Suddenlyā¦ I miss you again. After all this timeā¦
Somehow I have an illusion that you knew my true self. I didnāt have time to pretend. I was just the way I am. And you liked it. Do I miss you or myself without pretending?
Ohā¦
Whatever it is I miss it so much
0 notes
I just watched Hang the DJ series of Black Mirror again. The one I watched with youā¦
So ā¦ You didnāt want to break system with me. Soā¦ does it mean youāre not the one?
0 notes
I figured out that Iām ok when Iām on my high energy. And Iām fucking dying when Iām low.
Iām fucking dying. And I miss You. I almost donāt remember you. Just pain. Oh I remember pain so damn good.
Fuck
0 notes
Tinder says you are getting closer and closer.
And it scares me somehow. I am used to you being far away not wanting me. But being closeā¦ Damn, will it hurt again? Please no..
0 notes
You watch my stories again. Why?
0 notes
You, studying Ukrainian was the most adorable thing I saw today.
You are so smart and sexy
Damn
0 notes
Today I was on psychology training. Itās called Choice. 14h daily, 3 days in a row. I had a terrible week at work and 5 days of psychotherapy studies before. No weekend. I had almost no sleep. I was (and still am) so fucking tired and stressed. And itās one of the strategies of training- to make you feel tired and stressed so you get emotional.
I got emotional today. And I was thinking about you. I felt the pain I was trying to avoid. In all itās glory.
In the end of the day, at 11 pm after 14h of work we had to play a difficult game. I was so exhausted. We didnāt get the rules right. After our trainer told us āGame Overā we were so disappointed that we didnāt have enough time. And he said - you knew how much time for game you had, but with life - you donāt have such luxury. Death will come without notifying.
And he was right. And I heard it for million times. But this time it was different. I felt so much painā¦ because my last days I chose to suffer. Because of you. Because of your choice.
Youāve made a choice based on tons of reasons. But you made it and made it clear. Now itās time for me to make a choice how to react on itā¦ How to feel. Iāve chosen to suffer. To feel pain. To be sad. To be a victim. Iāve chosen to be a victim a million times throughout my whole life. Thatās what I do.
And I donāt want to suffer anymore. I choose life. I choose happiness.
I cannot choose not to Love you. But I can choose to feel pain because you donāt love me back. Or not.
I choose happiness. I choose life. And if I will have an opportunity and option to choose happiness with you - I will do that. Until that timeā¦ I choose happiness without you.
God bless you and your choices. May you always choose happiness.
0 notes
When you told me āIt might sound weird but.. I missed youā.
I knew exactly what you were talking about because I felt the same.
But donāt you miss me now? When you have choice.. to have me or to miss me. Why would you choose second one?
I missed you before I even met you. Now.. I miss you thousand times more.
0 notes
Soā¦ we will never meet again?
0 notes
You are in Dnipro and you didnāt tell me. But... you promised... Or not... I donāt remember.
I donāt know why I am surprised. After knowing you are looking for another date in Kyiv. I just... didnāt think it will happen so fast. I was not ready. But you canāt be ready for that.
You will see I watch your stories. Will you feel anything? Will you think that I was waiting? That I wanted to see you. That I would be there in 10h after you texted me one message. That we could meet tomorrowās sunset together... if you only wanted to.
It doesnāt matter because you donāt want me. And you know what? Itās fine. Iāve lost this battle. Iāve lost many battles. You were the only one who didnāt use my vulnerabilities. I respect that. Thank you. You treated me well. I cannot complain.
I wish you to have a nice rest. And get what you want to get. Some good sleep, good time, good date, good sex. Whatever you want. You deserve it.
I still have that feeling that I donāt want to mention again. But I choose not to suffer from it. I choose to rise.
May we both rise.
0 notes
I am not texting you drunk anymore.
Iām texting drunk here.
A win is a win!
0 notes
Iāve deleted all photos of me Iāve sent you. I felt so ashamed. Why did send them? I thoughtā¦ you would feel the same way I would feel if you sent me your photos. Iām not even talking about nudesā¦ But damn I miss your body š
Anyway. I am so ashamed I had to delete them. I just feel so vulnerable. And youā¦ You are not. Youāve put your armour before you even left. Our last date was me trying to reach you though your armour but I failed.
I have one question. Did you save your cake passport because of me or just because you liked the cake?
0 notes
I Love you.
I hate to say this after all of it. I feel guilt. I feel miserable. And I fight this feelings because thatās not how Love should feel like. So Iām fighting it. Iām not going to bother you with my Love.
Still I Love you
0 notes
I pray for you before I go to bed.
I donāt pray for 10 years now at all.
And nowā¦ I pray for you.
0 notes
Your las stories are horrifying. Because of that fucking drones you are in even more danger.
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
I hate war
0 notes
I hope you had some rest.
May your spirit clear your path from the things you donāt need to witness šš¼
Sending you the warmth and energy that I radiate because of the feelings I have to you.
0 notes
What an interesting thing I realisedā¦ that you going to other dates rather than seeing meā¦ didnāt basically change a thing.
I still have feelings, I wish you all the best and I pray for you every day.
So my question is - does it prove that that is Love, or it proves itās something opposite?
0 notes