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Paulo: time sensitive question how flirt boy

David: throw rocks at he

Daisy: hot dogs

Lucy: kill him

Paulo: thanks guys

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Lucy: So Paulo sneezed earlier and I accidentally said 'shut the fuck up' instead of 'bless you'.

Daisy: How do you accidentally say 'shut the fuck up'?

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Molly: Why does everything always target Earth? I live here! It's not that great!

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Lily: why…why are you guys on the ceiling?

Blur: it’s sunday

Lily: what does that mean?!?!

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Lily: *making a sandwich*

Chirpy: can i have some peanut butter

Lily: sure :)

Chirpy: *rubs it all over her face*

Lily: D:

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Paulo: Lucy, have you seen my copy of the greatest movie of all time?

Lucy: 17 again?

Paulo: yeah

Lucy: Pretty sure it fell in the hole

Paulo: What hole? OH MY GOSH!

*Dramatic hole zoom in*

Paulo: What is that!?

Lucy: It’s a hole

Paulo: yeah I can see that. What’s it doing there?

Lucy: Well I woke up this morning *sips coffee* then there was a hole

Paulo: What are you gonna do about it?

Lucy: Well, I put a rug over it

*Dramatic hole zoom in*

Lucy: Yeah it fell in the hole

Paulo: Should we call the police or something?

Lucy: Oh yeah, I called the police yeah

Paulo: Well, where are they?

Lucy: They’re in the hole

*Dramatic hole zoom in*

Paulo: *Looks around* Where is your girlfriend? Lucy, where is your girlfriend?!

Lucy: She’s at school.

Grooves: Oh good, where does she go?

Lucy: In the hole. 

*Dramatic hole zoom in*

Paulo: Gosh! How deep even is this thing?! *Grabs Lucy’s mug and drops it into the hole*

Lucy: That was my favorite mug… Now it’s in the hole

*Dramatic hole zoom in*

Paulo: Lucy, do you even know what this is? Like for all we know it could be an interdimensional wormhole or a gateway to the hell or…

Paulo: Lucy?

Paulo: Lucy?!

Paulo: LUCY?!?

Lucy: Hey what’s up I got a snack *bites into an apple*

Paulo: Lucy, will you please take this seriously?

*A hand reaches out of the hole making monster noises*

Paulo: *Intense screaming*

Lucy: *nonchalantly pulls out a gun and shoots the hand a few times*

Paulo: What was that?!

Lucy: Hole person

Paulo: Where did it come from?!

Lucy: …

Paulo: Right! The hole! Yeah! Dude, why are you being so calm about this?!

Lucy: I’m more worried about the space octopus…

Paulo: What space octopus?!

*Space octopus groans, grabs Paulo with ones of it’s tentacles, and pulls him in*

*Dramatic hole zoom in*

Lucy: That one *Pulls out the DVD* Oh, here it is!

*Dramatic hole zoom in*

Lucy: *drops it* Oh shit!

*Dramatic hole zoom in*

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Mr. Noodles: Nice work.

Paulo: Thanks, Dad. (everyone in the classroom stops what they’re doing and stares at Paulo) Why is everyone staring at me?

Lucy: You just called Mr Noodles “Dad.” You said, “Thanks, Dad."

Paulo: What? No, I didn’t. I said, "Thanks, man."

Mr. Noodles: Do you see me as a father figure, Paulo?

Paulo: No! If anything, I see him as a bother figure, ‘cuz he’s always bothering me.

Mike: Hey! Show your father some respect!

Paulo: I didn’t call him Dad!

Mr. Noodles: No, no, no, no, Paulo, I take it as a compliment.

Jessica: It’s not a big deal. I called Madison "mom” once, and she’s my Girlfriend.

Madison: (Sigh)

Paulo: Guys, jump on that! Jessica has psycho-sexual issues!

Rachel: Old news. But you calling Mr. Noodles “Daddy"—

Paulo: Hey, "Daddy” is not on the table here.

David: But you did call him “Dad”, dude.

Paulo: You shut up. You’ve done nothing but lie since you got here.

David: All right, all right, I was lying about the holdup, but the dad thing, that happened.

Paulo: Aha! He admitted that his alibi was a lie. It was a trap, all part of my crazy, devious plan.

Mr. Noodles: I believe you.

Paulo: Thank you.

Mr. Noodles: Son. (Paulo glares) Do you want to talk about it later over a game of catch? (Holds a baseball in his hand with a smile on his face)

Paulo: (beat)(sigh) I’d like that.

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Molly: [Sighs] I guess there's no way around it, Justin. We're gonna have to partner up, go to the library, and find the real culprit together. Maybe even developing an unlikely but meaningful friendship! Not because I'm desperate to have a friend, and my therapist says it's because I force myself on people, and I should take things slow, and "What are you doing at my house? No, I don't want to ride a tandem bike with you. It's 1:00 A.M. I'm calling the police." No! Our souls will fuse like polyester pants with leg skin after an accident with boiling water! But, like, in a good way. This could be beautiful. Potentially life-long friendship. Maybe-- [Justin has left]

Molly: [Sighs] Thank goodness you didn't stick around to hear that. It's like my brain got emotional food poisoning and the nearest exit was my mouth.

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(Sue approaches Lucy and Mike to show them street magic)

Sue: Hey, what are you drinking?

Mike: I'm drinking orange soda. Oooh, big one!

Lucy: That's his favorite!

Mike: You're gonna turn it into a teddy bear? I'm holding it!

Sue: Orange soda, huh? Hey, what else is orange?

Mike: What else is orange? I don't know, Cheez-Its?

(Sue points at the cup. Lucy then begins to drink it, only to notice that it's not there. She lifts the lid off her cup...only to find that Cheez-Its are inside!)

Lucy: What the-

Mike, pouring the contents of the cup onto the ground): CHEEZ-ITS!!!

Lucy: Wow! What the-?

Mike: Cheez-Its!

Mike, holding a Cheez-It: Cheez-Its! Cheez-Its! Cheez-Its! Cheez-Its! (talking to Sue) Where's my orange soda? What'd you do with it? What'd you do with it? Where's my orange soda?

Lucy then hacks up the orange soda.

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Lucy, Jordan, and Sam are making a show. These are the outtakes:

Lucy: and I’m the baby Lucy.

Lucy: And I’m Lucy, and I’m a child.

Jordan: I’m Naruto.

Jordan: I’m Hank “The Spank Tank” Jankerson

Jordan: I’m Jordan.

Lucy: I’m your sweet baby Jesus sister, Lucy.

Lucy: I’m your sweet baby, Lucy.

Lucy: Uh, I’m Lucy, and, yeah, I’m just gonna, I don’t have shit to do.

Lucy: I’m your babiest sister Lucy FUCKING Carlyle.

Lucy: And I’m Lucy, the Emperor of Piss.

[Others laughing]

Sam: I’m your oldest brother, Sam- no wait

Sam: I’m Sam Junior.

Lucy: I’m your sweet-ASS sister Lucy.

Lucy: And I’m Lucy. Guys, what the fuck even is goin’ on anymore?

Lucy: And I am the valeDICKtorian. You don’t get my name.

Lucy, in a shaky voice: And I’m Pimbles, the- [laughing] and I’m Pimbles, the bread man.

Lucy: I’m your sweet baby sister, Tyler Tyler Tyler.

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(knocking on the door)

Jordan: You wanna get that?

Lucy: And interact with people? No, thanks.

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Mike: how messed up would it be if you jumped into a ball pit and it was just tomatoes painted diffrent colors

Lucy: depends.

Mike:

Mike: on what??

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Daisy: Alright, I got a box. We’re gonna put everything we hate in the box.

Lucy: Can I put Mike in the box?

Daisy: No.

Paulo: Can I put Abbey in the box?

Daisy: No.

Molly: Can I-

Daisy: No one’s putting any people in the box!

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Lucy: If you have something to say, right now is the perfect time to keep it to yourself.

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Lucy, to Alejandro: watch it! He has a new family now.

Jordan, pushing Lucy backwards: calm it, hes a grown man who hospitalized several people and you weigh 60 pounds.

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Lucy: Daisy is too tall for me to kiss her on the lips. what should i do?

Mike: punch her in the stomach. then, when she doubles over in pain, kiss her

Paulo: tackle her

Katie: dump her

Molly: kick her in the shin

Lucy: (nodding thoughtfully)

Daisy: NO TO ALL OF THOSE! JUST ASK ME TO LEAN DOWN!

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Mike: You have to kiss the cutest person in this room.

Lucy: Paulo?

Paulo: *blushes* W-What?

Lucy: Please move aside, I need to get to Daisy.