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intoeachgeneration-blog1 · 8 years ago

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To the man who killed my mother...

No, it is not you raising the scythe, but you’ve given her the death sentence. How have you done this, oh innocent bystander? Human Papillomavirus.

HPV can be sexually transmitted and is a predicting factor for cervical cancer. For many women, HPV is what caused them to develop cancer. For some women, this type of cancer means a hysterectomy, some recovery, and many years of a happy, cancer free life, plus getting to call themselves “Survivors.”

For my mother, cancer seals her fate. But you didn’t know that. When you waltzed into our lives six years ago, you had no idea that I would be graduating college, getting married, and moving out of the state all in the same year. You didn’t know that my mother and I would have to miss out on dress shopping, sending out invitations, fighting over centerpieces, or any of the normal mother-daughter wedding things. You didn’t know that even if my mom can make it to my wedding halfway across the country, that it won’t be the tall, strong, loud, beautiful red-head that I envisioned in that perfect black dress. This woman that birthed me will be frail, thin, tired, nauseous, and wearing a wig or a scarf to protect her pale scalp. You didn’t know that she would be leaving her two daughters, 9 and 21, with no parents. You didn’t know that her own mother died of cancer when she was my age, and that many of our other family members have suffered the same fate, so her chances are not good. You didn’t know that she already had an autoimmune disorder that leaves her more vulnerable to these sorts of things. You didn’t know that three years prior, my mother was near death while pregnant with my little sister due to this disease. You didn’t know how hard it was to take care of her and to fear losing my mother at 13 years of age. You didn’t know how hard it would be to do it again at 21.

What you did know is that you are a carrier for HPV, and that having unprotected sex with my mother would likely transmit the infection to her. You did know that condoms were an option, but that you find them to be less “enjoyable”.

I just have one question, man who aspired to one day be my father, was that 20 minutes of enjoyment worth her life? Was it worth me missing out on having my mom around while I plan my future? Was it worth my baby sister growing up without parents? Was it worth the radiation, the surgeries, the vomiting, the weight loss, the doctors appointments, the thousands of dollars?

I like to believe that if my mother knew what she was really consenting to, she would never have been with you, never have married you, because she loves us. But I’ll never know. I’ll also never know what it is to give my mother grandchildren. My sister will never know how proud our mother is of her. And my mother will never know her full potential.

So thank you, for selfishly choosing not to inform my mother that you carried her death sentence, and thank you for granting yourself 20 minutes of unprotected enjoyment. Thank you for taking my mother’s life, and for tarnishing what is meant to be some of the best parts of ours.

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intoeachgeneration-blog1 · 8 years ago

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Well, my philosophy… do you wanna hear my philosophy?

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intoeachgeneration-blog1 · 8 years ago

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Day 2

Today’s main challenges involved combating what is either a severe reaction to April’s pollen or a developing cold of some sort. Eating didn’t seem to be the challenge it was yesterday, and I was able to consume as much water as I intended, so that was cool. I was able to meet all of my goals for the day, which is satisfying. I also registered for my final semester of college in my first stress/mishap-free instance of the event in 7 semesters. It took me less than two minutes for the first time ever. I’m excited to see how I continue to adjust to the changes I’m making tomorrow, and hoping that I get some reprieve from this constant congestion.

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intoeachgeneration-blog1 · 8 years ago

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Day 1

I’ve already noticed some major changes in the first day of my 30-day challenge to “put myself first.”

1: WATER - I peed like... 1,000 times. I didn’t realize how bad I had been about drinking water until I started drinking SO MUCH. I was so full that I couldn’t eat more than a few spoonfuls of soup for lunch, and so far I haven’t been hungry since, which is impressive, given how little I’ve eaten today. So far, it’s a stark, but not unpleasant, adjustment. I’m interested to see how it holds up with busier days, as today’s main focus has been homework. Tomorrow I have work and class, so that will inform me better the effects this new regimen could have on my daily activities.

2: BODY CONSCIOUS - I took my measurements this morning, and since March 2016 I’ve gained 25 lbs, 2 inches in the bust, 7 inches in the waist, and 2 inches in the hips. I’m not distressed or anything, but it’s interesting to associate real numbers with how I’ve been feeling about my body lately. We’ll see where it goes from here.

3: ENERGY - I’m happy to say that even though waking up was difficult (as usual) I became very awake much more quickly than I normally do by starting my day with water and yoga. That’s one change I’m a big fan of, and I’m totally willing to sacrifice an extra 30 minutes of sleep every morning to feel that much energy without the use of caffeine, sugar, or medication.

If you’ve any tips or stories you want to share, I’m all ears!

#fitness #30 day challenge

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intoeachgeneration-blog1 · 8 years ago

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Day 0: Making a decision

I find myself unable to sleep, up way past my “bedtime”, musing about my life. I am surrounded by incredible opportunities and people, and I’m so fortunate to have all of the things that I do. Yet, I’m still dissatisfied and stressed. Like, really stressed. For example, I’m a Type-A neat freak, and for the past three weeks my room has looked like one of those news videos from after a tornado. A tornado of shoes, clothes, and empty take-out boxes. In light of this, there are many different factors that have led me to make a somewhat trivial decision to change my behavior, and hopefully, my life:

1: I was first diagnosed with severe depression at the age of 6, and have been diagnosed again by approximately 10 different medical and psychological professionals since then. I’m now age 21.

2: I suffer from scoliosis, joint pain, and some pretty severe injuries to my shoulder, knees, and feet that impact my daily life. These all come from patterns of abuse I suffered at a young age in combination with some pretty reckless behavior as an adolescent.

3: I’m 5′8″ and 150 pounds, which isn’t too bad, but I’ve always had a really fast metabolism, and I’ve gained at least 25 pounds in the past year, and I seem to keep gaining. I know that I’m reaching an age where my metabolism will slow down, so I want to be more invested in my physical fitness.

4: I lead a moderately stressful life. I’m a college student taking 20 units, or 7 classes, which is the cap for my school. Furthermore, I work 15-20 hours a week, I’m required to complete a certain amount of service hours every month, in addition to the fact that I’m graduating, getting married, and moving across the country in the next 9 months. Because of this, I’ve suffered from some pretty inconvenient stomach troubles that have rendered nearly all of the food options available to me UNTOUCHABLE.

5: I’m simply not happy with my mood, energy levels, body, or state of being in general. I can’t just “limit my stress,” or “cut out responsibilities” as many professionals keep telling me. So instead of removing things, I’ve decided to add something: fitness.

To be honest, I’ve never had to think much about fitness until I got into college, because I was a martial artist and a dancer as a child, and I was insanely active in high school. Last year was probably the most invested I’ve been in fitness since adulthood, but so much has changed since then that I’ve let it fall to the wayside. I barely have time to sit down and have a meal with friends most days, much less spend an hour at the gym. So I’ve resolved to start slow, and adjust my ambitions to my situation. I’m trying a 30 day thing, which I’ve divided into three increasingly more demanding parts. I’m going to document my performance each day, mostly to keep myself accountable. My goal is absolutely NOT to lose weight. I just want to feel healthier, more energetic, and stronger. It would be nice if my clothes would stop slowly suffocating me like a boa constrictor, but ultimately that doesn’t matter as much as just being happier. I know that even if my body was flawless, I would still be unhappy because my problem is more mental-emotional than physical. I just want to show my body a little love by treating it right for a change, in a way that works with my life. So here’s the plan:

Part 1: Food, Health, and Wellness - I’m cutting out all of the things that upset my stomach anyways, and really committing to eating only what I need. So I’m going to try to drink more water, eat more fruits and vegetables, especially leafy greens, eat only 1 serving of grains each day, and increase my protein intake in the form of beans and poultry or fish, rather than fattier, greasier sources like what my school serves. I’m going to try to do stretches and some easy, stress-relieving yoga poses I found on pinterest in the morning and at night. I already go for 30 minute walks 3 times a week, so I’ll just keep doing that.

Part 2: I’m going to keep doing the aforementioned things, while also increasing my water intake by 24 oz and beginning cardio. On the first day I’ll start easy, challenging myself to just 10 minutes at top speed on the lowest difficulty setting on the elliptical at my school’s gym. Treadmills scare me, so I won’t be doing that. I’ll attempt to slowly ramp up to doing 30 minutes on the 6th setting by the end of the second 10-day-period.

Part 3: I’m going to increase my protein intake by adding eggs to my breakfast, along with the leaner proteins I’ll already be restricting myself to. I’m going to introduce some weights into the mix, doing some dumb-bell exercises I’ve seen in really ambitious fitness videos, but with really light weights. I’ll slowly increase the weight from 5 lbs to 20 by the end of the third 10-day-period.

Closing remarks: It feels right to document all of this, for accountability’s sake. I’m not great on self-led fitness, however, and I can’t afford an actual gym membership and a trainer, so if anyone who might be reading has any tips from their own fitness journey, I would love to hear them.

#fitness #accountability #goals #stress relief

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intoeachgeneration-blog1 · 8 years ago

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