irlmichaelmell

[irlmichaelmell]

how busy are you guys that you can't spend a few days sorting beetles?

[irlmichaelmell]

We here at Sylph Co. are proud to announce the opening of an official tumblr account. By manufacturing and distributing Pokéballs and Trainer Acessories, we're not just selling supplies, we're selling connections between people and pokémon

[irlmichaelmell]

most of the time everything sucks but when the sky is blanketed in dark blue-grey clouds after heavy raining and the sun starts to peek through the clouds so that the tops of trees glint pale green and every white structure is starkly, blindingly silhouetted against the sky i’m ok.

[irlmichaelmell]

texas is funny. this one time a guy(in his truck) yelled at me(outside)(in summer) for wearing a cowboy hat(to provide shade)(while working)(in the sun) while i was working in the garden (in summer)(in texas)(on a sunny day)

sorry i’m a #FakeCowboy for wearing a cowboy hat(in the summer)(in the sun)(while working)(in a garden) instead of wearing my cowboy hat(meant for working)(in the sun) while driving a truck(air-conditioned) like a #RealCowboy who does Manly Work (with his truck)(spotless)(unblemished)(with AC)

[irlmichaelmell]

Why isn't "too scary" a good enough reason to never drive a car

[irlmichaelmell]

[irlmichaelmell]

Hey man, ahead of this heatwave I'm gonna go ahead and rip the veil off of something for you:

The reason American Southerners have the luxury of saying that 90 ain't that bad and it's not unbearable until it's 100 is 1) prolonged exposure to high temperatures over multiple decades 2) our mindset for these living conditions.

You don't have number 1, and you can't just acquire it, so I need you to adopt number 2 immediately. How do you live like a Southerner in the heat?

Don't be a hero.

Stay inside. Buy a box fan, put it next to a bucket of ice, and wrap your arms around it like a lover. Do not leave the shade under any circumstances. If a dude makes fun of you for getting out of the sun, don't get mad, just think of a funnier insult to call him while you flip him off and go stand under a tree.

Southerners love nothing more than to exaggerate and lie to each other. Like I think we got off on the wrong foot when you walked in on us saying things like "It was only 110, I didn't even take my damn jacket off" when really, last week it was 95 at 10 PM and we were on the bed buck nekkid in front of the fan moaning incoherently and praying to die. So yeah, we can take extreme heat. We also want you to think we can take ludicrous heat. You must learn to talk shit and then be a hypocrite and a coward in your actions, because this will serve you best.

It sounds like I am joking but I cannot express to you how much I am not. Do not fuck with Mother Nature, because that bitch will kill you. Take every opportunity to lower your body temperature and drink water, because that is what all of us in hot climates are doing all the time, and that is why we are not dead, even when it seems like we should be.

(And yeah, we do go through like two and a half ugly weeks in April every year where everyone wants to absolutely just goddamn drop dead because none of us have our heat tolerance back, but we must go to work anyway, which must be a crime. And yes, when it gets below 70 we really all do short circuit and cover ourselves in seven jackets, except for Shorts Guy.)

[irlmichaelmell]

DELTARUNE TOMORROW!!!

[irlmichaelmell]

damn they weren’t lying that mental health medication CAN make the heat even more unbearable

[irlmichaelmell]

damn they weren’t lying that mental health medication CAN make the heat even more unbearable

[irlmichaelmell]

damn they weren’t lying that mental health medication CAN make the heat even more unbearable

[irlmichaelmell]

damn they weren’t lying that mental health medication CAN make the heat even more unbearable

[irlmichaelmell]

damn they weren’t lying that mental health medication CAN make the heat even more unbearable

[irlmichaelmell]

damn they weren’t lying that mental health medication CAN make the heat even more unbearable

[irlmichaelmell]

damn they weren’t lying that mental health medication CAN make the heat even more unbearable

[irlmichaelmell]

damn they weren’t lying that mental health medication CAN make the heat even more unbearable

[irlmichaelmell]

damn they weren’t lying that mental health medication CAN make the heat even more unbearable