infernal-solutions - Tumblr blog

[infernal-solutions]

Don't forget to stop by the employee lounge this evening for the pizza party! Our physical offices have gone four days without a reportable incident of involuntary soul transference, and that's a new company record! Great work, team.

--Management

[infernal-solutions]

Don't forget to stop by the employee lounge this evening for the pizza party! Our physical offices have gone four days without a reportable incident of involuntary soul transference, and that's a new company record! Great work, team.

--Management

[infernal-solutions]

No this isn't Night Vale this is Infernal Solutions LLC

Don't forget to stop by the employee lounge this evening for the pizza party! Our physical offices have gone four days without a reportable incident of involuntary soul transference, and that's a new company record! Great work, team.

--Management

[infernal-solutions]

Don't forget to stop by the employee lounge this evening for the pizza party! Our physical offices have gone four days without a reportable incident of involuntary soul transference, and that's a new company record! Great work, team.

--Management

[infernal-solutions]

And we can!

The world of business and finance can be hectic at times, but we here at Infernal Solutions LLC are one big happy family sticking together through these unprecedented times.  In light of recent news, we’d like to talk to our team about unions.

Unions are complicated and hard to understand (as opposed to finance or security & exchange regulations, which are as simple as cosmology), and we know you’re all probably scared and confused.  So is your management team!  We are so scared!  We don’t think that a union would be right for our workplace and encourage you to say “Heck no!” to any union activity, because:

* We’re a family here at Infernal Solutions.  Why would we want a third party interfering with our little family? * Taking out a union card sounds a lot like swearing a pact, and pact-swearing is strictly against company policy * Unions charge dues!  Sometimes they take dues right out of your paycheck!  All *we* ask for is a little bit of your time, vital fluids, and sanity. * Labor actions and contract negotiations sound like they would really distract us from being able to deliver sound and timely financial advice to our clients.  As finance professionals, we all know that we need to maintain total concentration at all times in order to avoid having our souls devoured by the [REDACTED]! * We already have an open-door policy!  If you feel like you’ve been treated unfairly or that something at Infernal Solutions could be done better, you can come talk to management at any time.  Just invoke the open-door policy and see what lies beyond the door.  what lies beyond.  the door.  open the door.  beyond

open the door

the door

open the door

open the door

open the door

o

[infernal-solutions]

Don't tell the Wizards' Council, but our very own coven of cryptomancers here at Infernal Solutions LLC are hard at work minting our very own Ketamine Ape NFT (non-fungible talisman). So far, loss of life has been minimal!

[infernal-solutions]

Achieving apothei-immanence and publicly trading shares of my emanations back into material reality to make a quick buck on the side until the SEC kick me off the exchange for wire fraud because the supra-finite limit divisions of my selfhood were legally culpable for insider trading. My chiefs of archpriest operations are summarily executed and sacrificed to sobek and I spend a transchronological amount of time in a government mandated psychodivinatory agony loop as punishment.

[infernal-solutions]

O

(via v3hqq30znpe81.jpg (916×917))

[infernal-solutions]

LIFE IS ABOUT SELLING ITS ABOUT THE GRIND ITS ABOUT STARTING A FIRE ITS ABOUT MARGIN ITS ABOUT ITS ABOUT DEALS AND I WANT TO MAKE YOU ONE ITS ABOUT LOSING A LOT OF BLOOD ITS ABOUT CLOSING ITS ABOUT NIGHT ITS ABOUT MONEY ITS ABOUT CHIMP HORMONES

[infernal-solutions]

Infernal Solutions HQ is not currently besieged by vengeful malicious beasts and avenging seraphim, no matter what you think you saw on WLBT last night. Everything is fine. It's fine.

--Management

Would like to assure everyone who has invested in MagusCoin or bought one of our Lesser NFTs of Solomon that our crypto products are not haunted and will not induce madness or misfortune. The mainstream financial news is lying to you.

--Management

[infernal-solutions]

Would like to assure everyone who has invested in MagusCoin or bought one of our Lesser NFTs of Solomon that our crypto products are not haunted and will not induce madness or misfortune. The mainstream financial news is lying to you.

--Management

[infernal-solutions]

LIFE IS ABOUT SELLING ITS ABOUT THE GRIND ITS ABOUT STARTING A FIRE ITS ABOUT MARGIN ITS ABOUT ITS ABOUT DEALS AND I WANT TO MAKE YOU ONE ITS ABOUT LOSING A LOT OF BLOOD ITS ABOUT CLOSING ITS ABOUT NIGHT ITS ABOUT MONEY ITS ABOUT CHIMP HORMONES

[infernal-solutions]

As part of our team member care initiative, all members of the Infernal Solutions family are invited to check out a free consultation with our resident chirugeon! It's easy for the humors to get out of balance in this hectic world, and regular check-ups are vital for your ongoing health.

In particular, the fast-paced world of blasphemous finance and infernal brokerage is known to increase the body's production of black bile, which can leave you with a nasty case of melancholia if you're not careful. :( Don't forget that the snack cabinet in the break room is always stocked with lots of hot, dry foods! :)

The chirugeon is available for telehealth consultation for team members working from home, but if you're feeling overly sanguine she encourages you to come in for your bloodletting in person.

[infernal-solutions]

Those are trade secrets and the employee has been reprimanded

A man finds a handmade wooden box with hinges, a handle and locks. Upon opening the box, he finds some strange letters and illustrations. The person who originally owned this box seemed to be into UFOs, Science, Maps and Biblical Prophecies–which is an odd combination. Here are some of the things found within the box.

This drawing that dates back to 1939.

Numerous illustrations and letters about Extraterestrial encounters.

The original owner had a fascination with these strange winged-humanoid creatures as well. 

SOURCE

[infernal-solutions]

[infernal-solutions]

We ask all employees to stop summoning devils in the second floor server room

We love to see the hustle, but there is a designated devil-summoning area in the first floor office space.

[infernal-solutions]

The world of business and finance can be hectic at times, but we here at Infernal Solutions LLC are one big happy family sticking together through these unprecedented times.  In light of recent news, we’d like to talk to our team about unions.

Unions are complicated and hard to understand (as opposed to finance or security & exchange regulations, which are as simple as cosmology), and we know you’re all probably scared and confused.  So is your management team!  We are so scared!  We don’t think that a union would be right for our workplace and encourage you to say “Heck no!” to any union activity, because:

* We’re a family here at Infernal Solutions.  Why would we want a third party interfering with our little family? * Taking out a union card sounds a lot like swearing a pact, and pact-swearing is strictly against company policy * Unions charge dues!  Sometimes they take dues right out of your paycheck!  All *we* ask for is a little bit of your time, vital fluids, and sanity. * Labor actions and contract negotiations sound like they would really distract us from being able to deliver sound and timely financial advice to our clients.  As finance professionals, we all know that we need to maintain total concentration at all times in order to avoid having our souls devoured by the [REDACTED]! * We already have an open-door policy!  If you feel like you’ve been treated unfairly or that something at Infernal Solutions could be done better, you can come talk to management at any time.  Just invoke the open-door policy and see what lies beyond the door.  what lies beyond.  the door.  open the door.  beyond

open the door

the door

open the door

open the door

open the door

o