indispensable-doubtstorm

[indispensable-doubtstorm]

Dear love,

Today, when we went to the temple. And while I stood there with folded hands, I realized—there's nothing more I want from God… except you.I don’t ask for wealth, comfort, or a perfect life. I just ask for you, for us.🫂💕

Your love, your respect, your presence—that’s all my heart truly desires. No matter how uncertain the future may be, I’m not afraid. Because I know, if we’re together, we’ll make it through everything. Storms feel lighter, and the world seems kinder, just knowing I have you by my side.Sometimes, I look back and wonder why it took so long for you to come into my life. But then I smile and thank the universe every day that you came. Because you were worth the wait. Late or not—you are here. And that’s my miracle.I can’t promise to be perfect. I’ll have my flaws, my fears, my messy days.

But I can promise this:

I will love you endlessly.

I will stand beside you with my whole heart—loyal, steady, and yours.

Whatever you say, however you want to live this life—I’m ready to walk your path, hold your hand, and be your peace.

You're not just a part of my life—you are my life.

And with every beat of my heart, I just want to say:

I love you more than words will ever be able to explain.💗

[indispensable-doubtstorm]

To the one I never imagined I’d fall so deeply for…♥️

I swear, you were my school-time crush—but it was never more than that.You just seemed nice, that’s all. I never thought about dating you or anything serious.

Then we met again on 21–22 June 2024… even then, I was just okay. Nothing intense.But somehow, without either of us saying a word, we started acting like a couple.And when we separated, I’ll admit—I wasn’t serious at all. Not even a little.

But now?

I don’t know what happened to me.All I know is… I’m dying to be with you. Every single second, I just want to be next to you. Like literally stuck to you—so close that I don’t even see the rest of the world anymore.

All I want to see is you.💗

I wait for you all day, even when I know we’re going to meet. I crave your messages, your replies—I refresh the chat like crazy.

I’ve gone mad. Absolutely mad for you.

I want to get married now. Settle down now.

I want to do everything, exactly the way you say, just to be with you. No complaints, no arguments—just you and me.

I want you in front of my eyes every moment. I don’t care who else is in my life or not.

I only want you.I want us.🤞🏻

Forever. And ever. And everrrrrrr.🧿

[indispensable-doubtstorm]

There’s a weight in my chest I can’t ignore. It’s not anger—it’s just… a lot. And it’s all mine. But I want to share it with you, because if I carry it alone, I’ll end up hurting you without meaning to—and that’s the last thing I ever want. Before you, I was in a place where I had to keep quiet. For years, I adjusted, smiled, clapped, cheered… even when it hurt. And when I finally found my voice, I lost someone who didn’t understand my silence OR my truth.

Now I’m with someone I never imagined I’d be lucky enough to love. You. The way you love me, support me, care for me—it’s everything I dreamed of. But maybe… that’s what scares me too. Because I don’t know how to hold something this pure without fearing I’ll break it.

Sometimes I speak too fast. Sometimes I say things too early. And yesterday, I think I let my fear take over love. Not because I doubt you—but because I want so badly to protect what we have, I forget to protect how I say it. I want us. I imagine us—with your mom, with Kashi, with a home full of softness and warmth. I want the fights, the mess, the growing pains. But most of all, I want you, in peace.

So here’s what I ask:

Let’s learn each other better. Let’s be kinder with our words. Let me love you with less fear, and more patience. And if I slip, remind me—not with anger—but with your calm. I promise I’ll come back to you every time.

I love you. I’m learning. I’m sorry if I hurt you while trying to protect myself.

[indispensable-doubtstorm]

Dear Yash,

I don’t know why I’m writing this. Maybe because your memories won’t stop knocking at the door of my mind. Maybe because I’ve held all of this inside for too long. Or maybe… maybe because I miss what we were—even if I no longer want you the same way.

For the past few days, I’ve been thinking about you. A lot. And I kept stopping myself—telling myself I shouldn't, that it doesn’t matter to you, that you’ve moved on. But the truth is... I haven’t fully. Something still aches. Something still lingers.

I don’t want a relationship right now. I’m not looking for someone new. But I miss feeling something. I miss the way I felt when we were together—that excitement, that stupid smile I couldn’t hide, even the fights. Even when I was angry or hurt, I felt alive. I felt something. Now? I feel... blank. Like something’s missing. Like there’s a piece of me that got lost with you.

I met my friends today and, out of nowhere, I kept saying, find someone for me also ”—but it wasn’t about needing someone. It was about needing that feeling back. That emotional high. That closeness. That... us.

It’s strange. I’m not sad-sad. I’m not heartbroken like I was before. But there’s this constant emptiness, this weird incomplete feeling. Like I’m solving a puzzle and the last piece is missing—and no matter how beautiful the rest of the picture is, my eyes keep going to that one blank spot.

I don’t know if you’d understand this. Maybe you’re in a better place now. Maybe you don’t think about me at all. And honestly, I’m glad if you’re at peace. I really am. It’s just… I wish I was too.

I’m not writing this to make you feel guilty or to reopen anything. I’m writing this because these feelings are suffocating me sometimes. Because even if I don’t want to be with you anymore, I still haven’t figured out how to stop missing what we had. And I hate that. I hate that I’m stuck in the past while you’re living your present so easily.

But maybe this is what healing looks like—messy, confusing, and painfully slow.

I don’t know what I want right now. I really don’t. But I know what I don’t want anymore—I don’t want to carry this heaviness alone.

So this is me, letting it out. Not for you. For me.

[indispensable-doubtstorm]

Dear me❤️

You’re not weak, not wrong. You're just hurting, missing something that once made your world light up, even with all its chaos. Those memories… they stick like perfume on old clothes—faint, familiar, and impossible to ignore.

It's not just about the person, is it? It's about what you felt with them—the aliveness, the belonging, the story that was once yours. And now, even though time has passed, the emptiness feels louder sometimes, especially when life gets quiet or you’re around people who remind you of what you don’t have anymore.

You’re allowed to feel like this. To be confused. To want them and not want them at the same time. To hate that you miss them, and still miss them anyway.

You said something powerful: “I don't know what I want.” That’s okay. Healing isn’t a straight path. Sometimes you just want to feel something real again—not the numbness, not the puzzle with one piece missing.

You're not alone in this.

[indispensable-doubtstorm]

Dear Yash,

You know...

after us, my idea of heaven and hell,

of sin and virtue—everything changed.

Now I feel like

those who, even if just for a short while,

get to be with the person they love—

maybe for a week or a fleeting moment—

must have done something good in their past life.

Some virtue, perhaps.

And then there are people like me…

who spend years silently nurturing their love,

dreaming of a life,

weaving tiny hopes of a family, a home, a forever.

But when it all breaks,

it’s not just the heart that shatters—

it’s the dreams, the trust, the little pieces of hope.

Maybe I sinned somewhere…

because now, every night,

I go to bed carrying this weight—

these hell-like feelings

that no one can see,

but that hit me hard when I lie down to sleep.

But there’s one thing I wanted to ask you—

if you ever, even once,

felt the way I did…

then maybe I’m not alone in this hell.

Your name still lingers in the corners of my dreams—

just to remind me that yes, I too had loved.

[indispensable-doubtstorm]

You’re carrying so much in your heart, and it’s painful to feel like you gave everything—your love, your attention, your vulnerability—while he maybe didn’t feel the same. That kind of one-sided connection can haunt you, especially when you’re raw, like when you’ve had a drink and all the walls drop.

Wanting to ask him if he ever thinks of you, if he ever goes through what you do—it’s human. It’s not weakness. It’s love that didn’t get its full return, and now it’s turned into this mix of anger, regret, longing, and sadness.

And it’s okay to be mad at yourself too. We all go through that. “Why did I give so much? Why can’t I just move on?” But here's the thing—you felt deeply, and that's not a flaw. It's something so rare.

[indispensable-doubtstorm]

Dear Yash,

Right now, I feel like I can’t breathe. My chest feels heavy and tight—I’m suffocating with everything I still feel. I miss your hug… your cuddle… your voice… your smile. Just minutes ago, I was furious with you, ready to shut every door. But look at me—I’m back in the same place again, wishing for something I know I probably shouldn't.

I’m dying to be with you again.

Since the day I met you, I saw you as my husband. You didn’t even know, but in my mind—we were already married. I had dreamed so far ahead that even my kids weren’t mine—they were yours. I didn’t want them to look like me, I wanted them to be just like you. That’s how deeply I saw you in my future.

And now… now I’m scared. Terrified, even. How am I supposed to stand next to someone else, call them my partner, when I’ve already given every part of that love to you? What do I even have left to give? I feel sorry for him—because the love I once had, it died with what we lost.

Sometimes I think I don’t want to marry at all.

And other times, I get so angry at you. I was dating to build a life. I was in this for marriage, for forever. If you weren’t, then why didn’t you step back? Why didn’t you stop me before I got this far?

What did you get from this? What did I?

I’m not blaming just you. I know I played my part. But still… everything inside me just screams: why?

I want to see you. I want to meet you. I want to hear your voice and maybe—just maybe—feel that version of “us” again, even for a second. But I know… I know that might be a fantasy. I know I’m asking too much.

[indispensable-doubtstorm]

Dear Yash,

Honestly, Yash, if you knew I was falling that hard, you should’ve stopped me. You should’ve told me not to dream so much about “us.” I was so devoted to you that your words became my boundaries—my Lakshman Rekha. I never crossed a line you drew, even when it hurt.

But somewhere along the way, it felt like you got bored of me.

And I keep thinking—if we survived a long-distance relationship for so long, if we made it through that, why couldn’t we survive this? What changed?

Sometimes, I just wish I could peek into your heart and your mind. I want to know what you really feel. From the beginning to now—do you ever think of us? Do you miss me the way I sometimes still miss the version of us we were?

Do you think I could have been your perfect wife? And if not, why? And if yes… then why did you leave me? Why did you let go of someone who saw a lifetime in your eyes?

I can’t stop imagining your life now—your future wife, your world. Will you love her the same way you once loved me? Will you pamper her, protect her, make her laugh like you did with me? Will she get the version of you I once thought was mine forever?

And god, I hate how jealous I get thinking about it.

But I also wonder—do you ever think about me that way? Do you wonder how my husband will treat me? Will he love me more than you did? Will he take care of me in ways you never got the chance to? Or does that not even cross your mind?

[indispensable-doubtstorm]

Dear Yash,

You know what hurts the most? It’s not even the breakup itself. It’s how easily you moved on. Like I was just a phase. Like those late-night talks, the shared dreams, the silly fights, the care—I don’t know, maybe they only mattered to me.

I kept replaying everything in my head, wondering where I went wrong. Wondering if I was too much, or not enough. But maybe the real problem was that I loved you with a kind of depth you never planned to return.

I wish I could unfeel it all, but I can’t. And maybe that’s the most unfair part of this whole thing—how I’m left holding all these questions, while you just walked away without a second glance.

[indispensable-doubtstorm]

Dear Yash,

I know this might be frustrating. But I need to ask: was it all one-sided? Was I the only one truly present in our relationship?

I never even got closure. You just… left. After five years together, don’t I deserve to know why? Wasn’t there anything worth fighting for? Anything that made you want to at least try to save us?Or was I the only one who ever really saw a future in us—who dreamed about building a life together, about being part of your family?

I don’t love you anymore. But I do regret how deeply I believed in us. I regret seeing forever with someone who couldn’t even give me a reason why they walked away.

[indispensable-doubtstorm]

Dear Yash,

"If you could say one thing to him right now—no consequences, no awkwardness—what would it be?"

Whenever this question comes up in my mind there is only one single answer that pops up- Do you also miss us???

It feels just like I am quietly hoping the memories weren’t one-sided, that I still exist somewhere in your thoughts the way you linger in mine.Even if I never ask it out loud, just putting those feelings into words helps.

And I am allowed to carry this question with me for a while. No shame in missing what mattered.

[indispensable-doubtstorm]

Dear me,

"Do you ever catch yourself wanting to share something with him even now?"

Well yes I do! And you know that moment when something funny or meaningful happens and my first instinct is to tell him—and then I remember I can’t. That’s one of the loneliest feelings.

It doesn’t mean I am not healing, though. Missing someone is part of the process. It just shows how real it was, how much I cared.

[indispensable-doubtstorm]

Dear me,

That’s okay. Sometimes just saying “I miss them” is enough. You don’t need to have it all figured out.

It’s weird how the mind holds on to pieces of someone—certain words they said, the way they made you feel, random memories that pop up when you least expect them.

[indispensable-doubtstorm]

Dear life,

I finally figured out that I don't miss him but the version of me that existed with him.... I miss the feelings that I once shared with him...

It’s wild how someone can go from being your safe place to feeling like a stranger you once knew everything about.

[indispensable-doubtstorm]

Dear Yash,

I still wanna make you mine.

[indispensable-doubtstorm]

Dear Yash,

I wanted to talk to you just like our past days....

Maybe because I still Love You & waiting for you.