intxication

[intxication]

[intxication]

They would figure it out. The words gave Mathias much comfort. Because after all the uncertainty his life held, at least he would have someone at his side to navigate through it all. Things didn't have to be scary and Mathias didn't have to be alone anymore. Together was better than anything else.

As they laid in bed Mathias pictured the hypothetical apartment they would soon share. It didn't have to be fancy, nor too big. Just enough space to fit two people and animals. Maybe a bookshelf for a growing collection, and a nice kitchen to cook in. "Good light means I get to have plants, so I'm okay with that". He wondered if Jude would want to come with him to look at places, or if the priest trusted him.

He was happy to be close to Jude. He assumed Jude pulling him closer was an invitation for Mathias to cling to him. Mathias did his best to make sure it would take some time for Jude to untangle himself to get out of bed. It was like holding the other hostage but for a good reason.

"I slept well. You did a pretty good job at tiring me out" Mathias teased. He moved around, trying to get half under Jude just so he could steal more of his heat. Mathias would never grow tired of how warm the priest was. How easy it was for Jude to warm him up and keep him comfortable.

All he wanted to do was spend the whole day here. At least within the four walls of the room, they didn't have to worry about the outside world. It was just them and the quiet sounds of a city waking up. "How'd you sleep?" Mathias asked.

"We'll figure it out." Jude agreed. Because now Jude would have to be more careful. If he left the rectory apartment and didn't come back too often it could become an issue. But it would give them more space and guaranteed privacy. And more importantly it would hopefully be safer for Mathias. He'd call his sister and go pick up Pigeon and Frog once Mathias found a place.

Pressed together on the too small couch, Mathias on top of him Jude tried not to think of all the complicated things that they carried into this. He could feel Mathias' heart beat soft against his own chest. And he got lost for a moment thinking of all the things in a shared space that he could add to give space to the kindness that Mathias was capable of. Jude was aware that shifting the trajectory of a life was no small thing but he'd seen Mathias trying. And he would continue to help however he could.

Jude had sat up, struck still for a moment, as Mathias undressed. It always caused him to take a moment. Just needing the moment to look at Mathias. It always made him catch his breath. Every time. The trust and love that was there. He stood as the younger man glanced over his shoulder and smiled with a small flush to his cheeks, nodding his head, unbuttoning his shirt as he did. He didn't undress until they were both on the bed. Knowing that Mathias enjoyed helping him. Jude's hands warm against Mathias' skin.

The next morning

The room was still and quiet, soft sounds of the city trickling through the pulled shades. Jude slowly came back to himself, feeling the warmth of the body next to him. He didn't open his eyes but he felt the fingers touching his collarbone and smiled sleepily. He reached out slowly and pulled Mathias close to him, holding him softly. Wanting to feel the other against his own bare body. He didn't need to open his eyes yet. His alarm hadn't gone off. But the question roused him a little more. "Hmmm?" Jude asked quietly thinking about the question, last night's conversation coming back to him. His fingers tracing little patterns on Mathias' back. "Views are nice. But I'd be happy if it just gets good light." He paused and then whispered into the room, "How'd you sleep?"

[intxication]

"We can learn to adjust together then, right?" Mathias could learn to adjust. He could learn how to form his life around the many changes he was going through. As long as he had someone at his side while doing it, he was sure it would be easy. Even though living together wouldn't be how it was in a traditional step, it would be a lot more than what they were doing now. They would figure out what worked best for each other and then go from there.

There had been times, although few, where Mathias would picture a life where he could be free from all the bad. Where he wouldn't have to get his hands bloody, nor feel like a monster. He could live a happy life that he deserved. He knew a life like that was possible, but it would require a lot from him. He wasn't sure if he was able or ready to give it all yet. According to Jude, there would be a time for Mathias to repent and ask for forgiveness. To come to terms with what he had done to others and to himself. That part scared him the most. But Jude had hope for him, so Mathias had to have hope as well.

Mathias may not have know much about love, nor did he really understand it. It was a new and all engulfing feeling, and could be overwhelming at times. But when he felt it, he really felt it. It was like a gust of strong wind, or a warm summer's sun. It was inescapable and it pulled him in like gravity. Mathias loved it. He loved the feeling of being helpless against an emotion that offered him such warmth and security. How could anyone ever blame him for wanting it? How could they tell him he was wrong to run full force towards it.

He smiled at Jude's answer, melting against him as they kissed. It was what he wanted. Jude was who he wanted. It was always so surprising at how easy it was for the older man to make Mathias breathless. As he broke their kiss, he was breathing heavier but there was a happy look on his face. Mathias removed himself from Jude, his body already feeling the effects of their kissing. He pulled his shirt over his head, then discarded his pants, leaving him in just his underwear. Then with one last playful and loving look, he removed the rest of his clothes. Being laid bare and vulnerable to the man he loved. Mathias grinned and turned to walk back to their room, looking over his shoulder and calling out to Jude, "Are you coming Sinjin?"

The next morning

He wasn't sure who woke up first or not. The bed still held evidence of their night before. Mathias was cuddled up next to Jude, tracing over a reddish pink mark on his collarbone that was made last night. The sheets were mixed in with their tangled legs as Mathias listened to Jude's heart beat.

"How do you feel about a place with a view?"

Jude had spent a lot of his life in small or shared living spaces. Very different than the ones that Mathias had been in. But neither one of them required much in the way of creature comforts. Just a place that could be theirs. He smiled when Mathias said he was excited. "I've shared a lot of spaces before. It takes some adjusting." But it would be easier than what they had been doing. He ran his fingers through Mathias' hair as the sentiment was returned and nodded his head.

Jude had tried and would continue to try to help Mathias understand that everything could be forgiven if forgiveness was asked for. That did take away the possible consequences on Earth. But grace extended to everything. Or it wouldn't be grace. That was the part that made the Priest sad for the younger man, that Mathias didn't seek forgiveness for himself. But Jude held out hope, just like his namesake that one day. One day Mathias might realize he could ask and that it would be given to him. That he was worth it.

Jude would not have compromised so much of his plans for someone he felt lukewarm about. Or a momentary lust. He'd been able to walk away from others. Turn away from different paths to stay on the one that had lead him and kept him in the Priesthood. His feelings for Mathias had changed his trajectory. It was Jude's choices and actions that had brought him here. And he'd made them eyes wide open. He still wrestled with his guilt, with his fear and worry. The deep complications in there connection to each other. He wouldn't have done it if it wasn't a deep and abiding love for the other man.

He nodded, closing his eyes for a moment as Mathias touched their foreheads together, his hands gently running along the other's back. Warm brown eyes opened and met Mathias' at the question. At the open care and love between them. He nodded his head softly. "Yes. If that's what you want. Yes." He slowly brought his lips back to Mathias', kissing him with a gentle but deep passion.

[intxication]

"I completely agree" But Mathias wouldn't give the names because there weren't any names to give. The secret would eventually be discovered but that was why Mathias needed to get back to what he was doing before. He needed to establish himself a lot more than before his death. To really sell it.

"I am" He replied. Mathias frowned at Suresh, "Who says I'm pretending. Just because my version of caring doesn't look like everyone else's doesn't mean that I don't care".

"Sources of information should matter." But it wasn't something that Suresh had to know. It could be something that scratched at the back of his mind later. Because he knew that Mathias would not be able to stay dead. He didn't have that discipline. There would be, if there wasn't already, an ever growing list of people that would become aware of the Syndicate's worst kept secret.

"Are you?" Suresh didn't believe that Mathias really cared if he was fine or not, and it didn't matter anyway. But Suresh did absolutely believe that Mathias had owed him the apology so he would take it. The Captain shook his head, "We don't have to do that. Pretend that you care about anything not related to you. Business is business."

[intxication]

Tension was still high but Mathias couldn't wait any longer. He needed to kill again or else he was going to go crazy. He asked nicely for an easy target, wanting to work his way back up to the more high profile people. He figured that was a fair trade off for what he had done. His target tonight was a butcher, supposedly. Mathias didn't really care about the details of the man, nor did he care about his shady business or not. He was there to do one thing and one thing only.

To kill.

He had packed all his gear and was ready to go, heading to his targets address. The great thing about kills in homes like this was that there was limited security. Mathias didn't have to fight through some hired guns and fists, he could just pretend he was there to deliver something and he'd be granted access. It really said something about the lack of safety that some didn't realize they had.

Later on Mathias would say that the events that transpired happened because he had been too eager. He knew it would be easy for him, so he didn't bother to stalk or scope out the place first. The first thing he had noticed was that his target wasn't alone, and then that the person his target was with was killing him. What a shame. Usually Mathias would have been sour about missing out on a kill, but he found this more interesting.

He made his way in, sneaking and quietly sticking to the shadows. And he watched. The woman was impressive with a knife and taking a tongue was an interesting choice. He cleared his throat and waved a gloved hand.

"Having fun?"

For: Mathias (@intxication) Location: Nondescript apartment complex

He was the owner of a gourmet butcher shop. Or so he’d told her. It wasn’t that Carolina didn’t believe him, she did, but there was more to him than he was disclosing to her. His car, and clothes, and the way he carried himself indicated he was involved in something more than just the meat market. Even as they arrived at his penthouse, Caro knew a simple butcher wouldn’t be in the same tax bracket as the rest of the residence living within it.

But after deciding his tongue would be the next thing on her plate, she stopped probing him with questions and let him think she was naïve enough to believe he wasn’t married, or had no money just in case she was planning to exploit him for it.

Carolina hadn’t even given him the chance to get handsy and comfortable before taking the ice pick he had just used to prep them some drinks, and driving it through his temple, stunning the man in place though he blinked repeatedly, mumbling something about not being able to see. Reaching over, she took the bottle of scotch he was still gripping and finished pouring what would have been her glass, taking a drink and trying to figure out what it was that men loved so much about this whiskey as she stared up at the still croaking man.

With a settled sigh, she grabbed a kitchen towel and finally pulled the pick out from his head, causing his body to stiffen for the briefest of seconds before crumbling heavily to the floor, blood steadily beginning to ooze from the 4-centimeter hole she had created. Wasting no more time, Carolina moved around the kitchen.

Perks of murdering a butcher, they always had the sharpest knives, so cutting through the underside of his jaw to get to his tongue and severing the connecting tissue was the easiest it had ever been. A clean extraction despite the growing halo of blood surrounding the body’s head. Her own hands weren’t even as messy as they usually are the other times she’d done this. Maybe she’d take the knife block with her as well, she’d thought as she rinsed her hands in the sink along with the glass, ice pick and knife she handled.

[intxication]

"That's pretty easy to find. I think we'd be fine with anything at this point". As long as there was a roof over their head and a warm bed, then they'd be happy. That was all that was required for Mathias' life. He was free from ever having to live on the streets or in a facility. He could have a home and he could make it his own. "I've never shared an apartment either. I'm excited". Sharing his life was such a new and exciting thing to him. It felt like it took forever for Mathias to find someone who would fit with him, but it was worth the wait. "And I consider myself yours too".

It was easy to say that Mathias had made a lot of mistakes in his life. There were things he had done that were not forgivable and he wasn't seeking it either. If Jude was right about what happened after death, then he'd have to face those mistakes later on. It made no difference to Mathias though. Whatever happened to him after death was something to care about when it happened, and not before. Jude might have been the only right thing in Mathias' life. He shone so brightly that it cast away all the shadows and storms. He made Mathias feel like living was worth it.

Both of them loved each other fiercely and in different ways. To Jude, Mathias was the best love out of all the rest in his life. Those words just made him smile bigger. He remembered early on feeling like he was in competition for Jude's affection. Never feeling like he would obtain his full heart. He was glad he was wrong about that. And to Mathias, Jude was his first and only love. He was so lucky to find someone on the first try, and even if others claimed that he was blind, Mathias knew they were meant to be.

His smile never left his face as they spoke in hushed tones. "We should probably move from the couch then..." Mathias put their foreheads together so he could look Jude in the eyes. "Sinjin...can you make love to me tonight?" he said quietly. His voice wavered, but not with uncertainty. It trembled with the emotions that filled him. Full of the love he held for Jude.

He shook his head at the question of preferences. "Nothing that comes to mind. Just somewhere that you, Frog and Pigeon will like." Jude saw the smile and returned it though he wasn't sure what was funny. When Mathias explained the smile shifted to something warmer. "You know... I've shared barracks. I've shared dorms. But I've never had an apartment with someone." He nodded when Mathias asked about it being an important step in relationships. "Yeah, usually it's pretty serious." He looked at Mathias trying to square the words partner and lover inside of himself. "I've never really thought of a word for it. I just consider myself yours."

There hadn't been a plan to fall in love with Mathias. And he knew that the younger man had a lot to answer for. But Jude really did believe that this love lifted them both up. That positive things had come from this unexpected connection of souls. And yes, this love was in a certain sense life ruining. But it would depend on what life they each ended up living. The destruction of the old to create the new. The word love appeared in the Bible almost 600 times depending on the translation. Hate less than 200. And that meant something. It had meant something to Sinjin when he'd been young, trying to figure out where he fit in the world. God focused so much on hope, love, forgiveness, mercy, reconciliation. -And the greatest of these is love.-

He nodded softly as his fingers gently ran through Mathias' hair, mirroring Mathias' touches. He nodded. "I promise you, that I will tell you the truth." He shifted a little to help Mathias above him, one of his hands brushing along the younger man's hip. He smiled at Mathias, an expression full of warmth. "You deserve love, Mathias. I'm happy I'm the one that gets to show you that." He grew quiet, just looking up at Mathias his smile shifted into a grin as Mathias rubbed their noses together. "The couch is a little small..." He agreed with the other. But he pressed a kiss to mathias' chin, each cheek before brushing their lips together again, "I love you. More than I've loved any other person."

[intxication]

"Does it matter?" Some people just found any excuse to party and show off. That was usually how the annual Halloween get together felt. People dressing up and showing out all while discussing gang politics. How thrilling.

It wasn't often Mathias gave an apology, especially when he didn't think there was anything to apologize for. But if they were supposed to move on and work together, he knew he'd have to say sorry for what he did eventually. He wasn't expecting to be forgiven though, because no one ever really forgave him for much these days. "That's good, I'm glad you're fine. Has your funeral home been busy?"

Suresh made a scoffing noise, "Raving. Who on Earth have you been talking too?" His dark eyes slid over Mathias' face, he knew that the hitman had been to those meetings before. "The Cartel always goes overboard. Pomp and flash with little substance."

The two men looked at each other. Suresh's focus on the younger man as he spoke. The hint of an eyebrow creeping up as Mathias stumbled towards what was beginning to sound like an apology. "Perhaps--" he muttered. But then a small look of surprise as the apology actually materialized. Suresh gave a small nod, "The apology is appreciated. And I am fine." He could and would accept the apology but there would be no forgiveness. But that didn't need to be said.

[intxication]

Mathias shrugged, "People have been raving about it, that's how I know. Also, I've gone to the annual Halloween meeting before, I know what happens. Seems like I missed out on a lot of the fun". He had been lucky to not bump into Suresh that night, as he managed to stay away from most of the Syndicate members.

Mathias leaned back, his eyes on Suresh now. "I'm just curious that's all. It wasn't my finest moment, I'll admit. Perhaps I overreacted due to all the stress that was placed on me. I'm an impulsive creature after all. I guess what I'm trying to say is sorry. For biting you that is".

"So very thoughtful of you." He looked at Mathias as he spoke about Halloween raising an eyebrow, "It was work. But who told you about the party? You haven't been staying in the safe house." Because again, Mathias was supposed to laying very low.

When Mathias approached and moved to sit down next to him his dark eyes fixed on the younger man with a deadly glare. His grip on his pen tightened as he allowed himself the luxury of thinking about stabbing it into Mathias' eye. But he let the thought slip away. The question making him let out a breathless laugh at the nerve. "Why?"

[intxication]

be honest do you want to leave the syndicate?

“It has been on my mind lately due to certain events….but I’m not planning to leave anytime soon. I hope nothing makes me change my mind about that”

[intxication]

send me "be honest..." with a question your muse has been dying to ask mine and they'll answer truthfully.

[intxication]

Mathias could have gone out on his own to kill people, but he still needed to lay low. Also it would be better if he was assigned a job, rather than him finding one on his own. It would make him look like a team player.

"It could have, but I wanted to grace you with my presence, since I'm sure you missed it. Did you have fun during Halloween, I heard a lot of people showed up". He actually moved to sit down next to Suresh, to show he wasn't leaving anytime soon.

"How's your neck by the way?"

Suresh rolled his eyes at the wink muttering, "P'tit enculé." The Captain knew that Mathias had a certain skillset. But due to the heat surrounding the young assassin there hadn't been a job that needed that skillset so much as to be worth the risk of exposure. That was just the nature of it. And if Suresh took a little bit of personal enjoyment out of it that was just a bonus. If Mathias had been a necessity or been asked for by name Suresh would have called him in. But that was less likely now since only a small group of people knew he wasn't dead.

"Thank you for that lesson in texting, Mathias. I am however aware of your contact preferences. But they aren't mine." Suresh responded deadpan. He gestured between them, "This conversation? Could have also been a text or a call. Since you are still supposed to be dead."

[intxication]

[intxication]

"You have a point there. I'll do some research that show you what I found on my own. Do you have a preference for what kind of place I get?" Mathias asked. Then he went silent for a moment, just thinking about everything. A smile slowly spread on his face, "I know this is silly and not at all what it really is...but in my mind it's like we're moving in together. That's a pretty important step in relationships right? I know better than to say you're my partner or lover out in public, but when it's just us that's what my brain thinks of you as".

Titles and labels weren't important, and yet it felt so nice to think of Jude as his partner. "...Well if you say so, Sinjin". There was a lot of passion in Jude, and maybe he really didn't feel exhausted. Mathias could maybe relate. Before meeting Jude, he did his own job with enthusiasm and never tired from it. Now was a bit different.

Both of them loved fearlessly and fully. While it had taken Mathias a while to figure out how to best express himself and also understand what it mean to accept love, he was grateful that they could both be comfortable with each other now. He knew Jude loved him, he could see it in the way the priest would look at him, or speak to him softly. It was the same passion behind his devotion to his god, but maybe it was also a little more than that. Mathias never thought he'd be allowed such a blessing.

They kissed more, and happiness filled Mathias. He couldn't help but to smile and laugh a bit as he ran his hands through Jude's hair, "I like that idea. We'll just promise to always be truthful with our words then". He kissed Jude, slowly this time, moving so he could hover over him on the couch. "I always thought I couldn't have this...but you've proved me wrong, and I'm happy you did" Mathias said softly. He looked at Jude with a gentle fondness, something he only ever did for the other man. "Remember how I said I struggle with letting you leave this seat? I'm having those struggles now. But I feel like making you sit here won't be very comfortable for you". He rubbed their noses together and stole another kiss.

"Tell me how much you love me, Sinjin. I like hearing it and seeing it...and feeling it".

"You can also just ask me if it's a good place or not. I have lived in this neighborhood for six years. I know a little something about the area." Jude replied gently. He wouldn't say who lived where but he could at least say if it would be a good place or not. But he didn't want Mathias to think he had to do everything on his own.

He looked up at Mathias, just smiling sadly at the other. But he appreciated the concern for his well-being. He shook his head, "It isn't a drain on me." Because it wasn't. He'd been tired but that wasn't uncommon after a busy schedule. He was still happy afterwards.

Mathias looked down at him steadily and Jude stayed where he was, quietly looking back up at the younger man. The light of the room giving a soft warmth to Mathias' face as those too bright blue eyes looked down at him. Maybe Jude would never truly know the depth of Mathias' love for him. But Jude felt like he had a pretty good idea. And Jude knew how much he loved and cared for Mathias. The whole of him. Past words and reassurances. It made him think of a poem he knew. -Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase each other. Doesn’t make any sense.-

He sighed softly as Mathias kissed him and he kissed back, trying to put things that had no language into the kiss. Pulling back gently he shook his head, "Then we'll just have to keep showing each other how much when we can." It wasn't easy. And there would still be hard decisions for them to make together. But not tonight. He felt guilt for his part of the hiding. Broken promises and others that he needed to keep. But he nodded his head gently, "I think you're right. I hope you never have to wonder how I feel about you. I love you, Mathias. And that isn't greedy. It's just the truth."

[intxication]

He waited for Hans to join him under the sheet, wondering what it looked like to an outside viewer. But then it was just the two of them, and Mathias suddenly wasn't a dead man anymore. He smiled at Hans, then put a finger to his lips. "Don't tell anyone" he said.

He couldn't think of anyone Hans could even tell in the first place. But he didn't need rumors starting to swirl, because not everyone would be quick to write them off as false. Someone was bound to believe it.

At least now he could feel another weight off his shoulders. Playing dead was easy when there was no one who would miss him. It was much harder for Mathias to pretend when he was sure there were people mourning him.

The both of them were really close under the sheet, and Mathias gently placed a hand on Hans' chest. "You can't stay under here for long, people will think we're making out".

They stop early on, somewhere in the sidelines of the otherwise crowded dancefloor. His fix is taken by means of a house-key off his chain; a better set-up would come only later at night, at a much calmer environment than this.

Far from a private setting, yet private enough.

Hans pulls the white sheet out of the way, and then over his head — climbing underneath it with the same trouble-making flair as he used to do with women's skirts.

Face to face at last, and the sheet drowns out the noise somehow — allowing only select light beams to shine through its cotton threads. Pink, blue, and purple shades bathe their faces from every angle.

And there's no mistaking, it's Mathias whose eyes his own had found. His breath, shared, and hot in this enclosure.

[intxication]

Mathias made a plan to stat seriously looking for an apartment now that he got Jude's blessing for it. It would be good for the both of them, and something they could do and own together. Finally a place Mathias could fully relax in with the person he wanted to relax with. No more climbing up fire escapes or having to worry about ordering too much take out. "It's not too hard for me to figure out who lives in a place or not, thankfully". He'd abuse some of the Syndicate influence to figure that out, or just stalk the place until he had a good idea.

He just nodded his head, "I know it's your life, but it's gonna zap up all your energy if you let it absorb all your time". Mathias knew it was a meaningless fight. Jude loved what he did, and Mathias wouldn't take that from him. Even if it did take up all of Jude's time, he knew better than to part him from it. The church made up a lot of the other man's life and Mathias had to respect that.

From where he sat, he could see all of Jude's face. Even after looking at it for months now, it never ceased to amazing him. All of the features Mathias loved, and had told Jude about before, still made him happy. He wasn't trying to push Jude into anything, but he felt the older man should know what Mathias saw in him. "You were willing to see something beautiful within me, so I think it's only right you see it within yourself".

Mathias leaned against the hand on his face, "I feel like you'll never truly know how much I wanna be with you. How much I care about you emotionally and physically. And that's okay, because then I can remind you whenever I want. Like right now". He said the words against Jude's lips, "We both have to live in secrecy in the world outside of this place. But when we're here together, I don't think we should hide what we think or feel about each other. It's okay, Sinjin...we're allowed to be greedy".

It would be easier if Mathias wasn't hiding in his apartment. Jude was constantly worrying about the other, about what would happen if someone mentioned something about it. Mathias having his own space again with Frog and Pigeon would make Jude feel a little better about Mathias' safety. And yes, there would be an easier sense of normalcy with being able to go visit Mathias and spend time there. Where neither of them had to worry so much about being discovered.

Jude thought about it and shook his head, "Probably better if it's somewhere that people don't recognize me. But if that is the only option we can figure something out." But Jude knew how people could talk if he suddenly started showing up at one place more than others.

He smiled at the worry. "They do a lot of the clerical work. But I'm still the final word on things." He chuckled a little, "It's not a job, Mathias. It's a calling. It's supposed to be my whole life..." It had been his whole life before Mathias. That was where a lot of the guilt came from. Because his position was not designed with the idea that someone was waiting up for him.

Jude grunted as Mathias moved to straddle him. He was looking up at the younger man's face, brown eyes fixed on the blue. He felt Mathias' warm hands on his face. He flushed as Mathias spoke about him. Closing his eyes he reached up and ran his fingers through Mathias' hair. Maybe he was trying to coax him into stopping the speech because Jude was struggling under the weight of the compliments.

He opened his eyes as Mathias started to whisper, seeing how much closer he was. The words about his boundaries and never letting him leave caused him to open his mouth with a surprised sigh. Because yeah, he completely understood what Mathias was talking about. He caressed Mathias' face gently, "Mathias..." But then the younger man brushed their lips together and Jude let out a shaking sigh. His fingers pushed through Mathias' hair. "It's enough to see me though you."

[intxication]

It seemed like Jude was really into the idea of the apartment, which made Mathias feel secure in his idea. It was a step forward a kind of normalcy that Mathias longed for. And being closer to Jude would have many benefits too. The hard part would be avoiding the rest of the Syndicate, and making sure none of them found him. He thought of different plans to pull it off, but he wouldn't put them into action until he actually got the place. "Okay, I think I can do that. Would you be okay with being over if there are parishioners there?". He wouldn't say it, but Mathias hoped he found a place where no one from the church lived. He longed for privacy and a sanctuary away from everyone.

"You should get them to do the clerical work then. That way you can relax a little. I think you work way too hard". He had seen all the tasks Jude had at the church, and that was before having to deal with emergencies or needy churchgoers. He believed Jude needed to delegate some tasks to other people for his health.

"Sin of lust...Well I like to think I share that sin with him, don't you think?". He saw the sadness in Jude's eyes and it made Mathias' brow furrow. He moved around so he was on top of Jude and they were face to face. He held the other's face in his hands and huffed, "What do you mean you're not sure? Have you seen yourself? I know I may not be an expert on things like this, but I think you're the prettiest person I've ever seen. Everything about you is wonderful too. Your warmth, your voice, how gentle your hands are. Being held and touched by you is the most amazing feeling ever". He got closer to Jude now, saying the words in a hushed whisper as if it was only for the both of them to hear.

"You've talked about temptation and the first sin before...Jude you're the apple to me. If it weren't for a mutual respect for your comfort and boundaries, I'd never let you leave this couch, or the kitchen table...or the shower...or the bed. If you get what I mean. I'm half tempted to not let you leave right now. I want you to see yourself the same way I see you, and the same way I know you see me". He brushed their lips together and grinned, "Unless you want me to prove it to you of course".

Everything was still just as complicated as it had been before Halloween. Before Mathias had 'died.' Maybe a few things had gotten easier but others had become even more difficult. Neither one of them had burst into flame. The feelings he'd had finding out Mathias was alive after thinking he'd lost him and brought a few things to the surface. But there were other promises he'd made. Other people he couldn't let down. Not that Mathias had ever asked him too. He was constantly caught in his own internal conflict. But in these moments it was a little easier to ignore the fears, doubts and guilt.

He listened holding Mathias as they cuddled on the too small couch. Running his fingers mindlessly along Mathias' arm. Thinking about the apartment. He liked the idea of Mathias being a little closer. He thought about it a little longer since it would only be an issue if he was seen showing up in the morning. If he got back to the Church early enough it wouldn't matter. "It would be nice knowing you are a little closer. I'll have to tell you if a complex you are looking at has parishioners in it or not. Because if you are going to be closer then the chances of running into them is higher. But I make house calls pretty regularly."

At the comment about an assistant Jude laughed, "I have one. Technically she is the administrative assistant for the Church. But it's basically the same thing. We had a whole little admin staff. And I'm deeply grateful to them. I'm still the head Diocesan Priest." Jude shifted so Mathias could sit up. Looking at Mathias' face, "Not today. It's not my day." He reached up and touched Mathias' face gently with his fingers, shaking his head as he smiled. "That is definitely a sin. At least the sin of lust." Jude's face grew a little softer, a touch of sadness at the corners of his eyes, at the last sentence. "I'm not so sure about that."

[intxication]

Mathias had a 50/50 chance that this would be okay, that the agent was bluffing. They weren't odds he typically liked to work with, especially when it came to someone like this. If he was lucky, he could cause some chaos and escape in the commotion. If he was unlucky then he would have to hope the Syndicate could pull strings. He had to bank on the first option.

He gasped as his hand was forced open and his makeshift weapon was dropped. Mathias tried to yank his hand loose so he could escape.

"No. I'm not" He hissed out. He thought about what to do, and figured drastic measures required drastic actions. Instead of trying to pull away, Mathias pushed forward and tried to headbutt the other. They had already gone past him assaulting a federal agent, might as well go all the way now.

the agent falters for the first time as the shard of glass breaks skin in a superficial manner through the thin fabric of his shirt. the gravity of the situation then dawns on him; he was alone, with no back-up, with nobody aware of his position, and most importantly, he realizes as one hand grasps mathias' wrist and the other reaches for his belt, he was without handcuffs. with quick thought, a pressure point, pressed with thumb, ensures that the younger man's hand opens and the shard finds the concrete below them. still, without cuffs, he'd have to use only his hands to detain him until other agents arrived.

his frustration gets the better of him. "as i said, mathias, you're already under arrest." its snappy, distracted, as he, unthinkingly, perhaps even nervously as his composure starts to wane with triggered nostalgia and fear grasps him, loosens his grip on the hitman's wrist to tug his own phone from his pocket.