indiemarsh

[indiemarsh]

reblog if you believe fanfics are as valid as books that were published and sold by authors who write as their main careers. I'm trying to prove a point

[indiemarsh]

to the "me" feeling stuck in 2020,

i can clearly recall the cold hard tiles of our cramped room, as we laid there praying for a god, for an answer, for a glimpse of hope. our ribcage hasn't lost the aged weight, and yet it creaks and weeps over its hanging branches. you'll still feel fucking heavy. nothing will change. nothing does. the expanse of your sternum splayed out, eagled across the marbled horror house will haunt you. if it feels fucking hollow, then because it is, and shall remain so. a cavity burrowed, a groundhog's den at the end of winter, now harrowed and barren.

[indiemarsh]

romanticizing your life is such a powerful tool and it’s a shame that it’s mostly used by people on tiktok to justify the purchase of expensive breakfast smoothies when there are few better ways to force oneself through unpleasant shit than imagining a cinematic backstory for your extremely quotidian suffering

[indiemarsh]

[indiemarsh]

I've seen this before, but it's been years and it just came across my Twitter in its dying days. The words are from a favorite author of mine, Maggie Stiefvater, and they are the words I most need to hear when it comes to dealing with chronic pain and illness. I didn't need this the first time I saw it, six years ago. I need it now. Maybe you do, too.

[indiemarsh]

[indiemarsh]

mary oliver was right: i am here!!! i am alive on this fresh earth!!! i am standing in my kitchen waiting for my tea to boil and that alone is proof of my existence!!!!

[indiemarsh]

words by lovely tordenvejr

[indiemarsh]

i don’t like “til death do us part” cause why would death part us??? u are mine in death and every life after this

[indiemarsh]

being in yr 20s is abt experiencing the worst thing you can imagine & then having to go to the grocery store

[indiemarsh]

wym i don’t know how to flirt? i literally tell you random and unimportant fun facts

[indiemarsh]

[indiemarsh]

Barnes and Nobles is gonna start serving food and alcohol.

Everybody’s cracking jokes about how it’s a desperate attempt to stay relevant in the age of Amazon.

But you know what? Props to them. This is exactly what Blockbuster didn’t do. At no point was Blockbuster like “Hey, movie rentals aren’t the lucrative enterprise they once were. Perhaps it’s time we become known for our cheesy garlic bread.”

[indiemarsh]

You are an immortal Wiseperson that sits atop a mountain, giving out advice to those that have been able to survive the treacherous climb to see you. Over the past several centuries you swear you have seen the same donkey carrying people up over and over. Today, you confront the donkey.

[indiemarsh]

My mother is not my mother. Her sinigang is different. It's not the same shade of sourness and the pork dissolves different upon my critical palette. It fights against flavour and paints a different color over the same white rice we always buy from the little shop across our house. My mother is not my mother and yet, I do not complain for this mother no longer aims her hurt towards me. This mother has enough time to talk and listen. And this mother knows what to say and how to apologize. Her sinigang is not sour and lacks warmth and depth, but even then, her eyes hold a memory of a mother I once adored. Her soup may taste foreign, but her eyes are known, her words are welcome, and for once after many summers I feel home.

Your family member has been abducted and replaced by an alien who is really bad at their job of pretending to be them. However, you don’t complain because the alien is still a vast improvement over the original

[indiemarsh]

Life Update:

Typing my inner monologue is although cringey, quite natural and cathartic. I've not written for the simple reason that facing myself in the glory of my doubts, insecurities, and shame surrounding everything I've done and have failed to do is quite daunting. I've wallowed in self-suffering and humiliation for quite some time and I'll be honest, I might continue to. I've never truly learned how to and where to place my inherent self-value. I'm aware it exists, but I can't wrap my hands around it tight enough for myself to recognize it in its cognition. No one teaches the step by step how to's of how to move away from feeling like a failure. Everyone seems to accept what happened and move on with living. I cannot. I'm stuck and have been so for long. I believe I never really move forward for reasons I cannot express or explain to my own self. I'm 20, turning 21 this year and I know nothing and yet aware of all the possible reasons why I'm here in my bed at 12:55 am on a Tuesday, discussing shame and humiliation on a phone to no one in particular.

[indiemarsh]