insideanardentmind

[insideanardentmind]

The smell hits me first as I open the door to the building’s laundry facilities. It’s early and my morning meditation session is doing its best to carry over into my morning rounds. Morning rounds typically are non eventful as I visually appraise four of the buildings I manage. Surprises do greet me from time to time, throwing me off balance.

This morning was one of them. The smell turned my stomach as I turn on the light to investigate. I notice some evidence of the room being inhabited. An empty cup, a cigarette butt, and then ... A big dump of feces sitting between two machines beside a jug of what I appraised to be urine. My face turns green. After having just witnessed a possible intruder in another building and seeing this ... I am not up for the trials of the day that invetiaby follow. From technology mishaps to people bulldozing me in the aisles of the grocery store I say to my mind, that it was a day ripe with experiences. Nausea is not the most appealing, and being mulled by angry grocery shoppers is not particulary on my fun list, but it was a day of experiences that I would not have without being alive!

But lets face it, I am glad it’s almost bed time and that there is hope for more pleasant experiences tomorrow.

Good night my fellow ardent minds :)

[insideanardentmind]

little ways to change your life:

learn how to write a new style of handwriting. try wearing your hair or makeup differently. find a new perfume you like.

do things for yourself, not for the validation of others. resist the temptation to post everything online.

start doing something you usually can't be bothered to do. like making your bed, folding everything neatly, stretching every hour, going on jogs, making a healthy meal from scratch or sleeping earlier.

make your surroundings as cozy and as pleasing for you to look at as possible.

bake delicious but sometimes deformed pastries. write things that no one "gets". wear clothes and hairstyles that make u happy. crotchet a sock badly. draw a picture that won't be aesthetic on instagram. let go of the perfect image of who you need to be. do things for yourself.

be messy. self-expression isn't always pretty. scribble messily in a notebook. draw messily an idea for a character. write a messy draft for a story.

learn your thing from scratch, whether it's astronomy, greek mythology, flower species, piano, japanese, making jam, drawing comics, or something completely different.

let yourself fully enjoy everyday things like food, commute, and your morning routines. slow down and notice every single thing that makes you feel nice.

appreciate nature, like the sunlight streaming through in the morning, the sound of rain, and the colors of sunsets.

notice the deeper meanings and emotions in songs, poetry and paintings.

let people in. give new loves and friendships a chance. initiate conversations when you want.

read as much as you can. read different genres, popular and unpopular books, classics and new releases. give every book that catches your eye a chance.

enjoy your solitude like you're a character in a movie. if you can, go out for walks alone. visit the park to look at dogs, a café to people-watch, or a library to spend the afternoon buried in a book. bring a journal everywhere with you, and write poetry and quotes and doodles.

collect little things, like vinyls, pretty rocks and shells, stuffed animals, whatever makes you happy.

find a sport you like. pretend you're a superhero. dance like no one's watching. swim like you're a mermaid. exercise is supposed to be fun, so find one that you like.

make self care a priority. this includes taking your meds on time, starting to study for a test after procrastinating for weeks, deleting things that trigger negative emotions, and knowing when to let go and ask for help.

distance yourself from sources of negativity. learn to be ok on your own. know your worth and boundaries.

let go of the past. forgive yourself for the things you regret and start again.

let go of old relationships. there's a difference between missing someone and wanting them back in your life.

let go of your need to be perfect. it does more harm than good.

never compare yourself. it will always feel like a losing battle, no matter how amazing you really are.

keep in touch with people you don't speak to much. even a message can brighten someone's day.

be kind to everyone you meet, even strangers. if someone makes you happy, make them happier. compliment often, and be less judgemental. give someone a smile, you never know how much it means to them.

wake up earlier in the morning. wake up with the sun and fall asleep with the moon.

if you want to be calmer and more productive, remove things on your phone and social media apps that you don't need. (which is most of them).

make a list of qualities in the person you dream of becoming. write about your ideal life with what you have. make goals to be the happiest and healthiest version of yourself.

don't suppress your emotions, but don't overthink them either. have a kinder relationship with your body and your thoughts.

don't be afraid to ask for help, whether it's a teacher, therapist, friend, doctor or parent.

remember that healing and loving yourself is just starting over and over. it's not too late. you're still young and you can move and grow at your own pace. your peak is yet to come.

[insideanardentmind]

My bucket list is truly blank. I have dreams I suppose, but I know that what I truly desire is freedom from the constraints of identifying with my thoughts and emotions.

A bucket list that most people can relate to consists of things of a more tangible nature. I do have hopes of owing an older Vespa roaming the streets of my citiy’s downtown. I’d prefer that downtown to be located in the heart of Italy. I of course am filled with energy from novelty. There is a Mini Cooper that will transport me to further locations espeially on the rainy days. This is when I can enjoy a full plate of fettuccini Alfredo with out fear of losing control ...

And hence why my truest bucket list is to be free from the identification with thoughts and emotions. It’s only then that the experience of Italy can be fully lived..

How does one check off their list; disidentification with egoic thought patterns?

[insideanardentmind]

What is the ardent mind? It’s a mind conditioned by family and society, but infused with the truth of heart! The heart sheds light on what is conditioned, and what is genuine. That does not mean, the human form is not easily swayed by the mind. The mind is quite enticing with all its promises, however the mind paired with the heart is humble and embraces the humanity of being human. The heart is what connects us by shedding light on the shared frailties of the conditioned mind. The ardent mind is the marriage of heart and mind and it’s journey together...

[insideanardentmind]

A typical day in this form ...

The light filters through my eye mask before the 545 am alarm blares on the cell phone an arms length away. It takes a few moments after awareness of a new day, but the mind chimes in strong!

Ok. Breath. Not any type of breath. This breath is reportedly supposed to wake me up, give me energy. I do it with wary eyes half asleep. My feline companions each vying for my attention as I try to force my body into wakefulness. The task is complete, but the body still lags as I head into the rest of my house, picking up my family’s nightly mess, feed the feline companions, prepare breakfast and put on the coffee! I want to enjoy my coffee, so I do the necessary but not pleasant task of picking up my feline’s poop. An inglorious word for the inglorious task.

The coffee then gets sipped with ceremony before the body is dragged onto the yoga Matt. I set an intention: Be present and feel my body as I stretch out and yawn out a good morning. Typically the mind has take off by this time, and despite all my efforts I’m whisked away by the stories of my mind, usually entailing the day at hands future anxieties. Meditation follows just as successfully.

Morning rounds is part of my job I love best. It gets me outside greeting the birds in spring and snow in winter. I visit four buildings I manage to ensure all is well!... It’s at this point where surprises may hit me. I could be drawn in the drama’s of mind pretty quickly. A broken window, a surly tenant ...

After resigning to the fact my daughter won’t eat her breakfast and having to stick to my condition, I am relieved my son is on task, reading his daily book by the time I recover breakfast dishes and clean up.

If I have’s had a breakdown yet, I will be seen next at Safeway, fogging up my glasses with my forced breathing underneath the mask we all adorn to help prevent the spread of COVID.

If I haven’t broken down yet, its time to adorn the dust buster, a vacuum pack on my back, ready to tackle the mess of the apartment buildings I look after.

The kids are face in phone at this point. I gave up the electronic fight in May, two months into qaurantine.

Lunch is rekindling warm moments with 3rd Rock from the Sun and my daughter. Leases, notices, emails are conducted before another yoga practice, more vigourous, ensues. My body hates me, but my mind needs the relief.

Now its time for the kiddies. I embrace the scoter alongside my 1o year old baby girl, try the roller skates a few times, walk around the block or visit bookstores.

Dinner is at the table. All four of us which I hope has us all laughing at some point...

Snack and a Neflix favourite

Perhaps a game or a bath. A story. A post.

After all is said an done, I end the evening with intentions to let go of the day, a sleep meditation and hopefully oblivious sleep. Most of the time however, the halls see me roaming many times until morning greets me again!

[insideanardentmind]

[insideanardentmind]

[insideanardentmind]

If I won the lottery, it would be icing on a life that’s already eneough. I’d invest it with love by creating loving experiences to be shared by anyone needing the love.

To be frank and honest! I don’t know what I’d do if I won the lottery. I mean I have an unhealthy dental scene that could benefit from a good dental check up. My kids are in need of chrome books for school. I wouldn’t put my nose up on debt recovery.

But I’m honestly rich in all that is life and those things would be a treat!

I’d have to share it!

❤️

[insideanardentmind]

What is your earliest memory?

Memories are funny. I recall a certain moment in time very differently than the person with whom shared the memory. Whose memory is correct? Both of ours Id like to argue. Our perception of the world is based on our personal programming. What I see and take in will vary from what you see.

Now try recollecting a memory. It feels real until further investigation The memory has a dream like quality to it upon a more detailed inspection. The person I was 3o years ago really was a different person.

I do recall a memory from when I am two. However reaching 40 I doubt its authenticity. The memory is faded, like an old photo but there are whispers of a little me, holding my dads hand as we walked down the quiet white halls of the hospital that my baby brother was supposed to arrive in. I just recall walking with my dad. It was a fond memory. I don’t recall seeing my brother or how I felt upon gazing upon him as I am sure I did. Just holding my dads hand.

Regardless of its authenticity, it is a picture stored in my mind and a memory that seems to have lasted through the years!

How do you recall your earliest memory?

[insideanardentmind]

i’m going to post this again because people are saying it does help! this is JUST some tips that i find help me, i am not a therapist!  if you have some more advice to add that i may have missed, pls by all means add a comment to the post. do not message me, thank you <3

[insideanardentmind]

I am not sure about you, but I find it hard to do things that make me happy, and all in an effort to be happy!

For example if I complete A and do B every day, both experiences that either require me to go against my heart, or even my screaming body, then I’ll be at peace eneough to be happy.

In fact, my heart would rather just listen to music and my body screams to rest. Both which would likely bring the level of joy I could then spread more effortlesslessy.

However I seem condemned to play out the habits of the mind. My body will succumb to exhaustion and I’ll build up resentment so that instead of joy, I am spreading toxicity.

This is all in unintentional of course.

It may seem obvious, but obvious is not always easy, I encourage you to do only the things that make you happy.

In an effort to be intentional lets challenge ourselves to living one day a week solely from our hearts.

Mind may say things to discourage you. Mine will likely reiterate that I’ll become lazy or I’l get thrown a curve ball that will knock me down ... but you can respond with its just an experiment for one day!

To what makes us happy!

[insideanardentmind]

[insideanardentmind]

Having had a discussion with my husband who battles with self image himself, and having been through the tireless recovery from eating disorders myself, this ardent mind needed to purge some thoughts.

This week my husband afforded me an opportunity to relax, take a break from the grind, and all I could do was stress on how to best use this rare chance. Then the tenants of the eating disorder that still play out in my life of which create ruminative thoughts on movement formulate a Strom that turns into a full blown I’m fucked and depressed episode. “I can’t find joy as my mind overrides my heart.”

My husband sits me down and says we can work it out. I then ask him what makes him happy. He mutters he would be happy if he lost a few pounds so that he could be confident eneough to play ball. That he needs to work on night snacking.

It hit me right then and there that he shouldn’t wait for a future time in life to be happy. He should tell himself he is putting fun over image. That image will always be there but life shouldn’t be taken for granted.

I of course turn this sentiment back towards myself. I to shouldn’t wait for a future better healed and fixed self to be happy. I have checked off a lot of boxes in my life, goals of self repair boxes that included getting sober, Stop smoking, give up expensive coffee habit, do more gentle yoga routines and listen to the body .... yet each has not served to make me feel how I though it would. I am supposed to be robust with health, and thus vital with energy and thus free and happy. That’s how it was supposed to be. But I lost the moments along the way. The only times we have are the nows...

We need to stop waiting for tomorrow to be happy. For marriage, for a career, for some goal to be reached before being happy.

It’s this moment. The grief, the depression, the joy, the anger, the boredom that makes up life with the beautiful and the ugly. Experience is not one without the other and thus true love encompasses all! A life lived from the heart does not fear the so called negative energies ... the heart welcomes all of life. We can only really learn to be happy when we can fully accept the now!

[insideanardentmind]

Blessed is the mind that jumps over and beyond its own conditioning and lands again into its natural state of unmoving awareness. ~Mooji

[insideanardentmind]

The thoughts we identify with cause a sort of tunnel vision...

“It isn’t the things that are happening to us that cause us to suffer, it’s what we say to ourselves about the things that are happening. The truth you believe and cling to makes you unavailable to hear anything new.”

— Pema Chödron

[insideanardentmind]

Does anyone else get the feeling they are watching Jerry Springer’s latest episode?

My 9 year old self can recall the redundancy of this popular talk show, hosted by a middle aged man who stood by and would just watch the inevitable brawls unfold on his stage.

Jerry Springer has just taken a new form, Covid-19. He has enlisted all humans on to the stage, and what unravels is nothing short of the familiar name calling and assaults we would see on television thirty years ago!

The amusing factor in this charade, is not the charade in particular. No, it is those entertained by the charade, and that which keeps the show going! The spectators!

Why do we find the mutilations and scarring of our fellow human beings to be so enthralling?

Maybe it takes the focus off our own sufferable melodramas?

If we could stop participating as spectators, stop scrolling the facebook feeds that only aim to humiliate the human species, then perhaps there would be no more fuel to keep the charade going? With no one to witness this primitive behaviour, there lessens the need to continue.

It’s just a thought.. Stop tuning in to that which does not serve our humanity and start tuning into the theatrics more conducive to our growth as a whole.

Yours truly,

Rantings of an ardent mind

[insideanardentmind]

Let’s delve into the ardent minds most delighted experiences.

1. The most pleasurable experience is on a quiet beach with the sun rising or setting, a slight cooling breeze as the waves melt the tensions of the body and pacify the chaos of the mind.

2. If the beach is not accessible, I’ll delight amongst the pine trees, with a few of the closest beings to share stories around a campfire.

3. The delight of my own children, the shared victories as they grow, the tender moments of shared challenges...

4. The purrring of my feline companions melts the tensions of a sad heart always. It’s a soothing experience.

5. A warm cup of delightful aromatic coffee in the morning peeks the mind and lures the spirit into life.

6. A warm cup of soothing tea in the evening calms the days stresses.

7. A soothing epsom salt bath when muscles are tired from a hard days work of healing working laughing and playing.

8. Frozen Yogurt and a good Netflix, Amazon show is my mini vacation.

9. Receiving cards in the mail. Giving handwritten cards in the mail.

10. Making a persons day brightens my own.

11. Crystal frosted trees on a sunny winter day looks stunning and is breathtaking despite the chill in the air.

12. The multiple of colours the bouquet of leaves provide in the fall warms the body.

13. The music of spring as birds sing the warmer days.

14. Hugs when vulnerable and exposed feels so nurturing.

15. Laughing so hard my stomach hurts is the best break from the serious mind!

16. Music that soothes the soul or gets the body moving.

17. Exploring a new place with all its novelties and treasures to unfold.

18. Yoga gets me into exploring my body every day.

19. Learning more about my true nature is exciting.

20. Delighting in the brief small still and peaceful moments

The list is far from exhaustive but clearly shows there are small delights to cherish and what better reason for life :)

I needed this list as a reminder this evening, as I’ll be honest, its been a daily war inside ....