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[inspoguru-blog]

Stop Punishing Yourself and Accept Where You Are and Who You Are

Tonight I was planning to go to a yoga class. I'd been meaning to start going to one for a while and I'd finally found a good one and actually had the money to go. I missed the last one at 6pm but there was one later so I thought, ok, I'll just go to that one instead. So I left in plenty time, had all my yoga gear on and my packed bag ready to head straight to the train station that was right next to it so I could go home for the weekend-my heart pounded the closer I got (I was petrified to be honest) but I was determined to do it, to just get to the door and take a deep breath, open it and go in. But as I reached the door, I found myself there a couple of minutes early so I quickly checked what room it would be in, the exact time, double checked it was free for the trial etc and noticed I was half an hour early.

I then didn't know what to do with myself. I had half an hour to wait, half an hour for my anxiety to build. If I had double checked the time and had arrived there for the correct time, I would have just forced myself in, no question. But because I suddenly found myself with an extra 30 mins, I started walking away, heading for the direction of the station.

My mind was literally battling itself and torn over if should I stay or should I go (cue The Clash). No, I thought, you need to stop doing this, you'll never get better if you don't force yourself out of this funk you've got yourself into. So I stopped, sat on the grass and sat with my phone to pass the time. The closer it got to the next class, the more my mind pulled itself apart. Most people starting new classes would just wait around till the class started, they would go in eager with anticipation of what their class would entail, excited at the prospect of making new friends and getting fit, finding something worthwhile to do with their spare time.

By this point it hit quarter past, two voices screaming at each other-one said, just wait and go in, you never know, you might enjoy it. The other screaming back, but what if I go in and there's so many people, what if they all look at me, what if the yoga teacher watches me too much when I'm midway through a pose, what if?

Then I started thinking, well the other yoga class you enquired about is a drop in, this one is a block booking so it's more money anyway and then you're obligated to go. So I stood up and started walking. Instantly, regret flooded in. I started punishing myself-you'll never change, you say you'll go next time but you're all talk, you won't make any friends even though you want to meet people, this is SO typical you!

I used to write a blog a while ago and stopped. There's been many an occasion I started something or said I would do something and stopped. And I always punished myself for it. Always. I never built myself back up again. I let my self-doubt win and it kind of looks like this; Self Doubt-100 Me-0. Ok so maybe that's a bit exaggerated but it embellishes my point. I made my mind unhealthy, not by not going to these classes or not going out to that party or that event or not meeting that friend-no, I made myself unhealthy by punishing myself after it and accepting that I was never going to change, it was just a long, tedious cycle.

The more I accept who I am, my situation, where I am in life-I grow that little bit more resilient against these self-destructive thoughts. Ok, so maybe you didn't go through with a plan you made for that particular day-that's ok, don't beat yourself up about it because that's when you start to give in to the cesspit of negativity and it drowns you more each time. The more you accept where and who you are and that it's ok if that's how you feel in the moment, then you are probably more likely to feel more comfortable the second time around because you have worked on building yourself up.

There's always other chances, other days, other classes. There is always tomorrow, the next week, the week after. Don't stress, don't over

think it, don't punish yourself because THAT is detrimental to your recovery. Earlier in the day, my thoughts bounced around like mad with all these things I had on my mind-things I want to do now, this year, next year, with my life in general, things I want to buy. I found myself so flustered, my heart raced, my head and eyes fuzzy, my hands shaking. Sometimes, you just need to STOP and breathe. I was once told that the word stop has a quality to it that connects with the brain, the word literally makes you stop.

So in conclusion, even if you don't go today or tomorrow or even next week, go in your own time. There is no time limit, there is no deadline, there is no expectation. You do you, because that is all you can do.

Peace and Love ✌

[inspoguru-blog]

Stop Punishing Yourself and Accept Where You Are and Who You Are