intercoursefluids

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Bruce loves his family desperately but he's got one mode and that's detective mode lol

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Commission Info / Kofi (members get comics a week early)

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muscle memory kicking in

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on the ethics of drinking your friends (what's the big deal???)

part of my Modern Vampire Marinette AU (intro | tag)

(Support me on ko-fi if you'd like!)

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Tim walks into Bruce’s study where he’s ’working’ but in actuality just texting Clark, who was canceling on a date they had planned

Tim: *holding out his hand* Give me fifty bucks

Bruce: *takes out his wallet and hands 50 bucks to him* Wait, why?

Tim: *pocketing the money* You haven’t wished me happy Pride month yet

Bruce: *holding out his hand* You haven’t wished me happy Pride Month either. I’ve been out longer than you’ve been alive

Tim: *whispers* Fuck *hands him back the 50* Can’t believe I forgot you were bi too

Bruce: *hums and puts his money back in his wallet before glancing down at his phone with an evil grin* … Y’know, Clark would probably feel guilty enough to give you money

Tim: *evil grin that’s the exact same as Bruce’s* Interesting… *leaves*

Bruce: *sighs with a small smile* I gave birth to that boy… he’s just like me

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Gotham does a Batman lookalike contest and there's no way the Batkids don't participate along with like, half of Gotham. It is simultaneously their boon and bane

Dick, staring at a Batman suit Tim brought him: What am I supposed to do with that?

Tim, in an identical batsuit: There's a batman lookalike contest in crime alley! We have to participate.

Dick, now staring at the suit in disgust: Wear that? Again? I'd Much Rather Die.

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Jason, in another batsuit, staring in the mirror, close to crashing out: Why do I actually look like him?

Damian, in an identical, smaller batsuit: It is because you are nearly the same height and weight as Father.

Jason, immediately tearing the arms off the suit so it looks like a tank top: There. That's better.

Damian: It is not.

Duke, in an identical suit with gold highlights, now covering Damian's ears: You look like Batbabe the stripper

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Stephanie, in her robin suit, standing beside cass, who's in a batman suit: We'll win easy

Duke: You realize it's a batman lookalike competition, right?

Steph: There is no batman without robin, duh

Dick:... you're the only fucker in this family I respect

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Bruce: This is incredibly irresponsible of all of you. This could give away major clues that we are-

Duke: Don't you wanna look at your kids cosplaying you, without the danger and responsibilities?

Bruce:

Bruce: Carry on

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Cass, holding the 20$ prize money she got from winning third place:

Dick, grudgingly holding the 40$ he got for second place, glaring at Bruce:

Tim: Wait, if even Dick's second, who the hell won first?

Clark, holding 100$ and a 'Batman forreal!' certificate: Hi Guys

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found a rock in the kitchen and as I was about to throw it in the trash I thought "wait this is cruel I should let it outside" as if it was a living thing

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Au where Batman doesn't want to tell the Justice League his secret identity but it's because he's really embarrassed about the things he's done as Bruce Wayne.

The thing is; Batman has spent years crafting and perfecting his public persona.

'Brucie Wayne' is supposed to be a dumber than life himbo, with daddy's credit card and the maturity of a seventeen year old. He's supposed to be someone so outlandishly ridiculous no one would ever even dare to mention him in the same sentence as Batman... And Batman has been acting that part perfectly.

It's a genius plan.

But then the league begins talking about maybe all sharing their secret identities, to become closer as a group and work better together. And the only thing in Batman's mind is 'Oh. My. God. Please don't'

Superman is saying something about trust and how he has come to value all of them as friends. Batman is thinking about last year Christmas' Gala, where he took off his clothes in an improvised strip-tease, and started swimming in the fountain.

Wonder woman is talking about how she wishes to strengthen their bonds so they become greater warriors. Bruce just remembered there's videos of him fucking twerking and pole dancing to Ariana Grande all over the internet.

Flash starts smiling and telling them he already trust them with his life– Bruce once said chocolate milk came from brown cows.

'Oh. My. God'.

There's just no way he's telling any of them.

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girl help they are making me do my job at work

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today at work a coworker warned me that my patient’s owner let us know her cat is homophobic, meaning he tends to attack gay people violently on sight, which I thought was a joke. but that cat saw me and may have been the angriest cat I’ve ever worked with and DID in fact bite me through Kevlar gloves because he hated me so much

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writing is so funny because i could write nonstop for 9hrs and then hit a block where im like "how do i transition between this moment and the next?" and then i just dont touch it for 6 months

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people keep trying to make "ladies and gentlemen" more inclusive.

I think we should go the other way around.

make more and more weird false dichotomies in greetings. "gamers and pianists". "oil painters and swordsmen". "vexillologists and entomologists". "chess masters and diamond artificers". "accountants and gendered individuals".

we need to be dropping shit into formal meetings to make people say "wait what? which one am I?"

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Parentified older brother Jason Todd in the sense that Talia giving Damian to him in that one alternative ending of DitF

Jason: Yeah, she basically just left him with me

Dick: Oh, c’mon, it’s not like Bruce never left you with me. You used to stay at Titans tower sometimes

Jason: Bruce never let you take me with the Titans, you always did it behind his back

Dick:

Jason: You basically kidnapped me

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eh, screw it *releases my fucked up vampire au from the confines of my mind*

anyway I decided my blog is for me and I can draw and post all the weird silly concepts of my dreams and nobody can stop me. I actually have a lot of potential comic ideas ping-ponging in my head for this AU — not a linear story or anything (beyond what's on this post), just some good fun and shenanigans.

bonus:

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they're a fun trio

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Australia’s version of the onion has just character assassinated all you gays

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