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an actual video of me in any math class ever.

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alright so its late, im pretty sure 95% of my followers are pornbots, and the other 5% probably wont really mind that i am posting about my personal life. alright so here we go. lately, and it feels like it has been going back a couple of weeks now, i’ve been feeling disconnected. my days have not been necessarily BAD but they are altogether unfulfilling. I used to talk about my problems constantly, but more and more i fail to see myself doing so, and i miss the release. and i think part of the reason i did that is because i am having the same problem over and over again, and i am scared people are getting sick of me complaining about it when i still continue to be in the situation to allow it to happen. 

my boyfriend, of 5 months this valentines day, has been the cause of concern, for lack of better words. I have alot of worries when it comes to him, and that relationship. the first and up most being about the lack of communication- on his part. yes i understand my circumstances currently are less than desirable, not having a phone and all (thank you svedka strawberry lemonade for that one), but just like my being able to make this post, i am able to talk to him through my computer. but when we do talk, its never what you would call conversations, and i feel like we havent talked about anything real in months. that worries me. the second thing is more and more its not really jack who i want to talk to, what does that say about us? and its not like it always used to be like this, when we first started dating it was everything i wanted. we would talk constantly and for hours, about the most obscure topics, we would stay up till 5 am on calls talking and then eventually falling asleep on calls. its not like that anymore. if i get 5 reponses in a day i am lucky, but he always seems to have an excuse for why he cant communicate. everytime i bring it up he gets more and more upset with me, but i keep bringing it up because nothing has changed. more and more often i feel forgotten, unloved, and i feel like i have become not a priority in his life. the second of our issues is that not being able to talk to him has given me so much time, that i dont know how to fill. i know its too much to ask of my friends to give me the amount of attention i want from jack, but lately i have been relying on friends to give me that attention. other problems include: i find sometimes the things he does to be embarrassing and i have seen myself not invite him to things so i dont get embarrased by him, i cant tell him about how i am feeling or thinking because i think he doesnt understand, he continually doesnt do the things that i ask of him, basic things, like ask off of work for a valentines dinner. thinking of these things makes me unbelievably sad, because after all that, i still cant see myself breaking up, or actually: i cant see that i us breaking up would make me any more happy than i am now. when its good, its good, just when its not good, its bad, and more often its been not good, if that makes any sense. 

another concern of mine is that I compare him too much to people i have dated in the past. i say people but i mean only one, i wont count maggie because we only dated for a little bit and she was a girl. dont get me wrong, my relationship with said person was very toxic, on both sides, and both of us benefitted from not being together, or speaking anymore, but there were aspects of that relationship that i wish i had in this one.  with alec i was never hesitant to talk about my emotions, and i remember distinctly that he would text me back almost no matter what, if he couldn’t, he would usually shoot me a text why, which is all i really want (communication). and because i have been comparing jack and Is relationship to alec and Is, i obviously have been thinking of alec more, and it feels like deja vu, but i feel guilty (again) by what i did and i feel the need to repair it (again), which is also kinda making me sad these days. 

man typing all of this out really did me no good i still am not going to break up with my boyfriend even tho i am not happy because not being in a relationship wont make me happy either. anyways..... if you have any advice (if you got this far lol) idk message me? is that what they do on tumblr? 

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Well,me and my pussy have come to a decision,

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I feel seen

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One of the oldest diving suits in existence - called Wanha Herra from early 18th century, Finland

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Me when Sandra Bullock and Sarah Paulson turned out to be sisters and not lesbians:

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