induenighttime

[induenighttime]

“I needed to be somewhere different. Maybe I needed to be someone different, too.”

— Heather Davis / The Clearing

[induenighttime]

“If it is destroying you then it is not love my dear.”

— Unknown

[induenighttime]

“You can hate a place with all your heart and soul and still be homesick for it.”

— Joseph Mitchell

[induenighttime]

eating beef jerky like a rabid animal>>>>>> eating like a normal person

[induenighttime]

The Morrígan (Detail) - Luke Hillestad

[induenighttime]

Ritual (2017) - Sam Yong

[induenighttime]

“You were unsure which pain is worse: the shock of what happened or the ache for what never will.”

—

[induenighttime]

“The things that go unsaid are often the things that eat at you – whether because you didn’t get to have your say, or because the other person never got to hear you and really wanted to.”

— Celeste Ng

[induenighttime]

Some experiences that I want to share because I want to know if others in this community also experience them:

- Feeling uncomfortable with blankets over you and feeling as though they cover some non-human parts that are there

- Liking being sweaty occasionally? I'm not very sure how to describe this, but I think I just enjoy how it makes things stick to me more

- Drinking water, yes I am aware this is a thing that almost every creature or living being does, but I feel as though I enjoy it a lot more than others do, and instead of thinking of it as a basic need in life, I think about it as if it's a sort of blessing

I'll likely add to this at a later date, or make a part two, but these are the most prominent ones for me at this moment.

[induenighttime]

On a lighter note, the urge to curl up into a ball and sleep for 36 hours is strong tonight!

[induenighttime]

I deeply miss my true form.

A small ramble that I'm taking a gamble on posting, mainly written out of frustration so it may have a few errors.

I miss my true form, I need to be outside. I need to lay down in a forest with moss covered logs, leaf covered paths, trees covering the sky above, but still letting enough light through so I can see the stars.

I need to feel said leaves sticking to my form, tentacles shifting as more of them latch onto me, knowing I'll have to remove them later but not caring in that moment.

I need there to be absolute silence apart from a few birds, and the beating of my soul as I stare at the sky above me, feeling the air hit me but having the leaves protect certain areas from growing cold.

I miss climbing trees with ease, being able to keep my balance on even the most unsteady branch, seeing the stars as close as I possibly could, yet still thinking it'd never be close enough.

I need to lay against a tree trunk near a pond with a book, a tentacle wrapped around a cup of tea to stop ants or any other bugs from crawling into it, fireflies lighting up the area around me as I stay there all night and retreat to my home during the day.

I miss large, empty libraries with flickering lights and broken walls, books as old as time itself littered everywhere, the occasional squeak of rats.

I miss falling asleep all day, not caring about day to day life and my only priority being my own calmness, sanity and safety. I need to be able to feel the slime of my true self all over me, to be able to feel my tentacles twitch in happiness or in agitation, to just be able to feel their naturally cold and sludgey texture.

I miss all of it, and I hope one day my soul will return to my true form.

[induenighttime]

x

[induenighttime]

I need to make a playlist to listen to when I feel more like myself, when everything is silent and the rooms are dark, when the bugs are flying around trying to find a way to get closer to the flickering lights. When I can sit and read my books with no disturbances, nothing to worry about, with the sounds of cars going by once every half an hour, where I can be absorbed in the story and vividly imagine it.

A playlist which makes me feel understood, which makes me feel heard, which matches the memories that are so clearly etched into my brain. One that makes me feel like the thing I truly am, and gives me euphoria when just thinking about it. One which lets me embrace my true feelings in my own time with no pressure or other duties to take me away from it.

Along with making me feel like my true self, I think it could be a healthy way to let myself feel things, double win.

[induenighttime]

A collection of some of my favourite names, because why not:

- Agnes

- Alexander

- Alice

- Artemis

- Basil

- Celeste

- Crowley

- Cynthia

- Elizabeth

- Francis

- Gray/Grey

- Lyra

[induenighttime]

reblog if werewolves are valid and your blog is a werewolf safe zone

[induenighttime]

This feels like the place I belong to be at, my home and my life. A place I miss with all my soul, the feeling that I long for the most.

[induenighttime]

“I allow the truth to be the truth, no matter how much I might want it to be something else.”

— Jonathan Maberry, Dust and Decay