inconspicuouslyme

[inconspicuouslyme]

~Violence~

How do we learn what is wrong and what is right?

I grew up in a violent home and it wasn't my father, it was my brother.

I rarely talk about it because I was quieted multiple times, shamed about how I let everyone know what happens inside the family home.

My brother hurts me...that's what happens. Ever since we were young, we would argue and fight. But to what extent is this right?

Everyone jokes around about play fighting but when it hurts is it still a game? If they hit you or push you or shove you when they're angry or threaten to punch you, is that okay?

I am 31 years old and just came back into my parents' house from a late-night walk. As I walk in, I get shoved to the side violently as my brother rushed out the house. My father complains that we are going to kill him because of his hypertension, saying how my brother was complaining about me screaming all day. I had woken up from a nap. My mom agrees and mentions my brother having a headache. I am fuming and threaten to do something with a rock, wanting to throw it at his car, but didn't find it thankfully. I go back in and throw his stuff on the floor; my dad calls me an idiot for that. I tell him I don't give a FUCK! Me vale verga! and I lock myself in my room. As I do this, I see my brother walking into his room whilst father is picking up his things trying to fix them. He looks calm and stern, I am scared. Nothing happens. But in all that crossfire I told them to kick him out and my dad said I should kick you both out. Triggers past emotions when I left with a Narcissist to leave these Narcissists... I say to him you don't have to threaten me to leave I can be gone, nonetheless. So here I am, pain in my shoulder from being shoved so hard. Texting my mom that she should be thankfu7l I don't involve the police, looking for a place to stay with low funds from the unpredictability with which this came about. I'm tired, I have to go to work tomorrow.

I am scared to leave my room not knowing what could happen, maybe I am an idiot.... I just wanted to smoke, shower and sleep...

*****Cries herself to bed*****

Density (youtube.com)