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He’s so cool

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don’t apologize for your appearance don’t apologize for your hobbies don’t apologize for the food you eat and enjoy don’t apologize for taking time for yourself stop apologizing unless you are actually in debt and owe it!!!! existence isn’t a reason to be sorry

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All I want is a dracula adaption that allows Mina to be her amazing self and be in love with her husband

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11. First try! (Definitely wasn't even close to the first try)

jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

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Gatekeeping is so good and important

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It's Jonathan Harker. Normal human man.

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Sharing space is nothing new. Sharing bathrooms is nothing new. The reactionary outrage is so manufactured.

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you either die a prisoner, or live long enough to see yourself scale the walls like a lizard

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Today's email

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thank you june 25

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Jonathan considers his options

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honestly i never thought the phrase “i want that twink obliterated” was like a sexual thing. like when i read the phrase i imagine “a meteor like the one that killed the dinosaurs is summoned from the heavens and hits the twink in question” type situation