irishrain

[irishrain]

What’s worse, feeling lonely or wishing you were alone?

[irishrain]

The problem with having lesbian moms is you try to be super cool and cut all your hair off and buy a leather jacket and wear boots all the time and then you go to some event in your neighborhood and all these women three times your age start cooing “oh you look JUST like your mother when she was your age, my gosh what a blast from the past, oh I just love your hair”

[irishrain]

No Breaks

I hate that photo of you

Taunting me the same way that you used to

I hate when you take over my brain

I want to think of something else anything

So I go out and take drives late at night

I sneak out unguided by any street lights

Some days I just wanna get out and go for a fist fight

But deep down I know I just want a different life

I know I’m taking more pills than I’m supposed to

I don’t really wanna be dead but I want to come close to

Some days I speed down those empty streets

I go so fast that when I need to break you can hear the tires squeak

I blast music through my headphones and I won’t speak

But I have to dial it down when there’s someone else beside me

Then I speed off again once out of ear shot

I just need a way to get my mind to stop

And then I end up doing that a lot

And I want to avoid having a run in with a cop

You see I’m not scared of danger it excites me

When everyone else wants to leave it invites me

And how could I resist when it’s so enticing?

And something about just seems right to me

I just wanna drive my car over the mountain into a creak

Drown slowly where no one can see

There would be nobody to rescue me

But to me that’s not a new scene

Everybody hates me

But none of them will let death take me

They don’t want that guilt that blood on their hands

So I have to undergo the same pain again

You would think that they couldn’t leave again

Then how does that explain how they FUCKING LEFT?

I guess I was meant to be alone

Cause nobody who knows me really knows

My life my situation what I’ve gone through

And nobody has made me suffer the way you do

I remember when I first stared talking to you

We talked for an hour what good did that do?

You were never there for me when I needed you

You kept lying and you abandoned me too

Now I want nothing to do w/ you

Don’t try to apologize I’m through w/ you

You said I could do anything didn’t you?

THEN HOW COME I COULD NEVER FUCKING REACH YOU?

[irishrain]

Can we make one thing clear?

OCD has nothing to do with cleanliness or organization. That’s OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder). OCD would cause someone (for example) to open and close a door a specific amount of times because they think if they don’t, something bad (usually specific) will happen to them

[irishrain]

Getting Bad Again

I don’t remember what made any of this worth it

Don’t give me advice, I already heard it

I don’t want you to see how I’m feeling deep down

But if I don’t let it out, I’ll probably drown

My mind is hectic, voices screaming at each other

Then comes up rotten words from my brothers

Not even my friends fucking like me

Not even the friends who are alike me

But who could really blame them

When I’m too much of a fucking pain for them

What matters anymore?

Everything goes downhill, then down even more

I should be dead

But here I am making everyone else suffer instead

Kill me

Cause’ that’s the only thing that could fufill me

Do I even matter?

Don’t answer that, cause’ I’ll only get sadder

I’m lying here, just feeling like a waste

If I kill myself, they could really use the space

If I kill myself, then I don’t have to feel the pain

I can see the trouble, but I can’t see the gain

Tell me something I want to hear

But I don’t know if you can, that’s what I fear

What the fucks the purpose?

When I can just sink below the surface

[irishrain]

Heal

Popping pills of Tylenol just to feel something different than what I feel right now

I’ve made it this far, but I don’t know how

Cuts along my wrist and my shoulder

Life is a war and I was a drafted soldier

Can’t let them see, you’ve got a reputation to up keep

But some nights, you just can’t sleep

Too much pressure, too much pain

Too much stress, too much strain

Mixing your medications just for the high

Without the fear that you may die

You know if you saw someone else in the same boat

You’d try to tell them, not to let go

Does that make you a hypocrite? Does that make you bad?

Actually, no. You may be the only support they had

Some hours wash over you and take your motivation

But something’s telling you, please be patient

But you’re not sure if you can listen anymore

So you lock your thoughts and you close the door

Should you open up? Should you tell someone?

Do you need help? Do you need to run?

But it becomes suffocating, cause’ they think they understand

They tell you to think what you thought already, but you can’t explain to them

You hate feeling vulnerable, you hate feeling weak

You feel like you should be strong, but your strength has a leak

You don’t even understand sometimes

And some days, you just can’t be fine

But that’s okay

You don’t have to find the words to say

Take a day off, go for a walk

Some days, you can’t even talk

It’s not our fault how we feel

And maybe through our solem days, we could heal

[irishrain]

Kill Me

[irishrain]

It’s okay to be paranoid. It’s okay to be suspicious or afraid. You aren’t being overly dramatic. You’re not “"weird”“ for having a mental illness that you have no control over.

[irishrain]

[irishrain]

Why does anybody like me?

What’s there to like?

But then again, I also wonder why people hate me

What exactly did I do?

I don’t know

[irishrain]

I love genuinely innocent “boys will be boys.” Just saw a guy come out of a frat house to poke a pair of jeans they’d left outside - they were frozen solid, and as soon as he confirmed that, like twenty more boys came rushing out of the house going “YOOOOOOOOOO”

[irishrain]

Mortal

What happens when we’re dead?

Do we transcend to where we believe we’ll go? Or are we just gone?

It only takes five minutes without oxygen for your brain to be completely dead, three minutes for it to start dying.

So in five minutes, all the memories I’ve made, personal accomplishments, creative thoughts, and secrets are gone

And even if I make a mark on the world that’d be remembered for the rest of eternity, the world could not contain it, for one day it will be swallowed up by the sun

Everyone I know and love will die. Everyone I know and love can die at any moment and I can’t do anything about it. I can’t change that

So what matters? What could I do that would possibly matter? When everything in the world will die

One day my dog will die, sooner than most people I know. Does his whole personality just dissipate into nothingness? Who he was, just gone? And in some cases, it’s better to stop the suffering if living hurts worse than dying could, but how can I cope with that? How can death be so unsolidified? How can I want to do anything if I know it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things? What do I do then

And how could I want to live for as long as possible? Growing older, your functions get worse. You start to lose control of your body, your mind, your everything

How can a video game about life be more fair than life? How come we can’t pause? If we could pause, I’d pause forever. I want what I have left of the world to stay

Every book I’ve read will turn to ash. Every page I’ve written will turn to ash. Everything I’ve made, to ash. Everything I’ve heard, to ash

What good comes from that? Only taking away memories of pain. But does the pain outweigh the good? If not, then what? We’re throwing away the good? We’re losing it all

Those five minutes will be done. Well does that mean you no longer have to worry? All the pain will be taken away and you won’t be able to worry? And if we reincarnate, I don’t want to go round again. I’d rather stay in the void

But what if we don’t go there? What then? We’re gone forever, can’t do anything about it, can’t change it, can’t get enough time or functionality to make it all worth it

So what’s worth it? There’s so much risk with everything you do. There’s no fun to that. Can’t even come to acceptance of death when you can’t make life most fufilling. When we don’t have control, but have all this want

So what matter then? Would dying tomorrow matter? No one would remember you at some point. Would it matter if I swallowed my whole bottle of melatonin? Would that matter? I wouldn’t remember it, and soon, none of them would either. They’d move on. I have so much pain

So do I stop the pain? Or continue with it? Which makes me suffer more? Would it feel like sleeping forever, but with no dreams? No dreams nor nightmares? What was the purpose of existing in the first place then? If it was all gonna be taken away in less than 20 minutes? What happens, and for what

[irishrain]

if u ever wonder how europeans can rely on trains so much to travel thru entire countries

this is why

(312km/h is about 194mph)

[irishrain]

Fuck fuck fuck fuck

[irishrain]

people are so judgemental. so what if someone dresses differently than you? so what if someone speaks a different language than you? so what if someone believes in a different deity than you? so what if someone is of a different sexual orientation than you? be a decent human being and get over it.

[irishrain]

If I tell you how bad I’m hurting, then we’ll just both hurt

[irishrain]