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USA folks, here's a little trick I used for times when I didn't have a therapist but needed to have a short confidential talk about something that was bothering me:

- Message the Crisis Text Line at 741-741. Give them a short one-word message like GO.

- When the counselor comes on the line: the magic words are "I feel like I'm keeping too many secrets" and "I want to practice talking through something with you before I talk about it with other people"

- At some point they will ask if you're having thoughts about taking your own life. In my past experience they were pretty non-carceral when I said yes, but DO NOT TAKE MY WORD FOR IT. Do your own research, and make your own risk-informed decisions about whether to disclose or not.

- When you are done talking through the thing, they will ask you what your next steps are. I would typically say "I'm gonna talk about this with a friend" or "I'm gonna journal about it".

- Then they'll typically give you links to some websites for more support. In my experience the websites would be kind of useless, but feel free to check them out and make your own mind. One person's "useless" can be another person's "life-changing".

You might be wondering "but what if I'm taking resources away from someone who needs them" to which I assure that if you have something so difficult to talk about that you can only imagine yourself revealing it to a trained counselor, then you are the Crisis Text Line's intended audience. You probably shouldn't be using it weekly as an alternative to therapy, but once every few months as a PRN? Go wild.

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I have to remember every 5 years that when I was a little kid my dad was having obsessive spirals about things he did wrong like 30 years prior and his talked to his therapist about it and you know what they did NOT say. They did not say "hmmm well have you learned your lesson changed your behavior and atoned?"

They said "that sounds like a really unhelpful and distressing thing that your brain is making you think about All The Time. How about when that happens you try to think about something that makes you happy instead"

(My dad carried a picture of me at age 4 with a large inflatable dinosaur in his wallet for this purpose) (hard to ruminate about past failures when looking at a picture of your kid enjoying a large inflatable dinosaur)

Anyway. Fucking... stop thinking you can Solve Ethics by spiraling you fool. It's the Ethics Cuckoo. Fuck that guy

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HOW TO FEEL YOUR FEELINGS

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some e-cards you can send to help with distance communication ♡ free to use privately, if you’d like to repost them publicly please credit! 

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you are a human being 

you are a human being

humans get hungry

humans get tired

humans forget

humans have emotions

you are a human being and losing control is normal

just make sure that you don’t let that loss of control define you

because humans are strong

humans recover

humans are built to survive

you are a human being

and you will make it through

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fellow adhd'ers why is it so fucking hard to brush my teeth every day

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random self-care/health tip i once got that basically blew my mind and i think might be helpful to other people too: when trying to “eat healthy” (w/e that means for you), instead of focusing on trying to take things away, focus on adding things. so instead of being like “ok i’m not gonna eat chips anymore”, be like “every day i’m going to make sure to eat one piece of fruit”. it’s a way of approaching healthy eating from self-love instead of self-hate (like, i love myself yay i deserve one piece of healthy fruit, vs i hate myself i want chips but i can.not.eat.them.they.are.bad.). also by adding healthy things to ur day maybe u’ll be less hungry for unhealthy things, so it can have that effect too.

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Adhd b like..... i have one activity on tuesday thats like an hour long but im gonna consider that a busy day so no I can’t make any other plans on that day

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lotta people I know, especially neurodivergent ppl with special interests, express fear that they're a "know it all" or a "snob."

If that sounds like you, allow me to clear things up for ya:

A know-it-all loves making others feel inferior with their knowledge. They worked hard to learn something, and now they find great joy in holding it over others' heads.

To a know-it-all, there is no greater pleasure than realizing someone else doesn't know something, and subsequently humiliating that person for their ignorance on a topic.

Snobs and know-it-alls live for that "gotcha" moment, when they get to embarrass a person and lord their knowledge over someone, making them feel worthless for even daring to speak about something they don't know much about.

Whereas someone who just knows a lot revels in getting to share their knowledge with others. The infodump is not to brag, taunt, or embarrass. In fact, just the opposite, we info dump with the goal to engage others in something we love.

When we correct someone, it's because the information we have is important to us, and we want the facts known by everyone possible. Our goal is never to humiliate.

Above all, a know-it-all and a snob will never admit when they are wrong. They will double down and rage against the notion that someone else might know more than they do about a topic.

Someone who admits they are mistaken, that they don't have all the facts, even if it takes them a day to come back embarrassed and say "you know what, yesterday you were right, and I wasn't,"

Can never be a know-it-all or a snob.

Keep learning, keep teaching, keep sharing.

If you spread what you know with honest joy, passion, and the understanding that other people have something valuable to add, you cannot be and are not a snob, and the world is better for your passion!

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remember to cry for help without guilt-tripping. i know it feels like you’ve been abandoned and betrayed, but it’s probably not true, and it’s not okay to accuse the people around you of something they might not have done.

“i guess none of you like me” could be better phrased as “i feel unloved right now”

“but nobody cares anyway” could be better phrased as “i feel insignificant and i need reassurance”

rather than assuming others’ feelings, give them time to explain them. you’ll usually get a much better answer.

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Hey, I just want everyone to know that what the world is going through is a legitimate trauma. Full on. It fits the “official” definition and everything. This is a traumatic event.

That means that it’s normal and expected to find yourself using coping mechanisms that you thought you were done with, to find yourself numbed out, to be on the verge of constant panic attacks, to be acting impulsively and compulsively, to engage in very old patterns, to have wide swings of every behaviour especially regarding sleep, food, and sex.

The research shows that people in a traumatic situation who most often develop PTSD (which I would say we are all at risk of) or have their existing PTSD/C-PTSD intensified are folks who cannot or believe they cannot do anything about it the trauma event.

So, if you are able, look for a place in all of this where you can feel that you can do something. Harass a company not doing enough for its employees, sign a petition, check in on a neighbour, set alarms to remind yourself to eat (it’s on my own to do list for today), intentionally spend time every day doing straw breathing to shift your sympathetic nervous system response. You don’t have to become some social media hero, or spend all your time improving yourself. But if you can find something that makes you feel like you can do something for yourself that decreases the trauma load on you, it will greatly benefit you going forward.

If anyone has any questions about this, my asks are open, or you can message me. (I cannot do any online therapy, I am happy to share information about trauma itself and any tools that I know)

It is okay to reblog this.

- Registered Clinical Counsellor, with 10+ years specifically working with trauma

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Hi. Um. A few months ago I was referred for DBT but I canceled my referral to start my new job. Which is awful. I wish I'd gone to the therapy now because I think I'm getting worse. I'm blabbering I'm basically wondering if you have any tips on doing DBT at home? Sorry this is such a dumb question 😅

Hi there!

Not a dumb question! 

I’m sorry in-person DBT didn’t work out for you. Sometimes it’s just not accessible. That’s why we’re here! Unfortunately we’re a slow moving machine in terms of original content (I’m sorry!) but there are other resources like us out there too!

DBT Self Help is an awesome website. They’ve got lots of resources, skills, and so so much more. Definitely check it out.

I curated a mental health apps list recently that can also be helpful. I’d especially recommend DBT Coach, DBT Travel Guide, Calm Harm, and My 3 for people looking to supplement or substitute DBT. 

If you have the means (or can circumvent) you can buy the official DBT workbook or any of the associated materials to work through on your own. I’m looking into curating a list of those in the future so stay tuned. 

There also seem to be a lot of online DBT programs popping up which are great in theory bc it’s more accessible but I can’t vouch for the quality of any of those programs.

Now in terms of tips….

DBT is a very strict, demanding therapy program. You generally have to a commit to a certain amount of time, to two sessions a week, plus a safety plan and the expectation of participation in sessions and homework. 

So, if you want to make progress at the same speed, you need to be diligent about practicing. Really learn those skills, fill out your diary card daily, do worksheets for practice. DBT only works for you if YOU put in the work. 

BUT BUT BUT

We all can only do our best. Sometimes our best won’t be like the program at all. And that’s okay. You have to find a balance between how much you can do and how comfortable you are with your rate of progression. Be kind to yourself no matter what.

Does anyone else have any tips for DBT At Home?

Keep keepin’ on!

xxKat

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Adhd really is like… bedroom is slightly messy it would be nice to tidy it some

bedroom is very messy I really should tidy up

bedroom is chaotic I NEED to tidy but my brain says no. Why. Whyyy.

I guess I’ll just have to watch where I step in here for the rest of my life. The mess is everywhere. I’m one with the mess.

A sudden Need to Clean™ makes you get the room looking like some fancy homes magazine cover, and you think “I’ll never ever let it get that bad again, and then…

bedroom is slightly messy (uh oh)

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a lot of people on this site are like, deeply existentially freaked out that they haven’t been in love by 19 or whatever, and are desperate for any explanation for this that might make it ok. i just want to say, you are completely ok, no explanation needed. this is MUCH more common than you think, especially if you’re not straight. you’re very very young. you’re 100% fine. if you want it, it will happen in its own time.

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uh hi absolutely do NOT feel bad for eating at any point this holiday season. don’t starve yourself the next day or weight yourself just to feel bad about it. you are beautiful no matter what. enjoy yourself. eat the yummy food. you aren’t being unhealthy. who gives a shit if you’re fat. your body is beautiful. jesus ate a lot of bread. so can you. or cake. or pasta. or whatever the fuck you want. just have a nice time. love you. goodbye.