introvertzone

[introvertzone]

Aku harap takdir mempertamukan kita sekali, atau dua kali lagi.

Untuk memantapkan hari kita apakah jalan terbaik adalah untuk menetap atau pergi.

[introvertzone]

I'm still looking for what are you up to recently since you are not being active in any social media anymore. Is it too hard for you to show, I just want to make sure that you are okay.

#SecretAdmirer

[introvertzone]

I am back. I need to.

But now in a better condition :)

#BeBetter

[introvertzone]

Why Do I Live?

Have you ever feel like there is no reason anymore to live in this world?

You don't know what to do with your life, there is no one needs you, even you yourself don't need yourself.

Even without your presence, life can go on. No one miss you. No one looks for you.

So why do I live?

[introvertzone]

Ada satu hal yang bikin gue gamau berkutat lagi di kalangan orang arsitektur.

Kadang, waktu kita berdiskusi, banyak banget hal-hal asing yang gue ga paham, nahkan ga paham kenapa hal itu harus dibahas. Menurut gue itu yaudahm hal yang biasa aja, tapi kenapa mesti dibahas sebegitunya sih?

Ntahlah, di arsitektur ini gue ga bisa nemuin diri gue yang dulu, yang selalu penasaran sama hal-hal baru. Dan ga ada hal yang bikin gue tertarik sama hal-hal yang baru itu.

[introvertzone]

Dunia ini tuh ga adil.

Amat sangat tidak adil.

Bumi ini seakan terbuat hanya untuk mereka yang pandai bergaul.

Harus melayani orang lain, selalu berbuat baik walaupun di belakang kita bergerutu, memaklumi

Seakan kami tidak mempunyai pilihan sendiri bagaimana untuk menjalankan hidup

[introvertzone]

Can I find my own happiness?

[introvertzone]

Tidak ada yang spesial dalam hidupku.

[introvertzone]

Aku menanti hari dimana aku tidak takut lagi akan hari esok

[introvertzone]

It's OK if you haven't figured it out yet about what do you want to do for the rest of your life. You are still 21. Everything showed in my social media doesn't look how exacly I wanted it.

Tomorrow is always a second chance to learn more.

[introvertzone]

Well, sebenernya gue ga peduli Gendis mau ngapain, mau nonton apa, hafalannya lancar apa ngga, dkk. Just don’t disturb my life. Jangan sok-sokan belajar padahal main HP, nonton TV. Cuma lo yang bisa ngontrol diri lo sendiri

[introvertzone]

I will never be able to act like I like my little sister. I don’t know why

[introvertzone]

Everyone hates me. Even me myself.

[introvertzone]

Aku takut penolakkan.

Sedari kecil, sering kali kalau mau beli barang pasti ditolak sama ibu.

Sejak itu, aku lebih suka nabung buat beli barang yang mau aku beli.

Aku juga takut dibilang banyak nuntut.

[introvertzone]

Rasanya ada di posisi kayak gini, gatau mau ngapain, gatau apa yang diinginin, gatau apa yang mau dilakuin ke depannya.. Rasanya mending mati aja. Udah gaada yang dituju. Hidup tanpa tujuan. Ngga berguna juga buat sekitar. Untuk apa hidup.

[introvertzone]

16 June.

Happy 4/4 for me. You did well, dear me.

I will say, it was not easy. Really not easy.

Since the 1st semester I never feel like I will stay in this major till the end. But here I am, a very soon officially S.Ars. But I'm not proud of it. Because I know I will not do anything with this degree. Yep. I still don't wanna be an architect. I still can't figure it out, what I want to do with my life. Lol.

I would like to say that TA period was the one of the hardest part of my life. Especially with this pandemic situation. My mental health was very not good. I felt like there's no one in this house understands me. (I don't even know why I said this, lol). And very not good thinking come. I was over thinking, over reaction, and very sensitive with anything around. Bad dreams always came to me everynight. It WAS SO BAD. I got stressed and don't really able to tell someone about my situation at that time. It was very horrible. I locked myself in my room, doing nothing, didn't do my TA. And made my family sad about it :(

And again, Bapak always knows what he should do with his daughter 🥺 he always right there behind me when I look at my back. Ah I'm crying writing this one. I'm so honored to be his daughter. Really.