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[iono-guild]

[IONO] Children of the Forgotten: Just like your favorite cult, but with better Kool-Aid.

Looking for a weirdo pseudo-religion to fill the spiritual void that gnaws at your soul?

[IONO] has all of the inscrutable ceremonies and morally questionable quirks that you would expect in a cult, plus more!

Our legal counsel informs me we are not legally allowed to discuss what "more" means, but mortal law binds us not! Join us soon for:

PvE endgame content! We will teach you the mysteries of the Raid, the Strike, and the Can't Join the Map Meta Because The Map Is Full :(

No human sacrifice rituals. (Asura sacrifice is on the table)

Group "therapy" sessions - now 100% not mandatory! (viewer discretion advised)

Timeshares at our magnificent level 69 walled compound, located in scenic Auric Basin!

All of your favorite Kool Aid flavors are available at our Guild Bar!

No tax exemption! (sorry, TP barons)

The spirit of [IONO] compels you! Call or text us at https://discord.gg/E77vCSc, and if you call right now, we'll TRIPLE the offer and send you TWO monogrammed [IONO] Family robes (pre-dyed red to avoid those pesky ritual bloodstains!)

May Dhuum bless all of your families' pulls in this trying time!

Love,

The [IONO] Family

[iono-guild]

[IONO] A Guild For People Who Probably Shouldn’t Be Allowed To Provide Medical Advice

Do you play Guild Wars 2? Do you have urgent medical questions? Have no fear! Doctor IONO is here to convincingly feign professionalism!

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: IONO is a guild, not a doctor. None of the following should be construed to be actual medical advice, unless you are cool. This is a recruitment post and should not be used to treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you experience difficulties or side-effects from treatments prescribed by Doctor IONO, please call 1-800-NO-ONE-IS-GOING-TO-PICK-UP

Doctor IONO, it hurts when I raid!

Doctor IONO prescribes 100ccs of not standing in the red circles daily. If the problem is not resolved, type /gg. If no one rezzes you, we suggest joining one of our lovely IONO raid/strike groups. We ALWAYS stop DPS to rez. ALWAYS.

Doctor IONO, I have this problem where I keep saying weird things out loud and people keep looking at me!

Doctor IONO prescribes push-to-talk and a strict regimen of therapeutic #inane-guild-chatter with your friendly IONOs. (We like talking about cats especially!)

Doctor IONO, I desperately need an unspecified but yet life-changing surgical procedure AND I need help doing my taxes at the same time!

IONO actually has multiple real doctors and at least one accountant who could help you, although Doctor IONO is pretty sure that none of them are licensed to perform surgery. But if you ask nicely…

Oh god, Doctor IONO, [redacted squishing noises] [something muffled that sounds like “off-meta”] [confused screaming]

Sorry, Doctor IONO can’t help you. Might we recommend Doctor SnowCrows for a second opinion?

If none of the above have addressed your increasingly debilitating medical condition, and or you just want to join a Guild Wars 2 guild and have no idea what’s going on, please call this number: https://discord.gg/FY8CzcD

[iono-guild]

[IONO] A Guild For People Who Probably Shouldn’t Be Allowed To Provide Medical Advice

Do you play Guild Wars 2? Do you have urgent medical questions? Have no fear! Doctor IONO is here to convincingly feign professionalism!

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: IONO is a guild, not a doctor. None of the following should be construed to be actual medical advice, unless you are cool. This is a recruitment post and should not be used to treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you experience difficulties or side-effects from treatments prescribed by Doctor IONO, please call 1-800-NO-ONE-IS-GOING-TO-PICK-UP

Doctor IONO, it hurts when I raid!

Doctor IONO prescribes 100ccs of not standing in the red circles daily. If the problem is not resolved, type /gg. If no one rezzes you, we suggest joining one of our lovely IONO raid/strike groups. We ALWAYS stop DPS to rez. ALWAYS.

Doctor IONO, I have this problem where I keep saying weird things out loud and people keep looking at me!

Doctor IONO prescribes push-to-talk and a strict regimen of therapeutic #inane-guild-chatter with your friendly IONOs. (We like talking about cats especially!)

Doctor IONO, I desperately need an unspecified but yet life-changing surgical procedure AND I need help doing my taxes at the same time!

IONO actually has multiple real doctors and at least one accountant who could help you, although Doctor IONO is pretty sure that none of them are licensed to perform surgery. But if you ask nicely...

Oh god, Doctor IONO, [redacted squishing noises] [something muffled that sounds like "off-meta"] [confused screaming]

Sorry, Doctor IONO can't help you. Might we recommend Doctor SnowCrows for a second opinion?

If none of the above have addressed your increasingly debilitating medical condition, and or you just want to join a Guild Wars 2 guild and have no idea what's going on, please call this number: https://discord.gg/FY8CzcD

[iono-guild]

IONO’s Official Inaugural Super Pro Guild Hall Beetle Race!

We’re all Very Good at beetle racing.

[iono-guild]

[frog emoji]

[iono-guild]

Sunday Raid Night - Wing 5 (reset + 1:30)

Join IONO as we explore Wing 5, Hall of Chains. SpoOoOoOky.

New to raiding? Still in exotics? That’s okay! All that’s needed to raid with IONO is a willingness to learn and a good attitude! See the sidebar for ways to join us - we’d be happy to help get you set up for all of the fun times.

[iono-guild]

Saturday Raid Night - Wing 4 (Reset + 1:30)

Join IONO as we explore wing 4, Bastion of the Penitent. What are you doing? You’ll let him out!!

New to raiding? Still in exotics? That’s okay! All that’s needed to raid with IONO is a willingness to learn and a good attitude! See the sidebar for ways to join us - we’d be happy to help get you set up for all of the fun times.

[iono-guild]

Guild Missions - Reset + 1:30

Happy Friday! Happy Holidays! Tonight IONO has some fun guild events! First, a battle to the death in the guild hall! Then, after - guild missions! Wowza!

Sound fun? Then why don’t you join us! See the sidebar for more details and how to join.

[iono-guild]

Guild Missions - Reset + 1:30

Happy Friday! Happy Holidays! Tonight IONO has some fun guild events! First, join us for human lawn darts, and sacrifice yourself for the guildmaster’s whims. Then, after - guild missions! Hurrah!!

Sound fun? Then why don’t you join us! See the sidebar for more details and how to join.

[iono-guild]

Sunday Raid Night - Wing 2 (reset +90)

Join IONO as we explore wing 2, Salvation Pass! Don’t attack the friendly slubling!

New to raiding? Still in exotics? That’s okay! All that’s needed to raid with IONO is a willingness to learn and a good attitude! See the sidebar for ways to join us - we’d be happy to help get you set up for all of the fun times.

[iono-guild]

Guild Missions - Reset + 1:30

Happy Friday! Tonight IONO has some fun guild events! Such as.... Guild missions! And then.... Bounties! Shine up your Bounty Hunter hat, it's time to catch some critters.

Sound fun? Then why don’t you join us! See the sidebar for more details and how to join.

[iono-guild]

We're not a WvW guild, but sometimes we play one on tv.

(Joking aside - we do have a large number of members who wvw regularly on Tarnished Coast and would be happy to help you get into the swing of things. Sound fun? Check out the sidebar for details on joining us!)

[iono-guild]

Sunday Raid Night - Wing 1 (reset+ 1:30)

Join IONO as we explore wing 1, Spirit Vale! Watch that flamewall, kids.

New to raiding? Still in exotics? That’s okay! All that’s needed to raid with IONO is a willingness to learn and a good attitude! See the sidebar for ways to join us - we’d be happy to help get you set up for all of the fun times.

[iono-guild]

Saturday Raid Night - Wing 6 (reset + 1:30)

Join IONO as we explore wing 6, Mythwright Gambit. Watch out for falling loot!

New to raiding? Still in exotics? That’s okay! All that’s needed to raid with IONO is a willingness to learn and a good attitude! See the sidebar for ways to join us - we’d be happy to help get you set up for all of the fun times.

[iono-guild]

Guild Missions - Reset + 1:30

Happy Friday! Tonight IONO has some fun guild events! Trivia Royale (including DEADLY MUSICAL CHAIRS) and then guild missions! Get your thinking caps on!

Sound fun? Then why don’t you join us! See the sidebar for more details and how to join.

[iono-guild]

Guild Missions & Activities - Reset + 1:30

All aboard! Tonight after guild missions, Spider Queen Vi will be leading us on a hero point train through Elona! Choo choo! So get a refreshment, pick your least loved class. and finally get that specialization unlocked! :D

Sound fun? Then why don’t you join us! See the sidebar for more details and how to join.

[iono-guild]

Saturday Raid Night - Wing 4 (Reset + 1:30)

Join IONO as we explore wing 4, Bastion of the Penitent. What are you doing? You’ll let him out!!

New to raiding? Still in exotics? That’s okay! All that’s needed to raid with IONO is a willingness to learn and a good attitude! See the sidebar for ways to join us - we’d be happy to help get you set up for all of the fun times.