incognito-diary
Incognito Mode
Thoughts and confessions I don’t want tied to my identity
42 posts
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touch-starvation needs to be written with emphasis on the starving part. you are hungry to be touched. so hungry that even the very taste of it makes you nauseous. it has been long since anything has ever touched you, ever fed you - that your body has grown more used to that gnawing emptiness more than anything else. it's better for you to be held, to eat but it makes you sick to try. you know
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The category is: you are never going to experience mutual attraction, and all the shame that comes with emotionally believing that. Like, I wish the strength of myself and the very good community and platonic connections were enough to hold me up, but there are wounds to the core of my person and they're not reachable platonically and sometimes those just. bleed. And the nebulous promise of "someday, maybe, this will work out even though it's never worked out before" is completely useless for the pain and the brokenness that is happening today.
I think I may be starting to mourn the idea of being with bestie, even though the compulsion is still present.
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In my heart of hearts I don’t think I’m ever going to receive mutual attraction.
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4 AM is a normal time to be awake at every one say it with me. *grips you* Louder
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I was just thinking earlier today about how nice passive experiences activate the Yearning. The weather is nice? I want to tell you I love you. The flowers are beautiful? I want to hold your hand and kiss you and share this moment of beauty together.
I can’t believe I’m doing this shit in private while I send you piss fag memes throughout the day.
the stars sing your name to me
each night i lay to rest,
the sun basks me in your warmth
almost as intense as yours each morning i wake,
the moon reminds me of your beauty
each time i glance up to the sky.
you are as constant in my mind
as the waves are in the ocean;
as inescapable as the sand on the beach
and as infinite as the passage of time.
and as winter has bloomed into spring yet again,
i find my heart has bloomed for you yet again.
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i envy the sun that greets you every morning, and the moon that watches over your every night.
i envy the morning birds that wake you with their song, and the barred owls that serve as your lullabies.
i envy the winds that kiss your skin, and i pray that they are gentle in their touch.
whisper my wishes to the trees so that they may sway in sympathy with my soul’s unrest.
and tell the stars of my love, so that they may string constellations in the shape of my affections. watch as they draw your eyes in the skies.
let the tides pull me in and take me deep. let them wash away these feelings onto distant shores, and bury them to become folklore.
and perhaps, one day, the people will speak of how dearly i loved—of how i had always been yours.
— yshro.
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My favorite sex position is when you love them and they love you back.
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You’ve been engaged since December 2021 and there’s no hide nor hair of a wedding on the horizon.
Why??
You’ve been financially stable, you’re about to be promoted, you have a savings, you have investments…
Are you waiting for me to be closer? If so it’s not been spoken.
The last handful of times we’ve talked about weddings you’ve said you don’t understand weddings and don’t have a desire for one.
But there’s no word of elopement either?
What is happening?
To me it rings of not wanting to get married to them, but I am the most biased party of all time.
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