immahereiguess

[immahereiguess]

Do the right thing. Donate your car to a demolition derby.

You're so right. It's what she deserves. She came into my life post explosion screaming and costing me money, and she can go out the same way.

[immahereiguess]

puppygirl in a polycule who gets called "the family dog" by all her partners

[immahereiguess]

“why are so many popular tumblr bloggers normalizing incest” well actually basically all of society has been normalizing incest for like 300 years. you can’t walk two feet online without finding porn that plays with incestuous themes. and thats ok because the actual problem with incest isn’t that it’s incestuous, it’s that in real life most cases of incest are abusive. cmon now

[immahereiguess]

Owner who films and documents your progression from having tight virgin hole to being a loose, fuckable pet Fleshlight who can and will accept damn near anything being stuffed into you.

Starting off on day 1 with a little turnaround video, inspecting and stuffing fingers in you to show how snug you are and how you react; then they start taking progress clips over the course of the next few weeks and months, capturing your progress they train you for depth and girth and all kinds of sensations.

Taking little vlog-style videos of you bouncing on a toy and captioning it 'day 17 fuckpet progress! They're doing so well 💕 we're up to 7" length x 1.5" diameter in the ass now with lube only and no prep! We're still a little behind what I'd hoped for on throat depth, but I think this weekend we'll have a nice long practice session and see if we can get past 6" without any gagging."

This continues until you have a whole progression of your training, only getting filthier and more obscene as you go, but treated like you're just a pet being trained to do tricks and obedience.

'Day 31: Pet can now take my fist in their ass with no prep/lube only!' over a clip of your hole throbbing and clenching around your owner's wrist.

'Day 44: Working on some depth training today~ I'd like to be able to bottom out this 14" toy in their throat by next weekend because we have a play party planned and everyone is sooo excited to test them out' over shots of you tearily gagging on a long tentacle toy filling out your throat with almost half of the length left to swallow.

'Day 60: horse cock is IN! Pet will be mounted on this for the duration of our dinner party tonight with some friends and their pets. Good and stuffed 💞' with a photo showing you seated on a chair at the dining table, visibly exhausted, your stomach bulging obscenely at the thick horse cock dildo strapped to the seat beneath you, your legs spread to show how sopping wet you already are before the guests have even arrived.

hnngngf just can't stop thinking about how fun it would be to have someone vlog your progress of being turned into a perfect fuckpet.....more to follow...

[immahereiguess]

It seems you've been given a gift - a large, beautiful plant with long, spindly vines. The care instructions for it mention that these vines like to climb anything you put them near to reach sunlight and that eventually, your plant will produce beautiful flowers.

As promised, within a few days bulbs have begun to dot your plant. A day later and they bloom, revealing large purple petals - and a thick vine-like stamen. The smell is intoxicating, and as you admire the blooms you don't quite notice the vines moving until it's too late. The spindly vines wrap around your wrists first, pinning your hands above your head before more vines grab your ankles. Your legs are spread open, any clothing you'd been wearing discarded.

One thin vine slowly presses up into cunt, probing at your walls as if it were exploring. It's an almost ticklish sensation that leaves you squirming, but the vines holding your limbs ensure there's no escape. The inner vine finally sneaks its way up to your cervix and presses on it. Seemingly unhappy with the resistance, it pushes up harder, earning a whine of discomfort from you. The plant is quick to pull back and rub your stomach apologetically with a new vine. Seems it doesn't want to hurt you...

The vines reposition you into a reclining pose, and another vine joins the one in your cunt, then another and another. As thin as they are, it'd not until five of them are probing your walls that you feel a stretch. And with the stretch comes the pleasure. One of the vines has started playing with your clit, while still others have started teasing your nipples. The sudden change from under-stimulation to overstimulation is almost enough to send you over the edge as it was, but as soon as you get close to climaxing the vines in you retreat.

You let out a whine of protest - only for it to turn into a moan as one of the thick stamen plunges deep into your cunt. Even after the vines had warmed you up you could barely handle it. The stamen had to be as thick as your arm, and as it thrust itself deeper inside of you you could swear it was growing bigger. There's a pressure at your cervix as it pushes its way inside. You can faintly see the outline of the stamen's tip in your tummy. One more thrust and the flower petals brush your ass and you know you couldn't free yourself if you wanted to. But of course - why would you?

Just as you're beginning to wonder if anything else is going to happen, the stamen begins to shake. You can feel something filling your womb, but your stomach barely reflects it, barely poaching out enough to hide the stamen itself.

The vines unceremoniously pull you off the stamen, a mix of your own juices and pollen dribbling from your cunt as you're now moved over an unbloomed pod. You've barely got time to realize what's happening before you're lowered onto it, stretching even more around the orb. You can feel yourself stretch until it hits your cervix, where it seems to stick for a moment before finally entering your womb. The stretch us enough to make you cum - hard. As you clamp down around the pod, it seems to explode, filling your womb with tiny seeds. Your conservative stomach pouch now made you look six months pregnant, though the lumpy texture assures you it's not a baby in there.

As the seed pod deflates and releases you, you feel satisfyingly full. The vines even allow you to rub your stomach - at least for a minute. As the vines restrain you again, you notice at least four more seed pods waiting their turns...

God fuck this is hot as hell, amazing writing nonny. I love plant sex ngl... the idea of this is amazing. The stretch of the stamen, the goo, thel ack of control,. the instant belly swelling like gnnhnhgh yess that's so good. I also love the idea of maybe on the last one they get put onto another stamen, stuffed and spread so they can't get loose but only slowly, slowly slip down, getting fuller and fuller as the weight of the seeds trap them there... until you're all but a plant yourself...

[immahereiguess]

This morning I had to get up wretchedly early and attend a stupid work meeting. It’s my second early morning in a row and a second night of horrible sleep to boot. I was dragging horribly, and worse I had a two hour break between the end of the meeting and the start of my shift.

So I decided to just go home and maybe try to nap a bit, hang out with my wife.

But I pull into my parking space and see a cat.

A freshly groomed cat, no collar. The kind of cat that really does not look at all like an outdoor cat. I got out of the car and chirped and the cat trotted up to me with great enthusiasm bordering desperation. So I thought, Goddamn it, and I texted my wife asking them to bring a cat carrier outside.

I sat petting the creature for easily ten minutes, and honestly, if I didn’t have cats I’d have been mightily tempted to keep this cat because I’ve so seldom met a creature so lovely.

But I do have cats and moreover someone cared enough to groom this lovely creature and was probably missing them.

So I loaded up the carrier amidst a storm of the cutest tiniest mews ever and drove to a cat shelter.

The good news is that the beautiful thing is indeed chipped, but the bad news is I don’t get any resolution. Hopefully this ᓚᘏᗢ slipped outside and the owners are grateful to get the call. Hopefully the owners didn’t just chuck an absolute sweetheart outside. Hopefully it was worth missing my nap but I’ll never get to know.

[immahereiguess]

I love Josh’s anti-classism so much. I grew up in a single parent household that didn’t have time/the ability to cook. I taught myself as an adult and ended up loving it. I cook with this stuff a lot. Shit, the RealLemon juice ends up in a lot of my cocktails. Sure, I like fancy ingredients when I can afford them and I have things I get picky about using - but I have bad hands, mincing garlic is painful as fuck. There’s a lot to be said for knowing how to work with what you have. Don’t shame people for trying, don’t shame people for feeding their families things that they enjoy.

[immahereiguess]

average cis conception of gender is roughly equivalent to "every single liquid is either type O+ blood or cold-pressed peanut oil." and you're like "are there not perhaps a handful of exceptions" & they get so mad they start funding nazi militias

[immahereiguess]

step 1. we genetically engineer octopuses to have 50 year lifespans

step 2. we teach the octopi human lannguage

step 3. the octopodes discover anthropogenic climate change and decide to kill us all

[immahereiguess]

Say you break your ankle. You could know everything there is to know intellectually about the injury. Even with this vast knowledge, you will still experience physical pain.

Now take this logic and apply it to things like ADHD, autism, clinical depression, and other less visible/divergent disabilities. You cannot think your way out of feeling.

That is to say: you are not a bad, lazy, or selfish person for struggling, even if you know why you are struggling.

[immahereiguess]

why is everything so fucking expensive

[immahereiguess]

my fav Junji Ito story is the one with the /fit/ neighbor guy who lifts gravestones for the ulimate gainz+attention combo and who gets kicked out by everyone because he won’t fucking stop lifting their ancestors graves every goddamn night in his underwear

[immahereiguess]

[immahereiguess]

Oh my god.

[immahereiguess]

The Golden Girls // S03E24: Mister Terrific

[immahereiguess]

7 most adhd moods

–the Only Mood everyone else knows about: i  wanna do THIS and THIS and THIS and THIS and THIS and–SQUIRREL

–galaxy brain: i was listening to the lecture but the prof said something that reminded me of something else and now i’m not sure how much time i was lost in thought

–the tutorial only comes in video format: i’m sorry, but you’ve thrown off the emperor’s groove *hurls product & its tutorial video into the sun*

–damn you hyperfocus: i went to bed intending to wake up and write but this morning i was possessed by a cleanliness spirit and spent the next 14 hours organizing the apartment

–i dont think u tried at all.jpg: did i seriously spend an entire free day refreshing twitter b/c i didn’t want to spend 10 minutes finishing my hw but wouldn’t let myself do anything else until i finished it???? (yes)

–patrick star: *unlocks phone* time to check the weather. *opens twitter* the weather. *opens messenger* the weather. *opens mobage game* the weather. *opens facebook* the weather. *opens twitter again* THE WEA–

–smells like depression: literally everything is too boring. i’m going back to sleep