imnotatigerimaholleigh-blog
imnotatigerimaholleigh-blog
I'm Not A Tiger I'm A Holleigh
652 posts
OT Student. Welsh. Feminist. 21. 
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The world would be a much better place without me 
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Honestly, can’t think of anything worse than having a man in my life right now, my life is hard and complicated enough! 
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Life is breaking me more and more every single day
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And now, I don’t care if people hate me because I hate myself, more than they ever can.
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the thing about depression is that you dont feel sad, you feel sick.
sick of life, sick of yourself and sick of everyone and everything around you.
depression, makes you hate everything, it makes you angry. its like being trapped in a place full of drunk people and youre just too sober. its that feeling of being so lost, its heaviness in your chest, its numbness in your heart. and its confusing for your mind.
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I would really like to know what exactly is wrong with me, that makes me so unlovable?
I‘m really curious.
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Kinda, sorta, really struggling to see the point in life at the moment. Life is just shit —> acceptable level of shit and then shit again. Nothing good ever happens. All I do is go to work and come home and nothing else. Feel like I’ve lost all and any purpose in life. I can’t connect to people - I can’t make any meaningful relationships. Everyone ends up hating me even though I try so hard  for people to like me. I just feel like there’s something about me that makes people hate me and I don’t know what it is and I’m paranoid about what it is. I don’t deserve all this crap I’ve been given, and I really don’t think I can take anymore of life’s crap. But the longer life goes on the more crap is thrown my way - and I really don’t see the point in living just to wade through crap. Although I can’t say I’m suicidal - I don’t really have th3 guts to do it, so I’ll just live in all thi crap and hope that the crap that I get isn’t as bad as the crap that I’ve already had. But no doubt there’s worse crap lined up for me. 
Honestly when I hear that Stan Lee died today I was more shocked that someone would want to live into their 90s I don’t even want to live into my 30s. The thought of living for another 10 years is honestly killing me. Can’t think of anything worse, let alone another 70 years. The last 10 years have been enough for me honestly. I don’t actively want to die, but I really hope someone poisons me in work tomorrow. 
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4/?
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I am 1000% done with everyone. I keep forgetting there’s a reason I socially isolate myself. Not really sure why I let anyone in at this point 
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TW
Tbh I’ve lost any hope that this is ever gonig to get better, life is just one bitter disappointment after another, and I’m not really sure what’s keeping me here tbh. 
I know I want to die, but haven;t really got the guts to do it, I feel like deep down I hope that things will get better, but I know they won’t. 
I am such a bitter disappointment to my parents, because I am not the person they want me to be, because I am worthless 
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I don’t think there’s enough exercises in the world to make me thin
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