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im an abbot and tbh if i dont vibe with one of my monks i call the vatican and tell them he's tempting the other monks to most profane and unnatural couplings and they just take him back and send a new one no questions asked

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— Donte Collins

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✞ 666 ✞

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Cat & kitten gargoyle, Château de pierrefonds, france, built between 1857-1885

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Mr. Huffman: Good Lord, what is happening in there?

The Tiger Keeper: Aurora Borealis

Mr. Huffman: A-Aurora Borealis? At this time of day, at this time of year, this far underground, localized entirely to the Sixth Coil?

The Tiger Keeper: Yes.

Mr. Huffman: ...May I see it?

The Tiger Keeper: No.

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Station IX: oh hey you guys are back early

The Player: whale's haunted

Station IX: what

The Player, readying a harpoon and getting back on the airship: whale's haunted

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station viii

The Player: These vegetables won’t cook themselves. Yet. (They empty a bag of Silver City-grown vegetables onto the table.) The Player: Alright, everybody in the pot! The Vegetables: (Loud screaming and running away) The Player: Why do I always think that’s going to work?

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ambition: heart's desire

Mr Pages: I’m very busy! The Player: Yeah, busy playing the Marvellous! He’s obsessed! Mr Pages: I am not obsessed! The Player: You’re playing it right now! (Pan down to Mr Pages playing with the monkey) Mr Pages: Am I winning?

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Furnace Acona: Money can’t buy happiness.

Mr. Fires: Sure it can. That’s just a lie we tell poor people to keep them from rioting.

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bag a legend player:

take me to the vake

i'll kick its fucking ass

show it what i learned

in my vake asskicking class

bag a legend player: wow this blew up

bag a legend player, holding up a choirister-bomb: sure wish the vake would

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Murder A Sun

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Mr Veils: The problem with living with other Curators are the Curators I have chosen to live with.

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The Last Constable: *trying to buy a Father's Day card at Hallmark* The Last Constable: Excuse me, do you have any that just say "You are my dad?" Clerk: Well, I- The Last Constable: How about "You banged my mom?" Clerk: No... The Last Constable: You know what, I'll just get a blank one. The Last Constable: *writes* You are a father. This is a day. Here is a card.

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Mr Fires: My plans have been such a failure every time that I've just given up and laid the entire city as a doomsday device.

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BAL Player: [noticing a pocket watch] Hey, I had one just like that.

Light Fingers Player: Yeah, your dead body was buried with it.

BAL Player: You stole that off my dead body?

Light Fingers Player: Well, your dead body wasn't doing anything with it.

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September: You called a secret meeting? January: Yes. Close the door. September: (Closes the door) January, from inside: September. Get in here. And *then* close the door.

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Politics in the Neath

The Traitor Empress: You have two cows. You convince them they will be better off with you alive and in control than not.

The Constables: You have two cows. They are probably guilty of something. Loitering, probably.

Mutton Island: Where are your cows? Those go ‘bah’. Those are sheep. They are not your cows.

The Player: You steal two cows. You convince everyone they are made of gold and sell them for a fortune. You get arrested and become the Minister of Agriculture.

The Urchins: You have two cows. The Vake tries to steal one and you hit it with a frying pan.

Feducci: Someone has two cows. You steal them, then fight them, then fight yourself. You win.

The University: You have two cows. One is caught up in a red science accident and is now a chair. The other has become a professor.

The Labyrinth of Tigers: You have many cows. They aren’t Hounds of Heaven, so you don’t care. You have 37 Hounds of Heaven.

Mr. Hearts: You have a cow and a bull. You enjoy explaining how they will make more cows.

Mr. Veils: You wish Hearts would stop explaining how you get cows.

Sinning Jenny: You try to create an economic plan for London based on bovine products: your people are too busy listening to Hearts.

Seekers: You have two cows. Two is not seven. You are hungry. RICH AND RED RICH AND RED RICH AND RED RICH AND R- You don't have any cows. You don't have any friends. You must go North.

Mrs Plenty: You have TWO MARVELOUS INFERNAL BOVINES! COME MARVEL AT THEIR VISAGE! AT THEIR FIREBENDING POWERS! Admission is three carnival tickets. Upon closer inspection one of the creatures is a cow, painted red, and the other is a cardboard cut-out. Several devils in the crowd are trying real hard to suppress the laughter.

Mr Mirrors: You have two cows. Technically they are the same cow. Both are very, very dead. A third cow is pretending to be both of them.