imnotthemoonimnotevenastar

[imnotthemoonimnotevenastar]

22/63

i came into this world screaming,

so i shall leave it the same way,

covered in blood and hungry for love

hoping i’ll become a saint.

but my screams will go unheard

and my hunger will not be tamed

i will kiss you with passion and love

so you will worship me

just like i worshiped you since dawn,

quietly and from afar, too scared

to touch you but not at all afraid

to consume your bloody heart.

my love, no religion worships a god

as perfect as you are, and i, your

follower, the most devout, will rise

and turn saint just for a kiss.

i came screaming for your love to find

me and i will pass screaming your name.

i got to know you and to be known.

i lived a quiet life in your arms,

now, i will rip your heart out,

blood covering my mouth, and you

inside, in me, i will go, but you must leave

with me.

[imnotthemoonimnotevenastar]

21/63

i never would have thought that i would be here

standing in your kitchen in your clothes, watching

you washing the dishes. oh how silly to think

that we could be more all those months ago

and i smile watching you because i love you

and you don’t look at me but when we sleep

your arms are around me and your heart’s

beating fast as a storm, i breath in your neck

and we sit on your couch and we kiss, hands

on my neck, you could kill me with a look.

i would have never thought i would love you

i would have never hoped for you to love me back

but you do, and i know it, your eyes and your heart

and your hands and your smile give it away.

[imnotthemoonimnotevenastar]

20/63

you don’t say that you love me when you hang up.

not anymore, not like you used to and i’m scared

that you don’t anymore.

now that some time has passed and you see me

for who i really am, a fraud. not so pretty or funny,

just scared and lost

like a child i want to cry while you sleep, but i can’t,

not anymore, because i am scared that you won’t

care anymore like you did

before i turned sad, became silent and cut my nails,

let the winter inside me. and maybe you will meet

her in the summer again,

the girl you feel in love with, but she is still me, just

still now, freezing in the cold without your warmth,

without your quiet “te quiero”.

and i die slowly, like trees die. and i see you leaving

even after you said you would love me forever.

i’m paranoid and i know

in your eyes there is love, i’m just tired and needed

to hear you say it tonight, to remind me, or else i will

die and the cold will consume me.

[imnotthemoonimnotevenastar]

19/20

the guilt is eating me alive and i am sorry

that you lost your friend, best friend, a brother

just to be held by me.

i am for sure not worth the pain you hold

when you feel alone because of your love for me

and i am sorry that it cost this much

i wish i could, but even if i try i cannot

make it better, i cannot change the past or present

oh, my love i am the one

who ruined something precious, like a vase

with painted flowers. i feel so bad and egoistic now

but i can’t turn back time.

and even if i could, i would still choose

to be with you. but you, if only you knew to what

our kiss would lead

i am not so sure you would. and i would be okay

with your decision if it meant you would be happy,

i would be happy for you too.

even if it meant that i could never be

held by you. the vase would still be one

and guilt would wilt.

[imnotthemoonimnotevenastar]

viktor arcane has to be one of the characters ever.

he's gay. he's terminally ill. he's suicidal. he's from league of legends. he's in a toxic relationship with an orb. he also might be the orb(???). he bullshitted his way into the academy by pretending he went there. he rizzed up a guy so he wouldn't kill himself. he then tried to impress said guy by breaking into his boss's lab. then when he got caught he tried to play it off by saying he thought this big intimidating door was his bedroom door and he was just trying to sneak a guy in there. he nearly died because hetero sex was happening like a mile away. kinda. he took illegal drugs. he's also the apprentice of the guy who's making the illegal drugs and never mentions it. he's inspired off of the tale of frankenstein's monster. he got shot by a missle and fucking died. when he came back to life he immediately broke up his messy gay situationship and became jesus fucking christ.

truly one of the characters of all time

EDIT cause i made this pre-act 2:

he started a cult. his ex came back from purgatory and shot him straight through the fucking chest. he got revived by his illegal drug making mentor using mutant furry blood. he turned everyone into fucked up magic robots. he got neutered by magic orb. he fought with his ex and choked him freaky style. a time travelling guy threw an orb at him and then he found out he and his ex were inextricably bound in every universe and timeline. then they went to super heaven.

[imnotthemoonimnotevenastar]

18/63

sometimes i hate myself for being

so in love with you, your everything.

my love for you is rooted within

the fabric of the universe itself

and you cannot fight it or deny

my heart.

somewhere i can be with you

and nothing else matters, not

the rain or dogs or your best friend

we just stay there, fingers intertwined

where your lips first touched mine

and we felt

it blooming in our hearts, at least

i did, and i still do, all the time.

it’s tragic really, i would die

for you, for us, and you don’t

even believe the extent of the love

i feel for you alone.

[imnotthemoonimnotevenastar]

17/63

i don’t know if god exists,

i didn’t think so even,

but when i look into your eyes,

i’m met with heavens.

it is like looking at the moon

but knowing it is just the light

reflecting brightly from

your shining soul.

oh god, if he even exists

must be jealous that a man

possesses such beauty.

i fall asleep and i see you

the only true soul, the light

of burning fire hides in you

but i can still feel the warmth

and you still kiss me.

i fear that there is god after all

who punished you with this

finite existence, but i’m grateful

to him. you are what i see

you are a man, a fallen star,

a greenhouse of stained glass,

a heaven filled with love.

oh i do love your eyes my love.

and there is nothing beyond

just this. perhaps i died

and being with you is

my heaven, eternity, my light.

perhaps i have been blessed

and my blessing is to be

held by you, to be graced

by your gentle touch.

oh darling, perhaps you are

an angel, or even the god

but still you kiss me and i

love love love love love

i love your lovely soul, you all.

[imnotthemoonimnotevenastar]

16/63

there is something cold about your absence

like your icy hands on my back, soft thorns.

there is nothing warm about the distance

but i look into your eyes and see the burning

sun, my face so close to yours, like Moon

is close to Venus, morning star, warm

like your embrace, ephemeral but beautiful.

there is something special in your eyes

when i meet you for a brief time in the night

and kiss you with passion in my shaky breath

and with a soft cry hurting in my throat,

awaiting your departure and my sudden death.

[imnotthemoonimnotevenastar]

15/63

i do not scream because of pain or anger

when your fingers glide down my back

when your hands grip my neck

i open my mouth and kiss you

you look at me but i cannot

know what your mind goes through

when i look at you back and i open my lips

and you kiss me, my neck and my body

my scream echoes and my hands shake

i forget what my mother gave to me

as a name or what i gave her

as a promise

the sheets are snow

but i am no more, i’m lost

in your eyes and in your mouth

my fingers dig into your skin like daggers

i do not scream.

[imnotthemoonimnotevenastar]

14/63

i feel empty.

like a porcelain doll from my old life.

just a presence in this place and time,

like a child

there is no peace and no war,

just my pain, dull like a knife cutting through you.

like a murder

of crows following you through your day and night

and i cry when i sleep because you are not here

and i’m empty,

and my porcelain’s cracked

filled with sorrow and grief.

i will die when you leave.

[imnotthemoonimnotevenastar]

13/63

we meet at the weeks end and i feel at home

the sun is bright and your eyes look with love

into mine. but with the night fall i leave you alone

and i walk on my own into the darkness above

my mother dislikes me, my father does too

but when you hug me i feel so very good

yet i must leave and let the shadows consume

my white skin and my sick screams for help

i feel wrong leaving, but i think you feel better

when i am not there to cause you distress

oh i think you are tired of me, nevertheless

you still hold me and tell me you love me

but i leave and feel empty, you don’t look back,

close the door and i dissolve into darkness

with tears in my eyes and regret in my heart

but you’re still my home when the world ends.

[imnotthemoonimnotevenastar]

12/63

a man. that’s all you are. worm meal.

i am no better, just some skin and tears.

yet when we meet, i’m in a dream.

i feel like it’s been days, months, years

since i have slept, i just daydream.

oh i wish my body could fall sheer

in a profound sleep. i wouldn’t scream.

i would just kiss you. a man. a peer.

[imnotthemoonimnotevenastar]

11/63

i never want to hate you, but i know i will.

i will try my best, but i love you more than

sun and moon and rain and meadows, still

i will hate you once someday we are done.

i will cling to the memories and try, until

thinking about you brings greater agony

than peace. by leaving me you will kill

the crane inside me and bring me to my knees.

i know, to hate you will be easy like a chill

summer wind. but i love the struggle

of loving you so tenderly and warmly till

i rot and all that’s left of me is you.

[imnotthemoonimnotevenastar]

[imnotthemoonimnotevenastar]

[imnotthemoonimnotevenastar]

[imnotthemoonimnotevenastar]