imoverit

[imoverit]

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[imoverit]

Well it’s been a minute. Still alive unfortunately! I’ll be back.

[imoverit]

FUCK!!!!!! 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕

Jesus fucking christ!!!!

[imoverit]

I’m over IT. So over it.

[imoverit]

Gonna fuckin jamb!!!!

[imoverit]

Well tomarrow is court day. Either gonna do jail time or they gonna drop it or I’m gonna ask for life or death penalty cuz the issue is not getting solved. I have legit fucking medical issues and they ain’t gettin any better lemme tell ya. Since I was 8 it’s been “GROWING PAINS” well I wanna see how big my dock gets after I’m done growing cuz 28 years later I’m still hurting in the exact same mother fucking spots!!!

[imoverit]

I love you. And miss you. Hope you come talk to me. I just wanna see that yur ok and healthy. But I know your physically ok I’m talking the other mental kind. Cuz I’m not ok so I don’t know how you can be mentally ok. I know your suffering in silence. ME TOO!!!! Just come talk to me. That’s all I want. Is to know what happened after feb 2nd but what I really wanna know is, how we ended up like this???? How the fuck did we end up like this??? We’re not even mad at each other persay I just don’t understand why you didn’t at least come talk to me!!!

I’m here. You got a free concert whenever you stop by. I got your songs (and riffs) to play for you!!!!! Bring your medicine and some booze and let’s fuckin party. That’s what we need to do, PARTY!!!! Just me and you and some friends. We can call up what’s their face from yur brothers wedding and party. Acid dropping booze guzzling smokin heavy KRONIC.

[imoverit]

I WISH I COULD GET LAUNCHED INTO SPACE!! That rocket was awesome. So fucking awesome. I cried. I did. Even tho we already have an entire space fleet so this is just he public show and next week they’ll have 1000s of space ships already populated and fully functional. In a week. Damn we humans are something else!!!! Didn’t cry today yet. Or yesterday either. I think I might be at piece for the moment. I talked to therapist kinda. But I still got the couch visit if I don’t go to jail and thatll be a cry fest. I think I might be just emotionally numb at the moment. I got a lot on my plate. And this infection from my teeth. I think I’m dying. My legs are fucking Swelled huge. And I just miss you. I can’t do nothing without something Reminding me of you or us. And I’ll def never look at the moon the same until ur back in my arms.

I’m gonna start something different in here. I got to go plant broccoli up in garden and I’ll be doing some thinking to megadeth and Metallica maybe even some old school shit I ain’t heard in a min!!! I’ll be back. I love you.

[imoverit]

I fucking miss you so much.

[imoverit]

I love you

[imoverit]

If you haven’t already we need to trip together. Get ducked up. Night out drinking together!!! Me and you!!! That’s it. Even just as friends. Hopefully lovies. I just want to lovie the shitnoutta you since dec 28th and god dammit baby get yur ass over here. I’ll get 10-15 deadheads from Jojo and I will play you your very own concert!!! Every song would be YOUR SONG!!!!! YOUR CONCERT. I actually got decent alla sudden. I didn’t even really touch guitar from before feb 2nd till mid To end of April. But babe I know you feel it. I feel we’re destined for big things and with our experiance I believe we can help out ALOT of people. We need to stay active in the scene and actually I wanna start a mental health concert band jamb. Our own new genre you play bass or drums. Try drums. Maybe they’ll help with somebody the stress and anger and frustrations. I just know I want you by my side. Forever. Please just don’t get married. I want that honor. The privledge of marrying the most brave and beautiful woman I’ve ever known, my best friend, YOU!!!! I was forced into marriage once and I know what love is not and I know what it is and we got something. All you have to Do is trust me again. Everything’s out. We both tried else where, we both hurt each other intentionally and unintentionally and when it all boils down to it, I was there and actions speak louder than scared angry scared words. And I was there and I am here for you. You could tell me in graphic detail what yur cousins did to you. Step by step detail by detail of what’s hurting you still and I wouldn’t look at you any different. Actually that’s a lie. I would. I would look at you as even more fucking awesome and EVEN MORE FUCKING BRAVE and YES EVEN FUCKING MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN when you woke up that morning because you have such a big heart and want to Qbe loved but been hurt so many times by people who loved you that even the smallest thing is devestating and spirals outta control. I know babe. It’s ok. I am here for you and you alone. If not takes 50 years for us to make lovies again then so be it. I woo the be with any woman at all in that whole time. Not once not at all. I seriously WILL NOT BE ABLE TO FIND SOMEONE BETTER THAN YOU and I wouldn’t even do that to another woman. Pretend suzie is BABE. Nope. Not gonna do it. I want you. I want my back tattoo and the Seether outfit!!!! And my hands all over you!!!! I just miss you so much. But know that no matter what happens in life NOTHING WILL EVER HURT YOU LIKE THAT AGAIN. NOTHING IVE SAID OR DONE HURT YOU LIKE THAT. Except the death wishes but in defense your guilty too so even Steven forget about it. Get once it all and let’s move on and grow and not do that stupid shot to each other no more. I want my peacock back!!!!! My peacock wardawg blossom!! I am in fucking love with you babe!!! Please know that. I get butterflies typing each one of these up.

[imoverit]

God dammit. I can’t fucking do nothing without rhinking about you

Like I’m diddly saddling around the gardens up top and down here in porch and ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS ONE DAY DOING THIS WITH YOU EXCEPT WITH MEDICAL MARIJUANA!!! NUDE BUD TENDING WITH OUR MEDICINAL MORNING COFFEE I WANNA CREATE SOME DAY I TOLD YOU BOUT IT AND BULLS AND VAPES AND OUR CUSTOM EDIBLES!!! AND MY MEDICATED GARLIC SAUCE. HONEY MUSTARD SAUCE. YOUR MEDICATING SAUCE!!!! 😗👃🤪😘. Yup. Still. Well ima get back to finish before winds and rain shut me down. Please come visit me. I know you feel it. I can tell when your down and happy and your voice. I could tell the last time we spoke around 330 am. Yeah I know my woman. Better than she does. Maybe that’s our problem. Maybe that’s why you cringe at the sight and thought of me?? I just don’t understand why you didn’t come see me. Even if you one night stranded 30 guys. Why didn’t you come see me. As a friend at the very least. Something up. I feel it in my bones. Well yeah my dicks hard thinking bout 6hr erotic messaging of your entire body with my lips! And fingers. You know what’s up!!! You know where I’m at babe. I just miss you and wanna see you and apologize cuz I’m so ashamed and embarrassed of myself!!!! If you don’t wanna be with me fine. But as a friend. Come on. And I will hug you!!!!! Fuckin believe it!!!!!!!

[imoverit]

This is what you fail to understand bout a relationships. Specially ours. I just dont know anymore!!! I dont feel good. Honestly I think I’m dying. I need my teeth out. They’re rotted completely. Hope I fall asleep and don’t wake up. Like every fucking night I pray for that. Fuck me.

[imoverit]

Top O’ dë MORNIN TWOZ YAZ ALL. And by all y’all I mean me and myself and big cheese boss sending me a BIG TEN posts made trophy. Whoop. Whoop.

I must confess. We didn’t have a dog. He never shit on our floor. Also we never turned around on our road trips longer than 2 hrs away hahahaha. Just messin. Once or twice within 10 mins of home no big deal. It’s something to laugh at now and in 30 years when we reminiscing bout the best years!!!! Yeah. The best years. Outta all my life the last 7 years have been by far the BEST 7 YEARS of my life!! I’m 35. I had 28 years of LEARNING THE HARD WAY and it all prepared me for my future!!!! I have 4 YEARS 9 MONTHS AND that’s right AND 12 mother fucking DAYS CLEAN FROM MY WORST ENEMY!!!! And IT IS ONLY BECAUSE OF YOU!!! All bullshit aside. Everything ALL BULLSHIT. Girls hair umm drugs umm PTSD Meltdowns (beyond your control, I hold no grudges no hard feelings nothing except the weed cart incident here april 12-24th. That HURT MY FEELINGS REALLY BAD. I WAS JUST TRYING TO BOND WITH MY BEST FRIEND AnD I THOUGHT SHE WAS WANTING TO BOND WITH ME ALSO SO WHEN YOU ACTuALLY WENT and Didn’t even SURPRISE ME WITH THE PINEAPPLE EXPRESS AND SMOKE SOME WHATEVER FLOWERS when I saw ya to give you the money and when you didn’t 💔😭🤬😭😭☹️ it’s ok😘 I’m just still a lil ☹️) but other than that whatever all bullshit no more he said she said fucking shit. ALL bullshit aside what kind of friend lover future husband would I of been if I had gone And used. Nope. Not doing. It’s rather feel the pain and the love than nothing at all!!!!!! I just can’t even describe it. I just know we don’t end like this. We don’t. Don’t care what you say, I know you BABE, (your full name spelled out in all caps bold and italics) I know you better than you know you and I don’t even know the full true you yet. But I WANT TO BE THERE FOR IT. I NEED TO BE THERE FOR IT. CUZ ITS GONNA BE FUCKING AWESOME!!!! I don’t wanna miss one more second of it. As long as we cool and working on us. Even if we’re living apart for a lil bit as long as we commit to a schedule and rules guidelines and boundaries and BOTH OF US WILL RESPECT THOSE THINGS!!! You know them. No cheating, no more lying to each other, no more trying to hurt the other back when they hurt our feeling or make us mad or sad whatever, and no LOVIES with NO BODY BUT EACH OTHER!!!!!!! And the last one is we both need to have counseling or even just involvement in MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS. I BELIEVE WE CAN SHOW PEOPLE HOPE AND that they can rise above their traumas and they NO LONGER NEED TO LIVE IN FEAR OR ANGER. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY THAT THEY NO LONGER NEED TO LIVE IN SHAME AND SELF RESENTMENT and SELF EMBARRASSMENT. That’s what I see in you EVERYDAY. You have the wanting and the will to over come it. But for some reason just won’t let it all go!!!! I feel that’s what you always were trying to tell me when we talk or text or see each other in person. Then you just go never mind I can’t physically or emotionally handle this right now. It’s not important it don’t matter anyways. Sorry for bothering you!

FUCKING CHRIST WOMAN JuST TELL ME. I know you say you tried. I believe you. Your a strong woman for getting that far. Far enough that someone seen it and took notice and it just so happens that, that person happens to be in love with you. And when you have CPTSD it’s hard to leave feelings out of shit. That’s why you won’t talk to me. Avoid me avoid the break through!!!! I’m telling you babe. Me and you were meant for big things. You know I’ll compile a list of “CRAZY (FATE) SIGNS AND SHIT” and then I’ll post them. Wanna play a game. You know I hate board games and I wanna play a game. Let’s see how many of the crazy fate signs you can guess. There’s at least 50. No doubt there’s at least 50. Upwards 100 or more actually!!!!

Oh the other night when I recorded BABES song. Almost wrote your name. When I went live for 4 hrs. I coulda swore it said breaking Benjamin was watching my live post. I’m almost fucking positive. I fucking looked at it for a few mins to read it and it there was a bubble on bottom of screen that said breaking Benjamin is watching your feed or post or however exact wording. Like I know it said that. I fucking know it did. Who know maybe your song go man go to number one on the new genre of music. It’s called feeling. I play feelings man. No one particular style!!!! So your song is gonna have its own brand new genre!!!!

[imoverit]

I just don’t know. I know I say that a lot but I just really don’t. Like I’m a very highly intelligent person and I’m very good at solving problems. Making something after more efficient. Like I can go into a business and within a month or 2 just totally change that place. Like from products from intake of like a grocery store to the customers cars I can make it so an employee won’t have to handle it more than he needs too. Move this there. Change this try that and before you know it your pumping out a million guitars a year when before me was 50-100k.

And I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE!!!!! I’ve gone over every scenario 1000 times each and then even started mixing scenarios together then adding new thoughts and Scientific physocology shit to it then adding reality shit to it then adding physically AND YES AND (as in more than 1,) practically IMPOSSIBLE FUCKING BULLSHIT to the mix and then before you know it I just wanna fucking blow my head off. Seriously. Honestly It’s too fucking much at times. But I’m not going too don’t worry. Ive injected myself several in fact dozens of times with a cocktail of drugs so powerful that DR Kovorkian coulda helped 7-8 people maybe more. I’d have to inject a whole morphine 200 just to get outta bed I’m the morning and I wasn’t even high yet. I had to mix large quantities. Half gram or more of dope at a time mixed with some pills to get high! Thank god I HONESTLY don’t miss that. I do however miss her. YOU. And I just don’t know what the hell is up. My woman the woman who she was before I met her would have no problem telling me what’s up with the last 3mths In person. She wouldn’t. Even if she fucking wanted my ass deader than a shit and she was fuCali nag pissed or even if she was hurt emotionally by something I did or said (before the blow up. That don’t count cuz she didn’t tell me the TRUTH!!! My WOMAN would sit me down tell me the TRUTH and then kick my fucking ass and kill me but SHE WOULD HAVE NO PROBLEM TELLING ME THE TRUTH...... IN PERSON. So some things up. I hear It her voice. It sounds painful whatever it is. And before I blew up when we was “good” and we’re still single but she writes the legit I love you msg and ONE DAY AT A TIME. Then over next couple weeks. I get honest love yous and miss yous and even when we talked on the phone that was my woman. If she was happy sad angry whatever that was my woman. Then even may 4th I think. Super flower moon day I heard it in her voice. The IM IN LOVE WITH YOU BUT I HAVE TO PUSH YOU AWAY self sabotage of a meaningful relationship cuz what I’m better off. Cuz it’s all minor stupid spiraled outta control bullshit and now resentments are forming. The kind that NEVER GO AWAY. And I don’t want that. But she won’t talk to me. At all. It’s out of character for MY WOMAN!! Like even if she wasn’t in love with me and I knew her I would be able to tell somethings up from her tone last night.

It was just pain full to hear. Like she still has something aching to get out and be said. I just don’t know if it’s good for me or bad for me. I feel it’s bad. I feel that she has marked me for life as one of her abusers. Somethings wrong that she won’t fucking tell me. Cuz that’s not my woman. That’s not the woman who I sat next to for 7 years. Yeah babe 7 years. Yeah babe I’m calling you babe cuz that will always be your name to me!! And I just feel like she feels ashamed and emabareassed for her actions when she is having a PTSD moment and most of the time she blacks out and don’t remember half the stuff that was said. And that scares me. So angry that you black out. I would never hurt her. NEVER EVER EVER WOULD I DO ANYTHING EVEN ROTELY CLOSE TO WHAT THEM MONSTERS HAVE DONE TO YOU!!!! Mean words yes I am fucking guilty. A phone or laundry basket thrown in your direction with no intent to harm you physically, yes I’m f ifking guiltynof that too I’m guilty. But I would never ever do anything worse than what’s already been done. (Fist hole In a cheap closet door, guilty) but I’d never and I KNOW YOU HONESTLY KNOW THAT. I SAVED YOU BABY. I WAS THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU NEEDED ME THE MOST!!! Actions. Forget about other girls who I never was anything more than basic non sexual friends with. I said something nice about her hair. Well if I remember correctly that’s as during the time I me Patrick left but you BABE didn’t tell me before I walked out door that you were on the ledge of a bridge deciding if you wanted to jump or not. Which I’m so glad you didn’t but if you would of told me that day of 356 bridge NONE OF THIS WOULDA HAPPENED. Neither would of dec 28th and for that. I think you feel guilty and ashamed prolly disgusting(cuz I do for my actions so that’s why I said you prolly feel) scared and embarrassed for yourself and yur actions cuz that’s how I feel about myself. I’m mostly ashamed and embarrassed of myself but I feel angry the most and that’s why I can’t talk wirhour getting passionate”. Angry at myself. I’m not even made at you. I’m angry at myself. And then in turn get angry at you for something stupid and then it blows up into big time madness all cuz I’m ashamed of myself and I’m angry with myself. If I hadn’t snuck around and used drugs with chad. Which was only drugs never anything sexual with anybody!!!!! And you know what I feel the same way. I’m ashamed of myself. To the point I wanna die. I’m embarrassed and angry and I feel so disgusting and gross since you couldn’t even let me hold you when you cut your wrist. I tried to get you but you didn’t want me too touch you. So no didn’t. I’m so sorry baby. I shoulda took the chance of you calling cops on me for assault or something. But at same time I respect you so you said don’t touch I didn’t touch. When you tell me to not touch you for a year even after we got thru her not working correctly after surgery. Remember what I said. I’ll try everyday 100 times a day for years if needed until you can cum all over him or my face.

And I just know we don’t end like this. We don’t end like this. Your the most amazing woman I ever met. Beautiful. Your not beautiful. Beautiful don’t even come fucking close to describing who/what you are!!!! Brave. Strong super sexy wardawg who despite EVERTHING (everything you’ve said/done, I’ve said/done) despite EVERYTHING baby you STILL drive me wild like the first time we met each other. Your real true beauty makes my dick hard just thinking about you. Right now. He 😘🤪👃👅🖖👐(full body erotic message hands) your the strongest most courageous woman I’ve EVER MET like you didn’t even go I my o much detail about shit everytime you’d open up you got more beautiful. Then when you started telling me bout yur monster cousins you got more beautiful and you didn’t even go into detail of the events (like you actually should do to help HEAL. It works trust me KERR FAMILY. I carried a lot of shit after that. Loading a whole family that died together in a forerunner crash into the coroners van. 4 people. Mom. 3 kids 16-6 or 7 years old. And our relationship now. The current state were in right now just ripped my family away and I’m in need of my best friend my lover back!!! I really am. I just miss you so much. I’ll cry for an hour straight. Seriously. Sometimes 2 and then stop try to do something but WVERYTHING REMINDS ME OF YOU. I watched a video on donutboperator of a kid who was yelling at the cop to just kill him bro please. And I freaking cried like a baby all night. Ended up texting you and then you called and I got to hear your voice but then I hurt even more cuz you didn’t even sound like you. That wasn’t you. It just wasn’t you. Even if you hate me and actually never wanted to see me again m, you would sound like you. And you just didn’t. Remember on the phone. I got the text too to prove it. “Yur voice was different. Everything was different”. In a good way. She got tingly from what you said!! Yeah I bd isn’t hear that in you. Like even when we were together and we were Mia communicating and someone called or you had to deal with a person. You sounded like BABE. Even when we weee fighting on the phone BOTH getting mean and ignorant to each other. You still sounded like you. But last night. You didn’t. Even from the very first words of, what do you want?? It just didn’t sound like Ashley. If I was blind and you walked into the room and talked I wouldn’t of known who it was. Just please talk to me baby!!! We should be spending this beautiful summer watching stars here at dads or kennerdale. Yes kennerdale. I was waiting for better weather to go star gazing there with you and hold you tight then feb 2nd came and I thought for sure you was gonna come see me. At least once. And I won’t lie. You hurt me feelings with the whole weed issue april 22nd. Like you text before we even talked. Look at menu your only one who’s appreciate it then we started talking and I thought it was going good. If you were only talking to me my babe was back then somewhere around your script issue something noticeably changed. You began getting short with me. You wouldn’t text for a few days and I can almost pin point the exact like 2 week span. So please baby. If youve heard any thing that I’ve said here. And if you truly deep down inside feel any bit of the same way I do. Just please come talk to me. I’d like it to be without you having a BF so I can hug you. I just want a hug. I wasn’t able to that night or since or even before and I just my my woman back. Your world didn’t end the day I moved out!!! It just began. Use this lil vacation to get yourself right. Don’t worry about a relationship. And if yo u need the services of a man that’s what I’m here for. If we’re working on ourselves and each other with that promise to each other like I mentioned last year. Your strong independent woman who don’t need a man. So I don’t see why you jumped straight into a relationship while you still have/had at time may 4th, feelings for me. Cuz that wasn’t how somebody who don’t love a person no more, breaks up width.

You don’t basically tell me please don’t blow up and end it bad I’m case I wake up I’m a year well 2 to be “specific” and realize that it was ALWAYS me. The fact that you even said that was a red flag. Shoulda been a red flag to yurself that you were self sabatoging our relationship. I don’t care if you slept with 50 guys the last 3-4 mths. I bd not want details unless there is no chance of us getting back together EVER and then I need to know when you started talking to mike is it? Cuz if it was after our phone call March 24th then he’s a POS I know you talked about our relationship and I have a feeling he said one of those predator lines. He don’t deserve you. You are beautiful. But what you didn’t tell him is that you didn’t want me telling you you were beautiful cuz you thought I only said it cuz I was on drugs which wasn’t the case. It intensified the true feelings. And I just feel something like that happened and then that one day round April 13th is give or take a week something happened. Maybe a one night stand. Kool no problem but then guilt and shame and embarrassment comes into play and then you text me like you was trying to tell me something and then it don’t matter anyways. My life was over day you moved out shit down and then you ignored me so you didn’t have to tell me. I feel 2 ways bout it. Either it was one night stand and you felt emabareassed bout it which you shouldn’t. Your human or he did take advantage of a woman who’s a month out of a 7 year rocky relationship but r the he reason it was rocky is because both people were fighting for what they love/loved. Me/you as of now. And we just don’t end like this babe. We don’t. Are you ok with us ending like this??? I mean how we ever gonna be able to even try to become friends again if one of us has a significant other. It’s like mike and (I don’t have nobody but you so we’ll say Suzie) Mike and suzie gonna be ok with us going to hang out or going to concert or what?? Double dating??? I just can’t see ya ever talking to each other again unless we’re in a committed relationship to each other. I just don’t know. I need to jamb. I’m really missing you hard core right now. I feel like you actually did die cuz I’m never gonna see you again

Remember how I always say somethings in the woods here. I feel like a raptor or some shot is stalking so Last night I was jambin in drive way and I bent down BYU turn the mids up a lil but and when I bent back up there was a coyote running towards me from the flower bed closest to driveway I yelled AAHHHH and went to swing my guitar like a bat and it like turned in mid full sprint slid its nails across blacktop I could hear them sliding trying to grip traction and then he took off towards the Lane sign. I fucking had prolly a #50-60 pound coyote almost attack me. I just heard them down on the bank just behind the light line.

[imoverit]

Shit. I just can’t stop worrying about you. I just can’t. I try and I try but I just fucking can’t. I take a dump think of you. Mow the grass think of you. I Try and look at porn cuz yes without you here cuddling me I don’t have nobody to make love too and I’m human I need that companionship and release too but i can’t even do that right now cuz all I do is THINK OF YOU. I can’t help but think of you. EVERY WOMAN I SEE I COMPARE TOO YOU. And nobody else stacks up. I WILL NEVER FIND ANYBODY TO REPLACE YOU. Period EVER NEVER NEVER WILL I FIND SOMEONE TO REPLACE YOU!!! It’s impossible. One of a kind!! I pull out the few non nude pics of you and I start to cry and I can’t even do that afterwards. So it’s been a while. Yes I know you say your fine but I don’t believe you. I know you too well. I feel it. I feel yur not fine. Puttin on that fake smile for him and everyone else and go about yur day. Suffer in silence. Do you think about me??? Even once since well other than when you call or text. Do you think about me??? I just wanna talk. I won’t bite. Unless you want me to nibble yur thigh or hip bone. That’s all. Just talk. You know how our brains are. You don’t even wanna know what I’ve been thinking up since feb 2nd.

What the fuck happened to us babe??? Seriously. I’m embarrassed and ashamed of myself. What the fuck happened. Know what. We turned our life into a fuckin cry fest Sunday mini series. We really did. Just madness. Madness for you madness for me I’m just mad Bout you. Insane in the membrain. Seriously. Why can’t we even sit down and talk with out fighting. Obviously there’s passion there if something still bothers you. That’s called caring and love. There isn’t nothing been done yet that we can’t look back in in 60yrs and laugh at. How can you have a relationship with somebody you didn’t go thru your darkest DÖÖM with?? I fucking want the person that stood by my side during my bad times and mini doom, I want them by my side when I’m old and fat. Let’s burn 1. Let’s trip. I kinda tripped Monday and Tuesday. Dead heads but it wasn’t colors and shit it was just a relaxing happy but yet very sad. I cried for 5hrs monday night. That’s all we need to do is go party together as friends. Let’s at least burn 1 and talk we’ll I wanna talk first and Cuz I need to talk the most. I’m borderlined 3NORTH material right now. I just. It’s just

This jumps around A lot cuz you know how I get I kinda feel like this but tryin I don’t want the chance of us never talking or seeing each nother EVER AGAIN so I kinda don’t want too but I’ll wait for you if I have too. I’m not gonna even try to get another relationship. I’m done unless you come back. If I need laid THAT bad I’ll hire a prostitute or something. And at that I’ll just thinking you so it wouldn’t even happen cuz then I’d feel like I was cheating. But I feel if I did hook up with a chick let’s say right now and then tomarrow you just showed up out the blue wanting me back, I feel you’d hold a 1 night stand against me when all I did(didn’t do this is hypothetical) was get laid to get rid of all this stress from the last 4-6mths. I really feel you’d hold that against me but you wouldn’t even consider you did the same thing except move him in. I know he’s living there. Remember we was gonna have him as a house mate to pay rent. Good thing we didn’t. I actually kinda feel you was talking to him since summer 2019 behind my back. After the day he called and I said just please tell him to jot call so late what if she was sleepin and all he wanted to know was “if he was good looking or an ugly dood” cuz his buddy was about to have. 3some for the night!! And I feel that’s why you didn’t tell me bye password to Mylar phone lock after hotel work. Sorry. Thinking too much. You know how it is. But when everything now makes sense. And I kinda feel you wanted me gone a year ago. Last summer. I just feel something and I don’t know what it is. Somethings not right with you. Please talk to me. Well I kinda feel like this but don’t want it to happen cuz if I never see you smell my up or taste you again I don’t know what I’ll do. I’m in love with you BABE!!!

Well since you been in bondage your whole life and people have shit on you your whole life and you never got to experienc life. So Go have some fun. Please be safe. I just want you back ASAP!!!! We Dont fucking end like this. My best friend is yur ghost for christ sakes. Like holly wood couldn’t of made up our story. And god dammit I want 57-77-107 years not only 7, don’t even say or think it. 7 years!!!! Can I have a cherry blossom seed if you still gottem!! This isn’t how our story goes. We’re not one of those couples. There’s something more. Something else. I just know you feel it. I just want you to remember who WILL(DID always will) PREPARE YOUR COFFEE EVERYDAY and make the bed for you EVERYNIGHT!!!! Hand made cards. I don’t have nobody to make cards for anymore😭. I just want MY WOMAN BACK. No bullshit. No FEAR. NO ANGER. NO HATE. CLEAN SLATE and at least try to be friends again. But I don’t see how that ever could be if we don’t ever talk or see each other. If you got a man, he’s not gonna appreciate us texting, even non sexual cuz I want a lovie relationship with you. I don’t want some other man with my woman. I still say he’s a pos. If you “talked” to him and he said any of the following. Run.

But you are beautiful.

You deserve better

He don’t deserve such a beautiful loving caring woman like you. I can see a one night stand when a couple breaks up and whatnot but then if they each keep coming back somethings there. Now if one totally ditches the other after “ the whole 9 yards I’m legit IN LOVE WITH YOU ALL OVER AGAIN and refuses to give the other closure so they can move on and you wouldn’t even of told me about him if I hadn’t of blown up. How long would you been texting me I love yous. And it’s period week!! I know he smells me 10 miles away. Come on woman. I LOVE YOU. Nothing you could do could make me look at you any different. As in. You got boy toy today. You come talk to me. We could end up making love even if you do got a man. I ain’t down for that shit but my woman!!!! That’s different!!! So if he NEVER TOLD YOU TO COME TALK TO ME WHEN YOU WENT TO TALK AS A FRIEND THEN HES A PIECE OF SHIT TOOK ADVANTAGE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SOUL IVE EVER MET WHO WAS VENERABLE when she was expressing her love for me. He’s a piece of shit. I know who it is. I’m not stupid. I just wanna know how long you was talking to him behind my back?? Before hotel job? Before winter??? Before I moved back in after we went to the Easter egg hunt???? I just miss you and want you safely back in my arms ASAP!!!! I Turly do love you babe. Like the real you who we both don’t even fully know yet. You’ve never had a chance to be YOU YOU. But I know what’s in there and this isn’t you. How we ended is my ex wife situation type shit and you ARE NOT THAT KIND OF PERSON!!!!!! I KNOW YOU AINT!!!!! Am I wrong or hit nail on head??? If your huffy I hit nail on head. Please come see me. I got the Michelob bong still!! Please at least just talk as friends. I won’t even try relationship even tho it kinda goes hand in hand with the situation but I won’t try no funny business!!!! I promise

[imoverit]

Who believes in the fates??? Me me me I do. And lemme tell ya they are some sick fucking energy for sure. What if by his is hell and when we die we come back to hell over and over again. So uhh. Was gonna type something i forget