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they're scared cuz under socialism strap gets you pregrant

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hey its me im calling you about your dna sequencing yeauh the results came in.. yeah you might want to sit down before we get started

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mama

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You should make your own version of christianity that’s truer and better than all the other versions

waiiitt omg youre so right do you think ill be the first one to do that??? probably right??

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*showing visible symptoms* oh my god i need help desperately

*symptoms go away for one day* what if im just faking it

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“To die for God is not a proof of faith in God. To die for an unknown and repulsive convict who is a victim of injustice, that is a proof of faith in God.”

— Simone Weil

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When Dostoevsky said, "Pain changes you, but it teaches. That is its mercy." but Kafka said, "Pain changes nothing. It just repeats itself until you forget who you were before it started."

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when I was a kid I wished I had nosebleeds. I had some friends who had them and I was like. that looks so fucking cool. you're just sitting there and suddenly you're covered in blood. it looks so dramatic. it looks so... and here my language failed me. at such a humble age I did not have the vocabulary to describe the sublime. I just sat in incomprehensible jealousy. I turned out totally normal by the way

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A cyanometer is a device used to measure the intensity of blue in the sky, often used in meteorology and atmospheric studies. It typically consists of a series of blue color patches or a color gradient, allowing the user to compare the sky’s color to these reference colors.

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I’ve met way more people who use it to mask their own bad choices or to rationalize behavior they know damn well is wrong.

Therapy speak is super annoying in characters and i think more authors should weaponize this by having a character use therapy speak to justify all their bad life choices including but not limited to bullying, arson, and war crimes to really drive home just how obnoxious it is

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the west rn especially the US has developed the worst possible kind of individualism, which is like, "i am an individual in the sense of being very SPECIAL and IMPORTANT" but no one is an individual in terms of consequences or responsibilities. no one from the most powerful people down to the average person wants to say "the buck stops here, that was my responsibility and i fucked it" or feel the shame/guilt that would be necessary for them to actually act differently next time instead of doing the same stupid wrong thing and getting angry at everyone else all over again

"why did you let me do this dumb thing i did" is the reaction of a crazy and stupid emperor and that's how everyone thinks now. everyone is a little emperor.

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your honor who gives a fuck. like for real

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*emerges from headphones covered in blood* the album's really good you should listen

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play that hurdy gurdy white boy

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Jesus: *flips tables*

US Bishops: Now more than ever, we must be calm and nonviolent. #NotAllTables

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A bread is one of the most vulnerable animals on earth of all time. It can die in a number of different ways, which include being smashed, being old, being rottened, being crumpled up, getting too hot, having water put on it, and having water not on it but being in the air a lot (the water (mist)). The bread’s favorite way to die is being eaten, but the world is a complicated place, and it does not care for what the bread wants, and so it dies in a variety of ways which are not the preference of the bread.

Humans are considered the bread’s natural predator, and also, are the bread’s mommy (make/give birth to the bread). Humans are a large species of ant or plant or ele phant with two grasping appendages which they use to give birth to the bread. They also have one hole which eats the bread, and some other holes, which the bread is not allowed near, generally.

Some bread can go in the fridge. Some bread has fruit in it. Scientists don’t know why, as putting fruit in the bread is considered yucky, and scientists have difficulty imagining an organism that likes yucky things.

There is the anteater, which is an organism that likes yucky things, but scientists do not need to imagine it, because it is real.

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Astrology doesn't seem to work.