independent-chapstick - Tumblr blog

[independent-chapstick]

some notable catchphrases of 2013:

bitch I might be

do she got the booty ? she doooooooooo ! 

swiggity swag

the D

wen u mom com home and make hte spagehti

“ hello______, im dad “ 

AYYY LMAO

W R I T I N G  I N T E N S E  W O R D S  L I K E  T H I S 

 perfect _____ don’t exis-

And now, the weather

at least 2 potato

we’ve come full circle ! 

life hack :

[ __________ INTENSIFIES]

so many

such doge. much wow. very smile. 

mahogany 

*sweats nervously*

same. 

spooper hot choclety milk

#SHERLOCKLIVES

[independent-chapstick]

That is not funny That is not cute It is animal abuse BIRDS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT CHOCOLATE BIRDS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE COATED IN CHOCOLATE Why the fuck do you think birds who get coated in oil die? It’s for the same goddamn reason. You idiots can have all the chuckles you want over the fact that that poor animal is “living the dream” but I hope you also know that it probably died from that. And if you still find it funny then I genuinely do not want to associate with you and can only wish upon you the most the most painful and awful death imaginable.

[independent-chapstick]

girl what's wrong? are you experiencing the sylvia plath fig tree in your head again?

[independent-chapstick]

[independent-chapstick]

A spoon's only objective in life is to make soup go upwards, and it knows this. That's why when you put one under a running tap it blasts the water way high. The spoon thinks there's suddenly TONS of soup to deal with and it freaks out.

[independent-chapstick]

The work of cartoonist Mark Parisi

[independent-chapstick]

[independent-chapstick]

so embarrassing to still be living with the consequences of having been a teenage girl like jesus christ that was years ago

[independent-chapstick]

My grandma just called and, among other things, said “You have hips. That’s good! Men like hips!” and then she interrupted herself to say “Women like hips. People of your preferred gender like hips. I can never remember”  And I was like “Thanks grandma! My preferred gender is none of them, no thanks.” and she was like “Okay, no one will comment on your hips!” very self satisfied, like “aha, I have figured it out” I think like half her grandkids are some variety of not-straight and she can’t always remember which is which but she is the epitome of like “she’s a little confused, but she’s got the spirit!”

[independent-chapstick]

[independent-chapstick]

ocs. have you guys heard about this?

[independent-chapstick]

I just saw an email walking around outside

[independent-chapstick]

i am.. crying

[independent-chapstick]

STOP eating salads because you want to get Skinny✋🚫 START eating salads because theyre yumby plate of leafs ✅🥗

[independent-chapstick]

if you are the type of person to tell a girl to stop driving around with an adult sized plastic skeleton strapped into the backseat of her car do not imagine even for one second that you could ever score a girl who would drive around with an adult sized plastic skeleton in the backseat of her car

[independent-chapstick]

I know this isn’t Bojack related, but recently instead of turning men down by saying “no, thank you”, I experimented with saying “I’m engaged” and flashing a ring instead. Needless to say, I am not engaged. It still worked better than just saying “no”, but then came questions like “so where is your fiancé?” and “he let you go out by yourself looking like that?” or just remaining persistent in asking for my number. So I went into my closet, and pulled out a fiancé. Now when I turn men down and they need further proof, they can know that I would rather lug around a 5 foot tall plastic skeleton to Steak n Shake and fake a proposal than give them my number.