iris-is-silly

[iris-is-silly]

Loss is a strong topic. There are many forms of loss which can hurt. They way they die can be impactful.

If someone per-say were to up and have a heart attack it would hurt. It would take time to cope with not saying goodbye and it would take time to relive memories and move on.

If you knew the person was going to die in exactly 2 months you would hurt less because you get to say goodbye and you spent the rest of their life making them happy.

Now, Lets say they kill themselves. Here is how it changes.

You get a note one day saying they are about to take their life. You get to say goodbye and try and try to talk them down. You fail. It hurts so bad. You get to say goodbye but you think. What could I have done better to save them? Why did they do this? Is this my fault? How could I affected them negatively or positively?

Or.

You wake up one morning and go to say good-morning and ask how they slept. No reply. It’s okay they are still sleeping. Two hours later, Nothing. You send messages on messages on messages asking if they are okay and you start to get worried. Tendencies or not this is alarming for them, kind of abnormal. You check you phone ever hour. Every 20 minutes. Every minute. You never close it. You call night and day to check on them, Nothing. Day one goes by and you don’t see them at school, work, an event you planned, online, etc. You think “Maybe something came up they will be fine!”. Little do you know. Day two, then three. You start to ask around. “Where are they?” “Hey have you seen … ?” “What happened to … ?”. A week goes by and finally someone has news. Excited you rush to reply or meetup. You make the mistake of expecting the best. You get the truth. “… committed suicide last week. Im so sorry.”. You sit in fear. You think about how you never said goodbye. You never said “I love you.” Like you always wanted. You had so much to say and do and without any warning they just disappear. You take a week off. You sit at your couch and think. Two days you bed rot. No phone. No sleep. Nothing. You think to yourself all the worst things.

Living that situation must suck.