imnoteventechnicallyinthisfandom

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The Beast that Bothers

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Do not think for a moment that this admin is only going after trans folks. They are ultimately going after the whole LGBTQ community. They start small, like getting rid of a hotline option, then go BIG.

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If you're reading this you need to tell me the name of your favorite black character NOW‼️

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u ever think abt how lotor is like 10k years old

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Bat man ends up being the able to claim he's dating Bruce

There’s something pretty funny about Bruce being JL’s emergency fake boyfriend. It all starts with Hal, because all wonderfully chaotic things do.

Hal: My dad’s having a BBQ with his insufferable pilot friends and they're all ‘quiet about politics’. I need you to pretend we've been married for 10 years.

Bruce: 😐

—

Clark: So I kind of told my parents I've been dating you after they asked me ‘what kind of friends are you’, and I said ‘the kind that kiss and hold hands’ because I panicked

Bruce:

Clark: I'm so sorry but please, please come to dinner this Sunday. I’ll tell them you broke up with me later!

Bruce: I don't want to break up with you.

Clark: REALLY?! I MEAN— Really! I can do the break up, no problem. Not that I WANT to break up with you. I'd never.

Bruce: You’ll tell them you had a long term affair behind my back. With Batman.

Clark: You’re absolutely evil sometimes, you know that?

Bruce: The plot required conflict.

—

Barry: So, I kinda forgot to tell my dad I’m not straight. I want him to have a soft introduction before I bring HAL home.

Bruce: Alright.

Barry: Wow! That was fast.

Bruce: I have a deep-seated fear of denying my younger peers.

—

The only issue? JL is hosting a family night and they all sorta kinda forgot to tell their parents they stopped “dating” Bruce.

The parents are fighting over him.

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Sometimes, Dick watches Jason after missions, and he can taste their past bleed.

He still squeezes Jason’s favorite candy inside his hand, until they pulverise to sugar shards. Inside his mind, he asks ‘do you want some, Jaybird?’ Very easily. But never says it.

They never learned how to feel out loud. Not entirely.

He can’t simply ASK if Jason’s hurt, if he needs help, if he needs a whole night of bad action movies, or a silent shoulder to listen. That’s a brother’s place.

Bruce doesn’t have that problem. He could love Jason anytime, hell to heaven.

“You’re so reckless.”

“I was fine!”

“Jumping in front of a running car for the sake of disobeying me is NOT fine—“

“I’ll never do anything right in your eyes, will I?!Why can’t you ever just trust that I’m okay?!”

Dick understands it. He’s not as uncomfortable as the others are. The outcome is very predictable.

What he doesn’t anticipate is Bruce’s next words, however.

“Because I love you. That’s how I know you WON’T be.”

A painfully slow silence settles heavily, melting them in stone.

Jason’s eyes glitter with shock, with grief, with — hope, almost.

Bruce stares. For a beat. “I didn’t mean to say that.”

“…Bruce,” Jason’s still a statue when he moves forward, hands reaching out like sons do. “It’s okay—“

“Jay.”

That stops him in his tracks. But that’s not what unsettles him. Bruce’s eyes, round with panic, do.

“I didn’t mean to say that.”

The silence gets colder.

—-

“A truth curse.”

“A truth curse,” Zatanna nods. “But just to be sure: Someone ask him a question.”

Bruce glares at them, arms folded defensively over his chest, preparing for a gut punch of vulnerability.

“Okay, let’s keep it simple—“

“Do you see me as your daughter?” Steph asks.

Bruce’s teeth grit. “You’re an amazing woman who doesn’t rely on masculine figures to validate her identity. You’re not my daughter. I just love you.”

Then, Duke speaks up, hesitant. “…Did you eat the last cookie and framed Tim for it?”

“…Yes.”

“MOTHERFUCKER.”

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Have we not suffered enough

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I need a situation where one of the younger batkids are in an argument with Jason, and bring up the fact that he "wasn't a good kid"

Damian: "Tch. Todd, you are just angry because you were too busy rebelling to get father's attention."

Jason:

Dick: "..What?"

Damian: "Your degenerative behavior as a child is the whole reason father does not respect you now."

Bruce: "Damian, Jason was a saint."

Damian: "What?"

Dick: "Jason had a self imposed bed time."

Bruce: "He had a weird obsession with homework.."

Dick: "Once, I tried to sneak him out, and he cried."

Bruce: "I once implied that he could sneak out, and he cried."

Damian:

Jason: "Dami, B and I don't get along because of our terrible morals."

Bruce: "Well, I wouldn't say that-"

Jason: "He hates me because we both have extremely fucked up versions of justice that we don't agree on-"

Bruce: "Now, I never said-"

Jason: "I was a child and he hated me. He hates children-"

Bruce: "God damnit, Jason-"

Damian:

Damian: "My whole perspective has been altered."

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Look I don’t care how implausible it is, I don’t care how ridiculous it is. Dick is eight years old when he becomes Robin. It’s the funniest fuckin thing and I refuse to ever make him older than eight when he bullies a grown ass Bruce into letting him go out at night with him.

Does Bruce take him on kiddie runs until he’s a little older? Maybe. Does Batman stand menacingly behind a brightly colored little bird to threaten the goons while Robin can’t see him? You know he does.

But Robin is still actually terrifying when he first appears on the scene, because he’s a teeny tiny fluttery little thing that does cartwheels and handstands and makes puns then launches himself full force to kick a man in the nose and then cackles when he bleeds. His laughter makes goons shiver, they hear it bouncing around warehouses and half of them bolt, because they learn very quickly what happens when a feral Robin appears.

The Gotham rogues all immediately have beef with a literal third grader because he took the bats attention away and also because he’s roundhouse kicked them all in the shins at some point and that shit hurt like hell, and then he laughed in their faces while making a pun about their villain name.

Majority of the rogues everywhere hate Nightwing because they all know he used to be the feral child that they all thought Batman should have put on a leash, half of them have been straight up bitten by him before he lost all his baby teeth, and they’re all so bitter about the fact that they’ve been beaten by an actual elementary school student. And now he’s all grown up? He’s fucking terrifying.

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I like to think that Lois Lane doesn't realize that Superman is Clark Kent because she is so busy that she never really looks at Clark's face. He's always trailing behind her, or just to the side, or he's just too damn tall and she can't be bothered to look up.

So like, she knows Clark. She cares about Clark. But, come on, she doesn't need to look at him. He'll always be there to look at, if she ever has the time.

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Rather than traditional keys, the Batmobile is unlocked through tech embedded in the suits.

This means:

Bruce's suit once got ravaged by back to back attacks by Firefly and Killer Croc and he, limping and bloodied, angrily flopped against the car for an hour before calling Babs to remotely unlock it

Tim once made the decision to steal Jason's suit from the trophy case to try and unlock the Batmobile after being kicked off patrol-- only to learn that the suit was too old for that to work

Dick was very surprised that his suits could still unlock the car. This lasted all of ten seconds before he considered it a breach of autonomy over his own suits.

The Batkids race to the car to get to the driver's seat first and Bruce doesn't get the satisfaction of locking them out (they sabotage any attempt for him to do this)

Bruce, due to point 4, once had to growl "open the door, this isn't funny" because he'd been a bit of an ass. The onlooking cops at the crime scene found this very funny

Jason frequently steals the car and takes it for a spin and mocks Bruce for learning nothing

The suits malfunction due after Dick's lit escrima sticks zap them all in the sewers and they end up having to find a way to break into Bruce's nigh indestructible baby (there are several edits to the will)

The Batmobile gets hijacked in one memorable occasion (alas for the intrepid hacker, Damian was still in the back of the car)

Babs takes control of the wheel and sends Bats on side quests

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Damian settling in to life at the manor but he keeps forgetting that Jason is supposed to be dead and after a slip up where he mentions an interaction he had with Jason recently in front of the bats he panics and just tells them he’s a medium and that he can see and talk to Jason’s ghost. unfortunately that just makes things worse because now the family all think Damian can speak to dead people and they keep asking him to get victim’s information on murder cases and Damian has to keep bullshitting answers and desperately hope that he’s somehow on the money so they don’t figure out he’s lying. eventually it gets to the point where Damian is doing double detective work; doing the case normally with the bats and then sneaking off alone to solve the case ahead of time so that when Bruce asks him to use his abilities to get information he already has it on hand and can pretend a ghost told him who the murderer is.

eventually, of course,

Bruce: we have reason to believe that Red Hood wasn’t wearing his helmet when he made this kill; however nobody alive saw his identity. Damian, do you think you could contact the victim and find out what Hood looks like? That way we could have a profile sketch to add to his case.

Damian:

Damian: *deep sigh*

-later, on the phone-

Jason: you never fail to entertain me, little buddy

Damian: may i remind you i’m doing this for your benefit. help me.

Jason: i mean i don’t know what the fuck i’m supposed to do about it, just lie about what i look like.

Jason: OH- tell him i look exactly like Scarface.

Damian:

Damian: you want me. to say you look exactly like a famous movie character. and you think that will go well, do you?

Jason: when i was a kid Bruce told me he’d never seen the movie before so i made him watch it with me, and i swear he fell asleep like three minutes in. he swore on his life he paid rapt attention but i don’t believe him. if he doesn’t clock that you’re lying, then i’ll finally have confirmation and justice will prevail.

Damian:

Damian: i don’t think you take this as seriously as i do

Jason: womp womp, just do it

Damian: how are you the older brother out of the two of us

-

Damian, handing over a perfect sketch of Scarface: this is what i got from following the victim’s descriptions.

Bruce:

Bruce:

Bruce: *pinning it to a case board* incredibly detailed, amazing job, son. now-

Dick, stepping forward: isn’t that-?

Tim, putting a hand on Dick’s elbow and whispering: hold on, hold on. clearly he’s lying, but Bruce is fucking dumb, and wouldn’t you rather watch for a bit and see how this plays out, before we go digging for the truth?

Dick:

Dick: a fair point- great sketch, Dames! we’ll have Hood in no time with facial recognition like this!

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for the made-up fic title game: Tooka Outta the Bag

send me a made-up fic title and i’ll tell you what i would write to go with it

raisudfah;jsdkf

Ezra and Kanan fall through a Time Hole in the temple on Malachor while Fulcrum is fighting Vader and Maul is doing... whatever the fuck he's doing, IDK, we'll say it's his fault.

And they end up a year before the clone war kicks off! It sucks! Terrible timing, everyone! Kanan is like three seconds away from a mental breakdown about the horrible time this part of his life was about to be at any given moment, or at least he would be if he wasn't busy having a breakdown about how he's just been given a debilitating injury and has no access to bacta or any other way to prevent an infection, because they don't have the ship, just themselves and what they had on their backs.

It's the two of them, with their sabers, and one's at risk of dying if he doesn't get medical attention, because an infection in that kind of wound, that close to the brain? Not great.

So, they... get that handled. IDK how. Hondo, who doesn't know them but does appreciate Ezra's vibes, was involved. Neither of them want to talk about it.

And they kind of get dumped on Coruscant by Hondo and his people, because Ezra really did just make that good of an impression on the prince of pirates, and now it's time to bluff like hell. Kanan can navigate the Temple despite being blind, and it's not just the Force; he definitely grew up here! But nobody in his supposed age group knows him, and Ezra's just kinda. Trailing along. Taking in the sights. Having a time. Sometimes he helps Kanan with reading signs and stuff that Kanan hasn't figured out how to adjust to yet. The Force lets him walking around without hitting walls! It doesn't let him read a datapad, and he hasn't internalized how to turn on the accessibility features yet.

(I want to say that he does use a white cane or similar assistive device for daily stuff, because relying entirely and constantly on the Force sounds exhausting.)

ANYWAY

They don't come out and say they're from the future. Kanan's still half-convinced this is some Empire illusion to get information out of them, and Ezra doesn't trust that easy. So they lie, and hedge, and dither. Kanan feels tiny Caleb Dume walking around, and also Depa's right there, and he tries not to have a mental breakdown.

(Anakin Skywalker nearly gets into a fistfight with Ezra within ten minutes of meeting him.)

(An additional three hours later, and Padawan Skywalker has decided that Ezra's little-brother-shaped.)

(Ezra, who recently learned that Anakin Skywalker is Darth Vader, has very mixed feelings on this.)

So we have some plot happen, and assurances from vague force gods and magic owls and giant ethereal wolves that this is, in fact, time travel.

(Fulcrum might be leading Vader on a merry chase around the Outer Rim. Haven't decided.)

And then someone says a thing and it is suddenly and uncomfortably clear to, like, an entire cafeteria's worth of Jedi that these two are from The Future, and the future absolutely sucks.

Ezra, under his breath, just mutters, "Well, Tooka's Outta the Bag now..."

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i always forget my grandma used to be a clown so it caught me the fuck off guard when she saw this

and no hesitation saying “oh it’s that creepy clown- oh he’s drinking that’s against clown code”

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I feel like the Batfam should have more of that canon event where the elder sibling is mistaken for the parent of the younger sibling. Yes. This is a thing.

—

Tim at bat burger with Bernard and Dami after school: Uh, yeah, three fries, two jokerized,

Damian, fixing his backpack strap:

Bernard, holding his free hand: And a ten piece of the Night-wings.

Tim: That, and a Bat burger, no ketchup, extra onions, uh... Dami, what do you want?

Damian: . . .

Tim, sighing and leaning down:

Damian, whispering in his ear:

Tim, standing back up: The Ivy salad with Harlequin dressing, thanks.

Cashier: Aaalright, it'll be ready shortly... And can I just say you're such good Father's? ^^

Bernard:

Tim:

Bernard: Thank you—

—

Stephanie, who thought it a good idea to take Damian to a park:

Damian: BROWN! THAT CRETIN THREW SAND IN MY EYES!

Stephanie: Cretin..? Alright, alright, c'mere. Just gotta put some water in 'em.

Random Mom: Aw, you're such a good Mom!

Stephanie, who gave her baby up for adoption last she checked: Thanks..?

—

Jason, arguing with Tim during patrol:

Tim, storming off, middle finger raised:

Random goon: Teenagers, amiright?

Jason, who's nineteen:

Goon: Don't worry, boss. You're doin' good with 'im.

Jason: ???

Jason: Damn right I am!

—

Cassandra, out shopping with Duke: You'd look good with braids.

Duke: You think? I dunno, I'm messin' 'round with hairstyles.

Cashier: Aw, are you his Mom? That's so adorable, I wish my boys took my out shopping.

Cass:

Duke:

Cass: Be nice—

Duke: I am! I am...

—

Dick, picking Damian up from school: Dami!

One of Damian's friends: Oh, Damian! Is this your Dad?

Dick: What?

Damian, no hesitation: One of many.

—

BONUS

Random aristocrat: And these must be your brothers and sister!

Bruce:

Dick:

Jason:

Tim:

Damian:

Duke:

Cassandra:

Bruce, actually hurt: These are my children :(

Dick: It's okay, B—

Duke: Foster child. I'm his— was his foster child. I have parents. I live with my cousin now. Please, he's not my Dad—

Tim: I would literally die if I was Bruce's brother.

Jason: I would literally die if I was Bruce's son.

Cassandra: Jason, stop or I will lobotomize you. That's not above my morals.

Damian: Nor mine.

Bruce: I adopted five of them, I have papers! I got to put my last name on them and everything, here let me get their birth certificates, I have those—

Jason: Bruce, no, I will pull out my death certificate!

Bruce: That also has our last name on it, that's fine—

Damian: Father, no, I have three separate birth certificates from being born and adopted twice!

Jason: Same.

—

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Future Damian Vigilante Idea

So picture this:

Damian’s growing out of Robin, but he doesn’t want to be Batman. Either yet or ever, idk. So he’s looking into Bird species and names because none of Siblings other than Dick have really committed to the bird theme, so he will, and he comes across Mockingbird. Yeah I know not uncommon and I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s already a Mockingbird in DC, but who cares.

So he mulls it over for a few weeks, sketches his new costume ideas and boom he becomes Mockingbird. His siblings are a little confused about his choice because let’s be honest, all of their names have some kind of attachment to them.

Bruce became Batman because he was terrified of Bats.

Dick became Robin because that was his mom’s nickname for him and then Nightwing came from a Kryptonian fairytale or something.

Jason stole Red Hood from Joker.

Tim had Robin taken from him, so he took Red from Jason and kept Robin anyway (I think, I don’t actually know for sure, but I hope this is the reason. Cardinal was right there).

Steph became Spoiler to spoil her dad’s plans.

Cass became Orphan to choose a different path from her parents.

Duke started (helped create?) We Are Robin because Robin symbolized hope, idk why he became Signal, but probably for similar bat signal reasons.

So they all have an emotional attachment to their names, why Mockingbird?

They’re confused until the first time Damian speaks as Mockingbird.

It’s Dick’s voice. Then Jason’s. Then Tim’s, then Bruce’s and all of them cycled through.

He mimicks criminals to fool them into thinking he’s a friend. He scares them with Batman’s voice, confuses them with Superman’s. He makes them suffer mimicking the old Robin laughs.

No one knows what his real voice sounds like. People think he’s some kind of Meta who can only speak through other people’s voices.

He uses the technique the League taught him to hurt people and uses it to help. He is Mockingbird.

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Happy Pride month to the Morgan's

Go you disastrous political gays I looks forward to the day we, in real life have a gay president and his husband in the white house

(Also including based on vibes Cordelia Cupp, Emily, Jasmine Haney, Marvella and Didier)