imarainosaurss - Tumblr blog

[imarainosaurss]

I'm torn

[imarainosaurss]

This love is meant to destroy us

[imarainosaurss]

Isn't it too selfish for me to wish na ikaw mag let go? I want you to let go kasi I am a coward and I can't do that. I want to spend my whole life with you pero how about after that? San na tayo mapupunta?

[imarainosaurss]

An exchange between us.

Hmmmmm, if you lost your memory, ang pinaka una ko sigurong ikwekwento about us ay kung gano ako na inlove sayo. I'll focus on the part na minahal kita kasi I want you to know first kung anong halaga mo sakin. How much I loved you. Sasabihin ko sayo pano ako na in love sayo and how amazing you are. I'll convey my feelings muna before telling you about us. Mag coconfess ako ulit and tell you na I've been interested sayo since nakita kita na I want to sit in silence with you until that wants turned into something more. From just wanting to sit in silence with you, to I want you yo rely to me, to I want to be useful to you hanggang sa want ko to crawl inside you. I'll tell you ny mistakes after that na sinubukan kitang iwan pero hindi ko rin kaya kasi mahal na mahal kita. I'll ask for forgiveness again. Yun lang, the first thing I'd tell you ay kung how much I've loved you kasi I know hindi mo ako maalala and you think na stranger lang ako so hindi kita pipilitin na tanggapin yung story natin pero gusto ko na tanggapin mo yung sa part ko :>

hmm. I would assume na I have my scrapbook ready by that time, if you ever lost your memory and I would have to tell you about us, I'd walk you through by using that. I'll tell you about our relationship talaga. I will tell you how much we loved each other. How we first met and how the feelings still remain. I will tell you how much you mean to me. Kung gaano kita ginatreasure and how your presence was the melody to my every day. If hindi mo parin gud ako makilala, feel ko I'll just have you let you be kasi that would hurt your brain siguro? malay ko ba, pero like, I wouldn't force you. As long as masabi ko sa'yo ang past natin and yung sa akin, I think it's gwaenchana.

I actually think na the only thing that can destroy a relationship is yourself. If nag cheat ka that's because may something sayo, if liar ka that's because may something din sayo. Everything is rooted into ourself, nasa mentality natin lahat. If you're someone na not fixed, of course hindi rin magiging fix ang relationship mo. If hindi ka healed from something then expect na it will haunt you and maapektohan ang partner mo. If you don't love yourself then don't expect na you truly love someone or even know the definition of love. Everything starts and ends from you. I think ang factor talaga na nakakasira ng relationship ay ang mental health natin pero it's still up to you kung pano mo siya i act or i behave. Factor lang yan

One of a few I think would be complacency? If you are referring to factors, I think that would be one. for others kasi, like base sa nakikita ko, sa first we put so much time and effort but by the time na you have this person na, you stop doing things for them kasi you get too "comfortable" na with the idea na you already have them. complacent in a way na you are fine with each other pero deep down kay hindi na kayo happy? neither of you talk it out, which may hurt the relationship. Alam mo yunnn? paano ba. like, change is constant yes, but you don't do things that makes that person feel loved anymore- pwede siya makaignite ng insecurities which will gradually affect that person so is the relationship din. they will feel undervalued and neglected.

I think out of the three questions ito ang pinaka madali sagutin pero it's something na I don't I wanna go through. If I lose you this time. I'll never forget you BWHAHAHHA. Everything about you, your face, your expressions, your voice, your personality, just everything about you. If I lose you this time I think I'll be stuck haunted by the ghost of you since I can see you in everything and anything. I would never love and look at anyone else the way I do to you. Those things na ginawa natin together will be gate keep by me. Alam ko if I lose you this time, final na yun, and you know that I'll continue living my life. Siguro I'll get married and have kids pero I want you to know that even if taht shits happened, I still don't think na I'll ever get over you. Alam ko ang mga bagay na dapat kong gawin pero alam ko rin na kahit gawin ko yun, I can't force myself to be fully present in that future kasi bga I'm stuck here haunted by you. I'll see you in the wind, in the clouds, in the breaze, in the warm of the sun, the brightest blue sky, actually everything is you. When I close my eyes, it's still you. Moving on from you is impossible even if I'm already in the future that I've originally planned. I already gave you everything, my mind, body and soul. If mawala ka sakin, wala na talagang matitira. Even if I smile, laugh or something at other people, it still wouldn't never come close from those things na I shared to you. I really don't wanna look at anything else ngayon na nanjan ka na. Ayaw ko narin isipin ang iba ngayon. I think nakaka relate na ako sa daylight bi Taylor BWHAHAHHAA. Pano ba naman eh you have me, mind, body, and soul. Even if I lose you din no, I wouldn't want to forget you. You are my everything at 19 to present, you are not just an experience. Even if it'll kill me by remembering you, I'll still choose to die over and over again just to see a glimpse of you. I love you so much and it's true

everything about you would be so hard to forget. it wouldn't just be a single thing, but the entirety of your essence. your laughter, the way your laughter lights up even my dullest-boring days, the feeling of being understood completely by you. it's the way you effortlessly make my world brighter, leaving an unfading mark sa aking life. the memories we've created and our shared dreams. your warmth and the shade of your eyes. that feeling of "home" na nararamdaman ko sa presence mo. the way you believed in me when no one did. I would never love anyone the way I love you, iniiyakan ko nalang minsan yung thought na sana hindi ka lang phase sa buhay ko, you will never be. if ever na mawala ka from me, chapters close dili na ako mag entertain ng questions. lahat ng mga ginawa natin. I will really see you in everything. mapapa "what about the plans we made?" nalang talaga ako. you're not just a part of my life po, you are the very heart of it kaya losing you would mean losing my sanity rin haha.

[imarainosaurss]

To Rani

Life is so cruel isn't it? Loving you makes me let go of the only things that keep me alive and going, the most important thing for me. You are changing me, it's fine though because I love you and I decided to choose you over anything and everything... but I still can't deny the fact that this changes is draining me.

[imarainosaurss]

To Rani

Even if this love cost me myself, I would've still choose it as long as you're still there. I'm done running away from you Rani, I can't ran away from you.

[imarainosaurss]

To Rani

Don't you think that life would have been easier if we don't have the free will? If only we can't choose for our own self and just follow orders then I wouldn't have been in constant battle with choosing you or choosing myself. I love you, I want you, I need you and all the feelings that keep me alive and happy exist solely for you but I knew that this feelings shouldn't exist and I shouldn't have you as it would cost me myself...

[imarainosaurss]

To Rani

“I realize, for the first time, how very lonely I’ve been, and how comforting the presence of another human being can be.”

— Suzanne Collins

[imarainosaurss]

—Haruki Murakami, 1Q84

[That’s what the world is, after all: an endless battle of contrasting memories.]

[imarainosaurss]

To Rani :>

Wendy Cope, "From June to December: Summer Villanelle"

[imarainosaurss]

-"The Hate U Give" by Angie Thomas

[imarainosaurss]

To Rani :>

— Vladimir Nabokov, Letters to Véra

[imarainosaurss]

To Rani :>

I've been sleeping and sleeping and sleeping.

All I did was sleep

I don't know why, I'm not even tired

I kept on closing my eyes hoping for something

Hoping to see something

What is that?

What am I hoping?

Was it to dream?

Or was it to see you in my dream?

Why am I even trying?

Why am I even trying when I lose my ability to dream?

Oh, it was because of that night wasn't it?

That night when I saw you in my dream.

I don't know

I woke up feeling something

I woke up wanting to write something

I woke up from something

My heart aches for something I cannot remember

What is this feeling?

What am I even doing?

What am I desperately searching for?

What was that temporarily feeling?

It's like I saw something only to be unseen

It's like I felt something only to be unfelt

I know I've seen something, what was it?

My head ache from forcing myself to sleep at the couch where we used to dip

What the fuck am I even writing

I just woke up and now I'm writing this

Something in me want to write this

Did I dream?

Did I really saw you in my dream?

I don't know

I cannot remember.

[imarainosaurss]

To Rani :>

I don't wanna lose anything that you left me.

Everytime I looked in the mirror I caress the part that you left your mark with.

I wanna keep it forever.

How can I do that?

Makes me wanna carved it with knife so that it could last till the day I die.

I want everything that you left to be part of me

Even if it'll become a scar

I want you to be part of me forever.

How can I do that?

This feeling of sadness.

This loneliness that's enveloping me.

I'm in an ocean and it's drowning me

It's cold and dark — what a misery.

But it's fine, I will stay here as this feelings are part of my love for you

You were "my escape" from myself

My to go to, my solitude

The voices in my head silence when I'm with you

You are my peace

Whenever we are together there's only you and me

If you were just by my side, then I wouldn't have to battle myself

Why can't I keep you close? Why can't I keep you by my side.

Oh, haha I know

But still, I long to be part of you.

This longing will forever be instill

"Umuulan dito, umuulan din ba sa inyo?"

I hope this rain convey my feelings to you

I love you love :>

[imarainosaurss]

To Rani :>

To the only person that I ever felt peace with. I'm longing for you, there's this hole inside me that only you could fill. When I'm with you, I find peace. My pahinga, my safe place, the only person that I wanna be alone with. Super chaotic ng world pero when I met you parang gusto ko nalang talaga umupo somewhere with you and ifeel lang presence mo without talking :>

[imarainosaurss]

To Rani :>

Ok, I don't think na this board is about your vibe anymore. I've been masking it but this is the depth of my feelings for you. When I started liking you, pure masiyado ang all, yung butterfly sa stomach ko and yung kilig. Saka ko lang na realize na I'm in love with you when I started wanting you desperately. Hugs aren't enough, I wanna crawl inside you and be part of you, ganon na ffeel ko everyday and I could only think about U.You're the only person that I ever wanted.I love you desperately

[imarainosaurss]

To crave a person’s presence instead of their body is the purest form of intimacy.