imtrymingmybest-ipromise-blog - Tumblr blog

[imtrymingmybest-ipromise-blog]

Much

What’s your favorite flower?

Think about it, you gotta have one

What’s the worst thing you did as a kid?

I became a barber

What was your first thought this morning?

Did it make you want to go back to sleep?

Name a book you’ve read more than once

Why did you go back there?

How many empty journals do you have?

What are they made of?

Are you afraid of amusement parks?

Will you get on with me anyway?

I want to wear your favorite shirt

You can wear my favorite pants

What parts of your heart get warm when you smile?

Give me the map to get there

Show me your height

Your depth

Tell me why you're here

Why you’re still standing

Do you remember your dreams?

Were you sleeping?

If your world collapsed would you try to hold it?

How long?

Did you get a second chance?

Did you learn how to make it worse?

Where are we?

And what are you doing?

Are you proud of the scene you’re painting?

Is it ready for me yet?

Are marbles just marbles?

Are pens just pens?

Was Dickinson a hypocrite?

Was Whitman just a rambler?

Will I see you tomorrow?

Will you know me when I walk up?

Should I bring flowers just in case?

Will we place them in all the guns aimed at you?

Are you hearing me now?

How do the flowers smell?

They didn’t cost much

You are expensive

[imtrymingmybest-ipromise-blog]

Man’s Bestfriend

It is nice

To have an awkward

Ramble of a conversation

With him today

After she only

Proved to me what

I didn’t want to

Believe

I am at

Her beck and call

I am on a leash

But she’s not even

Holding it anymore

She’s tied it to a tree

And walked away to

Catch her breath

I cannot decide

If I

Must be a good dog

And sit patiently

Or if it is time to

Chew up my leash and

Run from a negligent owner

What if

She doesn't come back

What If I wait here

Loving her

Until I starve

Is that the price

Of loyalty?

But then

If I do run away

There’s the possibility

Of

No shelter

No food

No warmth

And what then?

Do I turn and

Go right back to her?

Do I bite the hand?

Or depend on it

Perhaps

I could learn

A thing

Or two

From the cat

Who wears no collar

And answers to no name

And yet somehow

Finds a home

Just the same

[imtrymingmybest-ipromise-blog]

Things That Don’t Matter

They kicked me out of my bed again

The united nations is the supreme court of the world

Blood is prettier than the cut it comes out of

Cute pictures only cheer me up on my feet

I would steal my brothers clothes if I could

It does not feel like a birthday

He is not as bad, when he’s listening

I’m going to a doctor soon

The uke hasn’t left it’s case

I am already sick of this poem

You showed up at the worst time

I enjoy math when there is nothing else

Spoons will be the death of me

The boy is more confusing than any girl

I need to get out but can’t

The store was closed today

I will never read everything I need to

I have not had pretzels in a year

My dad is not home

Reference books are for one night only

My chest hurts

I need a new watch

[imtrymingmybest-ipromise-blog]

Toast

I am not hungry

As I pull a container

week old chicken salad

To the counter

scavenging

For rolls

There are no more rolls

Only white bread

But my tongue cannot

Imagine a more disgusting

Texture

Than the slip, squish

Of white bread and cold chicken drenched in mayo

Out of fear of breaking

The not throwing up streak for today

I make toast

I make toast and it takes two tries

Before I burn it blacker than

Anyone

Wants toast

I slather the chicken sloppily

On a piece and close it before

My eyes get in it

I eat it and dread each new bite

I stop halfway

No sane person would keep eating

No sane person would've made it to begin with

No sane person would stop and talk to my mother

My words fly and hit her glasses

Fall to her uber interesting phone screen

And bounce back at me like a

Rubber band, I

Pick it up and put it on my wrist for later

Despite knowing It will snap in my

Trembling hands after an hour

I am not hungry

My hunger bled out this morning in a cold

Shower

And is somewhere below our city now

My hands cannot bring anything good forth

Everything I touch turns bad

I touch myself

While studying shakespeare

I cry while Othello kills himself

And I follow suit wrapping myself

In this prison I call a bed

I pull the pillow

And my hand

Has a smell

It is not me

Like it should be

It is toast

It is burnt toast

It is the burning in my chest

The smoky blistering burning

That hasn’t stopped no matter

How many times I drown myself

I am burnt toast that someone

Forgot to put butter on

And they eat anyway

[imtrymingmybest-ipromise-blog]

Summer

If Summer were a week

It’d be four days

Summer was a pool noodle fight

And bathingsuit insecurities

Wrapped in a towel, hid under

A can of rootbeer and a bunch of

I’m gonna miss yous

Summer was listening

To a scary movie underneath a

Cold blanket on your

Boyfriend’s family’s couch

So tired

Summer was sleeping in the middle

Hot and Cold

Y’all dropping me off

Wearing a hat and sweat

Walking through a door

Having the first

Pleasant conversation i’d had

With my mom in

A while

Summer was showering

Falling asleep to

Rap music that

I wasn’t sure if I liked yet

Summer was pizza and a brownie

With icing on top

Game Night with my drama teacher’s

Family

Laughing at “gifted” jokes

So tired

Summer was riding to Brunswick

Eating an arby’s roast beef

Wandering through

Dick’s sporting Goods

Looking at all the things I keep

Telling myself I need to do

Summer was a lowcountry boil

And an impromptu “frasority”

Slumber party, us four

Summer was a lonely coffee

A breakfast balanced on

Outside spider webs

Getting roasted for my

Morning music playlist

Summer was cleaning a bathroom,

Last man standing,

Too hot pizza rolls,

Inappropriate movies,

Being screamed at when the fun

Was over

Summer was thinking about a movie for

Much longer than I

Should’ve

If summer was last year

It made no sense

[imtrymingmybest-ipromise-blog]

Full Bloom

Perhaps It is normal

To hate the exes

Of someone

You love

But there is nothing

Normal

About my hatred

For you

From What she has told me

You’re the

Epitome

Of

“Despicable Human being”

I don’t know everything

But here’s what i see

You

She was way out of your league

But she was also naive and did not

See that

Somehow she liked you

And that

Sent your confidence soaring

You little insecure piece of shit

You needed someone else

to give you your worth

And once you had it

You took her’s too

What went through your head man?

“Wow that was easy”

“Let me look for more affection elsewhere”

“It’s not like i’m dating the most

Amazing girl ever”

“Let me do something that I know

Would hurt her”

Barely into the relationship at all

And you’ve already done the worst

Thing you could do

And yet

She stayed

She stayed despite knowing

It wasn’t okay

Why?

Because that’s who she is

She puts everyone else first

She put what you wanted

First

Always

And you thrived in it

Then what?

Time goes on

And she gives up pieces of herself

Slowly

And you stomp on them

You try to fill voids in yourself

(That can only be filled by self-fulfillment)

With anything she could find left inside her

And that wasn’t enough

She was never enough for you

Because something happened to you

Something that made you like this

Something that ripped you up

And instead of accepting that

You chose to ruin

The most beautiful girl in the world

You said things

Awful things

You said them until

They were inked on her skin

Invisible ink

Nobody else can see it

But she looks at her arm

And sees it there on her wrist

And each time she feels

A pull

To cut it off

You brainwashed her

With unlimited contradictions

Until she thought everything

That isn’t love

Is

She told me once

That you made her feel like she was

In a forest fire

You were raging

Destroying everything in her

And she didn’t have the strength

To run to water

I don’t know if it’s true

But someone told me

That you fucked her

While she was sleeping once

It should say something that

I wasn’t surprised at all

To hear you’d raped her too

I don’t really know you

But I understand the person

You are

I know you have so many

Issues

I know that you need help

But you don’t think you do

I know that you will go on like this

I know

That you did all this

And you’re getting away

Homefree

You don’t have to stay

And live in the ruins

Of her forest

You don’t have to see

The trees

Black and lifeless

The ground bare and burnt

You don’t have to see her

Hopelessly trying to pour water

On ashes

I know that you don’t care

And that you will carry on

Knowing you left her

Obliterated

But I also know

That you will never get to see her

When she grows back

When the grass is soft

And thick

And tickles her feet

When new trees come forth

Stronger, taller

Calling for birds

To build their nests

And sing

When flowers will grow

Not to be plucked

When trees stretch out

And are not cut down

When life flows through her veins

Like a river again

You

Do not deserve to walk through

Her woods

You do not deserve

To warm yourself

In her sunlight

There is no-one

That will ever deserve her

In her Spring

No-one who will ever

Deserve her presence

You never did

And I never will

However

That is where our similarities end my friend

Because I still have a chance

To see her

Full bloom

And if she’ll let me

I want to be there

To water the flowers

In her open fields

I want to be there

To point at her smile

And say

This is all the warmth we’ll ever need