imalivinghumanandnotavampire

[imalivinghumanandnotavampire]

golly

you do not have permission to stop caring about vampires just because october is over btw. vampires are a year round event

[imalivinghumanandnotavampire]

hmmm... interesting... this may not apply to me... but i will be taking notes...

Ranking Vampire Blood Sources By Their Eroticism

Vampires can of course suck blood from any part of their victim, but what is the sexiest place to drink from? Here is a ranking of the hottest body parts to suck blood from, for a vampire*

The Neck

You can't go wrong with this classic. The neck has many nerves and some of the biggest blood vessels in the body. 8/10

The Inner Thigh

Need it hotter? Go for the femoral artery. The thigh is both delicious and soft and one of the best erogenous zones. 9/10

The Arm

It's an arm. It's not bad but it's not all that sexy. 7/10

The Butt

This depends on personal taste, no pun intended. The glutes can be plump and playful, but others may find the whole region dirty. 3-6/10

The Eye

The eyes are the windows to the soul, and bleed very well when punctured, but the pain level is far too cruel for any but the most extreme sadists of vampirekind. 2/10

The Fingertip

Unless your vampire is checking your blood sugar this just isn't very compelling. 3/10

The Ribs

Oh god yes. Ever nibble someone's ribs? Ever let them nibble yours? Imagine a vampyric feast on that sexy sexy ribcage. 10/10

The Renal Artery

When your body needs to clean your blood of toxins and other gross stuff, it sends that blood to the kidneys. The kidneys are the sewage filter of the blood and they're not even conveniently placed. Unquestionably the least sexy place for the human and vampire alike. 0/10 would not suck.

*Facts-I-Just-Made-Up does not condone drinking the blood of the living nor dead nor anything not prepared by culinary professionals.

[imalivinghumanandnotavampire]

wait, there's non fictional vampires... quite the revelation, I'm terrified

cant fucking sleep bc wikipedia has separate lists for vampires and for fictional vampires

[imalivinghumanandnotavampire]

Just an experiment. Reblog if you actually give a fuck about male victims of domestic violence and rape.

Of fucking course

What sick bastard doesn’t

[imalivinghumanandnotavampire]

small little suggestion, what if we do??? No reason, I'm human

No!

[imalivinghumanandnotavampire]

not a vampire, but I certainly get blamed a lot...

garfield of the day

[imalivinghumanandnotavampire]

while definitely not a vampire, I don't live in a castle either, mostly because I would get lost and I definitely don't have thousands of years to map the entire area to the point I can easily navigate it

[imalivinghumanandnotavampire]

I would find this interesting if I were able to eat like him, yet as a non vampire that is living and human I cannot

vice dot com I do not think that's legal

[imalivinghumanandnotavampire]

This is rather interesting, truly a shame they don't make interesting food for you US non blood consumers

[imalivinghumanandnotavampire]

hmmmm... rather interesting, I'm none of these as I am 100% human... reblog to tell me what to put, my fellow humans

[imalivinghumanandnotavampire]

interesting idea... shame I can't use it as I am in no way a vampire

Wisdom of an Ancient Being 🍷🦇

[imalivinghumanandnotavampire]

as a sub and non vampire, I don't tend to feel that way about my food that is not human...

because none if my food is human!!!!

people are always like "Oh a vampire wouldn't get horny while drinking someone's blood, that's like getting horny while eating a sandwich" and like man have you never had a really good fucking sandwich?

[imalivinghumanandnotavampire]

that specific answer at the bottom is very unrelatable for me, a living human who eats human food and doesn't drink blood

[imalivinghumanandnotavampire]

not to suck this joke dry, (WHICH IS NOT SOMETHING I DO!!!), but do you think @ohio-thestate has seen this yet?

[imalivinghumanandnotavampire]

while I AM A HUMAN, I must agree sleeping through the day is very refreshing when I just lay in the white cushioning and close the lid on my human bed.

DO NOT sleep during the day. Youll be like What the hell later

[imalivinghumanandnotavampire]

I'm definitely NOT going to the vampire lounge as I am a perfectly living human that isn't a vampire

[imalivinghumanandnotavampire]

that is completely unrelatable to me, a human who is not a vampire

what's it like being a vampire?

Contradictory, in a lot of ways. It’s Lonely, but some of the friends you have will be by your side for centuries. It’s isolating. But I found companionship in caring for cats, and so my castle is a cat sanctuary now. You’re always a little hungry. You don’t feel tired but you don’t really feel energized. You wonder what you’d look like if you could age. You ache and miss the human friends and lovers you had in the past. You have all the time in the world to do any project you want. Sometimes you accidentally nap for several days. You find yourself bored and sick of your home for stretches of time. Sometimes you feel as if you are using others. Sometimes as if you are using yourself, or your body. You save a lot of money on groceries, and heating/cooling. You realize you’ve forgotten skills after 50-60 years of not practicing. you put on the highest SPF they make on cloudy stormy days in Scotland so you can go out. And carry an opaque umbrella. You spend a lot of time thinking about how your lived experience is a metaphor to so many people. You have to hunt so often.