ironjohnred

[ironjohnred]

Attraction

h/t @TRP gurus 

the extreme ends of a woman's sliding scale of attraction and revulsion. At both those ends, her feelings are independent of how much you love her. Only in the middle does it matter, and it can push her feelings either to the good end, or the bad end. That's what the man really needs to pay attention to.

When I say love, I ought to add I am not a huge fan of the word because one word includes so many different phenomena at work serving totally different goals -- these can basically be classified into either attraction or devotion. Attraction is ultimately a self serving thing even though it is the glue of a relationship. Devotion doesn't need a relationship to exist. Failure to distinguish the two can be fatal.

I think virtually every man has been in this situation where a woman isn't attracted to him anymore and expresses Stage 4 betaization behavior. The poor man responds by giving her more and more and it's never enough. I've been there too. The guy is left broken at the end, because he failed to realize a simple truth.

How much he loves her will never be enough, because it's not about that at all. How much she loves him, how much attraction and desire she has for him, how much she needs him, that's the real thing that matters.

Women and men love differently, Rollo observed it, we know it. Men are idealistic fools for love. They evaluate a woman only for sex and have to learn how to evaluate her for anything more. Nature binds us easily by giving our dick a huge head start over our brain. It takes years of getting one's ass kicked at times before the brain finally catches up.

Women love pragmatically and are always aware of their needs when choosing a man. Women disguise their true intentions with a simple trick. They claim they like someone who is nice to them, ties their shoelaces for her, makes her feel loved etc...they approve of the one who loves her. But look closely -- in this scenario the woman really only loves herself.

In this interaction she actually does not have any kind of pure desire to the man herself. Now go back and read all those social media messages and all their relationship advice on quora and Twitter and Facebook and reddit and the rest. Do you see the fine print in the contract now? If you see people who say they want someone who likes them, how much they like you isn't even in the picture. All these women talking about love do not talk about love, they talk about being loved.

Every single man who got into a relationship with one of these women realized the truth the hard way, but not many have figured out what really went wrong.

In the story of the lion that deserves gold IMHO, the lioness is initially attracted to the lion from the beginning and the lion just needs to work with that and escalate it. It was fine as long as he was just attracted to her. The problem starts the day the lion becomes comfy with the food she brings him. Soon he thinks he does the right thing by paying attention to all her needs, and it's only a matter of time before he's collared up, his claws trimmed, he's reduced to a helpless fat housecat and a pathetic shell of his former self. And the lioness now clearly likes herself and he's just a burden to her. He on the other hand has forgotten who he once was and is afraid of leaving.

A man given his sex drive, hardly needs to try to get attracted to a woman so his side of the story is a given. So that's another thing why your attraction to her is not really so important or urgent as you think. Nature does most of the work for you.

So let's say she says she loves someone who does anything like tying her shoelaces for her, the thing you ought to pay attention to is whether she actually wants to tie your shoelaces.

The men who failed tried their best to please their goddesses, but it was not enough because that was irrelevant to her - she was looking for her god. They were in fact supposed to be the ones loved. They did not realize they were actually supposed to be the gods their women wanted.

Anything she expects, turn it around and ask yourself if that's what she would voluntarily do for you and if your relationship is at that point at all. That'll show you the truth. Love only flows in the direction of giving.

The best thing to do is not to entertain these relationships with this unhealthy dynamic in the first place. Sniff it out when a person is only concerned about how they are loved and is only giving you the cupboard under the basement space in their lives. For these people, you're just there for their ride. There's no way they'll revere you no matter what you do, because if they did, they would try to fulfil your desires instead and take pride in it.

But if you are already in a relationship and the relationship gets into this dynamic where she only wants to get loved, but cannot love you, everything you do becomes just an expectation, not something special she ought to be grateful for. You fail to meet it, you get contempt. She says she needs more, you give more, it only raises the bar and increases her contempt. And downhill it goes.

She does need something more, she needs to love you. How much you love her is irrelevant. Time and again women say they love it when they are being loved and they say they're not being loved when they do not love you. Don't be fooled. When she's attracted to you, she can get wet without you even looking at her. A poster of you can do it. Get that into your skull. It dangerous for a woman to love herself so much it's no longer about you anymore.

When she's on full attraction mode towards you, you do not have to do anything. That's another reason why I say, your love for her can be irrelevant. Ideally you want to be at a point where anything you do for her is like God's causeless kindness that we are grateful for rather than an expectation of God being our slave (lots of people actually are religious with covert contracts too btw). That is a theoretical maximum and you need to get to as close as is humanly possible..

The higher your SMV (strength+looks+game+style+frame+status+money) gets, the less you need to try, and the more natural you can be

Time and again women go after jerks who don't treat them well not because they love the abuse but because regardless of how much he likes her, she likes him and is attracted to his SMV. It may be possible she is in some way addicted to the pain patterns too.

How much you love her is for her comfort basically. She wants to feel loved true. Part of it is that she gets turned on by your sexual desire for her, but that's attraction. The rest of your devotion is only for her comfort. There are men whose body, looks, inner fire, game, frame, body language, status, success and pre-selection popularity can stoke sexual attraction women on their own just by existing - so high is their SMV. You think they are falling and pleading and trying to please her even more for her to want them? They're not even trying.

Nevertheless I have observed that no matter how much a woman is attracted to you, she can't love without a covert contract. She does get into a relationship for her needs. Her attraction is at its purest when she loves you and you haven't yet noticed her. But the every now and then no matter how much she loves you she wonders how much she is being loved and her pain body awakens at these moments. You holding frame and presence is the only way out of that. But if you know the drill, you would know how to deal with that. You can read the best posts here and mrp and see how to take that to the end she really needs, no matter what she says.

You need a relationship for your needs so you get into one, so does she. As she gets into the relationship, it becomes more and more about her and less and less about you and as you bend down, she looks up and wonders where the original man went. Her needs keep increasing and you also think you're doing the right thing in complying. Unfortunately love only flows in the direction of giving. When she becomes too important to herself, pride and contempt develop. That's the end of it.

That is, if you let her.

Women's attraction is at it's purest when you're so hot she is dripping attraction for you and you might have not even noticed her. In any romance novel, it always goes like this - woman meeting a hot hero who's basically aloof in the beginning, but slowly warms up to her. A woman's attraction then escalates peaks at the exact moment she has won his heart and made her man's commitment exclusive to her. That's the climax. Everything after that is ... after the end. Or else the hero might die or leave around this point and she pines for him afterward. A man's attraction peaks at sex.

In old texts, it was said that separation is even greater than the Union in terms of intensity for a reason, it's vital to reacharge the attraction battery. The story of Krishna, possibly the greatest romantic hero who's probably the only character who has mastered polygamy, hypergamy and exclusivity is a masterpiece of the psychology of attraction. Read it yourselves. And ditto for many others. All of them are masters of the cycle of union followed by separation, to start a fresh cycle. While the women go through pretty much the entire emotional spectrum around them. These heroes are not really nice when they pull away, but it just make the women crave them more. Then they come back for the next round. These heroes also are a chick magnet, so they can play any and every kind of dread game imaginable. Krishna for one disappears exactly where he sees a bit of pride coming in, he reappears after causing enough dread. I was astonished at just how much they understood personality archetypes and the whole art of attraction thousands of years back.

Her attraction to you was all about you and her primal sexual desire to you. The expectations are all about her.

The good news is, You can totally make it about you again. By slowly and steadily, stage by stage making your life and relationships about you once more. That's dread at work.

And what to do when you're down the betaization slope? Well first of all, I now firmly believe that the winter phase of a relationship involving withdrawal is absolutely mandatory from time to time and needs to be created through the levels of dread one by one. Even when things are going well, this must happen. Because only a hungry starving person relishes food truly, not someone who's belly is full. The best water in the world is the one you find when you're in a desert and dying of thirst.

Giving less can slowly cause enough of a cut to make one hungry and allow that ego to shed some much needed weight. Dread is putting your woman's sollipsism on a cutting diet. Your attention is diet for her, and she needs just enough for her attraction to be fed such that it can grow and escalate, but never so much that her ego actually starts to put on weight.

A cycle of engagement needs to be followed by withdrawal back to the original state of attraction that made the relationship possible. To start another cycle than can lead to another climax. That's what the dread is about. Winter is absolutely needed for spring to appear again. Either you make your version of winter, or you'll see hers.

Dread is the now tamed balls-less cat going back to the proud lion he was. When you start going back there, don't think it will magically fix your relationship. It will show you the reality. If your woman still has real attraction for you, it will get better. Many folks have reported things getting astonishingly better. Their women are suddenly way less needy, even remorseful and you are important again. And you're hotter than before.

Or else you realize this relationship is already in the grave or was always about power and not attraction and it was just waiting for someone to read the obituary. But you will always benefit because nothing could be better for you ultimately than becoming the lion you once were, or never were.

So let's continue the lion story. One day the lion sees one of his rivals who was still wild. He walks proud and strong, the awe of the jungle. Everyone including his lioness admires him and makes derisive comparisons to him. His lioness ditched him for his rival and only comes in to throw some scraps on his plate and keep her conscience clear. That's when he remembers - he was once that lion. He sees his reflection in the water and cannot believe how he made someone so important he neglected himself till he was a pathetic housecat. Dread escalation is the lion slowly straining against the collar and loosening it, grinding the chain against the rocks until one day, it is weak enough to break. He throws off the collar and then his family notices. The day comes when everyone in the den knows that he is now walking away, and that induces fear and guilt in their conscience.

In the past, men made the rules and had options so they could afford to walk away or kick the woman out if she treated him badly. However, now with all the cards and laws stacked on the woman's side, most men really hesitate to implement dread. Until the relationship has gone so far that something breaks within, they've had it and don't have anything left to lose. They'd rather die single than die out of grief in their relationship.

So our hero the lion goes back to the wild and soon after exercising those rusty muscles and instincts, he soon gets back his mighty roar and is king again. He now remembers how carefree and fearless he had been and what he had given up for comfort. Soon he realises there are many lionesses who are attracted to him. But now he is not the same. He picks and chooses who he wants. He keeps them where they're attracted to him, but cannot put a collar over him again.

A realization dawns on the lion that he actually only needs her for sex and kids and some feminine decoration to the house. She had made him feel ashamed for it in the past, but it was the truth. By making her more important than that he became more dependent on her than what was needed. Sure hunting food took time and effort, but it kept him sharp and strong and self reliant. He was indeed capable of getting his needs as the whole jungle was available for him.

He had a nagging fear of death and loneliness, but he now knows he would have died sooner in captivity due to grief. He had lost the company of his fellow lions too - he runs into them and realises they too met a similar fate. He was more lonely in his own den than he had ever been in his glory days. Now those fears are gone. He totally can walk out from those who ill treat him, because he knows the true value of what he is giving them and because he knows he'll be ok whatever happens. He does not fear death now, because in a way, he already died and was reborn good as new, but wiser.

The man who has awakened is aware of his greatest gift, he can love both up and down. He can look down and love those beneath him, but they cannot. He can love them with little effort and offer them the life he leads, but if they do not love him, his love for them is ultimately worthless.

Which way is the energy flowing?

Never forget that lion story.

the three stages of a relationship can be summarized as

1) "Don't ever change!” This is during the initial Attraction stage, where she will do double monkey backflips for you and the sex is spontaneous, frequent and passionate.

2) "I'm changing him.” This is after the novelty has worn off a little bit, and where the familiarity is beginning to breed the contempt. When she remarks to her girlfriends or co-workers about changing him, what she really means is that she's training him. The is where all the "free love" starts to give way to a more mercenary and transactional nature. Sex still happens (sometimes) if you mowed the lawn, took out the garbage, painted the living room, took her car in for an oil change, or took her out to a nice restaurant and sat through a chick flick marathon. This is when the collar gets fitted and the claws get trimmed, if not removed entirely.

3) "You've changed!" This is the terminal stage. The familiarity has fully given way to contempt. She suddenly needs more "girl's night out" or has to "work late on an important project". You've gone months without so much as a halfway passionate kiss, let alone anything beyond that. Maybe you've slept on the couch for the past several months. The King still lives in his castle, but he is King in name only. Think of Arthur's Knights of the Round Table, all whispering behind their hands about Guenevere and Lancelot.

I've lived the life of the lion. Pretty much every aspect of that story happened. At first, things with the ex-fiancé were exactly like the Disney fairy tales. Everything went well enough for a while, but the happily ever after never happened. I started putting her first. Jumping through every hoop, taking care of every little thing, but the collar came out - and after a while, I realized the collar was going to turn into a hangman's noose.

To an outside observer, things were picture perfect: two 20 somethings with decent jobs, both names on the lease for the apartment, both of our names on the car titles, checking and savings accounts, you name it. We were together on paper, but all the physicality disappeared shortly after we started shacking up - funny how that works, isn't it?

That was the absolute worst kind of loneliness I've ever experienced, and like the lion in the story, I was lost and miserable. I finally hit the eject button. It just about killed me to walk away from her . . . but I have no doubt it would have killed me for sure to stay.

the one who invests the least in the relationship is ALWAYS the one controlling the relationship.

Dread is putting your woman’s solipsism on a cutting diet

[ironjohnred]

Lion

h/t @TRP gurus

Once upon a time there lived a lion. Strong, proud and powerful, he roamed, freely without a care in the world. None could harm him and his majestic power shone freely in his eyes. All the animals looked up to him and through fear and respect as he ruled his domain.

One day, a beautiful maiden stumbled lost in his domain. Seeking something to fill her heart, she got lost and wandered into his lair. When she saw him, she screamed in fear and ran away. Curious, he thought, but paid the strange creature no more attention. The next day, his keen eyes noticed her looking at him in the distance. His roar shook the earth itself and she ran in fright back into the shadows, and yet, each day, she kept coming back, and despite his nature, he took comfort in her presence and decided to let her be in his domain.

Many days passed and the lion grew to enjoy her company. Each day she'd get a little closer so that she could stare at him as he stalked through his kingdom. Then one day she brought him a gift. A great meal of the finest meats the lion had ever seen. The lion fought each day of it's life for everything and this small token brought it a sense of joy. He grew to like this creature and she reveled in his affection and attention. The days grew to weeks and the two formed a bond. He would permit her stay in his kingdom and enjoy her affection and adoration and in turn he would hunt for her and protect her from anything that threatened her safety.

One day, she brought forth the best meal he had ever had and when done he slept lazily at her side. When she put a collar and chain onto him, he didn't flinch as the realization didn't set. Once it had, he roared and thrashed in fury and anger, but she looked into his eyes and pleaded. "I just wish to keep you near me, I do not want you to be angry. Look, I will feed you and we shall be together always. Do I not treat you well?" This was true. She had fed him and cared for him. She gave him comfort that he did not know he ever lacked. While his savage heart reeled at his submission, he knew that his time is not forever and eventually it'll pass. Age and sickness will take him. Maybe it's best to have someone care and assist him. He did not complain and for awhile things were good.

She also shaved off his huge mane, as she felt he spent too much time grooming it in front of the mirror, and besides, they'd look more alike - he wouldn't look so wild and scary and she wouldn't have to hear her girlfriends keep talking about it and wanting to touch it every time they got together, they were so jealous of her. After all, a lion shouldn't define who he is just over a bunch of hair, why was he so insecure? Wasn't she fine without a mane? It didn't make her a better cook or a mother or a hunter. He believed her when she later told him he looks so gentle and sweet without a mane and that it was so nice of him to honor her wishes and that her girlfriends were jealous and wished they too had such an understanding partner. However, from the next day, she slept apart by herself, claiming that he snored loudly and she had been sleepless for days. He agreed, as he felt she should sleep well as she did everything for him and would of course be tired....

One day, he heard a sound and looked up from his bed. There stool the maiden and her friends. The eyes of each filled with awe before him. They had come at her request to see this beast that stalks nature. "So strong and proud," they said. They too were seeking something missing and from envy wanted to see themselves. Emboldened by the chain around him, they threaded onto his domain and disturbed his peace. He roared in righteous fury and they fled. The maiden was not pleased and for many days she did not come to bring him food.

He sat there chained to his bed and grew angry at her actions, but that anger turned to hunger, and so, when she came again, he was filled with submission. "You have scared my friends and they now fear you. Come, I shall file your teeth and remove your claws and show them that you will not be mean." This troubled the lion but she looked into his eyes and pleaded. "Have I not been kind to you? I have I not brought you food? I do not ask for much so please give me this. You have no need for claws and teeth as I will keep you fed and take care of you." This was true and while it troubled him, the lion submitted and allowed her to file his teeth and clip his claws.

The weeks turned into months. Without running and hunting, the strength started to ebb away. Without his freedom the lion's pride and majesty eroded. It's claws and teeth removed, the other animals contempt and indifference brought the lion to despair. It spent it's days waiting, staring at it's chains, hoping for the comfort of the maiden. Eager to hear her stories of the outside world and to enjoy the comfort of her company, for none else kept his company. When she came, her eyes were sullen and she brought him food but there was no mirth or comfort to the action. It was more of duty then of joy. That night she did not stay. Days passed and her time with him decreased until one day she came to him with no food and no smile. "I do not feel like I had before," she said with little remorse in her voice. "You are fat and lazy. The pride and joy that I had enjoyed is no longer there. My friends now mock me for all the time that I waste coming to you and I do not feel safe and secure."

She removed his shackles. "You are free to go. I have moved on." With those words, she walked away from the lion never to return. A great sadness took him and for many days and nights he lay there hoping for her to return but she never came back. She would never come back.

When she left, she didn't bother to unchain him, as she knew he'd grab her legs and start begging for forgiveness. As such he was always apologizing to her as she never found anything he did good enough. Just touching him repulsed her. He roared and cried and whined and mewed, pleading with her to stay. He tried to stop her, but the chains held him back. She hit him on his face hard with her paw and he shut up, shocked and wept, humiliated. She looked at him with disgust in her eyes and told him, "You're not worthy of calling yourself a lion. You're pathetic. And no one will ever revere you again. Do me a favor and just die." And then she turned around and was gone.

She never came back, but he remained chained, hungry, weak, shattered. She took the bed too, as she felt it was only because of her that he even bothered having one. Several days later his old animal friends chanced on his den, found him still barely alive, on the cold floor, now reduced to skin and bones. Quickly they unchained him, brought him some food and told him how a rival lion had taken over in his absence, and that his "beloved" had been pursuing his rival for months. They spoke of her admiring him with her glances and showering him with affections in ways that our guy had not known for years. He didn't do a god damn thing for her, fucked her whenever he wanted, even drove her out when he wanted silence, but she was madly in love with him.

This revelation shattered what was left of his will to live, and for a while he contemplated jumping from the tallest cliff in the jungle down into the raging rapids below. As he stood over the edge, looking down at the river flowing in full spate below, he remembered that two years ago, his brother had jumped to his death from this very same spot without warning - he had last heard that his brother too had pursued these mysterious maidens, and had not heard from him since. Until word spread of his last act. He had been shocked as to how his fearless brother could have done something so cowardly. But now at last he knew what had really happened. His brother had been killed, not in battle against a powerful foe, but slowly, progressively and surely -- by someone he considered closest to him. So subtly, that he never realized it.

Grief gave way to anger, and he finally roared again after many days, as he realized that he could not let his brother's death go in vain. How could someone so beautiful and loving turn so evil and full of hatred? Even his own fiercest enemies in the jungle against whom he had fought and won could not have entertained such hate and contempt toward him? At least, they had it in them to acknowledge his former might. Why did he lose his respect? What did he do wrong, had he not done everything to please her? Why did she methodically destroy him? Why did she love the rival who was not at all nice to her? He thought of revenge, but knew his rival would finish him in seconds the way he was now.

Somehow he learnt to hunt small kill again, so he wouldn't starve, but he was a nobody in his own kingdom now. Finally, frustrated, seeking answers, he decided to wander the earth, searching for anyone who could tell him the truth. He somehow came to know through hearsay about an older lion, a ruler of another jungle who had fallen low and then somehow risen back to glory and was said to have attained some kind of enlightenment - he had apparently revived the spirit of many a broken male animal and changed their lives. This lion had his choice of lionesses at will who desired him over all others, but he was immune to their evil magic - they could not ruin him. He could throw them all out at will and be totally at ease by himself. He loved big, but on his own terms. He was open to teach what he knew to all those who were totally willing. Intrigued, our lion set out in search of the master. He would eventually meet this lion and get answers to the questions that burned in his heart, and they would shake him to the core of his being...

[ironjohnred]

Impermanence

h/t @TRP gurus 

An existential crisis happens when there is no inner fulfillment. Unfortunately that inner fulfillment and abundance won't come from outside when you're living a needy life. That only comes from within. Time to read some Tolle or Adyashanti for this problem -- if you could realize boredom itself is a symptom of unease with yourself, you'd have fixed a huge problem inside you.

Then what? Well, the answer to that life isn't in the future, life happens now. The farther you drift into an imaginary future, the more you stay in your mind, and the less you live, and the more meaningless life seems to become. That is why you're feeling unfulfilled with life. You're making too many assumptions about the future instead of creating the future you desire. Your problem statement is entirely ficticious.

If you have made women as the ultimate purpose, you will be unfulfilled. They are only the icing on the cake. The cake is YOU. You are the only permanent presence in your life. All other things and people will come, and go. If you can take that as it is, you can take life.

And there is no endgame except the one you choose. With that the road to your life is fully in your hands now. That's the last lesson of TRP.

Girls use questions to dictate the frame of the narrative. The one answering them is in a subordinate position. The only way out is pressure flip or deflect or illogical answers.

All of them suffer from a problem of "What she wants?" rather than "What I want."

By turning your awareness back to yourself, you go back to your point of origin. There things are much easier to change. Some deep pattern of shame or fear about making mistakes needs to be removed. That's why I recommend meditation. When you feel the anxiety or irritation coming, step back for a second and just observe it. Who is feeling this? You. Then accept it consciously for what it is. It puts up a struggle, but then you feel a lot of tension releasing itself.

What you did there is that you made a compulsion into a conscious process of mindfulness. I have written about this technique in my post on releasing past trauma and pain and the same holds true for anxiety. You will have to gym your mind everyday with mindfulness. Your anxiety will only dissolve when you choose to face it.

Do the exercises in NMMNG.

I know where you're coming from. In my past turned down lots of opportunities because of fear paralysis, fears that I wouldn't win, fears that others would be too much better than me, fears I'd flop up, fear of failing especially. Sometimes I think I alone was my biggest barrier. I beat myself up if I made even one mistake. But I wasn't getting better.

Every time I feel it coming, I read the statement "The master has failed more than the student has even tried". I have it on my bedroom wall in case. Some part of that old pattern still persists in the form of inertia more than fear or shame and that is something that I still need to improve on.

My aha moment was when I realized that by letting failures and problems teach me the right lessons, I actually went past the mark I had dreamt of and started opening up like never before. But there's still a long way to go.

"This place has the tools, but your growth is your responsibility. If you spend all your time on social media and sleeping late, not being able to do what you want and then blame others for it, you aren't being responsible for your life and you have only yourselves to blame.

Calibrate your time and energy well rather than simply come and crib and blame others for your mistakes. And stop being a herd animal - waiting for someone to try bell the cat and then conveniently joining in to complain. If you want change, you do it.

A bad workman always blames his tools

Because the missing peace is happiness within you. So long as you use anything to fill a hole inside, that hole will remain. You need to find true abundance and then so many things come to you that you might be shocked.

[ironjohnred]

Attention

h/t @trpgurus 

A girl with tattoos get's opened with a tattoo comment by almost every guy who approaches her.

A woman wants to live in fantasy land, where special Chad's and interesting, unique guys come and sweep them off their feet. By going own the tattoo road, you're announcing to her you're as common and stale as pretty much every single guy who tries to approach her.

It's like if you get all excited with a women with her tits out, then she knows she doesn't have to do anything more to get a reaction from you, the game is over.

When you talk to her as if her tit's being out has absolutely no effect on you, then she starts thinking of the next level she has to go to to get you attention, like taking off her pants or fucking you.

Tattoos are no different, act as if you don't see them and she'll realize she needs to do more than get a bit of ink to peak your interest.

Woman can smell when a man is concerned about her presence or not. When you have 4 or 5 girls on rotation, you simply couldn’t care if she doesn’t text back, or if she can’t make tonight, you simply replace her with another one.

This very attitude of not needing her whatsoever is what drives her to jump through all sorts of hoops to get your attention. She’ll clear her schedule, ditch her friends, fuck you like animal, because she knows it may be her only shot.

It’s so hard if not impossible to fake it, to truly internalize it and be the guy who doesn’t care or need her whatsoever if you haven’t experienced it. When it’s rolling you just snowball and women seem to fall in your lap.

A lot of guys hit relationships before ever feeling this sense of sexual market value, and then never feel that it’s possible to reach It, which leads them to behave like guy who’s never been hotly pursued which will always put him in a compromised position with women.

Every time you fulfill a fantasy, it's one less thing she has to work for from you, which is why you'll so often see women treat men who fulfill their fantasies so easily like trash and guys who give her little to nothing like kings.

She wants the brand new Louis V bag? You get it and she no longer has to work to get it from you. She want's a trip to Italy? You give it and she no longer has to work for it to get it from you. She want's that white wedding in Hawaii? You give it and she no longer has to work for it from you.

When given easily, without effort, it has no meaning to her. When she's had to work and earn it, you can give her a chocolate bar and it will feel like the biggest accomplishment.

Let her earn what she get, while you dictate the adequate reward and you'll get the best out of her. If she dictates the prize and when it get's dished out she'll forever feel like she's owed it and she'll give you her worst.

Competition is a part of human nature. The harder we have to compete for something, generally the more satisfying it is for you conquer that thing.

For women it is about emotionally conquering men. She wants to know she has the long term investment of a guy. She will generally only be satisfied once she's jumped this hurdle. Conquering a man handing this over on a platter signals low value. High value guys have multiple women vying for their investment, so they are far more reluctant to hand it over to a single women so easily. She'll keep working and keep interested until she's able to emotionally conquer.

For men, it's about conquering sexually. A women who hands it over on a platter immediately diffuses any conquering that needs to take place, this signals low value and we lose interest. When there are multiple men, all vying for the same pussy, we feel a much greater sense of accomplishment when conquered. It show's she has value, and that we have successfully out competed the competition to conquer her.

The conquering process, or the ease of it is ultimately a commentary on value, signalling how many options that individual has and by association how satisfied we'll be with our conquest.

Relationships are riding the line between dread and comfort. Too much on either side has issues.

Too much comfort and she feels to secure. She starts treating you worse and stops working as hard to please you. She also gets bored.

Some dread and she works to improve, too much dread and she's constantly anxious that you're going to leave her. She's unable to act and behave comfortably, and will start to prepare herself for the worst.

This will inevitably lead her to be less fun to be around and more distant as a protection mechanism.

For women, they use their sexuality to win over men. By denying her sex, you are displaying that you do not require her sexuality, which in turn show's you're not as invested in her as she may have thought. This will more often than not result in her deploying more sexuality to win you over, not less.

The reverse would be you constantly show her how much you wanna fuck her, which in turns tells her how absolutely invested you are in what she has to offer. She can then use this to dangle as a carrot, to manipulate you as she pleases.

Dread is pretty much the same thing, showing interest in other women, or showing lack of interest in her. It's basically signalling to her that you do not need what she has to offer, you can comfortably get it elsewhere. Which in turn, get's her to deploy her no.1 weapon as a female to win back your affection, sex.

A women who has been endlessly pumped and dumped, passed around like a bowl of soup at a tribal gathering is well aware she's worthless to high value men. She's been aspiring to them her entire fertile years, met with rash, consistent disposability.

When a man comes along and instantly offers up his loyalty, love and devotion without a price, no matter how good looking, wealthy or social he appears to be, he's signalling the ultimate sexual and emotional repulsion, that he is a low value man, with few options even more worthless than her.

The tension, the uncertainty and the unattainable is the very core to female attraction, which is why in every study and female reported attraction survey they'll tell you they love guys who are respectful, treat them like queens and constantly express their love. They are expressing their desire for a man who relieves this tension.

The female arousal dichotomy however, is that they are blissfully unaware that the relief from this tension is the relief from attraction. Comfort kills attraction. They are emotional creatures that fold at the absence of the forces that drive emotion. Comfort, predictability and certainty are the surefire quickest way to abolish all emotional spikes.

This is a standard western women's progression. Chase the unattainable Chad, feel the tension, desire the relief from this tension, tell the world about how you just want these Chad's to be nice loving and respectful, get nice guys listening to these women who then giving them this. Then having the women being miserable, stuck in an endless rut of predictability, longing for those glory days of uncertain emotional fire.

This is how men get anchored into Blue Pill thinking. Society says women should be listened to, when in reality they have no idea what they want.

Most modern men are boring as shit. They do the same stale activities over and over until the life is sucked entirely out of their relationship.

Then they're surprised when some guy, who's half interesting shows up and fucks their women. All he had to do was take her out of the house.

Women operate on emotions, watching Netflix 3 times a week doesn't really spike them. Take her out, do something interesting, fuck her in parking lot, be naughty, experience nature. Get her juices glowing.

[ironjohnred]

Freedom

h/t @trpgurus 

Women operate on an attention economy. The most insecure ones go to the greatest lengths to try and compensate.

They’ll be the ones wearing the sluttiest clothes or getting tattoos to get themselves noticed.

This simaultaneously makes them shitty partner choices.

You’ve gone through the natural course.

Women are only a big hinderance when that part of your life is unsatisfied. It’s like an aching hunger. It’s hard to focus on work, hobbies or anything when you’re hungry.

When you can adequately feed yourself, it ceases to be a focal point in your life. You can focus on far more meaningful pursuits because at your core, you’ve internalized that you know how to feed yourself, so it loses its power over you.

The more scarce a commodity is the more value it has.

From a biological perspective a guy who sprays validation and attention is essentially driving down his price because of how available it is. If she doesn't have to compete for it, it has no value to her.

A guy who has multiple options, being pursued by multiple women means his attention and validation is more scarce, driving up his price. She has to compete for it, meaning it has value.

Without knowing a thing about a guy she can immediately tell how valuable a guy is based on how he approaches her.

Swallowing the red pill is a lot like finding out Santa Clause isn’t real. Christmas can never be the same again.

The trade off is empowerment. You understand how it works, you see the truth and it loses its control over you. Christmas can then become whatever you want it to be.

The reason that it is often at odds with happiness is because most people will blissfully continue to embrace the lie while you distance yourself from it and embrace the truth. It forces you onto an isolated path, away from the people you love and care about.

Most people won’t ever be able to give up the lie, because they’re not strong enough to, they rely on it like they rely on oxygen. If you try and wake them up from up it they’ll distance themselves from you, because you’re trying to distance them from what gives them purpose.

This leaves you in a position where the only way to still maintain close relationships is to play a role, to somewhat live the lie as a means to an end. To still show up at Christmas even though you know it’s a farce.

A women's first semi-wall is post teen, we called it the college spread. This is where girls that were hot in high school either ballooned out the moment they hit college, or realized they were a big fish in a small pond in high school and are actually pretty average in the grander scheme of things. These girls became extra ambitious in hunting down dick, they had to put on more of a display and give more of themselves, wearing the sluttiest clothes and doing the raunchiest shit just to hold onto the guys they used to get.

Then it's the big wall, and this one is a little more permanent. I also get the feeling it's creeping earlier and earlier. I socialize a fair deal and the girls in their mid-late 20's seem to be drifting off into irrelevancy. They get some attention but for the most part all the Alpha's attention is on the girls between 18-22 and for good reason. Why bother with pussy worn from a train of college/club dick when there's fresh, young belters who are twice as ripe.

[ironjohnred]

Hamster

h/t @trpgurus 

Red pill wisdom following breakups tells you that you should man up, lift, spin plates, and move on with no contact. That is exactly what you should do, but I understand how difficult it can be to see the forest for the trees when you feel like your whole world is crashing down. The blue pill tells you to get closure, make a gesture to work it out, go no contact for 60 days, or be friends with her; something to that effect. You know that won’t lead anywhere that’s healthy for you. Your mileage will vary based on your level of attachment and investment in this girl, but you will go through some form of the stages of grief. Moving on occurs when you abandon all hope or expectation of her coming back, and your life is better without her than with her. Ultimately, time is your best friend, and you need to stack small wins to build your life back up and come out stronger.

Warning: What will happen if you get back with her also varies by circumstance, but none of it favors you. If you dumped her (which is a massive DHV and will probably make her chase you), she will always remember how you hurt her feelings and resent you. The fights will continue, and the reasons you broke up with her will still be present and increase exponentially. If she dumped you, she sees you as weak, and will walk all over you if you get back together with her. You will always remember how she lied to you. If she tested the waters and saw the grass wasn’t greener, you know she doesn’t value you. It will never be as good as it once was, and the person you thought you knew, is dead, or actually, never existed.

The power of the hamster is unfathomable to your logical brain, so never try to rationalize her behavior. You can’t. After a break up, it ramps up to warp speed. The hamster will go on a full PR tour to her friends and family, and you’re always the asshole. You'll get the "abusive and controlling label", or "aren't enough of a man". She will get as many sympathy points as she can. You don’t have the luxury of appearing weak and playing victim. You can most likely say goodbye forever to any mutual friends you had. Cut your losses here and focus on yourself.

it's a close enough estimate. slutty low quality women tend to be perpetually unhappy, that's why they are always in search of some sort of high. that's why dudes get sucked into relationships with them is she treats him like cocaine for a while and that's a great feeling that men don't tend to get, it's her reaction to your energy that makes her behave that way. when the novelty wears off and she gets used to your dosage of whatever it is she liked about you, she's going to go back to who she is and will ultimately look for another victim. what'll happen to her current partner is he got equally addicted to how she treated him to secure commitment ie he felt validated, and he'll try to give her more to sate her, but ultimately what happens is he breaks his own frame and she sucks him dry and just moves on to someone else. it's some vampire shit.

the point is if you want to be with a woman for an ltr find someone who is consistently putting in an effort to add quality to your life, in some way. it can be as simple as she always shows up with a good attitude and is happy to see you and you always find spending time with her to be enjoyable. that's how she has to be for the rest of her days because that's who she is, rather than that's how she's treating you to get you committed. tldr don't date vampires. if men stopped consenting to feeding vampiric women with their lifeblood, they would starve and die out. beta men thirst for pussy, beta women thirst for a man's soul.

[ironjohnred]

Mystery

h/t @trp gurus 

Most people are like an open book, constantly babbling about: hobbies, their job, who they hangout with, what they do on the weekends, information they gleaned from a YouTube video, thirty second long snapchat stories. They are always brimming with advice that no one asked for.

​

After asking a few leading questions this individual will divulge enough of his life story that you can paint a picture of him as a boring, basic, common man. Once this individual is figured out and categorized by your brain there is nothing left to learn about him and your brain is bored by him. Your brain now imagines him spending his time on the weekend playing xbox and jerking off.  

Your brain likes to fill in the gaps where it has no information, it has fun doing this. Given little information (and thoughtfully dropped breadcrumbs) our brains will generally paint a much grander and greater picture of what actually happened. When we have the full story our brain suddenly gets bored and gives up trying to figure it out.

​

When you first meet a girl your “mystery scale” is at an all time high. You know you’re a basic fucking dude but she doesn’t. You look her in the eye and say “hey”, she likes what she sees and immediately she begins imagining you doing cool things: Going to foreign locations ,making money ,living dangerously on edge, fucking other woman etc.

Then you proceed to slaughter her fantasy by telling her every little fucking detail of your life

“I work at X”

“I hangout with X”

“I Do X on the weekends”

“I Traveled to X last year to do X”

With every bit of information you divulge your mystery scale takes a blow. Her smile begins to waver as her brain is now painting a picture of you as the average guy you really are.

​

With a flick of a switch she suddenly has you all figured out. Her brains image of you is now grounded in reality. An hour ago you were inscrutable but now she realizes she met someone just like you last week. She just moves on to the next guy she imagines has it cooking (he probably doesn’t, no guy can live up to a female created fantasy)

A fantasy can be killed in one conversation if you really know the Right Wrong things to say.

​

Never let someone “figure you out”

Thought experiment: Think about how a Janitor spends his weekend vs. how James Bond spends his weekend

Imagine the things each of them are doing

​

You probably imagine the janitor doing nothing fun, probably paying bills in his small home.

​

You probably imagine bond racing some cool as fuck car, shooting guns in a suit, and taking the girl home.

Imagine the power you would have if you could instill in her a mental image the likes of James Bond. She would always believe you were up to something totally cool and the fuel for this image is simply the tidbits of information you throw her.

​

So now that we understand the concept of mystery and attraction how can you leverage it to you’re advantage

1.Shut the fuck up and listen

Most blue pill guys are going to meet a woman and begin qualifying themselves to her. Just imagine for a minute that you flip the table and get her to begin qualifying herself to you.

You remain at peak mystery and now she is giving you valuable information that you can leverage later on in the evening.

How do you do this? Begin asking her leading questions.

“What do you do”

“What do you like”

“How do you spend your time”

​

let her ramble on about herself while you kick back and observe the situation at hand

​

Bonus points if you don’t even ask her questions and she just begins telling you want you want to know for free. More bonus points if she begins qualifying herself!

​

She will begin divulging her mystery while you keep yours intact.

2.Indirect and vague

In General the questions you ask will be flipped back on you (This is how conversations work) so expect to answer your own question; if she is not self obsessed and can’t stop talking about herself that is.

The key to answering a question and not killing the mystery it is to remain indirect and vague with you’re answers.

Ex.

Her: “what are we going to do tonight”

RP You: “Show up at eight and find out”

BP You: “ we are going to be going to X, and then maybe to X, and then back to my apartment”

———————————————————

Her: “how often do you go here”

RP You: “occasionally”

BP You: “I come here every Friday and Saturday, Im friends with all the staff and they know me very well”

———————————————————

Her: “How do you know all these people”

RP You: “I get around”

BP You: “I did school announcements in high school and people we’re used to hearing my name over the intercom every day”

​

tell her much less then necessary, leave her with unanswered questions so she can fill in the answers

3.Bread crumbs

Discretely drop details about your life that create more questions then answers.

Her: “you want to hangout tonight”

RP You: “can’t I’m in the city”

Her brain: Why is he in the city? What could he possibly be doing without me?? I wonder who he is with, he is probably with other hot girls.

———————————————————

Ever see a guy with a Rolex or a status symbol he has like a Porsche or Ferrari?

We like these items because it starts our brain on a rationalization obstacle coarse to try to figure out: what he does, who he is, and what is he doing here.

Status symbols open up a box of unanswered questions that’s why girls flock to the guy with the Porsche (to figure him out) not the guy with Subaru.  

Drop tidbits of information that produce many questions and then withhold the answers, this is peak mystery!

4. Effortless

Don’t talk about how many hours you studied for the grade.

how many hours you “grind” in the gym to look this way.

Don’t talk about how much effort went into your PowerPoint presentation.

No one fucking cares how much effort you put in, they only care about the results.

You know that you worked hard, but to other people make it appear as if it was effortless. When it appears that everything is effortless to you, people will begin attributing you positive quality’s and an air of mystery and heightened skill.

Everyone will think “Why is he so good at that if he never practices, he must be a natural ”

———————————————————

Her: “wow, how often do you go to the gym??:)”

RP You: “occasionally”

BP You: “every day I do 15 minutes of HIIT cardio, followed up by two hours of grueling 5x5 strong lifts. And I haven’t even gotten to my diet yet”

———————————————————

Reminder, the girl doesn’t fucking care

5.Don’t Give unsolicited advice

If someone doesn’t ask you for help or an opinion, don’t give it.

Generally people don’t give a fuck what you think and they will only resent you for knowing more on the subject then themselves.

You’re plate start talking to you about climate change and how bad it is for the earth but can’t properly explain the greenhouse effect?

Laugh to yourself, but let her think she knows all the answers. It would do you no good teaching her about the fucking green house effect on a ride to the bar.

From personal experience I agree 100%. My problem has always been living up to the fantasy. I've dated way more women than anyone should in their lifetime and it's always the same. Most of the time I'm not really interested in the girl, but when I am I take them out, give them great conversation, they have the most fun they've ever had, but eventually they realize that the fantasy is not real. That I don't check every box. I've always likened it to Dorothy seeing the wizard behind the curtain. They don't want to know that I'm an atheist. They don't want to know that I have nuanced opinions about shit. They're almost never looking to be intellectually stimulated, they're just checking to see what boxes you tick.

I've always had the attitude like I know I'm better than 99.9% of guys so that's how I'll win out in the end. But that's all bullshit because we're not dealing in reality, we're dealing with people's perceptions. Ultimately it's just better to shut the fuck up.

Just STFU. Effortlessness, indirectness, vagueness comes naturally but its ironic that STFUing is the hardest part to 'master' which should be the easiest. Restraint only will put you in the top 20% if not more than that.

The artful non answer is an underused option outside of politics and PR people.

Done properly it cultivates mystery and allows for the hamster to run away with its own ideas. Female fantasy is often so over the top that actually competing with it is impossible, but why compete when a smart non answer lets her make the mental leap herself?

Being asked a question you don't care for? Non answer. By someone you don't care for? Non answer. The answer too mundane? Non answer.

The list goes on but almost any situation where it doesn't explicitly benefit you is a time to consider the application of the non answer.

Its not the most beginner friendly option as it requires social calibration to get tone and frequency right. Used properly though it has many many uses.

[ironjohnred]

Unreactive

h/t @trp gurus

wanna get started on being unreactive?

unless you are directly asked a question, don't say a word. only reply to questions.

women often expect replies to statements. if she says, "I'm tired," do you feel obligated to reply in any way?

in the past I'd ask... "why are you tired... something wrong?" and the testing, bs, and endless yapping would begin.

now... i just remain silent or continue doing what i was doing... like reading.

If it truly is a shit test, remaining unreactive helps you pass it:

if you get upset and defend yourself, you lose (reactive) If instead you maintain a playful frame (if thats what you had before), then you win (unreactive)

Agree and amplify is the easy go-to.

If this bothers you at all, which it does, then you're faking it. They can sense that you're faking it.

It isn't just being non-reactive, it's a fundamental awareness and understanding that flaring emotional responses and needless comments are a waste of energy and offer no inherent value for you or others.

Once you get that, they won't call you a robot and if they did you wouldn't care.

It's actually staggering how powerful of a mindset this can be. We subconsciously know that people who aren't phased appear more capable, but we have had the habit of appeasement drilled into us from basically childbirth.

Nod in agreement. Um and Ahh in agreement. Throw in shitty connectives like "of course", "for sure" and I agree, totally" for no reason but to keep each other talking. We're so scared of not being reciprocated that we've conditioned society to require it as a norm.

I remember learning this at a job interview a decade ago. I kissed arse from start to finish, just like i'd been taught. The atmosphere was one where I suppressed my words, just in case. I said too much and made a pathetic impression. I got the job but the dynamic was established with me as a definite underling.

Now I only speak when I need to. I don't grunt in approval. I don't give that typical "job interview" head nod whenever i'm being spoken to. I am much more respected today.

Look at every iconic tough guy movie hero. They are cool, calm and collected at all times. They barely allow any emotion to seep through the cracks. If they do, it is a hint of joy as they crush an enemy. They are unapologetic in their character and firmly believe in themselves.

Or at least it appears so.

This is proof that we as humans are wired to admire men that shit does not stick to.

You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you. Breathe and allow things to pass

The most important of these skills, and power's crucial foundation, is the ability to master your emotions. An emotional response to a situation is the single greatest barrier to power, a mistake that will cost you a lot more than any temporary satisfaction you might gain by expressing your feelings. Emotions cloud reason, and if you cannot see the situation clearly, you cannot prepare for and respond to it with any degree of control.

[ironjohnred]

Amused

h/t @trp gurus 

The best possible way to be dismissive is to find something entertaining and amusing. She’s trying to shake your frame, get a rise out of you, bring you down to her level, and instead, you derive benefit from her actions, and respond like you would to a child - by responding to the fact that she’s communicating and the manner in which she’s communicating, rather than addressing the feigned issue she’s raising.

If you become angry, defensive, hurt, etc., then the message you’ve sent to your woman is: “You are more powerful than I am. You have the power to affect my emotional state. I don’t decide how I feel. You do. I don’t take charge of my life. I just react to shit. I am an unworthy and weak male specimen. Please refrain from having sex with me and find yourself a real man.” In fact, if you address the issue at all, you’re saying: “You control what is and is not important in our lives. You set my priorities just by talking. You’re my boss.”

Your woman doesn’t want you to get angry. She wants you to remain a solid rock, upon which she can rely. Despite what society will try to tell you, your job is to be the rock that grounds her, not to address her every issue with the whole of your attention and communicate your feelings with one another. Your woman can talk to her girlfriends about that stuff. She needs you to be a man.

The added bonus is that if you’re always amused, stoic, and unshakeable, then on the rare occasions when you do raise your voice or become aggravated by something, your woman will know that you are expressing anger intentionally, and with great purpose, because the issue is important. On those rare occasions when you do get angry, they’re special, and you command her attention.

The whole world’s proposed solution to relationship problems is communication. And if that’s not working, counseling, where the counselor can have you communicate some more.

But when your woman comes home from her workday (or her non-workday, depending on her situation), and begins to complain about a co-worker or friend of hers, and chatters on and on for 45 minutes straight about this other person you barely know and don’t care about, she doesn’t want you to offer solutions or advice. She just wants you to sit there and listen. To communicate less. To just say “uh huh” and nod. She wants you to hear her feelings, but she doesn’t want you to tell her what you think.

And when you’re having a hard time at work and may be getting fired at the end of the week, that’s the last thing she wants to hear from you. If you tell her about your worries, she’ll just worry, too, and there’s nothing she can do about the problem. So by communicating, you’ve made her sad. She’s not dumping you because you won’t have a paycheck in 5 days. She’s dumping you because you make her sad, especially when you express things to her that make it look like you don’t have your shit together.

The biggest shit test of all will be when she comments that you never talk about yourself or express what you’re feeling to her and demands that you tell her about your feelings. But remember, guys, this is a test, and the right answer is: agree and amplify. “Uhh. Let’s see. I’m feeling hungry. And horny. Definitely horny. But mostly hungry. If you’d worn a shorter skirt, maybe we could have flipped the two around, but I’m going to go get some food.” Her inner self will nod in approval when you say that. "Yup. Still a man," she'll confirm.

No woman respects a man who doesn’t respect himself. You respect yourself by putting yourself first. By knowing what you want and taking steps to acquire it. By being forward and honest and outright saying what you want. By doing what you want. By not compromising on what you want.

Now obviously, being selfish doesn’t mean being a disrespectful ass. Don’t skip out on your kid’s birthday party to go to the gym. Don’t plan beers with your coworkers on your anniversary. You can be a little flexible. You’re supposed to think of your woman occasionally. And when you’re a guy who generally puts himself first and does what he wants, then on those rare occasions when you do think of your woman, it’s special to her and she values what you’ve done for her. Conversely, if you’re generally a self-sacrificing guy who’s always doing shit for her, then nothing you do is special or valued. It’s ordinary. In fact, if you ever stop doing all of that shit for her or dip slightly in your self-sacrificing behavior, you’ve fallen below ordinary and she’ll complain.

Don’t ask your woman for permission to do anything. Just tell her what you’re going to do and when. It’s fair for her to know when you’re not going to be around/available. So tell her. But don’t ask. Your woman’s going to complain. She’s going to deliberately plan things on top of your gym hour, your professional events after work, your time with your friends, and ask you to cancel things and reschedule things. Tell her no. If she’s a bitch about it, mention that you told her what you were doing and when, and tell her to reschedule or cancel her shit.

[ironjohnred]

Closure

h/t @trp gurus 

Closure is usually just her trying to find a way to pin the failure of the relationship on you. Any woman that truly wants you, will not make things difficult. Life's too short to want to be with someone that's unsure about you.

here have been many times in my life where a woman contacted me after a break-up for "closure", and I responded with anger, or sadness, or explanation, or trying to win her back.

She's only ever there for herself. To deflect the blame for the break-up and failure of the relationship off of herself, and onto you. She doesn't give a shit about you anymore; if she did, she would still be fucking you.

The only good response is no response. Anything else validates her. Anything else shows that you're still invested.

Walk the fuck away.

Here is the thing. When a girl decides to break it off with you, there is a 99.9% chance that she has made up her mind for good and nothing will change her mind. She has already desexualized you and moved on. She is no longer attracted. No force in the world will get her back with you. You can go lift, gain 50 pounds of pure muscle and look like a greek god giga chad and she still won't see you "that way". Period.

The problem is, most of you faggots who read this will think you are apart of that 0.1% in which she does change her mind because you are stricken with oneitis. You aren't going to listen to me and you won't accept the fact you have a better chance of winning the lottery. But if you do want to reason with her, argue with her, negotiate with her, try to win her back after she breaks it off, give it at least 72 hours until you say ANYTHING to her. Once she tells you its over in some form or fashion, go silent. At the very most, say "OK" and act like you have moved on as well. Then, after 72 hours have passed, and you want to go for that slim chance of being able to reason your way back in, go ahead, but just realize you have astronomical odds.

The 72 hour rule isn't so much in that it will raise your odds, its that when a girl breaks it off with you, she wants to see you melt down. She wants to see you be emotionally affected and disraught. That way she gets her closure, seeing you act a total fool, and then she can tell herself "See? I made the right choice. Look at this pathetic weak whiny bitch".

By going dead silent after she breaks it off, she doesn't get that closure and satisfaction. It will drive her nuts. By going silent it makes you look like you gave no fucks and put no value on her. This will drive her mad and I guarantee she will try to keep reaching out to you to get that closure. That's why silence is the best weapon here, not negotiating and reasoning. If you do choose to engage with her if she reaches back out to you after you go silent on her, be very stoic. Act like you aren't affected at all and she poses no value for you. Then you have leverage.

Again I repeat - the 72 hour rule IS NOT A POWER PLAY TO TRY AND WIN HER BACK. Its there to not give her the satisfaction of closure.

In a relationship context, it's usually a manifestation of seller's remorse. They initiated a breakup, or misbehaved badly enough to earn being broken up with. Now they want to stir the pot as it goes cold. As above, they're trying to collect more value from you in their own interest, not yours. Don't do it! Nothing good comes from these discussions.

Be decisive about moving on with your own life. Be clear but concise about why the relationship is ending, then let her go work through her own "closure."

All of this is presuming you didn't ghost the person unprovoked. In that case, it can mess with a person, woman more so than man, and it legitimately does leave the person hanging and in need of emotional closure. Have the balls to break up decisively, that's all the closure work you "owe" someone you're breaking up with.

As a man, you don’t need closure.

A girl either wants to fuck you or she doesn’t.  A long, emotional [or attempted logical] conversation will not change this fact.

Girls, however, need to put a man they are dumping into a desexualized box and wrap a pretty bow of closure around it.  By participating in the closure process you are helping her tie the bow around your desexualized fate.

If a girl breaks up with you: Do not talk about your feelings Do not talk about her feelings Do not argue with her reasons

Just accept it and grieve on your own time.

This is hard.

Why?

Because a woman will never give her ACTUAL reasons for breaking up with you.  She will only give you society-approved bullshit that makes her look innocent. [Or, she just doesn’t understand her own emotional reasoning and looks to socially approved messages to help her out of the mess]

She will never say “you didn’t fuck me good enough” or “you’re too nice and not exciting” or “no other girl I know wants to fuck you so something must be wrong with you”.

She will say “I’m really busy with school and work and don’t have time for a relationship now” or “you’re great but I”m not ready for anything serious” or “I care about you as a friend”.

Sometimes the reasons she give will be SO false, such obvious flowery bullshit, that you will feel a deep burning need to set her straight, to correct her misunderstanding.

Don’t.

You can’t logic a woman.

You can say “okay”, walk away with a smirk and never contact her again. [The smirk is important because you have options, right?]

Being robbed of emotionally dripping closure, she’ll always feel a little incomplete. Why didn’t he fight harder for me? Did I really not get to his emotions? Am I not as desirable to him as I thought? Is he more desirable than I thought?

Girls have egos.  They WANT to know you’re emotional about her breaking up with you.  It validates her.  So don’t do it. [This sounds strong but it’s essentially true]

You want a girl dumping you to question her reasons, not verify them.

When a girl dumps you, you want to be able to look back on how you handled it with pride.

When you give a girl closure, you give her your pride. 

She isn't feeling robbed of closure. She is feeling robbed of validation. That is the reason behind almost everything you talked about here. She wants to feel important. Every time she leaves you, you come crawling after her and give her that validation that she is somehow the most important thing in your life.

All of a sudden she wants to get that rush of power over you again and feel like she's being worshipped so she brings up the break up shit again. You respond with "Meh" and suddenly the validation isn't there. She goes nuts. Where is her rush. That is why she is pissed that you aren't fighting for her. That is her ultimate validating pick me up and you denied it to her.

The rest of everything she said in that is a barrage of power struggles and blaming/guilt trips. All of these things are shit tests to see who you are as well.

She asks me if there is ANYTHING ELSE I want to say

She is begging for validation here. She wants to know that she is important to you and does this by hurting you every time.

I get 4 messages with her telling me that I'm scared and don't say what I want to say

Shaming tactic by calling you afraid. Don't give into that.

Just cause we over I still want you to be my friend I don't care if you don't want I want

Yeah that sounds like a great friendship. She doesn't care what you want. It only matters what she wants. That sounds like it was the framework for your whole relationship. It is crucial that you deny her your friendship. She is a leech and is using you for everything that you offer and doesn't care how you feel about it. Don't hang out with her or call her when you want to chat with someone. It will only further inflate her fucked up head. If she pushes it make her explain what you get out of being her friend and what she has every done for you in that capacity. Her answers will suck.

A woman will not leave a man she considers of higher SMV than her. Every other time, your grovelling proved that you were low value, and her subconcious, "eww a chump, gross" programming kicked in. This time, you left while you were still high value. She's pusthumously shit-testing you to prove that you're not as high value as you seem in this moment, at which point she'd drop you with extreme prejudice again

You are demonstrating you have the "ability to walk away" which is the opposite of needy.

When a man has this attitude he is demonstrating higher value which is making her question the attitude she had of you. That it turns makes her worried that your value is going up compared to her, so all these text are searching for validation. You matter more right now than you did the day before she broke up with you.

Give it a few more breakups. Going to be forced to recognize that they all respond the same way, starting to manipulate you any way she can. Using emotions, guilt, closure, "thought you'd fight for me", using her friends and ridiculous accusations that you are emotionally abusive, or "never loved her" (that's my favorite, personally, for the pure female arrogance of it - as if loving her was the only thing that basically happened in the relationship. The center of all world events, everybody loving her. Bitch, what about loving me?).

The sad truth of it is, she isn't doing any of that to get you back, she's furious because you're not on your knees begging. It's like a neg, you didn't pay dues to her girly ego by self-destructing the moment she said "goodbye, amigo" and wiggled her pretty ass at you on the way out. You were supposed to fall apart and she was supposed to turn up her nose at the wreckage, fully satisfied that she made the right choice by ditching a loser. Damn right you robbed her, now she doesn't know what's going on, it's like... you don't even care. Like she isn't even the center of the universe. That hurts. How dare you.

Sounds like you did most things by the book, good for you. All TRP advice about breakup isn't dealing with emotions, feeeeeeelings or closure. It's just pragmatic. How do you minimize damage going forward, how do you recover as quickly as possible, how do you sidestep her manipulations. Stick to it despite the unavoidable shitty feelings and you'll hit the ground running like a champ.

[ironjohnred]

Reframe

h/t @trp 

I will use Stoic philosophy to explain Outcome Independence. Stoicism is Greco-Roman philosophy with the goal of accepting reality as the key to inner peace. This allows you to become a clear thinker so you can optimize your energy to virtuous causes that you can contribute to. Essentially, Stoicism is a philosophy of maintaining Frame. I’ll focus now on how to use it to become Outcome Independent.

When confronted with a problem, a Stoic would ask if it is something outside your control, or in your control. If the problem is outside your control, then a Stoic concludes that since there is nothing you can do about it, so you shouldn’t worry. Accept that, and move on to other things. There is no point in wasting energy if you can’t affect the outcome. This is the reason, for example, I don’t even worry about the possibility of being struck by a meteorite as I type this. Yeah, it can happen, but there is nothing I can do about it, so why bother? On the other hand, if something is under your control, then, the stoic would say there is no reason to worry either because you can manage the issue! I don’t worry about breathing right now because breathing is right now fully under my control.

That is all there is to staying calm when facing problems: if something is outside your control, don’t waste emotional energy on it. If something is inside your control, plan what you will do about it, work hard at it, but don't worry more. So far, this is all very obvious, so if this was what Zeno, Cicero, Seneca, Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius talked about, what is the big fuss?

Well, the fuss is that there are some problems that are not fully under our control, or fully out of control. One such problem is increasing sex with your wife. Clearly part of it is under your control, but she has a lot of power over the whole thing as well. This is why we worry so much about such problems: we can’t put it in the category of “don’t worry, I got it” nor in the category of “don’t worry, there is nothing I can do about”. It is a partial control problem, and we try to do well with what is under our control, but then we get frustrated for what isn't, try to things under our control that are ineffectual or backfire and then we over do it. This makes us pathetic, desperate, and unattractive in LTRs. These partial control problems are the ones that make us waste energy, lose frame, and lose perspective. They lead to frustration and even resentment, and these are all very unattractive.

The Stoics noticed that there is one power that you have to conquer all these problems. This post is about that power. This is power nobody can ever take away from you. This power is the key to having Frame, Outcome Independence, passing all the shit tests, and getting all the sex you want.

"Man is disturbed not by things, but by the views he takes of them." - Epictetus

We have the power to redefine problems. Others might try to define problems for us, but we should always reject that, it is giving away our power. Always define the problem in terms of what is under your control, and what isn’t. The way to always have Outcome Independence is that we have to redefine the problem in a way that we do not depend on others or circumstances to obtain them. Why? Because others are not under our control, so we slide into their frame. So instead we change our perception of the problem such that it is all under our influence. This is Outcome Independence: we define the problem such that the other person has zero power over affecting its outcome. We are not subject to anyone in this way.

To make it more concrete, I’ll go now to a reason many people in LTRs come here: husbands wanting more/better sex from their wives. Here lies the problem. The problem isn't the wife closing her legs. The problem is how the husband defined the issue! The husband has give up all his power over this by how he defined it and has given the wife all the power. She now can close her legs, there is nothing he can do about that. So the husband worries and becomes resentful because he can’t control her. The Stoics would tell the husband to accept he can’t control her and stop begging her. Instead, the stoic husband must redefine the problem into something that is under his control. Decide you will work hard to become the man women want to have sex with. For example, workout, improve your assertiveness and expand your social circles. This is all 100% under the husbands control. Eat better, dress better, become the best version of you. This is all under the husbands control. Why? Because by focusing on all that, the husband doesn’t have to worry about what is outside his control. But also, this redefinition makes it more likely to make him happier because he will become more attractive, which increases the likelihood of having sex either with the wife, or with anyone else.

The Stoics would advise men in LTRs: Become Outcome Independent by focusing on self improvement, which is all under your control. Don’t worry about your wife's actions, she isn’t under your control. This redefinition a form of light dread, but notice how powerful it is: there is nothing the wife can do to stop you from getting to your goal now of becoming a better man. You defined the problem now so she has no power over you, but you seem more powerful to her. You reframed the problem to maintain frame. You changed the power dynamics only because you redefined the issue. This sense of power comes from your OI, and it is incredibly attractive in itself! Nobody likes someone that begs for stuff, but everyone loves someone that is driven to success and want to be part of his life. Note that OI frees you from resentment because she can’t block your way to your goals anymore. This has a side effect that you also become happier with her, which also improves the relationship. And if she comes around and starts giving you head, great. But if she doesn’t, then you are ready to Next her for someone else. Independent of what she decides to do, you get the Outcome that you wanted. You don't demand she desires you, you just become a desirable man independent of her opinion of you.

This Stoic trick requires big cojones. By redefining the problem such that the burden is on you, it means you can't blame others anymore for your lack of success, you must face the challenge, you have no excuses now. This is what is so hard about this: it just reminds you are always the captain, even when you are drunk. Some feel oppressed by this responsibility and prefer to stay as a drunk captain to forget it.

This is the ultimate way to demonstrate Frame: you are the only person that defines the problems in your life. You do so in such a way you that the burden of overcoming challenges becomes all yours. You don't blame others, you don't beg to others. But you put all your energy on solving that problem you defined, and waste none in worrying about what is not under your control. Most people can’t do this. But those that do it become leaders, because others sense how they will get to the goal, and try to join them to be part of the ride. This is attraction. And all comes from a very simple mind hack that some dead greeks came up with. Don’t say you want more sex from your wife. Say you want to become the man women want to have sex with. This way the outcome if fully under your control!

tl;dr - Redefine problems always such that you fully control their outcome. This places the burden of overcoming challenges fully on you, but also, frees you from having to beg others to do what you want. This is Outcome Independence. This creates attraction.

Redefining the problem can easily be done by internalizing your goals and make them independent from external factors not under your control. In this case my goal was to have sex with my wife, my wife is an external factor (to my mind and control) which makes that goal partly under her control. I reset that goal to work on myself so that i become the most attractive version of myself to her. that way all the components to reach that goal are internal (to my mind and my control) and fulfilling it is completely up to me. This is really just rephrasing your tl;dr but it might help someone to better understand/apply the method.

[ironjohnred]

Masculine Frame

h/t @TRPgurus 

It is all about building a strong internal frame. It is about being proactive rather than reactive to external factors outside oneself. It’s about doing the work of a man (your purpose) not for the praise or validation of others but to reach a state of self-fulfillment. Accepting the universal factors that lay outside of your control and remaining indifferent, remaining indifferent to pain or pleasure and staying focused on your purpose.

​The more we value things outside our control, the less control we have.

Hypergamy is just part of nature and lies outside your control. Being angry at the existence of hypergamy is just like being angry at the existence of mosquitoes. You are being emotionally reactive to the nature of things outside your control and further more wasting your mental energy that could be put to better use working on oneself and towards your purpose.

You are your frame, to build a frame is to build one's self; this is the key difference between real change from within and “acting alpha”. If you set aside the moral aspects from Meditations it reads as a general guide on how to be a strong, well-rounded man. Being unfazed by the factors outside oneself and ensuring that validation comes from within rather than external factors. This is your frame. You are your frame. Frame is the extent of which you are controlling your own reality and the truth is, often you have little control/influence of external factors. To build frame one must focus on what he can change, what one has control over and let go of the things he doesn't. This is why there is a common theme here of people starting their own business and being self employed; it’s directly linked to building frame. Becoming self sufficient puts you in a position where you never “have” to do anything you don’t want to. Being the boss, being in control of the decisions being made and the actions that follow is operating within your frame. When you are working for someone else, you are operating in their frame. If the date location you chose was somewhere you think she would like (without considering of what you want) you are operating in her frame. Damn, if the only reason you are lifting weights is to impress the girl next door you are still serving her reality. You are your frame but only to the extent of the things you have done and created on your own, for the sole purpose of furthering oneself. If you build great things people will naturally want to be a part of that. This is where we can derive real power, by remaining in control of the direction of our own lives and even start to influence the directions of others. Why? Because that’s one tasty looking cake you’ve baked up and they’re keen for a slice. Now you have the power to decide if you want to give them some. What can they provide for you? What's the going rate? What's your next best option? Fuck it! Eat the whole cake if you want, you can do whatever you want in this situation. Now you have others operating on your terms, within your frame.

I’ve used cold showers as part of my meditation every morning. It reinforces two concepts. It helps build resistance to seeking pleasure and to become indifferent in the face of pain/discomfort. We all know that pleasure seeking weather it be porn, drugs or Netflix is counter productive towards self development. Furthermore being outside your comfort zone can be uncomfortable at best and agonizingly painful at worst; but it's where we have to be if we want to grow. During the first week of taking cold showers I’d be hesitant before I entered, I would almost squeal as my body flinched and my breathing accelerated when the freezing cold water fell upon my body. It didn’t take long before I learnt to control my breathing and with no hesitation jump straight into the shower with indifference, as if it were a steaming hot shower on a cold winter's morning.

I’m staying calm and collected as I chose to be, not reacting to the freezing water. I am not allowing cold water to control my actions. I’m behaving in accordance with how I have chosen to behave, I am standing my ground, I am holding frame.

Achieving a state of being unfazed by discomfort is the reward.

The idea of not trying to control or react to anything outside of us is huge. I think too many guys are still stuck at trying to control shit outside of them. 'How do I get her to go out with me?' 'How do I avoid rejection?', etc. 'How do I pull her into my frame', type stuff.This (with the links) shows that one's power should only ever be focused within oneself. The ability to hold YOU, regardless of outside things.

Stoicism teaches you that your negative emotional reactions are un-constructive; that you should be indifferent to the opinions of others; and that you are supposed to have compassion for others, as they too are humans struggling.The end result of that in a social conservation is that if someone challenges something you say, you shrug your shoulders; you don't need to defend yourself and you don't have an incentive to lash out at the other person. In fact, one major tenet of stoicism is to respond to insults with humor such as "you're right, and you don't know the half of it." If you think about it, that is just another way of saying "agree and amplify."

​

"Being unreactive". It's the same thing as holding frame. You act, you don't react. Your frame remains intact when confronted with external (or internal) influence. Your path doesn't change. Your intentions, desires, actions and emotions are maintained when faced with obstacles. They can be internal as well, such as doubt. You act from your center and do what you're supposed to do, deep down. You don't sit there passively waiting to be led by external forces. YOU, that is your beliefs, opinions, decisions and so forth, aren't changed by someone else. You bring your prize mentality, she brings her bitch mentality, you don't yield, eventually she does. SHE reacts to YOU.

​

The term "the lens through which you see the world" refers to your personal interpretation of facts. You choose what you take in and what you ignore. If for instance you are condescendingly told that genius can look like crazy to stupid people, you thank them for sharing their experience... the notion of you being dumb and not a genius doesn't register in your mind, because the notion that you are indeed a genius does not change due to external (or internal) influence. That is the frame that you bring to the table -- I'm a genius. That is your interpretation of reality, the 'lens through which you see the world', it's a frame, yet, that is still YOU. That is the part of YOU that is relevant in that situation. Frame is YOU, it is your SELF. Not changing it/you when confronted, is what Holding Frame means.

Frame is you, it is your self. The more (contextually relevant) parts of it that you keep intact when faced with external (or internal) influence, the stronger your overall frame, i.e. the better you are holding it.

Frame is YOU. It's your SELF. When your frame is strong, you will not be reactive, but active. Your focus, intentions and emotional state will not be broken by attacks. You will stay on topic and not justify your position, you will laugh at their idiocy and not get triggered, you will twist their accusations and make fun of them instead of accepting the accusation as the platform that you're obligated to operate on. You'll transcend the earthly context and become a god.

There are no wooden frames through which you see the world, no imaginary bubbles in which you exist that, if stronger than the bubbles of other people, will break their bubbles and suck those people in. There are only persons interacting. There is only YOU. So no need to complicate it. This is what we're talking about, at the most fundamental level that can be described; people interacting. Frame is YOU. YOU are your beliefs, thoughts, desires, decisions, focuses, attitudes, emotions, actions and words. When you are able to keep those things intact, i.e. yourself intact when tested, you are Holding Frame, meaning that you are keeping yourself intact, or the parts of yourself that are relevant in a given context, intact. Such as eye-contact in a staredown, tone of voice and amused masculine state of mind in an interaction with a bitchy bitch, confidence and calm in a battle of wits, or ignoring ad hominems and staying on topic in a debate. Or a calm demeanour and good posture in a 50-second k-close with a bitchy woman, or your assumed leadership role and abundance mentality in a 50-year marriage (I said 'relevant parts of YOU in a given context', since something like your faith in Satan might not be relevant in the 50-second k-close, whereas your flirty choice of words would be). Holding frame is a sign of power. If your focus, decisions and feelings can't be rattled, you are obviously powerful. Power and hierarchy are innately understood by us. That's why you hold your ground when a dog postures. That's why a hurt child curls his lip and holds his tears; he acts unprovoked, because being unreactive, unchanged, is powerful. That's why you don't back down from your outrageous claim when a woman shit-tests you about it, because that would be weak, and weakness is unattractive, whereas power is attractive. As you can probably guess, truly not GAF, feeling jolly and having a high opinion of yourself, will handle most of your frame holding; when those parts of YOU are good and unbreakable, the other parts of YOU will often follow. Strength of frame is one's level of Alpha, one's strength, one's power over oneself. Testosterone creates confidence and euphoria. I mean, connect the dots. The pieces fall into place.

Want to build impeccable frame? Allow yourself to fail again, again, and yet again. Be extremely open to experience. Allow yourself to be vulnerable, emotionally and mentally. Trust that your intuition will guide you throughout the process. Ask to see what is, not what you hope and wish things to be. Go through the painful humiliations, pain and sadness in order to succeed. Frame is not an ethereal idea you put in your head that says “I am this person.” You are much more than that.

Thus, we have to learn to be stoic, unmoved, non-reactive when our frame is tested, and the only way to do that is to face rejection. Anyone who does cold approach knows this. The first ten, twenty, or thirty times you feel like shit after a girl rejects you, but after awhile, you realize it doesn't matter, you learn how to pass shit tests, and ultimately, you learn how to hold frame and maintain your internal state in spite of rejection.

[ironjohnred]

Control

h/t @TRPgurus 

They tend to think of TRP of being some magical mumbo jumbo to magically make other people - and women in particular - do what they want them to do. They are still caught in their BP-nice-guy mindest where it is possible to do certain things to "trick" everybody into changing their personality and behave the way they want them to.They still deny the fact that there is no way (other than violence - physical or psychological) to own somebody's body or mind.Women will not draw their jaws and faint in aww just because you choose to behave like a bratty douchebag and a controlling asshole. A Jenna Jamenson will also not magically become a Virgin Mary. Sluts are gonna slut, bitches are gonna bitch and hamsters are gonna ham.You might always be able to make them suppress their true personality for a certain period of time but ultimately their true ego will want to break free.So in the end it comes down to yourself. Firstly you need a set of rules you apply to people sourrounding you. What do you expect them to behave like? What is a no go? What are you willing to tolerate? What is inacceptable to you?And then you need to live by this rules! This involves being able to drop people which violated these rules. Only if you are always righteous in your actions and are willing to take losses will you be percieved as being confident and strong. You need to be able to communicate this in a clear way.So instead of trying to control people by constantly telling them what to do and what not to do they should know what they are expected to behave like upfront if they want to be with you and that you are perfectly able to terminate them from your life if they fail to do so.This is nothing that you constanly communicate. Nobody is interested in your current bitching about what they should do or shouldn't do. Nobody.So you need to become a person who is so valuable to people that they will gladly like to follow you. Being controlling is a trait nobody likes by the way. People will stick to you although you are controlling not because you are controlling. And this only if you your value is high enough to them.And never underestimate people. You might think you are kind of superior just because you've read some articles, watched some videos and finally accepted the truth.Just because they are in trance doesn't mean they are dumb and are not able to see right through your insecurities.This race is old enough so that we all have a gut feeling or at least a subconciousness. Just because people don't know why they think you are a whimp doesn't mean that they don't.To be righteous in believeing for yourself that you deserve to be leader you have to firstly start bettering and improving yourself so you become the person you for yourself think would be the idela leader that you will like to follow. Just telling everybody that you are won't get you anywhere.Edit: You also need to accept that people are different. We've all got our BIOS running, but the operating system and the software is slightly different in everybody. Learn to embrace these differences and don't try to reboot the machines and hack into superuser mode. This is what makes life interesting and exciting. Trying to change it will only end in frustration again as being the nice guy did.Start observing and listening to other people and combine it with what you've learned about our true nature so far and you will see the connections pretty quick and clear.And instead of thinking: "He/She did do this. What an asshole!" start asking "I'm curious. Why would he/she do this?". This will get you much further than mocking and getting angry at people for being people.

Exactly. Dread game is a desperate, last ditch effort to regain control in a relationship. If you're only other option is divorce, fine. Run dread game.Otherwise, LIVE THE LIFE THAT MAKES HER DREAD REAL.Women need constant conditioning to behave. But when you live the life that constantly makes her dread losing you, you're conditioning her without even trying to condition her.You don't have to pretend to have power. You have power.Mate guarding is for betas who are so worried about losing some woman that they spend all day wondering about how they can stop her from fucking other guys. They have one-itis in a different form.That's the opposite of what TRP teaches. Realize that she's easily replaceable and you have better things to do with your time than worry about her.It's no wonder girls often end up hating or dumping their controlling boyfriends. Controlling is beta.The good thing about learning game is that you can see how you SHOULD be acting and will be aware of when you're fucking up. Unlike a natural alpha, who is only good in till he gets trapped in the matrix, you'll have the read clear vision of Neo for the rest of your life. But relying on running dread game in order to save your relationships is no way to live. Your life is one of imitation and fear.

Not only we can't control women, but also there's no point in worrying about the fact that we can't. There's no point in worrying about the veiny dick that could or could not be inside your girlfriend while you're at work. What good will worrying about it do to you?.This is a difficult concept to grasp for those who are still pursuing the futility that is monogamy. While monogamous relationships are still possible, it's not realistic to aim for them in western culture.Unicorns are called that way not because they're rare, but because they don't exist. They're a fantasy. The only thing stopping your beloved unicorn from jumping to the nearest high SMV dick is herself, not you. While you can influence her by becoming a high SMV male yourself, you can't truly control her. Remember that even some top of the drawer males still had cheating wives.No amount of money, fame, SMV, alphaness, or red pill knowledge will beat the all mighty hamster-driven hypergamy. Accept this, and adapt. Do not complain, do not despair.As Archwinger pointed out, the only thing you have truly control over is yourself.

[ironjohnred]

Puzzle

h/t @trp 

It seems to me you've missed an important piece of the puzzle. When we say to not give a fuck, this doesn't mean to hold nothing valuable, to become totally nihilist. It means to stop being attached to that which we do find valuable. Most people today, above and beyond for women, have no fucking clue where to get happiness. They have a scarcity mentality of happiness, holding anxiously to any shred of comfort they have and growing terrified of discomfort. Because of this, they are deeply attached to sources of what they perceive to be potentially happiness.

What TRP advocates in not giving a fuck, which is really stoicism, is that happiness is not external, but internal. Your circumstances could be anything, you could be born with no legs and arms, you could be an orphan, you could be a child soldier, whatever, and still find happiness, or at least contentment. Try your best to maximize things that you do value, whether career, women, nice cars, etc, but don't be attached to them. This means you enjoy them when you have them, but don't mourn their loss when you don't. You are strong enough that, whatever the circumstances become, you have a confidence that you'll be totally alright thus the security of your contentment is independent of outcome. You have the no mourning part down, you don't care what the fuck happens. Now you need to work on enjoying what you have. You're basically just in the shit and know that circumstances won't change that level of shit. It should be you're enjoying life and know that circumstances won't change your enjoyment of life.

If you don't enjoy any of the shit you have, welcome to nihilism. How you get out of this rut of hell is only up to you, but you must find something you enjoy and make it your meaning. For me, this is wisdom and understanding. I like seeing complex things of this world and understanding them, so I pursue that. If I could no longer pursue that, I'd find something else or, if I really couldn't find anything, ultimately kill myself.

[ironjohnred]

Cycles

h/t @SKRedPill

One, you must be hungry to relish food. You can't do it while full. All human instincts run in cycles, regardless of what you believe about love and life. In love, separation creates the pull that brings union, and union soon creates a push towards separation for the next cycle. You forget about the cyclic nature of love somewhere and end up killing it. If you don't realize this, the next cycle of love might very well not involve you!

Two, you are a deeper problem -- forever needy, your instincts running without any sanity, and your unhappiness a deep rooted chronic suffering that'll never go away till you face the "unhappy me" that's never here and now. What "unhappy me" was really seeking, you can't pursue that one thing, because it's not there, but here. This is not the usual happiness that comes and goes in waves, this joy is freedom from slavery to happiness. You can't chase it, but only bring it into your life and express it. Only that can cure deep suffering

This started out as a comment as to a poster talking about why women don't ever seem happy even after they have the perfect life they've dreamt of and chased all their lives. They eventually initiate a cycle of withdrawal, using every trick in the book (all these are well known moves now), that left to itself will end the relationship. Sooner or later they just chase the next hot guy and often in the process wreck their own lives and the lives of others around them. Why doesn't happily ever after exist? How many times do we see that so and so is "Never happy?"

In the past, someone predicted that after machines take over all the jobs, we'll finally have time to relax and enjoy life and its pleasures. Well, think about being jobless for just one week, soon you'll be dealing with mass depression and suicide and unemployment and horror households. I am sure most women would totally lose all their attraction for their ambiton-less lazy men. Why do we dread the utopia?

Because everything in the physical universe runs in cycles.

There is a saying that wanting is better than having. Or that only a starving man knows the real taste of food. Or the sweetest water in the world is water in a desert. The best sleep comes after a hard day's work.

Your body can play tricks with your sense of perception, it will make you do fantastic things when its survival is under threat. If you're very hungry or thirsty, you'd swear that food and water themselves taste different, and like nothing they do on normal days. There was this guy (I think Joe Decker) who ran in the Badwater Marathon and got severely dehydrated due to salt. His team saved the day with a box of salt, and what when he got hold of it, he literally ate the salt right off the box. True story. I've seen very hot summers, and you just want to keep eating salty food.

And then once you have eaten too much, your body actually changes its sense of taste so you don't want to eat anymore. The same thing you devoured easily and effortlessly as a hungry guy might now actually feel terrible to keep eating. You might even get upset or irritated when someone forces you to eat more when you're full and just want to leave the table. Don't you see this with kids and even some grown ups all the time?

When loaded with adrenaline, you can exert yourself like pain doesn't exist. The next day though...

In old books on love, it is said that love burns stronger in separation than union. That's why you have all these stories of separated lovers pining for each other. Separation is a driving force, creating the pull between subject and object. Union quenches the thirst of separation, but eventually by corollary, union will create the push that again drives you to another round of separation, which then brings you back to enjoy the next union, and so on.

There could also be other things wrong - for one the women are always seeking the next adventure, the next high, the next moment and aren't satisfied being in this moment. As a result they are ever needy. Highs become an expectation, and the moment they do, one becomes unhappy.

No amount of anything in this moment that they can have now will satisfy them when they're always looking for the next moment and the next thrill.

The idea that you can have it all and then be satisfied forever is a myth we all tell ourselves to motivate our chase for the next big thing out there. In reality we are really just seeking drama of the chase and the finish line the whole time. The biggest myth you can tell yourself is that if the chase ends, you'll be happy ever after. Once separation ends, and the pain of seeking is gone, you'll be happy and stay together forever.

No way.

That feeling will last for a short time, then it will be time to get back to normal, recharge and start the next adventure. Any high of any kind will soon have to come down for a low or the baseline, any wave will have to pass on for the next wave to come in. Without the cycle of union and separation, love dies.

And that's also why in times of lockdown and home bound, not taking into account the impact on jobs, the financial stress and the economic crash, all the people who claimed they always wanted to spend more time at home sweet home with their families are getting restless and finding the other intolerable. I know, it's happening in my own extended family. In some cases, they even get abusive to each other in a matter of days. Domestic violence has indeed increased quite a bit in many places around the world during the lockdown. Just look at people who've finally retired from whatever they were doing, for a long time they can just be intolerable and forever upset and unhappy at home, like an addict with withdrawal symptoms, and they won't even know why or what to do about it.

So there are 2 solutions. One, after people have had their fill, create hunger again. Most of your base firmware instincts work only when there's a real need, not whenever you want it, and definitely they don't work the way you believe they should. Love isn't anything what people believe it should be logically - it is base firmware. This always works only in cycles, just like everything else in nature. That's why dread and separation matter and why push and pull or sex-comfort-sex works. You have to respect these facts about your instincts. Even breathing works only push and pull. Try and see what happens if you hold your breath with your lungs full or your lungs empty. You won't last very long at either end. You cannot be active 24 hours a day, nor can you sleep as long as you want. Sooner or later your body will demand sleep or force you to get your ass out of bed. Sex too is cyclic. Even muscle building totally needs you to nail the cycle of exercise vs recovery, or else it doesn't work.

Life leads to death, and death is ground for new life. If cycles are true for everything in existence, why do you think a base instinct like love is an exception to the rule?

Although you might think that union is forever, sooner or later, union is bound to create a pushing force again. As bad or as angry as it makes us feel, this is actually natural. No really, your anger only comes out of failing to realize that all emotional highs and lows are temporary and that love is not what you believed it would be. There will be a push that creates separation and dread again, and this is essential for the next round of attraction and union.

There is a reason why it is said, "Familiarity breeds contempt". Old proverbs, lots of experience talking.

So your best bet is to create these cycles yourself. Don't overfill the tank or don't let it drain all the way to empty. Treat love like a Lithium ion battery. Organize the cyclic nature of your own instincts, or else they'll do it in a very reckless indiscriminate way and you'll screw up the life you've created.

Most men allow themselves to go beta simply because they don't realize the cyclic nature of human needs and instincts. They think it's over once you're in a committed relationship. What they don't know is that it's over for just a brief while. Then love needs to start off a fresh cycle, or else sooner or later it will happen subconsciously. Women don't believe it either, but our bodies know better.

So the guy stops doing everything that made him attractive as a lover, he destroys the very cycle of push and pull, union and separation. There're no cycles of love in being a provider, just a routine and chores. He tries to empathize with her pain by trying to make her happy (rather than she empathizing with his abundance), not realizing that she can't shine by her own light, but by his, and that's what is lacking. He tries to do more of the filling her up with niceness and she gets sick of over-eating on what he thinks is love. Eventually she pushes herself away for good, to feel hungry for love again and jump into another cycle of push-pull that someone else gives.

Also, discipline is not natural to base instincts. In the past life was super hard enough on its own to enforce its own discipline, but we are just not used to easy good times where we have to consciously keep up the discipline. So in good times, people's minds and bodies just go awry. Just look at the obesity epidemic these days! Left to itself, love, just like any base pleasure instinct, will try to keep its cycle going in very disorganized and wild ways that can be destructive in modern times if left undisciplined.

That is one essential skill we learn here in RP and MRP, is creating a healthy cycle of separation and dread followed by sex and comfort. There are many of us who know first hand that if we don't maintain healthy cycle ourselves, it will try to go by its own devices nevertheless, and we might very well not be a part of the next cycle!!

EDIT : Every time your relationship changes from one stage to another on the hierarchy ladder, the old cycle of push-pull attraction changes or is broken. Marriage is the worst offender here, but it can apply to all levels. Before an LTR or marriage dating came with a natural push and pull cycle, but afterward you end up spending most of your time sharing space and time which can kill the old cycle. Without starting off a new intimacy cycle and getting into a new rhythm, attraction can very quickly plummet in the next stage of a relationship. A similar thing can happen in long running marriages after retirement. The work-home division itself created a cycle of its own that most people don't pay attention to and when it goes, it can come with a lot of issues.

That solution addresses the immediate problem - not allowing the cycle of love to flow naturally. Not creating enough dread and separation to bring the hunger and attraction back for the next round.

Two, and this is the bigger, deeper problem here - is that regardless of which situation you find yourself in, you're unhappy one way or the other. You chase love because you're unhappy and then you push it away because you're not happy having got everything you wanted. You're not at ease in any situation really. This problem is purely internal and you are doing this to yourself. It is this that has been referred to by some wise guys as the root of suffering. This is an illness. If it was a situational issue, changing the situation should have solved it. When you've made all the changes and you / she is still not happy, it's high time to recognize you have a deeper problem -- with yourself.

Satiation is like the mid point between need and abundance. Problem and Solution #1 can help you stay managing the cycle of need <-> satisfying said need. But Problem #2 is about the deeper issue of not knowing abundance of life, and always living in a needy dependent state.

Real needs run in cycles or they're a one time thing. When needs are met, they become satisfied. One time needs don't come back. Suffering however, is a bottomless pit of neediness, no matter how much you try to fill it, it just gets worse. It's like the social media news feed.

You try to solve this suffering through any number of means. You think if you just find that one ideal thing missing in your life, it could be love or money or power or that perfect car or job or woman -- that will be happily ever after, and you are very disappointed and angry when you find that the thing you sought wasn't anything like what you believed it was, and even more disappointed when it did not solve the root of your misery.

Ever observed that over time Valentine's Day has become "Expectations Day to be loved" rather than a "Day for love"? That's what happens when highs become an expectation rather than a gift. I joke with my cousins' husbands that they're just dreading Valentine's Day, and they laugh. What went wrong?

The solution needs a bit of spirituality -- stop resisting this moment. Need is always looking to the future for fulfillment. Your dysfunctional patterns with a proven history of failure are stuck in the memory of the past. Abundance however is only in this moment. Your mind is never here, it's always looking for the grass on the other side. That will help you achieve your goals and chase your dreams, but it will lock into a pattern of perpetual seeking if it becomes an addiction and you forget that life is only ever happening here and now. You will never find fulfillment you seek in the end, because abundance doesn't come from outside, it's actually generated from within.

Your addiction to pleasure is not a journey to happiness - it is a journey of misery trying to numb itself, unable to face the truth of itself or life. That's why those who fill their lives up with every pleasure the world can offer turn out to be the most broken and depressed, messed up individuals you can find. Binge on YT and netflix for hours together, and you wonder why you feel so depressed at the end of the day. If you look too far into the future for your salvation, you'll only see death, not life, because life is now. All those people around you who're pursuing the dream of happiness? Nah, they're really just running away from their own suffering.

The secret of lasting happiness is this - you will never find as long as you seek. Unhappy people seek happiness, and the more you try to seek it, the more you convince yourself that you are unhappy, and the unhappier you become. Lasting happiness doesn't exist until you are free from this incessant need to be happy, caused by the root of your own suffering. Pleasure and pain are two sides of the same coin. Of late your quest for happiness has become so bad, you can't even focus on a task for a few minutes because your brain's too addicted to dopamine. You must become free from the grip of happiness itself to find abundance and fulfillment.

Actually it can't even be called happiness, it is abundance beyond happiness, or freedom. Freedom from the whole pleasure-pain trap. Happiness is just a wave on the surface of the water comparison, it throws you up to a high, and then you crash back down to a low / baseline. That forever comes and goes, no point in getting upset over it and trying to hang on to a high - that is futile - don't resist its flow. Lasting abundance comes from the depth of the ocean, which is ever there regardless of what waves are doing on the surface. When you're ok with this fact, you start experiencing freedom to create the life you've wanted, because now you're no longer afraid of discomfort or growth, or the waves of life, or facing the truth. That's freedom.

That inner freedom / abundance is what deep down you really want, and it is that which frees you of your chronic inner neediness and suffering. Every other thing in this universe you can chase and pursue, but this one thing you can't pursue, because it's already here and now. The more you chase it, the more you'll lose it, and the more your life gets fucked up.

It took me 12 damned years of breaking my head over the happiness problem - whether I'll find happiness or not, or whether this will make me happy or not in the future, to why people were still unhappy despite having it all, to why I was becoming increasingly unhappier and depressed, to finally realize my mistake. A simple, but dreadful mistake -- my frame was a fucked up one. My idea of happiness was fundamentally fucked up.

You cannot really pursue true happiness or abundance. You can only express it and bring it into your life. The more you pursue it, the less you will find. Every other thing - goals, achievements, things, people - can be pursued in this universe, but this can't. Abundance can only be brought in. That's the secret.

If you ever in your life want to know the nature of abundant love, you'll have to stop trying to escape this moment. So long as the root of suffering exists, you'll keep sabotaging your life by any number of means. Your "unhappy me" wants to live just like everything else, and it will keep doing anything to fuck up its life so it can feel the pleasure of unfucking itself up. It's a disorder - where you want to make yourself sick because you are wondering if the medicine still works and because the process of getting well is more important than actually staying naturally healthy.

What that unhappy me doesn't realize (or doesn't want to face) is that it itself is the root cause of the problem that doesn't let it stay happy for long in any situation. Pretty much everything you do in this state is driven only by suffering. There's no abundance in the suffering condition. What you normally call as love is just the sweetest most acceptable form of psychopathy. Almost everything you do, every distracted moment, every unhappy thought, every dissatisfied emotion, every attempt at trying to escape the misery in this moment with drugs or alcohol or games or sex or suicide, all originates from a chronic malaise to escape the moment of experience (this moment) and then try to recapture your lost abundance chasing it elsewhere, but not where it really is - here.

This behavior is not unlike a black hole - no matter how much you throw at it, it doesn't seem to go away, but only get bigger. And it's not going to go away till you realize what you're really doing. You have to have the balls to face this, that it is indeed your fault and responsibility to face this and deal with this. If every thing is always a problem, then perhaps you are the problem.

Why does your unhappy self resist this moment so much? Because it knows the solution to suffering will finish the ego. So it will do anything to keep up the drama of being unhappy and then seeking the next solution, the next high, the next lover, the next big thing. Deep down, unhappy me, subconsciously knows that it is the problem, and when it becomes too unhappy it tries to take itself out by trying to kill itself in many ways on the outside - suicide, addictions, depression, violence, abusive relationships, you name it. But those are not solutions. The real solution is mindful awareness of unhappy me itself, knowing that it is there and observing it in this moment, catching it as it arises -- that will take the air out of it, deflate and dissolve it.

Well, so if women are never happy no matter what, maybe they should look inside for the answer... in the meantime, you better too. After all, regardless of whose fault it is, it's going to fall on your head, and only you are responsible for your life and salvation.

Ok, if you don't like the word spirituality, at least learn the word discipline. If love could be seen as food, virtually every other person you meet is either starving like a famine victim or has some kind of eating disorder, and has absolutely no consistency or discipline maintaining even their mealtimes, let alone their calorific balance. Healthy eating with a bit of discipline isn't as hard as it seems, in a matter of time your mind and body will get used to it as the benefits begin to show. The brain is very flexible and can indeed be trained consciously. You gotta to be fine both bulking and cutting if you want to stay lean and build muscle. And now you need a similar approach with love -- it's high time to go on a healthy love diet. At least do this much.

So putting both together, You'll have to train yourself to be ok both in the chase and the peace afterward. Regardless of weather you're chasing your dreams or just being content, if you can be at ease with yourself, then whatever happens, you can use it to your advantage rather than suffering every single thing that happens to you and making others suffer around you as well. You'll have to know when to play and when to stop and be happy in both. Most are usually one or the other. This is far more challenging than it looks - most people's biggest problem is that they will seldom acknowledge that much of their suffering today is what they're doing this to themselves. Very few people solve this, reconciling two seemingly opposing forces and getting them to dance together. You've got to fulfill your needy side but also allow your abundant side to flow in to your life.

You've gotta learn to be at ease in both - if you succeed, you're free. You can do whatever you want. The root of suffering is finished. Now what happens is driven not because you're always unhappy, but by awareness and abundance seeking to express its potential. You've become closer to a white hole now. Your needs are actually needs now - they're not a bottomless pit that can never be filled - there's a difference between the two. Your energy is abundant and infectious in a good way and inspires others too. The real reason for your suffering is that the abundant and capable life that is you has never found expression. You have been trying to fill a needy you up with pleasures to numb the pain, and it just made it worse, because at the end of the day, your life was suppressed and just became even unhappier.

An aware life will actually bring you a lot more abundance and life than the needy guy who operates from a point of origin of pain and suffering. That's the ultimate challenge you'll ever face in your life. Very few people ever reached this kind of mastery where they live this way.

You cannot remain "high" forever. And you shouldn't. In fact once you realize life goes in waves and cycles, it's actually best to run them optimally as they were meant to be. But you can always be present, and once you look closely at it, you'll see you're always present, it's only the mind that always wants an escape. Then the highs become gifts you are grateful for, not expectations that ultimately disappoint you, and the lows become moments to bring in abundance. Life goes from running entirely on reactive mode to a more proactive and responsible mode. You go from being victim to channeling your inner creator. That is freedom, freedom from the very need to escape to freedom.

The utopia of your bluepilled dreams does not exist. And that's actually a good thing to know. It sets you free.

So here's a powerful exercise for your mind and self. Identify a few things that give you that rush of happiness and dopamine, that always keep distracting you or making you addicted and deliberately avoid them for sometime. Don't resist the reality of being free of them. Just spend sometime away and witness all the garbage inside your mind rise to the surface. If this happens, sit down and be fully present and aware of the one who's mind is bothering them, you, the living life in you. Your mind will trouble you for a while, but then it will begin to settle down. It might feel like dying for a while, the burden of time that you were trying to kill might start to hurt you hard, but stay present - in times of suffering, your mind narrows down and naturally comes back to this moment as this is the only place where there's really no stress. But that's the whole point -- you have to come to ease with yourself. Then you may go back to doing those things -- but always remember to withdraw and withdraw completely - don't just do it half way, go all the way. Push and pull.

You might initially feel strangely empty not filling up that void inside yourself, or having a lot of time that you can't kill somehow, but don't do it. Soon you'll realize it isn't emptiness but freedom, like a load of compulsion lifted off your mind. That freedom contains way more possibilities for you to create your life as you should have. Once you start coming to ease being present, the dreaded burden of time will start coming down a lot - this is a sign that suffering or the unhappy me is losing its grip at last. The need to kill time by any means begins to vanish when you find the one timeless thing there is. Time is no longer stressful or restless - it is now an opportunity.

Sometime after knowing this, you may find a new original idea, a fresh inspiration, or you might just go back to your usual life, but that peace of being unburdened will now come into whatever you're doing.

This will strengthen your inner muscle of mindfulness to be present with whatever situation that presents itself, and stop resisting what is needed for your growth. You have to be at ease with the fact that everything is a wave and everything comes in cycles and everything comes and goes. When you're fully present here, you don't hang on or resist the facts of life. Remove the friction and life feels lubricated. In time you will find you can be inspired to do things you never imagined you could do. You will stop being "never happy", by being free of this incessant quest for happiness itself. Then you can just surf the waves of life. If a high comes, enjoy it. It it goes, you come back to normal, be grateful and be at peace. Nothing is forever, but you now accept it for what it is and realize it's indeed for the best. Inner peace and living presence will always be there no matter what you're surfing - that alone is ever.

The next step is important. Once you feel this, stay in it for a while, and then when you have to get going, actively bring some of that mindful presence / peace / abundance / awareness (whatever you call it) into your every activity. Bring this awareness in whenever unhappy me raises its head, when the voice in your head talks too loudly, when you're feeling both high and low. Your pain will soon start losing its grip. Soon even simple things will become surprisingly fulfilling once this incessant need to find happiness comes down. Bring it in, intensely.

It even changes the way you want and desire. The "If only I have that one thing, I'll be happily ever after" - the victim's script goes down. Now you will find yourselves desiring to do something or get something directly (a simple "I want this"), or you may find yourselves driven to address something needed, and above all, now you're willing to embrace pain and discomfort if need be. You own the consequences of your desires. You desire more like a great achiever and less like a needy guy.

What we've done in society is we've given ourselves too much freedom without the consciousness to handle so much freedom safely. Our biology simply can't keep up with our pace of evolution. We've made ourselves too comfy, too technologically advanced, eliminated outside suffering, kept nature far away (or so we think, Coronavirus has made us think again), but our instincts work like they're still in the wild, and unhappy me is big as ever. We've given children loaded guns. The way we are right now, we are way too needy still, and therefore we're compulsively and indiscriminately creating push pull cycles subconsciously without any thought for the consequences. Until we evolve consciously, and learn how to handle ourselves in the good times sensibly, we'll always be unhappy and make our lives a mess no matter what happens. It's time to bring in a better consciousness.

So to sum it up - life and love works in cycles. In love matters, separation creates the attractive pull that leads to union, but sooner or later union is going to create a new push, leading to another round of separation and the start of another cycle. If you are not alert, that next cycle might not even happen with you. Part of why that happens is due to the cyclic nature of our physical instincts and needs, but beyond that, the deeper reasons for perpetually "not happy" is due to a perpetual unease and unhappiness with this moment, that just guarantees you'll suffer in any scenario. The first one can be solved with a proper dose of dread and separation, the second one is a disease that runs deep and is never going to be solved from the outside. If you are not really happy in any situation, the problem is you alone. That will only go away when your unhappy me that forever struggles against this moment is gone.

What you call "abundance" I would call "acceptance". It seems like a more accurate label, since "acceptance" allows you to be at peace both in moments of striving-for-more and dissatisfaction-from-having-it-all, while still being able to participate in the game and not completely giving up - after all, even the most ardent monks cannot escape biology. And completely giving up because you've found "abundance" is giving into yet another utopia fantasy.

Yes acceptance is sort of like the first most important step. But the trick to that is honest acceptance, which means reconciling to the truth of life. Abundance comes a little further down the road once you've realized you already have the "deep" fulfilling happiness you seek and the happiness of pleasure comes and goes like waves. Once the expectation that you should be high all the time goes away after some struggle , you feel relieved even, and that's when you realize you were in fact driven by pain the whole time.

Once you are free of this even a couple of steps, you can give some room to bring in what you're really capable of adding. That is the point of abundance. Of course so long as you live you'll have needs, but you won't be in a bottomless pit of neediness now.

Every time your relationship changes from one stage to another on the hierarchy ladder, the old cycle of push-pull attraction changes or is broken. Marriage is the worst offender here, but it can apply to all levels. Before an LTR or marriage dating came with a natural push and pull cycle, but afterward you end up spending most of your time sharing space and time which can kill the old cycle. Without starting off a new intimacy cycle and getting into a new rhythm, attraction can very quickly plummet in the next stage of a relationship. A similar thing can happen in long running marriages after retirement. The work-home division itself created a cycle of its own that most people don't pay attention to and when it goes, it can come with a lot of issues.

When OP was talking about happiness being a wave I was immediately taken back to a quote my grandfather shared with me. I asked him what the meaning of life was. After a few months he sent me a voicemail. "Prepare for the flow of life and flow along with it." He's 91. I wish it would have clicked then but it definitely clicked now. Unhappy me has been the driver all along, I just wasn't expressing this idea correctly when I thought about it. I kept thinking it was somebody or someone else controlling me but it's always been me. Just the unhappy one.

[ironjohnred]

Tao

When people see some things as beautiful, other things become ugly.

When people see some things as good, other things become bad.

Being and non-being create each other.

Difficult and easy support each other.

Long and short define each other.

High and low depend on each other.

Before and after follow each other.

Therefore the Master acts without doing anything

and teaches without saying anything.

Things arise and she lets them come;

things disappear and she lets them go.

She has but doesn't possess,

acts but doesn't expect.

When her work is done, she forgets it.

That is why it lasts forever.

[ironjohnred]

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h/t @trpgurus

Women are acquisitive by nature, they want what they don't have. That's why they love shopping and chasing dick. Woman A isn't happy with her perfect guy because she has him locked down.

The only way to have a decent relationship with a woman is to play Charlie Brown football with your emotional commitment. Show it to her so she knows it's there for the taking but never let her fully get it. Once she does she'll start looking for the next guy to get.

You don't have to go full on plate spinning/"cheating" but you DO have to pull away the football occasionally. Not every time- but the second you let her know that the football will always be there fro her to kick is the second you later realize was the turning point in her bitch campaign of total control, cheating, and divorce-rape.

Treat em mean to keep em keen.

Women often live in their feelings of the moment. It's hard to understand for men since we tend to think more logically, which entails consideration across time - past experience, current situation, future implications. Women often don't think like this at all, stopping entirely at current situation and current feelings. There may be no past or future considerations with respect to, say, her children, her family, her husband/boyfriend, her future. Even these considerations may live, more or less, in the current situation - if right now I think I won't be caught (current situation, perhaps away on holiday) then I'll go cheat. It's generally about the moment, not about the past or future.

It doesn't matter how alpha or masculine you are. It doesn't matter if you give her earth shattering orgasms daily to the point she can't talk straight. Never take her cheating personally. It's not about you. It's about her and her feelings.

When men fail to consider long-term implications there are consequences for impulsive and irresponsible behavior. Most men have no such luxury. Penalties often manifest either in jail time or significant loss of finances via divorce, child support, attorney fees, and/or fines. Even if women are punished under similar circumstances, enforcement is weak – if applied at all. Notably, the few women who are required to pay child support rarely spend time in jail for failure to render on-time payment. I refer you to almost any documentary that advocates Men's Rights. It's almost always identified as a gender-based double standard.

The current societal setup offers a safety net in the way of stupid decisions for most women. It’s the very reason they have the luxury of irresponsible behavior and actions. Moreover there are many men who are oblivious to the fact that women are collectively losing their status as virtuous, wholesome, and the fairer sex.