Might just teach that boy a think or two. The opposite is, of course, true, and Tauriel becomes just as much a menace as the princes.

As the weeks go by and proper cataloging of the treasury commences, every dwarf who comes to help is shows a picture of the acorn every single morning, and promised a just reward for its discovery.

Eventually, Bilbo has to concede they aren't going to find it, but, well, by then he's not exactly planning to return to the Shire for long enough to care for a sprouting tree.

He does return long enough to stop all his things being auctioned off, no he's not a ghost, thank you very much, and have Bag End transfered to his cousin Drogo and his wife, before setting back out for Erebor with the things he intends to keep.

It's years before anyone thinks of the poor lost little acorn again, decades, infact.

One day, in the early morning of the 21st Durin's day after the reclaiming of Erebor, a dwarf comes rushing from the treasurey to find the Royals preparing for the celebration.

"Is it one of these, your highne- uh, Bilbo, your lost acorn?" He asks, stuttering over the title he knows the hobbit dislikes. "I can't really.... tell them apart."

And Bilbo just blinks, because in the cupped palms of the dwarf's are perhaps 15 or 20 little acorns...

"Where did you find these?" He asks.

"They were in the back."

"The back?" Thorin repeats, then catches himself and shoos the dwarf back the way he came "Show us."

They all- Bilbo and Thorin, the princeses, and a handful of the company who'd been present- follow the dwarf down into the treasurey, and then through the treasurey, past all the neat piles of gold and the many chests of organized gems and stones and all manner of other treasures, until they're presented with a very familiar back door.

Or rather, a hidden passage, tucked away in an alcove, where another handful of acorns' the few the Dwarf who'd brought them the first had likely missed- are scattered about.

"You did... just have the one, right Uncle Bilbo?" Fili asks.

"Or course I just had the one!" Bilbo retorts. "I couldn't have possibly carried that many with me all the way from Beorn's!"

With a resigned sort of sigh, as he begins to piece together the answer to a decades old mystery, Thorin steps forward and follows the tunnel up, up, up, and out of Erebor, the others- save the dwarf who brought them, dismissed by Bilbo with a smile, a thanks, and an oh, no, you may keep those- right behind.

As they walk, the acorns start to increase. Though there's never so many as to begin piling up in the tunnel, by the time they reach the end, the majority of the ground is covered in a solid layer if the little things, and the crunch underfoot as they all emerge onto the ledge which they had all once stood, with batted breath in the moon light as they realised they were at last, truly home.

"Was that here last time?" Kili asked, studying the impressive Oaktree shading the entire ledge that sat in front of the secret entrance to Erebor.

The trunk of the tree was wide and solid, sitting right up against the mountain side, and rather winning the battle of wills against the carved stone architecture of the dwarves. Its limbs grow twisted and wild, up and out in all directions. It's easily 250 or 300 feet tall. There is all sorts of life flittering about in its florishing branches, all covered in brilliant green leaves, and fresh green little acorns.

The growned all around them is covered in acorns as well, so many more than the tunnel.

"No." Thorin says, watching a squirrel dash down from the trunk of the tree, shove several acorns into its cheeks, and dash back up the trunk. "No it was not." He turns to Bilbo, and raises an eyebrow. "Lost it after the dragons chase, you said?"

Beet red and look quite flustered, all Bilbo can manage out is a squicky little "oops."

"'Oops' indeed." Thorin returns, smiling fondly.

[imaginethisscenario]

bagginshield tangled!au but idk who's who. Fits either way really. Bilbo is a burglar, and he helps Thorin get back to his kingdom (one way or another), so he could be Flynn Rider/Eugene, but Bilbo is also 'trapped' in his house his whole life so he also fits as Rapunzel. Thorin could be Flynn/Eugene bc he was technically like a guide to Bilbo (hc that Bilbo had zero idea where exactly they were going), but he's also Rapunzel coded bc he's been kept away from his kingdom from the big bad - Smaug/mother Gothel. Also, Dwalin has Maximus (the horse) vibes, in which case it would make more sense that Thorin was Rapunzel, but doesn't mean much.

[imaginethisscenario]

Imagine if a dwarf from the iron hills is visiting. He doesn't recognize bilbo as the kings husband. Thinking Bilbo is an assassin roaming the royal halls, he beats him, ties him up and brings him to the great hall. Believing king thorin would reward him for catching the assassin only to realize VERY quickly that he indeed, fucked up.

[imaginethisscenario]

The first time Bilbo touches thorin's beard, thorin freezes. Bilbo was only trying to be helpful, wiping crumbs from it and smoothing it out after. He only realizes his mistake when lifting his head and seeing everyone at the great hall watching him.

[imaginethisscenario]

I personally think that hobbits are told as fauntlings that if they misbehave they'll get carried away by hawks/eagles/crows and other big birds, so when the eagles come get the company Bilbo is like... wow... we are in SO much trouble.

[imaginethisscenario]

I got further into the council of Elrond and the dwarves are fucking ride or die man

[imaginethisscenario]

Does anyone else remember this scene they cut at the end of BOTFA where Thorin arrives at Bag End (ALIVE), and he and Bilbo chat about their happy future together as husbands and how nothing bad will happen to them ever again? No? Just me? More Bagginshield for me then. 💖

[imaginethisscenario]

Kili, running into the room : UNCLE-

Thorin, whispering : SHHH! Bilbo is sleeping

Kili, also whispering : Oh, sorry

Thorin, still whispering : What's up?

Fili, who was just behind Kili, whispering calmly : There's a fire

[imaginethisscenario]

Kili and Fili noticing how much Bilbo gets annoyed by being called the wrong name, so gradually the names get worse

Fili : Mr Boggins, could you help me?

Kili : Mr Blobbins have you seen that?

Bilbo : For the last time, it's Baggins

Fili : Look Mister Blubbers!

Bilbo : Stop it Fili

Kili : Where is Mister Bubbles?

Fili : Guys I found Mr Blueberries

Bilbo : You're not even trying anymore

Kili : What do you mean, Mr Bumblebee?

The next day :

Bilbo: Please Kili and Fili you can call me Bilbo

Kili: Oh okay Beelord

Fili: If you thinks so Beano

Bilbo: God have mercy

Later that day, after Bilbo gave up :

Bilbo : Good morning Kidleaf, have you slept well?

Kili : Yes very well Uncle Beepboop

Bilbo : What do you want for breakfast Fungi?

Fili : Pancakes please, Uncle Bamboo

[imaginethisscenario]

I like to imagine that, during the Hobbit, Gandalf spent half his time translating.

Thorin: You're like a pebble in my shoe

Bilbo: What?

Gandalf: bad weed in your garden

Bilbo: aaah, wait (ofended)

[imaginethisscenario]

I love the headcannon that the dwarves give Bilbo braids but as somebody who constantly takes out and redoes their own braids/ponytails I can see many ways for this to go hilariously wrong. Like Bilbo's wearing some kind of Braid of Courage and he tries to fix it and accidentally turns it into a Braid of Looking for a Suitor or something and causing scandal with all the dwarves. Like we have fics about dwarves sending off terrible Hobbit etiquette messages, I want Bilbo accidentally insulting someone's lineage cause his head was itchy and he scratched his scalp. He accidentally puts his courtship bead on upside down and Thorin starts crying cause "why is he rejecting me"