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Alone at Sea

Lapis' transgression of gender roles with her water powers:

Hook, line and sinker as old-fashioned, traditional, method of fishing, "baiting" a reaction. Greg being uncomfortable at the sight of Lapis' capability to tredge up fish on a larger scale, gently puts her in her place, Lapis obliges and kowtows to Greg, going back to how the dynamic ought to be, resulting in everybody being forced to watch somebody take control but fail to deliver on their perceived masculinity.

When theres finally a bite, the scene is used to remind Lapis of the sensations of a tug of war, the Malachite situation. Whether there was actually a fish biting or not, literally or symbolically, it was supposed to be Jasper. Moving on.

Jasper as Greg's shadow:

Lapis being based on RS's Margo from Margo in Bed. Rad Rover refers to someone named The Prince waiting for Margot in the master bedroom, the other dialogues blanked out but Ive read it as a form of solicitation, Rad Rover having 2 sides to him, the Prince and himself, leads me to read Greg and Jasper being the 'same person' in Alone at Sea. Greg disappears to the engine, Jasper appears from the depths. Both characters come from suffocating places that impose high standards on them. Jasper as a more pronounced imposing side of Greg that we saw while they were fishing.

Im not saying that Greg has the capability of being like Jasper, just that it is possible the episode is proposing that both archetypes can exist in one person.

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The contrast between Lapis having an angel imagery and turning out be not so nice person and Jasper having demon/oni imagery and showing a softer side after she got healed...

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It's interesting how the Diamonds didn't realize that there would actually be Gems who survived their attack. They didn't expect collateral damage to their actions, because normally, they just eliminate it entirely. But Earth is special, and that means that there's a chance for some of the harm to be repaired. And the episode provides an explanation as to why we can't overthrow the Diamonds: we need them to heal the corrupted Gems. That's Steven's biggest goal in the show. Not leading a revolution against the Diamonds, but healing what he can of the Gems who remained on Earth, finally securing this little slice of freedom in the galaxy. As we saw from last episode, the Crystal Gems could bring Blue to her knees, even without Obsidian, but they struggle to fight against two, not even really damaging them. They don't have the manpower to lead a full conflict against the Diamond Authority, not like they could back then, and Steven doesn't want to try and force the Diamonds to heal the corrupted gems, because he knows the cost they're willing to inflict if it comes to that.

Furthermore, there's the conversation he has with Bismuth, something I don't think people really talk about. Pay attention to what she says:

"I'm not gonna join a diamond entourage! I know what you're doing, I get why you gotta do it, but I'm not gonna lay my gem on their anvil. [...] You're about to enter the lion's den. Luckily, you're a lion, too! You gotta roar at them in their language! You're the one that has to do it."

People who upset about Bismuth's treatment tend to leave out this conversation, but it reveals quite a bit. Bismuth doesn't want to risk herself in the same way that Steven and the others are doing, not because she's afraid, but because she doesn't want to put herself in a position of that kind of helplessness. She's not going to risk herself just for a chance at a peaceful resolution, as much as she might believe in it, in Steven. So she tells Steven to make the Diamonds listen, to make them listen in a way that they can't ignore, to use his newfound position of privilege to make the most of this opportunity by being someone who refuses to stay quiet when told.

Yell, shout, and make a scene. Scream the truth, and make them understand.

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I think the most unnerving thing about White Diamond's first appearance is that she's the only Gem who doesn't seem surprised at Pink Diamond's supposed survival. She knew. She knew that Pink hid herself, and she allowed it, because she knew that sooner or later, Pink would come crawling back to Homeworld, where she belonged. It's not the lack of an identity or the condescension, it's that Steven's one big advantage that he had with the other two Diamonds is now nonexistent in the face of the one Diamond who truly is different.

Note how the camera focuses on her eyes and her mouth. Like the Dr. Eckleburg of The Great Gatsby, her eyes are that of a god: omnipotent, all-seeing, all-knowing. Her word is final, as it was the first. There can be no defiance, because everything exists as she allows it to be, as she expects it to be, as she demands it to be. Her visage defines Homeworld, everything under her gaze. This is her planet. Steven is only living in it.

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I think something important to keep in mind during Steven's argument with Bismuth is the fact that it takes place after the Cluster arc. Steven knows just how devious Homeworld can be with its enemies, breaking them apart and forcing them together into an unnatural form of existence. To Steven, Bismuth is suggesting that the Crystal Gems should resort to a similar level of violence, not so obviously monstrous, but a form of combat without room for mercy. The Cluster was borne because Homeworld lacked empathy, lacked the ability to care for its enemies, and saw them only as objects to play around with as toys. Steven doesn't want to stoop that low, because he's someone who believes in having empathy towards others no matter what, including in battle.

Furthermore, the war is over. For all intents and purposes, the Crystal Gems lost, but Bismuth doesn't know that Pink Diamond was shattered. She only thinks that the rebellion won a Pyrrhic victory, with the rest of the rebellion destroyed at the eve of their victory. Notably, Pearl & Garnet don't tell Bismuth about the corrupted gems, she only finds that out when she comes back in Season 5, likely because they were trying to keep her from knowing the painful truth that all her friends were turned into near-mindless beasts left to wander the Earth for millennia. What they do tell her is about Homeworld's repeated reinterest in Earth, but for Bismuth, that just confirms her worst fears: Pink Diamond is coming back, and it's only a matter of time before the armies come down from orbit. She thinks that it's only a matter of time before Pink Diamond & the rest of the Authority come back after millennia of having abandoned Earth to the rebels, so Bismuth feels that she needs to encourage the Crystal Gems to strike back hard before they have a chance of being annihilated.

But notably, I don't think Bismuth is being framed in the wrong here. Her final moments are her admitting that Rose bubbled her away, hid her and lied to her about what they were even fighting for. She is someone without the proper context, stuck in a soldier's mentality in a world that's only just now starting to see a potential revival of a conflict that practically ended so long ago. She's angry at Rose for leaving her imprisoned for millennia without even having the decency to tell her friends what happened, and so she resorts to the only things she can fall back on - the promises she made to herself, based on what Rose encouraged from her during the Gem War.

I've seen people criticize this episode for being an example of the show bending itself over to prove Steven right, but the thing is, I think that ignores Bismuth as being essentially a traumatized soldier lacking proper guidance, resorting to operating on the vitriol she was taught in frustration at Rose's seeming hypocrisy. It's less that Steven was entirely and utterly correct, and more so that Rose was wrong for treating Bismuth so callously.

Furthermore, I think some people are mistaking this argument as being the show saying "nonviolent empathy is the only answer to injustice." But that would ignore that the war was still fought in order to protect Gems like Garnet & Bismuth, encouraging them to find independence against the established social order and protect the futures for both themselves and life on Earth. The exact causes of the war are messy, particularly around Rose's motivations, but what it became was genuine. Steven fights. The Crystal Gems fought, and still fight for Earth. Fighting is how you get people to listen to you, to listen to what you have to say. If it were worthless, then why would the show be set in a temple carved to the outline of the fusion looking like the most violent of the Hindu goddesses? The trouble is figuring out what to say after the fact, something Steven is quite adept at.

And Steven says the one thing that snaps Bismuth out of her rage, acknowledging that she matters to him, getting her to accept that he is in fact a different person from his mother, someone who can be new and different in how he fights and how he protects others and actually cares about everyone:

"I'll tell them. I'll tell them everything."

"...Then you really are better than her."

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be whooo you areeeeeee

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feeling my SU era crawling back from the depths to claim me once more

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My theory on whether you find the townie episodes in steven universe a drag/ filler is whether one has lived in a rural environment with a tight knit community where everyone knows everyone, everybody has a fleshed out life you know about. Or rather, it correlates with the type of environment you prefer.

If you only lived in a bustling city, coming across faces upon faces everyday, you will have to disregard a huge portion you meet for the sake of only focussing on the people you care about, are familiar with and know. Theres a more defined hierarchy of social circles surrounding you, main and side people who. Everybody else is filler and not worth getting to know bc of how fleeting the encounters are.

So a preference for stories with few main characters it dedicates focus on = a preference for a city life

A preference for stories where "side" and "main" have equal weight on the story = a preference on the rural life

I do have a hunch that if SU ever starts exploring bustling city life outside of beach city, it would use the implications of "filler" as a plot device.

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all of steven universe is now on the IA

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idk why redditors have such slanted opinions about pearl and rose but it drives me crazy. rose didnt lead pearl on, and her choosing to have a baby with greg wasn't some cruel selfish thing - pearl isn't owed rose's continued existence.

rebecca sugar confirmed a long time ago pearlrose was mutual. loving greg doesn't erase love for pearl. just because their relationship isn't typical doesn't mean it doesn't count.

part of why it drives me crazy is if they're not being uncharitable to rose and calling her a villian, they're belittling pearl. 14 years for her is a blink in our time. imagine if the love of your life died by choice, for reasons you cant quite understand, a month ago. you'd be a little neurotic too.

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If you think about it the societal roles in gem society are basically a hierarchal system of genders. What if gender and bio essentialism had over 100 genders and an intricate caste system based on this, they simply default to she/her pronouns bc pronouns are not an indicator of gender in gem society, your gem type is. Rose Quartz is both transfem and transmasc btw. All of the crystal gems are gnc.

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Steven Universe Future: Volleyball (Monkey Morality Pose) Revisited (Part 2)

This post continues where Part 1 left off.

However, it's also at this moment where everyone's inability to assess the situation they were walking into comes back to haunt them, as they had unconsciously been slipping into the roles defined for them by gem society. Steven, by leading the mission to "fix" Pink Pearl and pushing his idea of what healing "should" look like on them had been slipping into the role of a Diamond (in fact an unused storyboard for this episode showed Steven with Diamond-shaped pupils in his eyes during the earlier breakdown scene). And the Pearls, by going along with what Steven says and their rivalry to prove who was the better Pearl to Pink Diamond through him had slipped back into their roles of servitude.

Therefore, when Shell decides to rejuvenate the Pearls in response to picking up on this, it's meant to showcase the ultimate act of erasure, where Steven, "the Diamond," can get the outcome he wants by controlling their healing process, and the Pearls go back to blindly obeying their superior without free-will for themselves.

This moment highlights one of the core messages of the episode, true healing can only come when the characters decide to help themselves, not through relying on external factors (like trying to "fix" someone else, or trusting someone else, or a system to do so for you).

Steven: No, no, no, no! What have I done? *bangs on the shells* Shell, stop it!

This line from Steven shows both his recognition and flaws at the same time. He realizes that he became exactly what he feared during this episode (someone whose attempt to help have only made things worse in addition to emulating similar traits to his mother). Though, in a way, he is still acting like a Diamond (or the sole savior) trying to resolve the predicament himself (because still he thinks he has to have any reason to be accepted or to accept himself) and trying to command Shell to stop (which is only met by her twistedly reassuring him that "his Pearls" would be better than new once the process is finished), only now he's completely powerless to do anything, another fear of his that became reality through his own actions.

In addition to this, during this scene, the Pearls become the first of the group to begin the realization that healing begins from within yourself, not by relying on others, which starts with Pearl apologizing and admitting that she didn't understand Pink Diamond as well as she thought she did to Pink Pearl, and Pink Pearl herself finally admitting that she was hurt by Pink Diamond even if she knows it wasn't the latter's intent to do so. Pink Pearl's admission also begins to open Steven up to the possibility that everyone's perceptions of Pink Diamond are filtered through their emotions about her and there is no "right" or simple version of her, even though he still remains trapped in the belief that he has to get rid of the pain (or the parts of himself he dislikes) in order to feel better (or again to accept himself or to be accepted).

Pink Pearl's question to Pearl after her own confession reveals she is still trapped in this belief as well, as she asks Pearl how she was able to stop hurting. However, Pearl hugging Pink Pearl and admitting she didn't opens Pink Pearl up to the possibility that she doesn't have to be "fixed" in order to be seen for who she is as she hugs Pearl back, showing how she's beginning to accept herself, cracks and all.

It's at this moment both Pearls fuse into Mega Pearl, a character that embodies their clarity, shared pain, and merging of their perspectives to gain a better understanding of themselves and each other, and in doing so, break out of the rejuvenation chamber showing how they're no longer allowing themselves to defined by external factors or rigid binaries, but through themselves and embracing complexity.

Throughout this scene, while Mega Pearl does most of the heavy-lifting when it comes to escaping the Reef, Steven himself gets an opportunity to contribute as well when she gets tangled in the Reef's defenses and trusts Steven to be able to shut down the facility.

After tossing Steven through the Reef's defenses, Steven pulls off some impressive skills of his own, as he uses his shield to surf to the control panel and finally shut down the Reef.

The glances Steven and Mega Pearl share after they succeed in shutting down the Reef not only shows the relief of both parties, but the consequences of both their ideas of what help means as well (which will be further touched on in their last exchange in this episode) the ideas of believing you have to carry everything yourself vs. sharing that burden with others.

Steven: ... I'm so sorry. The whole trip was for nothing.

This dialogue from Steven shows how he's still trapped in his own perspective and still can't see himself and others clearly. Steven believes that because he couldn't be the one to heal Pink Pearl single-handedly, as well as the notion that he couldn’t be different from Pink Diamond since he ended up emulating similar traits to her, than the entire experience was for naught, not just for him, but for them too.

This shows how Steven doesn't realize how damaging his mindset is, as he not only put himself under immense pressure to try and "fix" everything, he tried to control the healing process of others, which created a problem for them as well. Not only that, he's still holding on to the dichotomy that Pink Diamond should only be one thing so he can be the other or the "good one," and assuming his own perspective defines the reality of the situation (which especially damaging since that it's not a positive one. This perception would only serve to leave Steven in a constant state of misery instead of believing things could get better), all of which are traits showcased by the Diamonds (especially White Diamond), figures whose influences he's trying to escape from, but whose traits he ends up emulating anyway.

Mega Pearl: No, it wasn't for nothing. Your mother's Pearls never had the whole picture. One knew your mother was trying to change, but she couldn't understand why. The other never expected her to change at all. Now, I get to understand everything. Now, they finally get to have each other.

Mega Pearl reveals that the struggles of both her components wasn't just that they were hurt by the same Diamond, but how they were also trapped in their individual perspectives and the notion that Pink Diamond could only be one thing, causing the rift between them which was seen in the episode and the idea that they had to guard themselves under their performative roles and outdo each other in order to survive. But, through Steven's attempts to help (however flawed they were), both Pearls finally see each other, not as enemies to defeat, but as themselves flaws and all, who didn't need to be "fixed" in order to achieve that.

Other things to point out about this scene as that when the Pearls unfuse, Pearl is holding Pink Pearl's hand, a callback to an exchange in the episode. When Pearl offers to hold Pink Pearl's hand, she does so as an attempt to belittle and diminish Pink Pearl. However, here, they do so genuinely. There is also the fact that Pink Pearl is standing in between Pearl and Steven, another callback to earlier in the episode as both initially saw her as a threat to what they believed to be true about themselves (although, Steven still isn't able to accept he doesn't have to be perfect to attain peace, at least not at the time), so by the end, they not only accept her, they also accept that the identities they were holding onto further isolated them from each other.

In the final shot of the episode, the Pearls and Steven stare out into the night's sky, while remaining a good distance away from each other. This is meant to show the while the Pearls have accepted that there is no one version of Pink Diamond or themselves, and they don't need to be perfect in order to heal, Steven still hasn't fully internalized that. To him, there needs to be one version of Pink Diamond he can latch on to so he can be the "good" version of her, and hasn't fully accepted himself in all his complexity. However, witnessing the Pearls do so gives him a glimpse into the idea of what healing could look like for him if he were to let go of the idea that things have to be a certain way, or that he has to be a certain way in order to have peace with himself. It also gives him the opportunity to step back that he didn't know he really needed.

One last thing to point out is that the volleyball nets have been left behind, calling attention to the "game" Steven and the Pearls were playing with each other to have one their perspectives win out. Not only did they all lose that game, but because they did they realized didn't have to have one of their perspectives win in order to survive or needed to survive at all, they needed to acknowledge that none of them have a full understanding of Pink Diamond or how to truly help themselves, and in doing so, they end this game between each other.

Altogether, I believe this episode not only portrays how hard it is when it comes to accepting difficult truths about ourselves and others, it also serves to challenge what we believe to be true about ourselves and how, even though said challenge may be painful, it is ultimately, all the more freeing.

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Steven Universe Future: Volleyball (Monkey Morality Pose) Revisited (Part 1)

After gaining more perspective, I've decided to revisit my first post on this episode, and how it captures themes of generational trauma caused by the inability to step outside your own perspective to truly see yourself and others.

To start off, this promotional poster shows how Steven and the Pearls' coping mechanisms are failing themselves and each other. Pearl's attempts at suppression are blinding her to the pain Steven and Pink Pearl are going through. Steven's desperation to fix everything and avoid his own pain is causing him to hurt the very people he wants to help. Pink Pearl's attempts to downplay and focus on pleasing those around her have left her unable to feel safe around those who don't intend to hurt her. This also ties into why each character needs to break away from their own perspective in this episode. Not only can their survival strategies no longer hold, they are also hurting themselves and each other in the process.

Right away, the episode opens with a sequence of Steven healing the cracks of gems, while dressing up as a doctor.

(It's later revealed in "Snow Day" that this is the Kiss-It-Better clinic, where gems can go to Steven to fix the cracks on their gemstones)

This scene not only establishes how Steven has built his entire identity over being able to "fix" everything, it also shows how he unintentionally dehumanizes himself and others. By viewing himself in this way, Steven sees himself more as a tool whose only purpose is to solve others' problems, and others as the ones who only recieve his help, and not as those who can help him out too. Also, this sequence of Steven healing the cracks on gems presents the conflict of the episode, he doesn't know how to address internal wounds (which take a longer time to process and heal from), only external wounds (ones that have a quick and simple fix through his powers).

Pink Pearl's arrival after Steven heal the cracked quartzes serves to both demonstrate and challenge this idea, showing up on Steven's porch after hearing he could help her with the scar on her face.

(However, as the episode goes on, it's revealed that Pink Pearl is suffering through the same issue Steven is: A sense of self-worth that is tied to pleasing and trying to be perfect for others, even if it means undervaluing her own struggles.)

After Steven's first two initial attempts to heal the crack prove ineffective, he immediately goes to test his healing powers on a nearby bouquet to see if they still work.

This moment also shows how fragile Steven's identity has gotten by this point. Because he now sees himself as only a fixer, and not a person anymore, anything that challenges that notion would begin to unravel him since he doesn't believe he has any purpose or identity outside of this now self-imposed role.

Since Steven's can't use his healing power on Pink Pearl, he tries to find out how she was even scarred to begin with. He automatically assumes White Diamond must've done something to her (because at this point, he sees White as solely a villain, an external threat, someone to easily blame rather than the gem that shaped the entire system and toxic conditioning Steven and the gems (including his mother) have in the first place. Thus, it would be easier to accept her as the one to blame). However, when she reveals Pink Diamond was the one that had caused the scar, Steven (now in a state of panic) begins to glow pink, and Pink Pearl, who had been talking about her pain in a dismissive sort of way gasps in shock. This passage from Maya Petersen further explains, Pink Pearl's psychological state in the episode:

"The damage to Volley (or Pink Pearl) was accidental, but the pattern of behavior was something [Pink Diamond] consciously chose to repeat. You ever, like, live in daily fear of someone whose anger is really destructive? Maybe they haven’t attacked you in a long time - maybe they haven’t even directed their rage at you directly yet - but they yell and break enough stuff in your vicinity on a regular basis. Eventually, that perpetual state of alarm your body and mind are in, wondering when they’re eventually gonna come for you or hurt someone else, can take a psychosomatic toll."

In this moment, (while Steven was already not seeing other gems as those with own agency) both of them can no longer see each other as anything other than a projection of their own struggles.

(This ties into the theme of being trapped in your own perspective and not seeing others or yourself. Steven and Pink Pearl not only fail to see each other, but also fail to see themselves as people in pain). This idea is further compounded by their responses to each other immediately after this moment. While Pink Pearl tries to comfort Steven, and in a sense, try to keep him from being too stressed out (which would guarantee her safety), Steven shifts the focus back to her, now completely determined to fix her scar (which is his attempt to not only prove he can, but also how he's now incapable of just letting pain exist without opting to try and "fix" it, be it others' or his own, especially if it concerns his mother). And all this shows how both characters are now viewing each other only through a lens of what will help themselves, not selfishly, or apathetically, but out of fear.

Since both are too caught up in their own fears, they don't realize that what they're doing is only going to cause further harm not only to each other, but also themselves. And the transition to the beach where the titular game is being held shows that they won't be the only characters to not fully see each other or themselves.

As soon as Pearl notices the two, especially Pink Pearl, her response, is to percieve Pink Pearl as a threat. Not an actual one, but as a threat to what she believes to be true about herself, just like Steven (although both are doing this unconsciously rather than conciously acting on that perception), in this case, Pearl views Pink Pearl's presence as confirmation of the idea that she wasn’t the only Pearl to Pink Diamond, and therefore wasn't anymore special to than Pink Pearl. Due to this, the first thing that pops into Pearl's mind upon seeing Pink Pearl is to compete to prove she was special to Pink Diamond, losing sight of the help Pink Pearl (and Steven) need.

Though, like them, she tries to hide this under the guise of referring to the volleyball tournament, and deflecting to the dilemma that has been brought up: Steven's self-appointed mission to heal Pink Pearl's scar.

Before getting into that, Steven struggles when it comes to introducing the Pearls to each other due to how both of them are known as "Pearl" and suggests that they should give Pink Pearl a nickname to avoid confusion. When he suggests this however, Pink Pearl is reminded of her former diamond, again showing how she's seeing Pink Diamond reflected in Steven, though she means both the negative and positive aspects. (this also showcases how Pink Pearl is latching onto an incomplete interpretation of Pink Diamond, as the latter appears in silhouette rather than in her physical appearance).

This is further compounded when she tells Steven that he's just like Pink Diamond after he nicknames her "Volleyball (which Pearl snickers at).

Speaking of nicknaming Pink Pearl "Volleyball," this again, is due to Steven's problem of wanting to rush straight to the "solution," not wanting to stop to process anything, even for a moment. He chooses "Volleyball" as nickname simply because one hits him in the head, showing how it's given without any thought put to the matter. This scene also helps showcase how Steven doesn't realize his mindset is doing more harm than good, as he (without even realizing it) unintentionally named Pink Pearl after her situation with Pink and White Diamond (two Diamonds that hurt Pink Pearl due to being so focused on themselves to consider the impact they had on her, which can also describe Steven's own dynamic with Pink Pearl as well).

Going back to Pink Pearl telling Steven he's just like Pink Diamond and him denying it, it again showcases the flaws of both characters at the same time, and how neither are truly seeing each other or their problems. Pink Pearl is too caught up in her nostalgia of Pink Diamond to consider that she might be triggering Steven's identity crisis and fear of repeating his mother's mistakes, and Steven is too caught up in trying to rush a "solution" to Pink Pearl's scar that he brushes past how uncomfortable that comparison makes him feel and goes right into why he and Pink Pearl came to Pearl in the first place, not realizing that feelings of discomfort or fear are healthy to express.

Though, after Pearl assumes White Diamond was the cause for the scar (much like Steven had done earlier, which also showcases that much like with Steven, blaming White Diamond for causing harm like that is easier because both still see her as a villain and the source of harm (which White technically is), but becomes much harder to accept that Pink Diamond, someone who both know was capable of harm, but ultimately wanted to be different from the Diamonds, could leave lasting damage like that.), Steven glows pink for the second time in the episode, because he knows for a fact that Pink Diamond was the one that did it. During this moment, Pearl expresses concern for Steven, much like Pink Pearl had tried to do earlier. Even more telling is the fact that Steven only appears to come to himself after one of the uncorrupted quartzes goes flying across the area, which may either indicate how it's becoming harder to pull him out of this state, or that his pain is only growing to the point of overtaking him the longer he continues to suppress it.

Even after this, Steven is still determined to brush past it and jump into "fixing" Pink Pearl as he believes that's what will make everything better, a sentiment which he echoes later on in The Reef, though now, Steven is more noticeably agitated and frantic, which already shows how his attempts to keep himself together are failing, even before his breakdown in the Care Center.

Though, before heading to the Reef once it's brought up, Pearl and Pink Pearl have a passive aggressive exchange with each other, showing how they are each starting to have a breakdown of their own as well, which they do in front of Steven. Already showing how they've come to see each other not as Pearls who were hurt by the same Diamond, but as rivals who must compete to prove who knew Pink Diamond (which will later devolve into who's traumatic experience and pain from Pink Diamond is more real), and how they don't see how the impact of their actions on Steven would further drive him to assume that going going to the Reef and "fixing" their pain and his own is going to make everything better.

As soon as the group arrives at the the Reef, Steven does take a moment to inquire about it being the place where Pearls are made. Though, after Pink Pearl mentions how it served as a place to refurbish and repair Pearls, Steven jumps back into "fixer" mode and goes to activate the Reef without a second thought upon hearing the word "repair." This creates a particular problem though, Steven is latching onto the idea that the Reef could "fix" Pink Pearl's scar like it's a lifeline to grap onto (because to Steven it is. "fixing" her is what Steven believes is going to fix himself, again showing how he views pain of any kind as a problem to be solved, not something to embrace or sit with (which the audience will get hints as to why that is the case even though the characters, including Steven himself, won't)), again not stopping to consider that he's activating the very system that hurt them all in the first place.

This moment also hints at the Pearls' passive aggressive rivalry as well since both of them explain to Steven their knowledge on the Reef (which Pearls seem to pride themselves on, being the gems who can serve as informational guides to others, especially their superiors), not stopping to ask if whether they should actually use it, or even if it can actually help due to being so caught up in their rivalry, much like how Steven is caught up his idea of what healing should look like to pause, which is going to in be what nearly does them all in as the episode goes on (so really, no one wants to take a moment to pause and assess the situation they're walking into).

As soon as Steven activates the system, it initially recognizes him as Pink Diamond due to Steven being the current possessor of her gemstone. Steven, visibly uncomfortable by this, corrects it by telling it his real name. This is done not only because Steven's annoyed by the comparison, but again, he doesn't want to think of himself as someone who could cause the kind of damage Pink Diamond did. (It also foreshadows very early on, that it can't really help the group with their problems, be it Pink Pearl's scar, the Pearls' rivalry, or Steven's identity crisis. Only they can help themselves because the Reef was built for cosmetic fixes, not addressing psychological problems).

After the correction, the system introduces itself as Shell (an AI designed to guide higher ranking gems and the Pearls through the Reef. After Steven explains that the group had come in search of a solution to Pink Pearl's scar, which Steven refers to as a crack, Shell guides them towards the direction of the Care Center.

Before going in, Pink Pearl (again trying to keep Steven from being too stressed out and not wanting to impose a burden on him, due to how gems, Pearls especially, are supposed to be selflessly devoted to their superiors, which both she and Shell see Steven as), downplays her own pain, calling it a trivial concern Steven shouldn't have to waste his time with. However, Steven (still wanting to prove to himself that he can fix anything and again showing his unwillingness to let pain be, be it his own or others) tells her that it's not trivial and that they will soon be able to put the past behind them, showing how he still believes that this is going to make them feel better.

However, the fact that Pearl takes Pink Pearl's hand and condescendingly tells the latter that she'll be holding it as soon as Steven heads in, as if Pink Pearl hadn't already expressed that she's older than Pearl, and the fact that Steven and Pink Pearl have this exchange at all already shows again that this approach was never going to actually to help anyone, not the Pearls, not even Steven himself. (It should be noted that at this point, all three of them are now clinging onto the roles they believe they still need in order to cope. Steven as the fixer, Pink Pearl as the pleaser, and Pearl as the superior one, which also reveals another reason why no one can really connect with each other in this moment. They are all, in a way, putting an emotional barrier between each other out of fear that is disguised as selflessness).

As the three head into the Reef. Pink Pearl wanders off to explore the accessories on display. Meanwhile, Steven asks Pearl if she has any nostalgic feelings of her own, which she denies not only out of discomfort, but out of fear of vulnerability, which Steven also tries to do by inquiring of Pearl's feelings about being in the Reef rather than questioning that maybe they're not on the same page as each other as they would like to think. Which is further visualized as both Pearls briefly separate from Steven during this scene.

The Pearls' rivalry, as well as everyone's coping strategies, intensify as Pink Pearl's attention is drawn to a ribbon wand Pearl notices in the scene. Upon seeing it, Pink Pearl summons her own and reveals it as gift from Pink Diamond. She then asks Pearl what Pink Diamond gave her, likely as a point of comparison or to point out how Pink Diamond never gave Pearl anything like that (it also showcases, much like Pearl and Steven, Pink Pearl is also looking for validation that the type love she recieved from others in the past wasn't transcational on what she could do). Visibly annoyed by this and still trying to come across as the superior pearl, Pearl tries to snatch it out of Pink Pearl's hand saying that there's no need to hold onto things like that. Meanwhile, Steven, still trying to maintain his self-imposed role as the fixer and not wanting to sit with this discomfort (again locked into the mindset of fix instead of feel), walks up and asks if they can just go on into the Care Center. Speaking of the aforementioned part of Pink Pearl struggling to be seen as who she really is and masking it behind a performative role, Steven and Pearl, struggle with the same issue, but the reason none drop their defenses is because they believe they're alone in the struggle, further showcasing how the inability to see other is becoming a prison that's trapping them into assuming they have to keep playing their parts in order to survive with each other.

Pearl agrees, not only because she's fed up with being in the Reef, calling a "circus of objectification," but also calling attention to how suffocating playing their roles have become without realizing it. Believing that if they just get the situation over with, everything will be over soon, not realizing they don't have to keep playing their roles to begin with, only that they think they do, calling attention to why the episode is called "Volleyball" in the first place, aside from Steven nicknaming Pink Pearl that. Steven and the Pearls are playing this metaphorical game with each other, thinking that one of them has to win out in the end in order to survive (also deconstructing the game in the first place since it requires teamwork to win) when what they really need is to stop playing altogether.

As Steven and Pink Pearl move to follow Pearl into the Care Center, their facial expressions change from genuine glances to performative smiles. This calls back to their interaction at the beginning which called back to why Steven wanted to "fix" Pink Pearl in the first place, they can't see each other as anything other than a projection of their own internal struggles. Steven still sees Pink Pearl's scar as everything he fears about himself (he can't fix everything, maybe he's not enough on his own if he can't, and he's not so different from his mother as he would like to believe). Meanwhile, Pink Pearl still sees Steven as a reflection of everything she adores and fears about Pink Diamond (seeing Pink Diamond's powers, her knack of nicknaming things, and her volatile emotions in him). What neither realizes is that this is going to build to a point where it will be made undeniably clear that they were never truly seeing each other at all.

The group finally arrives at the Care Center to complete their objective of "fixing" Pink Pearl's scar, and this is where everything that has been building up during the episode (the Pearls' rivalry, the groups' collective coping strategies by playing their roles, this game between them, their collective inability to pause and assess the situation they're walking into, their need to a rush a solution, and the inability to truly see other or themselves) comes to a head.

To start off, as soon as Pink Pearl steps on the platform in the center of the room and the system scans her, Shell tells them there's nothing she can do to help with Pink Pearl's scar. The moment begins to unravel Steven as he tries to protest in desperation, pointing how Shell explained that she could fix any Pearl. However, Shell goes on to explain that Pink Pearl's problem isn't a physical ailment, but rather a symptom of psychosomatic trauma (as in mental harm manifested as a physical scar).

Pink Pearl's reaction switching from confused to devasted shows how much like Steven (and very soon after this, Pearl), Pink Pearl doesn't want to accept that Pink Diamond left lasting damage on her psyche. This is further demonstrated when she turns towards Steven and Pearl and insists that she's fine. However, as she does so more cracks spread on her face, making it clear that she's not.

As this happens, Pearl, repeating her assumption that White Diamond was responsible for scarring Pink Pearl, wonders aloud how she could be so careless when it came to Pink Pearl being damaged. However, when Pink Pearl tells Pearl Pink Diamond hurt, Pearl in a state of disbelief approaches Pink Pearl to confront the latter on what she just said, leaving Steven alone on the side of the room while Steven himself (still in fixer mode) tries to stop Pearl, and it's at this moment where all three characters begin to unconsciously mirror the very dynamic that caused Pink Pearl to be scarred in the first place.

Pink Pearl: It's a funny story, really. Once, Pink got tired of asking Yellow and Blue for her own colony, so she went straight to White. Of course, White told her she wasn't fit to run one, and, well, that set her off.

To fully understand this dialogue, it's worth taking into account that Pink Diamond's constant requests and pestering the other Diamonds for a colony wasn't because she was entitled or even that she really wanted a colony, rather it was her way of articulating that what she really wanted was to be treated like she was an equal among the other three Diamonds, which both she and they never understood as such, especially White Diamond (who viewed Pink Diamond as nothing more than a tantrum throwing child). When White told Pink Diamond she wasn't fit to run a colony, it was because White genuinely believed that to be the case rather than it being cruelty for its own sake, as the problem with White Diamond is that she believes her perspective on reality is the only correct one. As such, she never stopped to consider how she came across to Pink Diamond when she said that.

The reason to bring this up is because this is exactly what occurs throughout the scene, once again someone assumes that wanting something external is going to fix their internal problems and focus so much on that and themselves that they inadvertently hurt someone in the process: in this case Steven assumes if he can just fix everything concerning his mother for the Pearls, he'll not only prove to himself that he is different, but also how he'll be shown as the perfect savior for them due to having ridden himself and them of their pain. However, what he really needs is to seen for how flawed and vulnerable he really is and know that he doesn't have to perfect to be worthy of their loved (nor does he have to try to fix their problems for them). Meanwhile, once again, the elders in the situation ignore what the younger figure is really trying to express due to focusing on their own problems, and not seeing them. In this case: the Pearls ignore Steven to argue about whose experience with Pink Diamond was more valid or more true. (The reverse can also apply where what each of the Pearls really want is to prove their pain was valid and externalize that desire through the argument they have, but Steven, caught up in the desire to help everyone stop hurting, unintentionally invalidates their experiences and pain, as well as his own, with the promise of fixing it due to taking that desire to an unhealthy extreme.)

Altogether, this scene is a warning of what happens when people fail to consider the impact their actions have on others due to focusing on their intentions. (Steven's intention to fix is causing him to invalidate the Pearls' pain without realizing it, Pearl's intention to defend Pink Diamond are causing her to ignore the suffering Steven and Pink Pearl are currently experiencing, and Pink Pearl's intention to paint a rose-tinted version of Pink Diamond is causing her to ignore the uglier parts of who her Diamond was, which is why Steven and Pearl are greatly distressed in this scene). There is also a warning to be had if one assumes their perspective defines reality without taking into account that one is not an informed as they like to think they are (Steven sees every new piece of information he learns about Pink Diamond as a reason to prove he's better than her, Pearl sees the fact that Pink Diamond wanted to be different than the other Diamonds a reason to defend her against what she assumes are Pink Pearl's accusations, and Pink Pearl herself sees the fact that Pink Diamond didn't intend to hurt her as a reason to deny how she never felt safe around her Diamond during her own outbursts, and altogether, everyone's own perspectives of Pink Diamond are causing them to deny the equally valid parts of her that the other brings up).

Steven, overwhelmed not only by the conflicting narratives of his mother the Pearls have, but also by his own pain, which he's been ignoring and trying to suppress up until this point, begins to glow pink for the third time during this episode. This is also the ultimate embodiment of the idea of what it means to be trapped in your own perspective in addition to it being a trauma response: You can't see others clearly and you can't even see yourself clearly anymore. In this case, Steven has internalized the Pearls' perspective of his mother, not as a fragmented version of their experiences, but as an indictment of him since he doesn't understand they're fragmented and during this scene the only thing Steven can focus on is his intense overwhelming need to make the pain stop, and is now trying to force a fix to the situation, which ultimately explains why he wanted to "fix" Pink Pearl in the first place (aside from genuinely wanting to). Steven believed if he did so, it would also "fix" his own identity crisis (going back to the idea where he believes something external is going to fix internal problems, much like how his mother thought having a colony would fix hers).

This is also the culmination of the "game" Steven and the Pearls have been playing with each other up until this point. The argument itself was the Pearls' way of trying to have one of their perspectives win out to hold onto their version of Pink Diamond, while Steven's breakdown and drive to "fix" everything in this scene is his way of trying to have his perspective win out to not only prove he's not like Pink Diamond, but that he's ultimately better than her.

However, after everything explodes (both literally and metaphorically), everyone is forced to come to terms with the truth that not only do none of them fully understand who Pink Diamond was or even the fact their experiences are filtered through their unresolved emotions about her, their actions have caused them to hurt each other without intending to, much like how Pink Diamond had done to Pink Pearl in the first place.

Furthermore in this context (going back to what each character hoped to happen through their actions), this is also moment where Steven and the Pearls lose the "game" they've been playing up until this point.

(Continued in Part 2)

[iris-agate]

it’s interesting that blue’s court tends to have more purely blue gems—lapis, holly blue, sapphire—while yellow’s seems to have more made with other diamonds’ essences—peridot, emerald, ruby. we know that having more colors makes you more valuable (white’s “i’m every color of the light!”), but despite that, blue’s gems are of equal or even greater rank than yellow’s. in fact, yellow’s many-color court is similar to pink’s, the lowest ranking diamond, with gems such as amethyst, cg pearl, and jasper. when pink diamond cracked pink pearl in an outburst, the other diamonds gave her our multicolored pearl with a forehead gem placement seemingly to “fix” her. are some diamond essences/colors valued above others? could pink and yellow have multi-colored courts since their colors are perceived to be inferior, and adding other essences are meant to “make up” for it?

or is it just harder to make good looking monochrome yellow character designs

[iris-agate]

it’s interesting that blue’s court tends to have more purely blue gems—lapis, holly blue, sapphire—while yellow’s seems to have more made with other diamonds’ essences—peridot, emerald, ruby. we know that having more colors makes you more valuable (white’s “i’m every color of the light!”), but despite that, blue’s gems are of equal or even greater rank than yellow’s. in fact, yellow’s many-color court is similar to pink’s, the lowest ranking diamond, with gems such as amethyst, cg pearl, and jasper. when pink diamond cracked pink pearl in an outburst, the other diamonds gave her our multicolored pearl with a forehead gem placement seemingly to “fix” her. are some diamond essences/colors valued above others? could pink and yellow have multi-colored courts since their colors are perceived to be inferior, and adding other essences are meant to “make up” for it?

or is it just harder to make good looking monochrome yellow character designs

[iris-agate]

Bismuth is such an interesting character to me. She's so adaptable to new situations and yet at the same time clings to her ideals. But EVEN THEN her ideals are what guide her but she doesn't view them as unchangable, she holds onto the Crystal Gems but first her commitment was to shattering the diamonds, then helping Steven find a way to make peace with Homeworld, then building little Homeschool and then something in Future, I haven't got around to rewatching it yet. I don't really know where I'm going with this one, I'd love some input if anyone has anything to say because I know there's something here but I feel like I haven't clicked with Bismuth enough to see it