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Graduate Student Woes, a Rant

I was a reader and a writer before I knew that people could make a living out of it. This is why it was easy for me to decide that I wanted to be an English professor when I grew up: after all, I think my biggest skillset is teaching. I'm not ashamed to say that teaching is what I am meant to do. I'm only infuritated that this isn't a world cut out for educators.

I began graduate school around the same time my personal life took a chaotic turn: my brother (someone with severe mental health issues and vices who outwardly tried hurting me multiple times throughout the pandemic) suddenly died, my dad (the only family member who I loved and who loved me) died a year later, and then a few friends at the time (for good reason and for less compelling reasons) convinced me that I was a terrible person; most recently, my boyfriend (who I love dearly) and I jumped the gun and squandered money on renting an apartment. Rent is a fucking bitch, and my job doesn't pay me enough, so now we're suffering. As I alluded slightly beforehand, my family isn't helpful. My mom believes that people should slave away and suffer to make money, and yet, she receives disability. Likewise, my jealous sister refuses to help, and instead chooses to waste our dad's estate because I for some reason deserve to suffer because she suffered when she was young.

And amidst all of this, I still need to go to school. I still have that stupid fucking dream of being a professor. I still want to risk all that I have in hopes that maybe, fucking maybe, I can research, get a Ph.D, land a great job at a university, and have a stable life with my boyfriend, my friends, and all the people I love.

It's fucking hard to do so when the world seems at its end. I feel like a failure, but I'm too ashamed to give up. So here I am. Sitting and waiting, wondering what the next right move is going to be.

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When the rest of the world looks at the united states right now, we see a government who sends billions to support genocide but cannot help their own people starving on the streets.

We see a police force who won't go in to save children from school shootings, but deploy at a rapid rate to arrest peaceful protestors using their right to free speech to protest a genocide

America, you are a war mongering snake eating your own tail. You will protect and support war criminals in another country but let your own people starve and die

To the students bravely protesting now, we see your strength. We see what we saw when students protested the Vietnam War. We have faith you will prevail

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TWO HOURS AGO: an incredible photo taken by a ut austin student capturing something deeply poetic in my opinion, a line of state troopers eagerly waiting to arrest student protesters standing just behind a sign that reads "what starts here changes the world. its starts with you and what you do each day."

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Jurassic Park (1993)

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I wonder why

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I don’t know why Jurassic Park is trending but I sure do appreciate it

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Lost, Lost, Lost, Jonas Mekas (1976)

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June Jordan, An Address to the Students of Columbia University During Their Anti-Apartheid Sit-in, April, 1985; in On Call. Political Essays, South End Press, Boston, MA, 1985, pp. 117-122

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Pride & Prejudice (2005) // Only Murders in the Building (2021 -)

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spread joy 🌈

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Daft Punk for OOR Magazine (1997) Photography By: Rico d'Rozario

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2007

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Daft Punk – Infinity Repeating (2013 Demo) ft. Julian Casablancas+The Voidz dir. Warren Fu, Picnic Studio, and H5